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Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Sophrus
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Note: yes the history is vastly incomplete. i just wanted to post it so that i dont lose my progress.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by ProPro
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@ProPro
NOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING WHY

goddammit now I gotta put another game in the likes tab. We'll have it be Morrowind instead.

Edit: If you don't mind me asking, where should I start when this whole shindig kicks off? I don't mind having Overlook be accompanying the members of the Wards and acting as a bit of a supervisor over them.


Oh, the PRT and the Protectorate wouldn't like that very much. The Wards will be getting introduced to their newest member in character (Tulpa) and put through a training exercise, which will be interrupted by a villain they'll have to go after. The local villain gang will be meeting up in their hideout for one of the first times and be introduced to their "benefactor" (Broker doesn't like to be called their boss) before going on their first mission.

For any independents, the story doesn't have much to directly interact with them, so you are largely able to go and do what you please and I'll react to your wants on a post by post basis. Interact with other players, do your own thing on the side, drop in and out of hte main storyline, whatevs. I can say for sure though that if you're not a Protectorate hero, they won't much like you interacting with their equipment, personnel, or HQ.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Eklispe
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@Sophrus Now I'm well aware that the cs stated it has no offensive use and that these two aren't comparable, but there was man in the original work named Marquis and his ability was bone manipulation. He was a scary man and fought multiple hero teams by himself as well as helping fight a group of villains that traveled around literally doing whatever they wanted, such as exterminating cities, in a world full of superheros. And a KKK/Nazi parahuman group. Defiantly one of the stronger characters in that world. Not criticism, just an idle comment and something your cs reminded me of. Take it as you will^.^
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Gardevoiran
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@ProPro
Hm, I guess Overlook isn't trustworthy as an ally to the Protectorate? Shame. I'll figure a plan for him when the time comes. If anything, he can probably do his own research on the Ward's members.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Sophrus
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@Sophrus Now I'm well aware that the cs stated it has no offensive use and that these two aren't comparable, but there was man in the original work named Marquis and his ability was bone manipulation. He was a scary man and fought multiple hero teams by himself as well as helping fight a group of villains that traveled around literally doing whatever they wanted, such as exterminating cities, in a world full of superheros. And a KKK/Nazi parahuman group. Defiantly one of the stronger characters in that world. Not criticism, just an idle comment and something your cs reminded me of. Take it as you will^.^


this made me think actually, i could use the ability to make spikes and such grow out of the armor offensively. realistically though, i wanted the ability to be defensive and focused on survival rather than touching a super and turning their spinal column into powder.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Gardevoiran
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<Snipped quote by Eklispe>

this made me think actually, i could use the ability to make spikes and such grow out of the armor offensively. realistically though, i wanted the ability to be defensive and focused on survival rather than touching a super and turning their spinal column into powder.


*cough* Porcupine *cough*.
That sounds badass as hell.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Sophrus
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Ok, i think i have everything down, hows it look @ProPro?

Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by ProPro
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@ProPro
Hm, I guess Overlook isn't trustworthy as an ally to the Protectorate? Shame. I'll figure a plan for him when the time comes. If anything, he can probably do his own research on the Ward's members.


It's not that he's untrustworthy, it's that they have no relationship with him and if you're not in the Protectorate then you're a vigilante. If you're a vigilante, then they treat you on a case by case basis, but unless you've proven you are trustworthy then they're not letting you into their cool HQ or letting you touch their cool toys or interfering with their official government sanctioned work, and that includes influencing the children that they are grooming to be soldiers to throw fruitlessly at giant unstoppable monsters working hard to ensure grow up to be balanced, well adjusted superheroes.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Gardevoiran
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<Snipped quote by Banana>

It's not that he's untrustworthy, it's that they have no relationship with him and if you're not in the Protectorate then you're a vigilante. If you're a vigilante, then they treat you on a case by case basis, but unless you've proven you are trustworthy then they're not letting you into their cool HQ or letting you touch their cool toys or interfering with their official government sanctioned work, and that includes influencing the children that they are grooming to be soldiers to throw fruitlessly at giant unstoppable monsters working hard to ensure grow up to be balanced, well adjusted superheroes.


Nobody has a relationship with Overlook. He's kept his identity secret from everyone he's worked with. Shit I forgot to mention that in the CS... I'll update it in a few.

As for letting him into their HQ and touching their toys, Overlook has lived in his bunker for a while, and he really doesn't care about their stuff.

If at all possible, could someone in the Protectorate have like a business card from Overlook, in case they need expert hacking skills? You don't have to if you don't want to.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by ProPro
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@Sophrus The first thing that jumps out at me is that I would like to see more details on the powers and how they work. This is a world where powers work in a specific way most of the time, so if you can expand that then that'd be great. If not, then it's fine as is, but for instance the bone morphing. It has to be dead bone, ok cool, so when he morphs it, does this adhere to conservation of mass? If so, that means expanding it is losing density and therefore strength. If it ignores conservation of mass then that means he's somehow creating more bone material and if that's the case then what are his upper limits on something like that? Same with his zombies. Is there a limit to how many he can raise and control at a time? Does his concentration suffer the more he has? Etc. Details are vital.

For classification, remove shifter. His powers don't shapeshift his own body in any way. Separate Striker and Master as they're separate powers altogether and slashes are used to indicate when a power is more than one at a time. (He has two distinct types of powers, Striker and Master. If he raised zombies by touching them, then he'd be Striker/Master but since zombifying corpses is at range it's Striker and Master, separate).

Reading through his history, I'd like you to justify how his trigger manifested his powers. Striker class manifests from a threat that's in your face (natch, getting beat up) but Master class manifests from feelings of isolation or alienation. Did he feel like the world was out to get him because of his cancer? I'd like you to define that a bit better, as I'm not entirely seeing it from a basic readthrough.

You also mention in the history being able to "sense" dead bodies but this isn't listed anywhere in the powers. That'd also make him a low grade Thinker. You should remove that from history entirely, or add that to his power list (meaning he'd be a Striker and a Master/Thinker).

You say he is a Case 53 as well. This literally cannot be true. The information post states plainly that Case 53's are failed experiments from Cauldron. A natural trigger event will never cause a physical mutation and none of them can be called a Case 53. I'm perfectly ok with the trigger event halting, or even curing, his cancer, but he's not a Case 53 by any definition.

Lastly, please do some proof reading. This form is rife with plenty of grammatical and capitalization errors, making it very difficult to read through.

Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Sophrus
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OK, misunderstood the 53 thing.

And the sensing of corpses was more of an extension of the raise dead thing. But if it needs do be separate I can work with that.

After that, sure. I'll tweak it.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Eklispe
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If you don't mind I'll add some of my questions here as well.

Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Sophrus
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@Eklispe

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the lock picking. Totally overlooked that.

But yeah I'll be more specific on the powers
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Kafka Komedy
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@ProPro Love Craft is workable at this state, though I may still add some more details later. Just wanted to get them to this point before you started.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Eklispe
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@Kafka Komedy Doing this or reposting makes it easier for the GM. ^.^
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by ProPro
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@ProPro Love Craft is workable at this state, though I may still add some more details later. Just wanted to get them to this point before you started.


At first I was super confused. "Where is it?" I asked myself, only to realize you just edited the original post. GOOD JOB KAFKA, GAWD. I'll look him over soon as I can.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Kafka Komedy
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Oh, yeah, sorry. Let me just post them...

There.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Sophrus
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New draft - rewitten history, modified power list and general editing.
I am going to apologize now for any farther grammar errors, its my weakness.


Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by BCTheEntity
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Finally completed this. I've reposted it here for reference, so have at him, @ProPro.
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@Kafka Komedy Looks good, Love Craft is approved.

@SophrusAlright, so Necro is all good now and you can slap him on the CS tab. :) Just 2 things I want to go ahead and let you know about with this revised version. First is that there is such a thing as a "second trigger" for some parahumans which further expands or refines their abilities, and your history indicates he very quickly had a second trigger right after his first. That's totally cool, it just means there's no potential for his powers to get any more developed (at least in a significant way) down the line. The second bit is that while he's an independent force an mercenary, the PRT will definitely have him branded as a villain to be brought in by heroes (since he kills, has powers centered around death, and sells his service to the highest bidder even if it means committing crimes). I figure you and he will be just fine with that since he hates the Protectorate anyway, but I wanted to be sure that was clear. :)

@BCTheEntity Aaaand going three for three, Headhunter is also approved! Just keep in mind that I'd like us not to overextend his ability to basically kill anyone else in the cast without being seen, since, well, that'd be no fun for anybody. K? K. Slap a copy over in the CS section!

And for everybody else, gonna get the first IC post out sometime today. Anybody who is working on a main team character (which means basically just the local villain gang right now), I'd really like you to finish up before I get that post. If you do not, then you will be recruited to the gang in-game. Capiche? Capiche.
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