Hugs are gratefully accepted and freely given, my dear. Let me know how things go?

*sigh* Nothing's happening. I can barely get out of bed lately.

Well, tell you what. Let's just shelve this for now until you're feeling better. We'll call it an extended hiatus. By the sounds of it, this is the last thing you need to worry yourself with!! Take some time away, rest, relax, reprioritize, all those other re- words... And in the meantime, if you need someone's ear to bend, I'll still be here.

*fustrated tossing of objects* I got somewhere with the drawing for a bit, wrote something that's been sticking in my craw for days, and then... right back into... ugh.

I can't even... look at the reply box right now, it makes me anxious. Physically anxious. I just feel my body tightening up when I think about trying to write. I feel the ideas in there, rattling around, but I lock up when I wanna put them down.

Dammit!

Add to that the fact that I keep waking up in pain and my memory is like... shit.

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I'm actually a bit scared.

Ick!

Well, I've read your posts on some of your other RPs (not being stalkerish, I just liking reading other things all of my partners are involved with), and I have noticed a bit of a drop of there as well of late. My suggestion is the same as before, dearie! Take a break! If it's wrenching your guts just thinking about it, take a step back.

The waking up in pain part? That's a little more alarming. It's starting to sound a lot like the clinical depression I went through a few years ago and still suffer from a bit time to time. And that can be just as serious as any disease! I know it can be hard, I hate the medical industry myself, but in this case you might just want to go see a doctor, love! Don't let anyone tell you it's 'just' depression! And if it is something more tangible, then the sooner you talk to a professional about it, the better!

In the meantime? Try going old school. Pen and notebook. Much like the artistic exercise, don't try to write anything specifically. As words come into your mind, just write them down. They don't have to connect or be meaningful or even make sense. If you see a stop sign, write down 'Red.' Taste vanilla ice cream, maybe the word 'clown' will pop into your head. Don't force it, don't worry about, just jot down individual words now and then. It takes time to get into the habit, yes, but there's no hurry, right?

*soft laugh* I've been down the depression road.

I'll skip the story until another time, but I've been out of work for nearly a year. I got so depressed that I didn't care to live. Didn't actively try to kill myself, but knew in my soul that if there was a way I could just... stop living... step out of my life like shedding a pair of jeans, I would do it in a heartbeat. I just gave up.

I'm doing more or less better now, depending on the day and who you ask. My depression never came with body pain like this, though. The point just at the base of my neck and directly between my shoulder blades... hurts. It feels just stiff and awful and neither pain meds or a hot shower are doing anything for it. I likely can't afford a massage or chiropractor- even if I could the idea of strangers touching me is really, really really repulsive.

*rubs face* I don't know what to do. I mean, my medical doc isn't horrible, but the first time I went to his office and he saw the meds I was on (most of them anti depressants) he said, semi jokingly, that I was too young to be depressed. As if I had some magical youth armor that prevented the disease. Joke's on him, I've been that way since about 12. I just don't feel he'd understand what I was going through. I don't want pain meds. I have enough medication. I hate the fucking medication.

I'm sorry. Gonna cut the rant here because I feel myself sort of getting scattered. Plus I promised myself breakfast (egg sandwiches, yay) if I got out of bed on time, and I did, so I'm going to go cook.

I wish I had some answers for you, dearie. All I can offer is a cyber hug for what it's worth. I know I'm starting to get to the point where I may rethink what it is I'm doing here.

Is everything okay on your end? That statement there... sounds like stress, or maybe a sort of melancholy.

*pushes a cup of tea at you*

Melancholy.

Since I started here two years ago, I have been part of at least 35 1X1 stories. Only one of them has ever been completed. At the moment, 18 of those stories are still open (I gave up on the rest after my partners lost interested or disappeared altogether). Of those 18, 8 are on hiatus leaving 10... and some of those haven't posted for close to 3 weeks now. Several of them seemed to have vanished altogether or told me they were going to be away for a while just after one or two posts! You, dear heart, tried! And you have no idea how much I appreciate that!!

I just keep getting the feeling I'm doing something wrong, but I don't know what! People tell me they like my style, they like the stories and ideas that I present, they like my characters, they even seem to appreciate the fact that I want to hear and use their ideas! But in the end I just seem to be having the worst time keeping more than 2 or 3 longterm partners, and I just don't know why!

(Laughing) Then again, maybe I'm just being paranoid and feeling sorry for myself. It's been a long couple of days.

Hmm... I've run into that on various RP sites before. I've learned that most of the time, it has nothing to do with you. People get busy, people get sick, one time I had an RP partner who had to pawn his laptop to pay a bill. Things happen, and 90% of the time, you'll have no control over them.

I only have a few steady partners myself. I RP on lots of different levels, from short paragraphs, to chunks of stories. The RPs all go on different speeds, I use different characters... Most of the time, I have something to post somewhere.

*gives a hug*

Honestly, I want to jump forward in time just a bit with Victor and Kijani's tale. Just a few days or so, until Mr. Bandleman shows up and Kijani goes out amongst the townspeople... Turning heads and shaking things up.

May even introduce another character. We'll see.

Thanks for the words of comfort. I'd like to think it's nothing to do with me, and that it's just the way of the world. And like you, I rp a wide variety of genres at a varied level so that I do always have something to work on; the past week has just been... sparse? Is that the word? I don't know. It' just that since Monday I feel like I've been left flapping in the wind on oh so many stories. But things did improve somewhat today. One of my newer partners sent her apologies for having to call a break so soon, but then spent most of the afternoon planning the story out so its ready to go upon her return.

As for The Orphan's Wedding, if you ever want to time jump, be my guest! Again, no pressure, of course.

I'm rather upset. Today was the day I was going too post something just for you. It wasn't going to be much, but enough to drag this RP from the depths.

And now I have some kind of stomach something. My insides hurt, I can't eat, and I have this low-level pukey feeling.. Couldn't even down the chicken soup I made, it was TOO flavorful.

lehhhh....

I keep going from severe stress to like... mid stress, and the minute I feel like I can take a breath of relief I'm back in hell.

I am so worn out, Justric. Honestly, I don't do much creatively lately... I have ideas, but can't make them congeal. I haven't drawn in weeks, my gallery collects dust...

*rubs face* I'm still out of work, my boyfriend (now fiance) is a state away and I can't afford a plane ticket...

Oh, and the house has a rodent infestation.

*pulls a blanket over her head* Wake me up when the darkness clears.

Oh, sweetie. Right now I want to give you a hug and let you know you're not alone!! Stupid time-space continuum.

Have you tried to just write the ideas down? Not worrying about whether or not they make sense or flow or congeal? And if you rent, you need to go yell at your landlord; it's his/her responsibility to take care of any infestations!

If you need to chat or blow of steam, you can get ahold of me via Skype (albeit text only). I'm under justice.zee. In the meantime, how about something to try and cheer you up?



Or if you're in the mood to stay mellow...

I've popped onto skype. Also text only. Masterthiefjin. I sent you a message.

Didn't get it, but I just sent you one back in turn

I've finally done something! It's not much, but it's something...

Not sure if what Kijani's doing is 'too much'...

But Victor really has already treated her with more genuine kindness than anyone else she's ever met. That's already made a huge impression on her. I don't think she's attracted to him physically (yet) but she does like his... I dunno, his honesty.

Not sure if what Kijani's doing is 'too much'...

But Victor really has already treated her with more genuine kindness than anyone else she's ever met. That's already made a huge impression on her. I don't think she's attracted to him physically (yet) but she does like his... I dunno, his honesty.

I don't think it's too much, for several reasons.

Firstly, it's your character. If you feel she has an appreciation for the type of man that he seems to be, then her action are perfectly justified! Who can better say what your character would or would not do than you, after all? My impression is that she is a person of action. If she wasn't, she would never have left her family to begin with. Being a person of action, it makes far more sense for the character to actually do something instead of just sitting around and worrying to no one's benefit.

Secondly, the story needs some dramatic action now and then, to vary both the pace and the events. Events such as the sudden storm I dreamed up (we've been having on and off thunder showers the past two weeks up here and it stuck in my head), will not only allow Kijani and Victor to grow gradually closer in the immediate but will also allow for a sort of ripple effect that will continue throughout the story. Without giving too much away, Victor will be both upset and pleased that she came out to look for him...

I wouldn't say the characters are in love with one another or anything like that, not yet. Yes, Victor is going to notice her charms as a woman; a rough life such as the one he led, you really can't expect any less! What I think is that they are growing a respect for one another and eventually an understanding. And that there is what will turn this into a proper love story, I think.

Off to bed now! I should have a reply for you tomorrow!

*grins* Well spoken, all of it. There is no love without respect and understanding.

EDIT: Rest well! Also check your Skype.. It says you're on, but you're not responding. Unless that's deliberate, in which case, nevermind.