Name: Nagisa, Yui
Age: 14
Gender: Female
Personality:


History:


Magical Power: Shining Shadow Summon!

• Standard: Yui can manipulate her shadow, making it stretch, shrink, or even change shape.

• Transformed: In her transformed state, Yui can manipulate her own shadow as well as nearby shadows. From these shadows she can create shadow summons, creatures that can fight for her. Depending on the size of the shadow, she can even summon more goliath creatures. When these shadow summons “die”, Yui can either remake them or meld them together to make something more powerful. Along with shadow summons, she can phase into the shadows and travel rather fast within. Her range of mobility during these times is limited to shadows, or her summons.

Other:

Name: Mimiru Kasigawa

Age: 14.

Gender: Female.

Appearance:
Normal:
'Transformed:'

Personality: Mimiru (Mimi for short) is a rather shy individual, and normally doesn't talk much. The reason for this is because she's a total closet perv, and her days are spent either obsessing over ridiculously nasty things or imagining those things, or getting hot and bothered over something she read in a dirty romance novel. (which she typically tucks into the binding of science or language books, so many have the impression she is a bookworm.)

She has few friends who know about her rather messed up side. Of course, being 14 she has zero experience with anything other than reading and the stuff online that every twelve year old can access.

History:
She's a spoiled rich girl, to say the least. She only sees her parents once a week for dinner, but it doesn't seem to bother her even a little. She is friendly with the maid staff and other help, and spends a lot of time either exploring the mansion and its grounds, or just chilling in her room....which is super big and huge and awesome. Also has a hidden room inside her room filled with H stuff.

Her only other interest, since she sucks at the art of 'friends' is swimming. She's not the best on the team, but she has placed in a few events. She has an indoor and outdoor pool at her mansion.

Magical Power: Mermaid Mesmerizing Magic!

Standard: Can blow bubbles from tips of her fingers or mouth. Pretty decent swimmer.

Transformed: Water/ice stuffs. Mermaid tail if it's a good day. Superswim.

Other:
Her eyes change color when she transforms.

Cup size is 34DD.

She can touch her toes.

Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.

Name: Akemi Kawaguchi

Age: 14

Gender: Female.

Okay, this is fine. In the age range, weeb name, good.

normal look

Er..."normal look" is kind of a bad way of putting things. Try to make it flow better, you know? It's not a big deal, but it just sounds kinda infantile and-

http://www.pageresource.com/wallpapers/wallpaper/haotone-tsubasa-anime-girl-blue-hair-game-cute_258559.jpg

Um

http://www.pageresource.com/wallpapers/wallpaper/haotone-tsubasa-anime-girl-blue-hair-game-cute_258559.jpg

UM

http://www.pageresource.com/wallpapers/wallpaper/haotone-tsubasa-anime-girl-blue-hair-game-cute_258559.jpg

"Anime girl blue hair game cute"

MOVING ON

Measurements: height,156cm bust,76cm waist,70cm hips,78cm

Why do you not put spaces after commas?

Why do you format it like this?

Why do you do this to me?

Did I brutalize you?

What did I do?

Personality: Tom boy big geek for the newest graphics card or pc component loves to photo shop.

...alright. This...this merits some talking down to.

FIRST UP:

THIS IS NOT A PERSONALITY.

THIS IS A LAUNDRY LIST OF TRAITS, AND NOT EVEN A GOOD LAUNDRY LIST. IT IS TWO TRAITS.

TWO.

YOU ARE REDUCING A HUMAN BEING TO TWO TRAITS.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S FINE.

THAT'S NOT A PROBLEM IN ITSELF. HELL, MY CHARACTER IS ONE TRAIT: "LOVE".

THE PROBLEM IS THAT THOSE TRAITS ARE MORE TWO-DIMENSIONAL THAN THE WORDS I AM TYPING RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

ALSO "TOMBOY" IS ONE WORD.

YOU'RE NOT EVEN USING COMPLETE SENTENCES.

Describe how your character thinks, acts, and feels. Don't skimp on this, you pig.

Did you even read this?

That's a legitimate question. Did you?

If so, I don't know how you got to the conclusion that this was okay.

The DESCRIPTION ON WHAT SHOULD GO IN THE PERSONALITY SECTION IS AS LONG AS YOUR ENTIRE PERSONALITY SECTION.

You're not using punctuation. You're not using capitalization. You're not using anything.

I think you're not even trying to employ grammar by this point. I'm reminded of a time when I was five, and saw one of my classmates learning what a period was for the first time. He put a period after every word, ie "The.dog.went.to.the.park."

I honestly think what you have here is worse.

Also:

loves to photo shop

Now, ordinarily, I'd assume this means "shopping for photos". I wasn't aware that was a hobby, but sure, okay, if you have weird hobbies that's cool. It adds some originality, as long as you justify it, explain what they like about it and things like that. The fact that you didn't do any of that just makes it trash, though.

However, seeing as you don't seem to understand English, I'm going to assume you actually meant "photoshop" in one word, as in Adobe Photoshop.

If that is the case, what the actual fuck?

History: I am 14,

...

...

...

Oh.

You're one of those.

You're using.

Fucking.

First.

Person.

I'm not even going to explode about this.

I'm not going to mock it.

I just want you to know I am laughing at you.

Dad is often away on business,

Good for him. At least he's making something of his life.

and mom is in a book club when she is not at work.

Wow, what a fucking nerd.

Mother and I occasionally have dinner together and then a movie after.

I'm going to stop talking about your lack of grasp on the English language. I want to finish this before the Sun finishes fusing hydrogen.

We are a nice family in a modest house.

Is this a game of fucking Mad Libs or something?

I am a only child so I turn to the internet to keep up with current events, trends, and tech.

"She's a tomboy but she spends her life on the computer I promise okay guys back off"

I go to school and get "C"'s

If this is referring to you and not the character, I will honestly be impressed.

I spend too munch time late at night on the school chat forum

Yeah, I spend too munch time on shitty RP sites.

I'm really wasting too munch time on this.

so when its time for school I get there just before the bell. I sleep threw my lunch and day dream during class.

Ah. I hate it when I'm sleeping and then accidentally throw my lunch. That's the worst. You have my condolences.

Magical Power: IO phase induction particle accelitron multi modulating induction field.

...okay, pal, I'mma level with you.

Chuunibyou =/= what the fucking hell

You're just saying things.

"Accelitron" isn't even a word.

You used the word "induction" twice.

Why do you exist?

Standard: I get electric shocks from static all the time!!

Two exclamation marks.

No, no, that's fine.

I said it's fine.

No, I'm not mad.

IT'S FINE. I'M FINE.

When I'm Brushing against someone, the metal in my desk, the hand rails, the water fountain, my chair.

This isn't a sentence.

Why did you use it as a sentence?

Why did you capitalize "Brushing"?

Is it some sort of brand name?

Transformed: I become enveloped with a high out put electric field.

out put

It hurts.

It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts-

How high of an "out put" does this field have?

How big is the field?

Do you decide these things?

Can you even turn it off?

What the fuck are you doing?

Other: I have a stalker, a boy in school who follows me and sits behind me in class.

You don't get to decide that. I hate it when people give their characters relations to things outside of themselves, or make events that impact the lore or canon of the universe in their biographies, or any of this other trash you're doing. It's heavy-handed, it's contradictory, and it serves no point other than making your character a special snowflake. Stop doing it.

Besides, this trash doesn't even deserve a stalker. Also, no boys allowed.

Oh, you think we're done?

No, no, I'm reviewing your bio as well.

Yes, I am reviewing your profile's bio.

STATUS: Changing the world is easy, living is hard.

I'm living right now. I've been doing it for a while.

I'm not changing the world, though. I'm making fun of a shit character on a roleplaying website.

Your edge isn't even well-sharpened.

Atop the eyeless grey draft horse, bathed in blue flames, the dark figure sat.

TRAAAAAAASH THROWN IIIIIIN A BIIIIIIIIIIN

From the edge of the woods this shade of evil watched. From the inside of the cold steel helm no breath escaped into the air, this figure unmoved by the fear emanating from the village, was still.

THIS GRAAAAAAMMAAAAR IIIIIIIS UNREAAAAAAAAAAL

It could hear the trees and plants nearby dropping their leaves, dying in his presence. A dark tunic covered the fleshless ribs and beneath that was a heart that died before the man did. This evil cared nothing for the suffering this village was under. The evil now at their door step tried hard to remember the last time he cried to the gods unanswered. How many deaths had he watched before it was his turn?

BY GOOOOOD YOU HAAAAAAAVE THE GAAAAAAAAAALL

Evil never sleeps, it is when one walks from the light do they realize just what nightmares lurk in the dark.

I THIIIIINK I'M GOOOOOOONNA KEEEEEELL

"Your light is a lie" he whispered.

Are you real, or are you yourself just a bad OC designed by some malefic deity that wants me to cry?

Some times the most evil act one can commit, is doing nothing while good dies.

I'm pretty sure that in just about every instance, you can be more evil by going around and kicking puppies while good dies.

---

Verdict: Here's the crux of it. If I ignore that you're using first person, ignore the flatness of your character, ignore the terrible writing quality, and ignore the utterly asinine power basis, then there's nothing.

If I ignore this profile's flaws and try to pretend they aren't there, I literally cannot conceptualize that without making your post utterly blank.

Failure is built into the essence of this character.

Denied with the twitch of the right eye, a half-hearted laugh, and the soft sound of crying as the lights dim.

Name: Hakuran Fujiwara

Age: 12

Gender: Female

Personality: Hakuran is not afraid to use strength when threatened and is a fairly intelligent person. To her the most important thing is her own fun and she will do anything in her power to get whatever she wants. She is loyal to her friends though and if anyone were to threaten them she will make that person suffer. Her favorite pastime is flipping skirts of unsuspecting people with her power and hanging out with friends. She will often act sweet and innocent to adults that blame her for causing trouble and can she can also be quite sarcastic and cynical.

History: Hakuran grew up with 3 older brothers and 2 normal parents. Her childhood was for the most part as regular as it can be. Growing up she was always closest to her youngest older brother who is the black sheep of the family. Unlike her 2 oldest brothers that always got top grades the youngest brother was a delinquent. It was from him that she learned 'the ways of the delinquent' which was just not caring about what adults wanted and just have fun. Because of this her parents didn't expect much from her and left her free to do almost anything she wanted.

During elementary she never studied and always got just enough to make it to the next year and even though her parents didn't care her 2 oldest brothers did. They wanted her to do better so they taught her about the advantages of better grades. Because of this she got better grades and the teachers left her alone. When she awakened her powers her brother showed her the potential of it, to flip skirts. Now she is in her first year of Junior High and hasn't changed her ways in the slightest. She has no respect for authority and gets good enough grades to stop the teachers that want to prevent her having fun.
One of the biggest things in the way of her fun is the student council president Emi Hishikawa and if it was up to her she would rather have someone else in that position.

Magical Power: Solid Air

Standard: She can grab small amounts of air to create a light breeze or compress it into air balls that on contact with anything explode in a sudden small gust of air.

Transformed: She can interact with air as though it was solid. The air she makes solid will remain solid as long as she is touching it, it remains solid for 5 seconds afterwards. She can punch the air to launch solid air spheres. She can also stand on air without needing to fly. She can grab air and make it into certain forms, these forms can't be too complex. Examples are an air cube, an air carpet, an air whip, etc.

Other:
Her brothers are the most important thing to her.
Grape ice cream kills dogs.