You need to press charges. If they have a written confession from the guy himself, it's time to end this and follow through with pressing charges. You're an adult -- you don't need to have your family behind you on this one. It's time to take a stand for yourself, regardless of what they whether they want you to keep quiet or not. By holding your silence, you're allowing this creep (and whoever else is involved) to potentially go do these things to someone else.

You're enabling their behavior by not pressing charges.

Be brave -- I can understand how this could all be scary, but it's the right thing to do.

"I know I shouldn't give them the satisfaction of taking my life. But it hurts to live. I'm going to be 110 percent honest with everyone here... I blame myself for the rape. I know I'm probably a bitch and that's why they hate me so much. I'm a bad person. They have every reason to do all of this. And I don't want to live being a bad person."

No offence, hon, but that's horseshit and deep down you know it. Think of every awful human being you've ever known - bitches, assholes, cruel people and callous people and selfish people. And then think about how many times you assaulted them or raped them.
Wait - you didn't do that?
That's because you're inherently a decent human being, who, by virtue of the fact that you didn't act that way, believes the awful people did not deserve it. And if the worst people you have ever known do not deserve it, then nobody deserves those things. Nobody, including you.
The fact that you didn't do this sort of thing to others automatically makes you a better person than those doing this to you. The fact that you didn't do this sort of thing to others shows that however flawed you may be, you don't deserve this, because you aren't so awful a person as to ever do these terrible things. I barely know you, maybe you aren't the best of people (though I doubt you're all that bad), but nobody deserves to be abused like that. The people doing this are the evil ones. That is fact. You are not a rapist. You are not harassing people across the country. You are not ruining their lives. They are doing those awful things to you. So they are the bad ones. Judge everyone in this situation, including yourself, by their actions relevant to the situation. Who's being attacked? You. You are the victim. So how are you the bad one, how do you deserve it?
Reverse this situation, mentally. Imagine you're the one counselling someone else, and they told you what you've just told us. Would you agree with them? Would you think that the abuse they'd been through was their fault? Do you blame the victims you see on the news or hear about in your town, or do you hate the rapists for doing it to them? What about other types of abuse, domestic abuse, physical assault - if I go and punch someone, is it my fault or theirs? You have the same rights and feelings as anyone else, so treat yourself the way you'd treat someone else in your position were the roles reversed. Treat yourself with some empathy. It is very common for rape victims to blame themselves, maybe in an attempt to rationalise, but try to address the facts of the matter: what have you done that makes you so bad as to deserve this, the cruellest of all treatments? Really? Compared to the sick fucks who are actually carrying this out, you're a goddamn angel. You're in the right, here, and they are so in the wrong. They are the ones to blame.

"Yeah... I went from getting into Princeton to being a loser who dropped out of college all together."

Dude, you're keeping yourself safe. That doesn't make you a loser. And college will be waiting after all this is done, after you're safe from these bastards. So will the rest of your very, very bright future. Out of everything I wrote, you cannot focus on that one sentence. Read the rest, please, take it in. Breathe in the support you have here. You cannot twist every positive into a negative, otherwise you just defeat yourself. We're here, we're standing behind you, we're believing in you. And all of that is useless unless you can pull yourself together, and carry on fighting and staying strong. Carry on reporting everything that happens. Press charges. Stay alive. And hold onto hope for a better future, because it's coming. This isn't the rest of your life. This does not define you. Not unless you let it.

Without enough evidence to arrest, you may still be able to get a restraining order. The burden of proof is significantly lower,and it will protect you, legally and otherwise, from unwanted contact.

Kyuki said
Not until I turn 21.

You can still purchase a handgun yourself and open carry so long as the gun is not loaded and no bullet is in the chamber. Even then, you can still hide a magazine somewhere on your body to quickly load the weapon. Your state has stand your ground laws, so if need be, you will not be arrested or sued if you are defending yourself. It would be good to do a full research on this yourself or even talk to a lawyer. You have a right to defend yourself. And, Kyu, people here love you more than you know. We may not show it all the time, but we are honestly one big huge family. I encourage you to press charges, and see if you can get into a victim/witness protection program as well. And remember: you will always be better than those pricks.

Kyuki said I'm going to be 110 percent honest with everyone here... I blame myself for the rape.

Bullshit. 110% bullshit.

Halo already explained why far better than I can, but this is not your fault.
These were the people who attacked you. They were the ones who committed the act. They were the ones cruel to you.
You blaming yourself is exactly what they want you to think, so you don't take action against them for something that is completely their fault.

Kyuki said I have been in constant contact with the police. Reporting things but they keep telling me they don't have much evidence to make an arrest. Unless I pressed charges for the rape. They have a written statement from the guy that did it admitting to it.

Then press charges, otherwise they're getting away with it with no reason to stop what their doing. Because they aren't getting punished for their actions.

mdk said Without enough evidence to arrest, you may still be able to get a . The burden of proof is significantly lower,and it will protect you, legally and otherwise, from unwanted contact.

This. But I need to be realistic, these aren't always 100% effective.
My sister once got one over an insane ex (tried to burn our house down once).
It took some threat from the police force to finally get the guy to back off.

Beatrix said You can still purchase a handgun yourself and open carry so long as the gun is not loaded and no bullet is in the chamber.

True, but without proper training Kyuki could just as easily be disarmed. And once disarmed the aggressor would figure out for themselves there's no bullets.
In other words, if Kyuki get's a gun I would suggest proper training with it to avoid the aggressor taking it for themselves.

I'll say this with the utmost frank honesty I can give.

You do not and did not deserve what happened to you. Kyuki, please find the help and support you do deserve, because as a community online, while I'm happy to give my full support, our support is limited and it's not the level of support you need <3

I wish you the best, and i'm sorry for everything that happened to you. x

I mean fucking hell. That's not just being a sexual predator, that's downright trying to ruin you. They're twisted fucks, and if I could, i'd break them. That's just..that's just not cool.

I vehemently agree with everyone here. The idea that you deserved anything that happened to you is complete and utter bullshit. And if you believe you are to blame then you are wrong. I don't care what you think you did. You did not cause any of it. Press charges. Get help. And please, please don't kill yourself. There's always someone who cares, even if it's just a stranger over the internet.

I wish I could do more. But all I can do is tell you what others have already said, and let you know that this community cares about you and is here for you. .

I think I just lost some of my faith in humanity when reading about what Kyuki has gone through.
Then I regained it from everyone banding together like this.
Kyuki, press charges and get a restraining order. Learn how to use a gun and get one. Please. Nobody deserves this shit.

Um.. Kinda what scribz was saying, I think you should find more help. Read this carefully, Online relationships are not going to stop you from hurting yourself. As you said your mother had stopped you. I think you should spend a lot of time with your mother and find some friends. The more people you love and that are close to you, the more resisting it will be to end your own life.

By all means take what everyone here said into consideration. Please. I wouldn't want to see you end your life with me sitting here doing nothing, but writing words on the screen for you.

Just promise us all something okay? Don't die on us and fight on You're smart and you know it. Use that brain.

Sherlock Holmes said
You to press charges. If they have a written confession from the guy himself, it's time to end this and follow through with pressing charges. You're an adult -- you don't need to have your family behind you on this one. It's time to take a stand for yourself, regardless of what they whether they want you to keep quiet or not. By holding your silence, you're allowing this creep (and whoever else is involved) to potentially go do these things to someone else. Be brave -- I can understand how this could all be scary, but it's the right thing to do.

I think I'm going to think about it over the weekend and make a decision first thing Monday morning.

Halo said
"I know I shouldn't give them the satisfaction of taking my life. But it hurts to live. I'm going to be 110 percent honest with everyone here... I blame myself for the rape. I know I'm probably a bitch and that's why they hate me so much. I'm a bad person. They have every reason to do all of this. And I don't want to live being a bad person."No offence, hon, but that's horseshit and deep down you know it. Think of every awful human being you've ever known - bitches, assholes, cruel people and callous people and selfish people. And then think about how many times you assaulted them or raped them. Wait - you didn't do that? That's because you're inherently a decent human being, who, by virtue of the fact that you didn't act that way, believes the awful people did not deserve it. And if the worst people you have ever known do not deserve it, then nobody deserves those things. Nobody, including you.The fact that you didn't do this sort of thing to others automatically makes you a better person than those doing this to you. The fact that you didn't do this sort of thing to others shows that however flawed you may be, you don't deserve this, because you aren't so awful a person as to ever do these terrible things. I barely know you, maybe you aren't the best of people (though I doubt you're all that bad), but deserves to be abused like that. The people doing this are the evil ones. That is fact. You are not a rapist. You are not harassing people across the country. You are not ruining their lives. They are doing those awful things to you. So they are the bad ones. Judge everyone in this situation, including yourself, by their actions relevant to the situation. Who's being attacked? You. You are the victim. So how are you the bad one, how do you deserve it?Reverse this situation, mentally. Imagine you're the one counselling someone else, and they told you what you've just told us. Would you agree with them? Would you think that the abuse they'd been through was their fault? Do you blame the victims you see on the news or hear about in your town, or do you hate the rapists for doing it to them? What about other types of abuse, domestic abuse, physical assault - if I go and punch someone, is it my fault or theirs? You have the same rights and feelings as anyone else, so treat yourself the way you'd treat someone else in your position were the roles reversed. Treat yourself with some empathy. It is very common for rape victims to blame themselves, maybe in an attempt to rationalise, but try to address the facts of the matter: what have you done that makes you so bad as to deserve this, the cruellest of all treatments? Really? Compared to the sick fucks who are actually carrying this out, you're a goddamn angel. You're in the right, here, and they are so in the wrong. They are the ones to blame.

I suppose. I just feel like I could have done more or less.

Halo said
"Yeah... I went from getting into Princeton to being a loser who dropped out of college all together."Dude, you're keeping yourself . That doesn't make you a loser. And college will be waiting after all this is done, after you're safe from these bastards. So will the rest of your very, very bright future. Out of everything I wrote, you cannot focus on that one sentence. Read the rest, please, take it in. Breathe in the support you have here. You cannot twist every positive into a negative, otherwise you just defeat yourself. We're here, we're standing behind you, we're believing in you. And all of that is useless unless you can pull yourself together, and carry on fighting and staying strong. Carry on reporting everything that happens. Press charges. Stay alive. And hold onto hope for a better future, because it's coming. This isn't the rest of your life. This does not define you. Not unless you let it.

I hope it isn't the rest of my life. I wish it wasn't my life now. I wish I could just forget any of it happened.

mdk said
Without enough evidence to arrest, you may still be able to get a . The burden of proof is significantly lower,and it will protect you, legally and otherwise, from unwanted contact.

Yeah I could get one against the one guy. I didn't think of that.

Beatrix said
You can still purchase a handgun yourself and open carry so long as the gun is not loaded and no bullet is in the chamber. Even then, you can still hide a magazine somewhere on your body to quickly load the weapon. Your state has stand your ground laws, so if need be, you will not be arrested or sued if you are defending yourself. It would be good to do a full research on this yourself or even talk to a lawyer. You have a right to defend yourself. And, Kyu, people here love you more than you know. We may not show it all the time, but we are honestly one big huge family. I encourage you to press charges, and see if you can get into a victim/witness protection program as well. And remember: you will always be better than those pricks.

Yeah, I am actually looking into taking some gun safety classes. (Which incorporates self-defense)

scribz said
I'll say this with the utmost frank honesty I can give.You do not and did not deserve what happened to you. Kyuki, please find the help and support you do deserve, because as a community online, while I'm happy to give my full support, our support is limited and it's not the level of support you need <3 I wish you the best, and i'm sorry for everything that happened to you. x

Thanks Scribz. <3

scribz said
I mean fucking hell. That's not just being a sexual predator, that's downright trying to ruin you. They're twisted fucks, and if I could, i'd break them. That's just..that's just not cool.

Well several of them are going to be in London for New Years if you still felt the need to break them.

Rtron said
I vehemently agree with everyone here. The idea that you deserved that happened to you is complete and utter And if you believe you are to blame then you are wrong. I don't care what you think you did. You did not cause any of it. Press charges. Get help. And please, please don't kill yourself. There's always someone who cares, even if it's just a stranger over the internet.I wish I could do more. But all I can do is tell you what others have already said, and let you know that this community cares about you and is here for you. .

This is definitely a very caring community when the going gets rough.

Derpestein said
I think I just lost some of my faith in humanity when reading about what Kyuki has gone through.Then I regained it from everyone banding together like this.Kyuki, press charges and get a restraining order. Learn how to use a gun and get one. Please. Nobody deserves this shit.

RPG has definitely restored some faith for me. And as for the gun I have actually been going to the range and learning to shoot.

Svenn said
Um.. Kinda what scribz was saying, I think you should find more help. Read this carefully, Online relationships are not going to stop you from hurting yourself. As you said your mother had stopped you. I think you should spend a lot of time with your mother and find some friends. The more people you love and that are close to you, the more resisting it will be to end your own life.By all means take what everyone here said into consideration. Please. I wouldn't want to see you end your life with me sitting here doing nothing, but writing words on the screen for you.Just promise us all something okay? You're smart and you know it. Use that brain.

Yeah my mom stopped me but made sure she talked about the family image not two minutes after. And she hasn't spoken to me without an incredible amount of annoyance since. As for anyone else in my life. I almost literally have no one else to talk to my one friend out of the two I have...yelled at me for being stupid enough to try and continue on with school in the first place. Telling me I brought it onto myself.

Kyuki said Yeah my mom stopped me but made sure she talked about the family image not two minutes after. And she hasn't spoken to me without an incredible amount of annoyance since. As for anyone else in my life. I almost literally have no one else to talk to my one friend out of the two I have...yelled at me for being stupid enough to try and continue on with school in the first place. Telling me I brought it onto myself.

Sometimes people don't know how to react and say really stupid and hurtful things. I'm going to assume this is the case. You had no control over their behavior, the fault lies with the perpertators. Any guilt or 'what ifs' you have, and you will have them, does not mean it is your fault. You're the one who was wronged and you deserve to feel safe and you deserve justice. You are worth the time and effort to see that these people are punished and to see that they don't repeat their behavior towards you or anyone else.

We got your back, do what you gotta do. Your family will come around, people tend to get angry at people who try to take their own life because they care about them. And if your "friends" don't come around, fuck em forget them, they aren't true friends anyway. Above all, keep on keeping on, you're a survivor and soon you'll be a conqueror.
-Salutes with a single tear-

I'm so, so, so sorry about all that has happened to you. I don't even know what to say except that you have my absolute support and prayer. Please, stay strong and keep fighting. Seek out other survivors and ask them for help, guidance and support as well. I hope those animals get what their kind deserves and I hope you can be helped and healed.

Kyuki said
Hey! So this is actually really hard to do. Partly because I know sometimes Spam can be the worst place to come to in your darkest times. But, with that said. It can also be one of the best places to come to.

Anyway, there is a lot people here don't know about me. But this particular thing I am so tired of holding it in. I just want to scream about it constantly... I am constantly feeling angry and I have no one to talk to about it for the most part. Because it is either too hard for my family to talk about or the fact that I am being forced to keep it somewhat a secret... So I'm telling you guys this because I am not okay right now.

Here goes....


Basically to finish this up quick... I started at another university and not two weeks into the year they found me. Then just the other night (All seven of them) proceeded to assault me until I was bleeding on the ground with no way to get help for myself. (Public safety discovered me on one of their "rounds") So I've decided to withdraw from school. And just today after waking up screaming for the millionth time from nightmares this morning I broke down. I called my mom and told her goodbye. Sent a text message out to several people and was almost 95% sure I was going to die today.. And honestly I think the only reason I didn't was because my mom somehow found me... So I know none of you probably care but I am coming here because I have nowhere else to vent. My family is angry with me and I have no friends because my only "friend" has decided she is better off being friends with the man who raped me. I don't know what I want out of posting this. Or if I even want anything... Nothing really matters to me that much right now.

I see that some members are able to help you and give you some advice and closure... but I personally don't know what to say Kyuki. All this time I heard only how great things were and perfect your life was and even kinda got jealous of you for some of it. Though hearing this gets me pissed off, you out of all people did not deserve that. You are a nice person and did nice things for others and now that is getting ruined because of assholes. You are the nicest person I know and this was fucked up and shocks me they they are getting away with it so easily.

More so I'm pissed off that you are giving up and that your family isn't really helping you... that nobody is helping you in RL, where it matters! You are better than this and a hell of a lot better than what the other's done and gave you. DON'T FUCKING KILL YOURSELF! You and me both know that you're too awesome to do that lame shit and that you have a full life to live. This is just a really, really, REALLY shitty bump in your way but I know you're strong enough to get by it. You are strong Kyuki, you always were.

Now for my suggestions.
First off Kyuki is talk to someone, maybe even a psychiatrist and get some closure over what's happening. I suggest those links that MDK posted up for you since they seem to be great sites that'd be able to help you more than anyone here can. talking to some one that can help is better than talking to no one
Second, you need to press charges Kyuki. This creep will continue to harass you and other women if you don't do this. You even said there is a written confession about it, take that as your advantage. These people will not stop, as you well said, and they will continue and continue until you're dead but if you don't fight back you're only allowing them to continue this more. Fight back and fight hard.
Third is that you lost a shit ton of self respect and self confidence Kyuki. That is not you at all and you breaking out of your character and losing those two traits sickens me. You're a hell of a lot better than what you're claiming to be and if I was there right now I'd slap some sense into you. You're a wonderful girl that has accomplished a lot and will be able to continue doing these great things. This will be key to your success over this Kyuki. You CAN fight hard, I know it from experience and that's what I want you to do. Your self confidence in your ability to fight will always help you win in the end.
Fourth you need new friends and to slap some sense into your family. You got hurt and this ruins their 'reputation' more if they do nothing and help you fight. They need to support you and if they do that great things are to come. As for your friends they all sound like shit friends and trash. You're fucking "Princess Kyuki", Kyuki! Princesses do NOT 'hang out' with filthy, disgusting trashy peasants! Find people that are actually worth your time and don't tolerate anyone's BS.
Fifth, your life is in danger, you said this. It doesn't matter if you press charges or not, these people are out to kill you. Since your mom is most supportive talk to her about getting guns and a lot of pepper spray. Carry something like a Taser or something with you at all times and look in the weapon carrying laws in your area. You're getting targeted when being attacked now and you can't afford this happening a second time, cause next time you might not make it out alive. Any personal protection is better than no protection.

Finally, this is not your fault kyuki... you are strong and I am so sorry that all this has happened to you. I know you're scared and that you have so many questions and "what ifs" that may or may not bring different results in the past events. I really only partly know what you're going through but it needs to be said that all this is completely unacceptable. Just never feel like it's all your fault, cause it's far from it.

With that said Kyuki, I hope things get well for you soon but as I clearly stated I'm sure this fight of yours is far from over. Take care and be extra safe now and I hope all of this ends soon.

I haven't felt this emotional about someone I don't even know, ever. I've heard of family deaths, among other things, but... I dunno, something about this gets to me. I'm pretty disgusted. Just reading that makes me want to kill something, or set something on fire... I dunno, just... SOMETHING destructive. How could you possibly attribute this to fault of your own? You were just unlucky enough to run into such horrible scum. I just don't really know what to say without yelling at someone. I'd rather not it be you. You seem to be a nice person, form what I've seen, and, nobody I know deserves such treatment. I hope the fuckers burn.

idlehands said
Sometimes people don't know how to react and say really stupid and hurtful things. I'm going to assume this is the case. You had no control over their behavior, the fault lies with the perpertators. Any guilt or 'what ifs' you have, and you will have them, does not mean it is your fault. You're the one who was wronged and you deserve to feel safe and you deserve justice. You are worth the time and effort to see that these people are punished and to see that they don't repeat their behavior towards you or anyone else.

I have a lot of guilt and what ifs for sure... :/ But I get what you are saying.

TheMusketMan said
We got your back, do what you gotta do. Your family will come around, people tend to get angry at people who try to take their own life because they care about them. And if your "friends" don't come around, forget them, they aren't true friends anyway. Above all, keep on keeping on, you're a survivor and soon you'll be a conqueror.-Salutes with a single tear-

Yeah I know my mom is definitely someone I'm not being fair to. I can't imagine how much blame she is putting on herself. As for friends, I barely want to even have any at this point. Because at the end of the day. These seven people who did this were "friends" that I spent hours and hours hanging out with. (Including the guy)

Robeatics said
I'm so, so, so sorry about all that has happened to you. I don't even know what to say except that you have my absolute support and prayer. Please, stay strong and keep fighting. Seek out other survivors and ask them for help, guidance and support as well. I hope those animals get what their kind deserves and I hope you can be helped and healed.

Thank you.

Drakel said
-snip-

It's the craziest thing... what people can hide behind a fake smile. And only drawing on the positives of school. Which was basically just academics. Although I did almost fail one class because of them. (Three of them were in the class with me so when I did go I had to listen to their whispers about me)

Overwatch said
I haven't felt this emotional about someone I don't even know, ever. I've heard of family deaths, among other things, but... I dunno, something about this gets to me. I'm pretty disgusted. Just reading that makes me want to kill something, or set something on fire... I dunno, just... SOMETHING destructive. How could you possibly attribute this to fault of your own? You were just unlucky enough to run into such horrible scum. I just don't really know what to say without yelling at someone. I'd rather not it be you. You seem to be a nice person, form what I've seen, and, nobody I know deserves such treatment. I hope the fuckers burn.

It is pretty disgusting.

I really don't know what to say that hasn't already been said. If you can find a weapon... gun, knife, stick, improvise, make your own weapon, whatever... and you are legally allowed to injure or kill them for the sake of your own self-defense, that's what you should do. If not, and I'm really hesitant to say this because I have trust issues and possible legal problems with the police... get the police in on this. They might be able to help you, because as far as I know you probably don't have shit on your police records like I do.

Kyuki said It's the craziest thing... what people can hide behind a fake smile. And only drawing on the positives of school. Which was basically just academics. Although I did almost fail one class because of them. (Three of them were in the class with me so when I did go I had to listen to their whispers about me)I

While being surprised about this happening was stated, the main point I'm trying to get across is that overall you did not deserve any of that and that none of this was your fault. Is sickens me that they did all this to you but it sickens me more that you blamed yourself in any areas of it when it wasn't your fault. You're a nice and kind person and you didn't deserve that at all. You saying you want to kill yourself means you gave up and they win but you're strong Kyuki, you've proven it before and I think you're still in danger even if you keep silent so the best thing you could do is never walk alone again (Be with more family if you can) and fight back against these people and fight hard, else you'll be substance to further abuse from them.

We all care about you Kyuki and this makes all your friends here both sad, sick and pissed off. We want you to talk to someone and be safe and currently the choice to be silent isn't safe for you or anyone at all.

You have all of our hopes and prayers. I wish you the best luck that anyone could ever possibly have Kyuki. *Hugz*