OK I'm done, what do you think?@Sep

I'm not Sep, but I'm 99% sure that isn't going to fly. Have you read the OOC? Have you read the other Charcter Sheets? I'm willing to bet he wants things comparable to those.

Eh...yeah I second that. O.o

@Patient 43Delta first and foremost welcome to the Guild. I hope you have a pleasant stay. Before I get into the sheet may I recommend you go to the Free or Casual sections as for beginners this isn't really the place to be. Moving on.

Name: white. player name: Patient 43Delta
Age: 460
Gender: unknown
Nationality: alien
Race: alien
Position: varies upon assighnment
The small beingc sitting before you takes a bite from its sandwich, as it works on a strange device sitting in front of it. You give it a strange look and it looks up, its big black eyes standing out from its pale skin." Greetings my name is (unintelligibal clicks and whisles), but you can call white everyone else does. Sorry I must return to my duties". It walks down the hall and dissapiers in a shimmer of air.
Background: white didn't always like humans. He used to think they were strange and nasty. But after spending 30 years in a research facility he learned to tolerate their presence. Over time he formed a bond with a scientist named Barbra, who was responsible for learning everything about white. But just like many other bonds he outlived this one and she passed away. For the next 4 years he did not speak until he was giving the oppratunity of freedom, but he had to join the human military. He begrudgingly accepted and has been apart of it ever sense.
Strengths: white is the smartest thing you will ever meet, his intelligence rivels that of current supercomputers. His agility would put Bruce Lee and Jacky Chan to shame. His eyesight is unmatched being able to see in UV, infrared, EMR and normal give him an edge over almost anything.
Weaknesses: white is prone to letting his emotions get the best of him. He is not very physically strong. He is also burned by intense light.
Personal items: white constantly carries around a small device that he flames is for work but is actually for recording sounds, as white is still learning about humans and their worlds. He also wears a complex flight suit made of a special silk that can bend light around it for a comoflage effect, the suit also has a computer pad on each wrist for acceding functions of the suit. He also wears a pair of large thick goggles to protect his eyes from bright light.
Motivations: white wants to know if he is the last of his race, as the last thing he remembers of his people it these so called "devistators" vaporizing his home planet.
Aspirations: white just wants to be accepted for who he is and not what he can do.
Doubts: white is almost certain that the humans cannot win against the devistators, but he has said countless times that "if there is even a sliver of a chance that something will happen, it will"

1) Spelling is not that hard to get checked, while we're not complete snobs in Advanced we do expect a certain level of proficiency at least at using spell check.

2) His names White, what kind of name is that? He's 460.... whaaaaat? Alien, no. It clearly states in the OP first alien contact was with the Devastators. Though I could stop here, I'm going to keep going.

3) Position 'varies upon assignment' so he's just wonderman?

4) I don't quite understand what is going on with the sandwhich.

5) His history is far too short, look at everyone elses those are the lengths that are expected in this section. The idea is we get an idea of who they are, look at how they are for people in their 20-40s even if there were a chance (and there is none) of me letting you play an alien you'd need to write roughly 15+ times as much. You also don't mention how he got involved in the Genesis Project, or how he got to Earth or... pretty much anything pivotal to this RP.

6) Supercomputers aren't actually smart, just capable of processing things quickly. Also EMR? Like electronic medical record? I guess that's a handy alien skill, looking at people and seeing their medical records. Do you see the person or a giant folder walking around?

7) Kudos, these are actual pretty reasonable weaknesses. 1 point to Hufflepuff.

8) Yes, because humanity who has had it's ass kicked by an alien race is going to let one on one of it's few hopes of survival... with camoflauge technology. That suit would have been ripped apart trying to replicate the technology.

9) So, how he not ded? Shoulda been rekt, rip.

10) D'aww. What a nice aspiration, gonna cry.

11) Well y'know. They're not trying to win, hence the Genesis Protocol and whatnot.

My Evaluation (TL;DR):

You're really not ready for Advanced, and I'd recommend going to find a RP in Casual or Free and then first and foremost reading the OP as it's incredibly important to find out what's going on. The only thing in your sheet that relates to this RP is the Devastators. Sheets should be talored specifically to the RP especially when it's something like this set in a new Universe and not based on a fandom.

For cleanliness purposes me or @Heat will contact a mod and have your posts deleted from the Character Sheet Tab, as it's for accepted Character Sheets only and I'd rather it wasn't cluttered. Thankyou for your time.

@Patient 43Delta first and foremost welcome to the Guild. I hope you have a pleasant stay. Before I get into the sheet may I recommend you go to the Free or Casual sections as for beginners this isn't really the place to be. Moving on.

<Snipped quote by Patient 43Delta>

1) Spelling is not that hard to get checked, while we're not complete snobs in Advanced we do expect a certain level of proficiency at least at using spell check.

2) His names White, what kind of name is that? He's 460.... whaaaaat? Alien, no. It clearly states in the OP first alien contact was with the Devastators. Though I could stop here, I'm going to keep going.

3) Position 'varies upon assignment' so he's just wonderman?

4) I don't quite understand what is going on with the sandwhich.

5) His history is far too short, look at everyone elses those are the lengths that are expected in this section. The idea is we get an idea of who they are, look at how they are for people in their 20-40s even if there were a chance (and there is none) of me letting you play an alien you'd need to write roughly 15+ times as much. You also don't mention how he got involved in the Genesis Project, or how he got to Earth or... pretty much anything pivotal to this RP.

6) Supercomputers aren't actually smart, just capable of processing things quickly. Also EMR? Like electronic medical record? I guess that's a handy alien skill, looking at people and seeing their medical records. Do you see the person or a giant folder walking around?

7) Kudos, these are actual pretty reasonable weaknesses. 1 point to Hufflepuff.

8) Yes, because humanity who has had it's ass kicked by an alien race is going to let one on one of it's few hopes of survival... with camoflauge technology. That suit would have been ripped apart trying to replicate the technology.

9) So, how he not ded? Shoulda been rekt, rip.

10) D'aww. What a nice aspiration, gonna cry.

11) Well y'know. They're not trying to win, hence the Genesis Protocol and whatnot.

My Evaluation (TL;DR):

You're really not ready for Advanced, and I'd recommend going to find a RP in Casual or Free and then first and foremost reading the OP as it's incredibly important to find out what's going on. The only thing in your sheet that relates to this RP is the Devastators. Sheets should be talored specifically to the RP especially when it's something like this set in a new Universe and not based on a fandom.

For cleanliness purposes me or @Heat will contact a mod and have your posts deleted from the Character Sheet Tab, as it's for accepted Character Sheets only and I'd rather it wasn't cluttered. Thankyou for your time.

I'm not even going to try to join this, the idea was interesting and caught my eye but @Sep seems to entirely too criticizing at this point, the way you shot down another member was just plain rude and I'm actually pretty disappointed in your response, for someone who's been around for a good amount of time I feel like that could have been handled way differently.

"10) D'aww. What a nice aspiration, gonna cry."

"2) His names White, what kind of name is that?"

If you find that someone's style doesn't fit your rp, you can simply say so without tearing them apart.

<Snipped quote by Sep>

I'm not even going to try to join this, the idea was interesting and caught my eye but @Sep seems to entirely too criticizing at this point, the way you shot down another member was just plain rude and I'm actually pretty disappointed in your response, for someone who's been around for a good amount of time I feel like that could have been handled way differently.

"10) D'aww. What a nice aspiration, gonna cry."

"2) His names White, what kind of name is that?"

If you find that someone's style doesn't fit your rp, you can simply say so without tearing them apart.

(I should point out I was sincere with the nice aspiration bit)

I have seen people take such criticism and churn out really nice sheets before, it's a style I've always adopted I don't beat around the bush. If I don't accept someone I tell them exactly why I don't accept them how else are they supposed to correct any possible issues? I never mean any offense in such reviews, nor do I intend to be rude if people wish to view it as that then that is their own personal choice.

@Heat and @Vietmyke have both been in Roleplays where I've been entrusted to mark sheets before and can both attest that this method works, I did the same thing to @Boomlover and he absolutely loves this Roleplay, as does @LegionPothIX and I did the same thing to his initial sheet (through the Guild and Discord so it's not all evident on the thread).

I'm sad to see you not stick around but at the end of the day that is your choice.

<Snipped quote by Sep>

I'm not even going to try to join this, the idea was interesting and caught my eye but @Sep seems to entirely too criticizing at this point, the way you shot down another member was just plain rude and I'm actually pretty disappointed in your response, for someone who's been around for a good amount of time I feel like that could have been handled way differently.

"10) D'aww. What a nice aspiration, gonna cry."

"2) His names White, what kind of name is that?"

If you find that someone's style doesn't fit your rp, you can simply say so without tearing them apart.

I'm gonna be the guy Sep had the good graces not to be. Sorry to the other writers who actually participate in this.

Screw you. This is Sep's Thread, Sep's Hard Work, and Sep's time that this guy (probably accidentally) wasted. Sep is allowed to say whatever he wants (within basic guild rules) about this CS. It does NOT fit this RP, it had way too many errors, and it really wasn't good enough for advanced. Sep said all this in the nicest but also most plain and direct way he could, something I approve of. If you don't like it that way, then I'm glad you aren't joining this thread. Have a nice day.

<Snipped quote by AdamantiumWolf>

(I should point out I was sincere with the nice aspiration bit)

I have seen people take such criticism and churn out really nice sheets before, it's a style I've always adopted I don't beat around the bush. If I don't accept someone I tell them exactly why I don't accept them how else are they supposed to correct any possible issues? I never mean any offense in such reviews, nor do I intend to be rude if people wish to view it as that then that is their own personal choice.

@Heat and @Vietmyke have both been in Roleplays where I've been entrusted to mark sheets before and can both attest that this method works, I did the same thing to @Boomlover and he absolutely loves this Roleplay, as does @LegionPothIX and I did the same thing to his initial sheet (through the Guild and Discord so it's not all evident on the thread).

I'm sad to see you not stick around but at the end of the day that is your choice.

I've roleplayed with you before Sep and I know that you're not a bad guy, but when I first joined the guild I took on an advanced roleplay, I put a lot of time into a character sheet only to have my hard work picked apart and made fun of, it ruined my first experience and I left for a good while before I decided to take another crack at the guild. When it comes down to it, it may work for some people, but it may also have the exact opposite effect, simply just being nice and pointing out the errors where they stand still helps.

Where as White may not be a popular name, it's still a name used today, since the year 2008 there have been 7 million recorded White's. So picking on his name choice seems rather silly to me. I'm only thinking about his feelings in the matter and I know I wouldn't have taken your list of errors very well. Like I said, you have a lot of solid valuable points there that aren't put in a potentially upsetting manner, but some of the others could have gone without being voiced, maybe next time a little empathy and kindness can be ushered into your CS refusal.

<Snipped quote by AdamantiumWolf>

I'm gonna be the guy Sep had the good graces not to be. Sorry to the other writers who actually participate in this.

Screw you. This is Sep's Thread, Sep's Hard Work, and Sep's time that this guy (probably accidentally) wasted. Sep is allowed to say whatever he wants (within basic guild rules) about this CS. It does NOT fit this RP, it had way too many errors, and it really wasn't good enough for advanced. Sep said all this in the nicest but also most plain and direct way he could, something I approve of. If you don't like it that way, then I'm glad you aren't joining this thread. Have a nice day.

Thank you for your input @RedLeather.

<Snipped quote by Sep>

I've roleplayed with you before Sep and I know that you're not a bad guy,

I knew I remembered your name.

maybe next time a little empathy and kindness can be ushered into your CS refusal.

My issue in this particular time and case was time and circumstance, though I tend to be rather blunt and it's sadly just the way I am centered though reading your experience I will do this: @Patient 43Delta I apologize if you took this as a personal attack of any sort, this was not meant to be taken as something that is rude. I am willing to help you work out an acceptable sheet if that is what you desire, as will most people here.

To everyone else, let's not turn this into a city hall debate.

(Double post as tag for @Patient 43Delta didn't work first time around)

Look! A thing!

<Snipped quote by AdamantiumWolf>

I knew I remembered your name.

<Snipped quote by AdamantiumWolf>

My issue in this particular time and case was time and circumstance, though I tend to be rather blunt and it's sadly just the way I am centered though reading your experience I will do this: [@Patient 34Delta] I apologize if you took this as a personal attack of any sort, this was not meant to be taken as something that is rude. I am willing to help you work out an acceptable sheet if that is what you desire, as will most people here.

To everyone else, let's not turn this into a city hall debate.

Thank you for taking your time to hear me out, I hope you get what is needed to see this Roleplay through to the end.

<Snipped quote by Sep>

Thank you for taking your time to hear me out, I hope you get what is needed to see this Roleplay through to the end.

No bother, if you ever choose to pop a sheet in feel free.

@SepIts OK,I understand. I'm not very good with electronics and stuff. I've never really had to make a character sheet before I've always been a DM for D&D so I k now all about that side of the coin. I've been DMing D&D for 12 years now so if you ever need help in That regard I'm always open.

Your friend,

Patient 43Delta

@SepIts OK,I understand. I'm not very good with electronics and stuff. I've never really had to make a character sheet before I've always been a DM for D&D so I k now all about that side of the coin. I've been DMing D&D for 12 years now so if you ever need help in That regard I'm always open.

Your friend,

Patient 43Delta

If it isn't too much to ask, could you snip your posts from the CS-Tab? Just click edit then throw in something like [snip] a single - or void or something as regular members can't delete posts.

Thank'ee kindly. If you do ever want help just hop onto the Discord or throw me a PM.

I am moi moi tired. So if that doesn't make sense, in any way shape or form leave me a message and I'll sort it in the morning.

<Snipped quote by RedLeather>
I don't think he has, but I believe the OP mentions the possibility for later, and that people are welcome to submit in anticipation of that. Do you really think all our characters are gonna survive this?

At the time I applied it was not open, but there were exceptions considered for a number of positions. I remember @sep talking about the slew of people that applied the first time, but didn't apply this time; and that he thought more people from the first game would be back this time. At any time if you're unsure of a thread is open, you can check the main board which shows it's status.



Our present status no longer closed. As @RedLeather mentions, it was changed to apply (which I assume is what happens when it's open).

---

@Sep please tell me what this beautiful bastard is so I know how to RP being around it.

@LegionPothIX it isn't around.

@LegionPothIX it isn't around.

That's a damn shame. Cool pic tho.

@LegionPothIX, technically the 'Commander, Air Group' (CAG) would outrank everyone on the Vitae short of the Admiral and maybe Colonel Anderson- so I doubt he'd bend or be so accepting of such casual orders. It has always been a point of contention between officers and enlisted. While Calhound has more experience, technically even Hawkins out ranks him. Though young'ns like Hawkins will most likely defer to a veteran enlisted man's authority when push comes to shove.

The CAG would most likely appreciate Calhound's technical expertise and dispatch crew to do as he recommends though.

Also also, the T-22s the strike pilots fly don't have shields... So I dunno if that puts a damper on Calhound's plans, or if the pilots just need to be careful. And damn you! Taking my dogfight away from me lolol

@LegionPothIX, technically the 'Commander, Air Group' (CAG) would outrank everyone on the Vitae short of the Admiral and maybe Colonel Anderson- so I doubt he'd bend or be so accepting of such casual orders. It has always been a point of contention between officers and enlisted. While Calhound has more experience, technically even Hawkins out ranks him. Though young'ns like Hawkins will most likely defer to a veteran enlisted man's authority when push comes to shove.

The CAG would most likely appreciate Calhound's technical expertise and dispatch crew to do as he recommends though.

Also also, the T-22s the strike pilots fly don't have shields... So I dunno if that puts a damper on Calhound's plans, or if the pilots just need to be careful. And damn you! Taking my dogfight away from me lolol

I didn't know what CAG stood for, and I'll make changes accordingly. As for the casual orders, he never actually answered them, but I'll review how you write him and see what I can do. I wanted it to read like Xaith was telling the CAG officer what he wants to do, ad then that officer is translating it into actually useful information for his teams.

As for the dogfight, it wasn't my intent to take it away, I just wanted to change the venue a little from the emptiness of space to something a little more close to home. :) Hell, you could still have your dog-fight, but with the added tension of having to protect a couple more ships. As for the shields, yeah, that does put a damper on the plan.