1 Guest viewing this page
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Cubix
Raw
Avatar of Cubix

Cubix A Hooded Writer

Member Seen 2 days ago

^That, and a more detailed history would be awesome :D It would be interesting to know how a former assassin would be tied up with the kingdom's affairs-- did he willingly offer his services to the crown? Did he realize that, perhaps, he had found a lord worth serving rather than just a shell of his former life as an assassin? Assassins are shady characters, especially in the kingdom, and as such, people find it hard to trust them. You would want to establish your relationship with the crown first (whether hostile, allied, or neutral) so that you'll have a smooth transition into the events.

For Jaiden, it's interesting to see another big brother figure other than Alistair. However, it would be good if a relationship was established between Jaiden and Lethonel. Did the servant enjoy researching as much as his liege? Did he like Lethonel at first? Did he even like to be recruited? Is being a servant all he dreams about? On a scale of Judas to Dog, how loyal is he? Does he have his own agendas? These things can help Jaiden feel more human :D Besides, Lethonel is a troublesome prince-- so, Jaiden better be prepared.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Cultural Titan
Raw
GM
Avatar of Cultural Titan

Cultural Titan

Member Seen 1 yr ago

@Cubix

Thank you Cubix. Good to see that others will pick up the ball in the even that I drop it.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by IcePezz
Raw
Avatar of IcePezz

IcePezz

Member Seen 5 yrs ago

I'm sooooo sorry I haven't posted. I promise to do so tomorrow
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Cuccoruler
Raw
Avatar of Cuccoruler

Cuccoruler The Banana Chicken

Member Seen 7 yrs ago

I guess I'll get a post up for Cia... but I'm not sure how much further we can go... seems the eldest son has gone mia
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Cultural Titan
Raw
GM
Avatar of Cultural Titan

Cultural Titan

Member Seen 1 yr ago

@Cuccoruler

And Leslie to my dismay. Others too. I think I'm just going to wait on that issue till the end of the week when finals are over, but I may need to look into finding replacements for them.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Infinite Cosmos
Raw
Avatar of Infinite Cosmos

Infinite Cosmos XIV

Member Seen 8 days ago

@Cultural Titan

I'll answer your question in points, all of them will be edited as soon as I post this.

1. I meant fate, sorry about the typo. He follows whatever the main faith is across the land, although his Eastern influence will show from time to time.

2. I'm cool with the idea of him having sunlight powers from the queen and the previous king. We can explore the options in terms of "not come in the intended form" though.

3. How about this. He is better in the sun, but his power follows the sun's rising and setting in terms of how strong it is. If it is cloudy, it acts as if it is on the same scale as the sun setting. If it is raining, there is no boost, in fact, he can be weaker.

I'll answer the latter part of point 3 and point 4 together.

The whole imagination part is because he is under the assumption that only royal family has special powers. Any 'boost' that he feels is a fluke. However, he does have powers, he just doesn't know it to be true yet. Following that, he has heard these stories from 1. His mother 2. Fortune tellers 3. Exiled government officials he met during his travels who "knows his true birth". He knows his mother, but not her true background. They have always had to scrape by though. I'll write out more of his backstory as he knows it in the bio.

Ah, the freedom part. He works as a sword-for-hire and that is how he earn his living. However, his sense of justice, righteousness and moral in general means that he isn't the richest mercenary out there.

I'll edit these things in, hope they are enough. If not, let me know and lets work on them : D
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by jordy0403
Raw
Avatar of jordy0403

jordy0403 I'm the little one

Member Seen 6 yrs ago

@Cultural Titan

This good? Or do you want some more backstory on his life before running? (Leaving Jaiden for Cubix's approval first)(Just need your approval on both now)


Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Cultural Titan
Raw
GM
Avatar of Cultural Titan

Cultural Titan

Member Seen 1 yr ago

@KillBox

1. makes sense.

2. I just meant that clearly you intended for his powers to affect his physical abilities where the sunlight of house Gisele comes in the form of sorcery. so if his powers are the result of trying to introduce that power to the royal family the intent would have been to transfer the Sorcery. At least that's how I imagine it.

3. At least I could manipulate your abilities for dramatic affect.

The part about his freedom was maybe not important to comment on, but sometimes you just got to let it out. Anyway with luck whenever you update it I won't have any more nagging questions about who the character is.

@jordy0403

So I stayed away from specifics last time and that was because there was so little there that I knew I couldn't accept them as they were. But let's get started.

Drax Heron:

Minor thing, but shortish sword? Wouldn't it be better to just call it a short sword. I am not under the impression at least that calling something a short sword was giving it a very specific label to begin with so why the need to make it more vague?

In general I would like to see talents and abilities laid out in paragraph form. This is not necessary and I'm sure at least one of my characters here does not follow that guideline, but it does make it look better and appear as if there was more effort put in. Which is what you want me to think. Same goes for personality though I know I didn't put Raven's personality in paragraph form because I got lazy at that point. I should go fix that.

Given the picture above Drax does not look like the kind of guy that could blend into a crowd with the armor and his mismatched eyes aren't helping. Also wouldn't the armor get in the way a bit? Like I know armor does not actually limit your mobility that much, but climbing and jumping and other such activities I assume you want to do in order to live out the assassin fantasy must be a lot harder with the added weight.

Why did Drax become an assassin? Why was he told to kill a family of farmers? Was that his only job as an assassin? If so it does not really make it seem like he would be that good with his weapons otherwise why waste his time by sending him off to kill a family of nobody farmers. He had to go on the run for leaving his assassin guild? I mean it makes some degree of sense if I make some logical leaps, but it is never stated that anything happens to people who leave the guild so it would be nice to see that sort of thing in writing. If you give enough detail about the guild maybe I can work it into the story somehow, which could be good for everyone. AS it was before there was this weird dynamic where Drax wanted redemption, but was still just killing people anyway. which I think we can all agree doesn't make sense. At least the way its written now Drax seems to realize he cannot redeem his sins by killing more people. Probably not helped by the fact that doing a background search on targets with nothing, but word of mouth and his own ability to catch people in the act cannot per 100% successful at finding guilt or lack thereof. So he wants to kill Darkness now? Do you mean like monsters or do you mean the dark army that will be the antagonists for the rest of the rp? because if you mean the latter you'll need a reason to know they exist as they haven't even been found out in the ic yet.

Jaiden Halden:

The appearance is pretty light. And I know I hate writing descriptions of how people look myself and if everything else was good I wouldn't hold it against you, but being more descriptive here can help your cause. assuming your cause is getting the character accepted. The only detail that bugs me here is what his clothes are then? It makes distinctions about itself and then ends up still being vague.

Again putting talents and personality in paragraph form makes it look better and represents more effort which are both good things even if they are not mandates.

If he was the son of a farmer going into the city must have been a pretty big deal, meeting a prince while there, having said prince be the youngest and sickliest prince who must have snuck away from his guards to even be out and about and playing with that prince... multiple times... well it must be one hell of a story. One that I am disappointed does not have more detail. He was training in fighting? Not impossible, but he's a farmers son, how did he get the opportunity to train himself? Did his family have a problem with it distracting from whatever duties he had on the farm? What drove him to take up fighting anyway? How old was he when he started this training, because I've seen young people trying to learn Karate and stuff. It takes them way longer to really grasp the material. Assuming that Jaiden was really young was he just different from normal children in this aspect and what about his abilities got him noticed? I imagine, and you can disagree, that he would have been chosen for potential and his connection to Lethonel more than anything else. Its also a little bit jumbled up. It wasn't so bad until you tacked how he actually met Lethonel at the end there. Still think that encounter needs fleshing out though because you wouldn't be in the city all the time- wait son of a farmer and a baker? Is the farmer just like a former farmer and they live in the city off of the bakery now or something? Which could put him in the city on a constant basis or do they run a farm and a bakery outside the city? Or is the father like some sort of plantation owner who chooses to live away from the land and still benefits from whatever labor goes on o his land.

Generally I don't like having these questions nagging in the back of my mind about a character. I mean its one thing if there is supposed to be a level of mystery about a character. But I don't get the impression that there's anything to hide about these characters and knowing the answers to a lot of if not all the above questions and working them into the character sheets will to flesh out the characters and give me a better sense of who they are. Like I don't have a problem figuring out who Lethonel or Alistair or Aegis are when I read their sheets and part of it is that they're a lot longer and part of it is that they don't leave me with nagging questions.

@Cuccoruler

Will respond to it a bit later if nobody else gets to it and maybe a bit after that I'll move things forward a but, though you will need something to do during the meeting so if you have any ideas on that maybe we should start talking about it. I do hope though that Rida appreciates in the end that she's been put on the plot train, that said her accusations about against the rest of her family ring a little hollow to me, but I can only imagine that was the point.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by IcePezz
Raw
Avatar of IcePezz

IcePezz

Member Seen 5 yrs ago

I just went on my break, writing something up now.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by IcePezz
Raw
Avatar of IcePezz

IcePezz

Member Seen 5 yrs ago

It isn't the greatest, and I'm sorry about the length. Hope it's ok.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Frengo
Raw
Avatar of Frengo

Frengo King of the Frengolians

Member Seen 8 yrs ago

Huh, somehow I missed Titan's latest post. We must've gone for it at the same time yesterday and I never noticed.

My bad.

@Firetigress3, you've got 48 hours to get a post up, or I'll have to break off our interaction. No immediate hurry, but the quicker you can do it, the better. I don't want to leave the others hanging. Many thanks! :)
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Absolis
Raw
Avatar of Absolis

Absolis Quiet king

Member Seen 6 yrs ago

@frengo@icepezz@cultural titan

I have posted. Mine was also short, though, there isn't much for a bard to do on a battlefield. Even when they have sound magic.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Frengo
Raw
Avatar of Frengo

Frengo King of the Frengolians

Member Seen 8 yrs ago

I accidentally got bored and unleashed Oglaff into the world. Nothing he does is of relevance to anyone at the moment, so you can all go ahead and ignore the post unless you're as fidgety as I am; it's more of just an excuse for me to write something :P

Anywhos, Pezz your post was fine, I wouldn't worry about it. You're a solid participant and everything you do is coherent. I'll try to get Kalar into contact with her in my next post, so we can have a good ole fashioned co-op hack 'n' slash.

Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Legion02
Raw

Legion02

Member Seen 8 mos ago

Am I the only one with an evil character right now awaiting any movement? Because I will be straight with you, I like this RP very much but I would like to start doing things in it...
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Cultural Titan
Raw
GM
Avatar of Cultural Titan

Cultural Titan

Member Seen 1 yr ago

@Legion02

I'm sorry. I was really hoping that Leslie would come back and I've just neglected to do anything about the problem. Is there anything that you'd like to do? If not I'll come up with something.
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Crimson Raven
Raw
Avatar of Crimson Raven

Crimson Raven *Rolls a Nat 1*

Member Seen 4 yrs ago

@frengo@icepezz@cultural titan

I have posted. Mine was also short, though, there isn't much for a bard to do on a battlefield. Even when they have sound magic.


*miffed because you forgot me*

:T

And she had no reaction to Aegis's words.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by IcePezz
Raw
Avatar of IcePezz

IcePezz

Member Seen 5 yrs ago

@Crimson Raven ha!

It's alright, Liara saved him from having to battle two foes :p so he is acknowledged on the battlefield tehehe
1x Laugh Laugh
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Absolis
Raw
Avatar of Absolis

Absolis Quiet king

Member Seen 6 yrs ago

<Snipped quote by Absolis>

*miffed because you forgot me*

:T

And she had no reaction to Aegis's words.


Oh, apologies. I can fix that if you want.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Crimson Raven
Raw
Avatar of Crimson Raven

Crimson Raven *Rolls a Nat 1*

Member Seen 4 yrs ago

@Absolis

Would be a good idea
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Absolis
Raw
Avatar of Absolis

Absolis Quiet king

Member Seen 6 yrs ago

Alright. Give me a few moments.
↑ Top
1 Guest viewing this page
© 2007-2024
BBCode Cheatsheet