Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by yoshua171
Raw
GM
Avatar of yoshua171

yoshua171 The Loremaster

Member Seen 21 hrs ago

First of all, welcome to Souls Adrift, it's nice to see you again Xan and despite some of the below I--and I'm sure the others--would be glad to have ya ^_^

Anywho, on to the review and all that jazz.

【Rekuzan Xero - X-0】

Alrighty. So, I'll admit I have not yet read history/personality (the bio section) since I wanted to see what the zanpakuto looked like first (since that is typically what I need to review more than anything else). I'll take a look at Xero's "Personal Info," once we figure this out. So, without further ado, the zanpakuto review. Bear with me.

Ki-Manipulation. Légion has the ability to disrupt reiryuku like a physical sword can disrupt a physical body, making power leak like blood or Ki-skills malfunction like broken/injured limbs.
Shikai Ability

So this is essentially fine and could result in some interesting effects. The problem comes in the area below. Aka, techniques.

Iemo-pi: Xero will launch a spirit wave attack. If it hits a being with spiritual energy, their next use of spiritual energy will backfire. If it hits a spiritual being, the next reiryoku attack from their bodies or skill will either hurt them if it's intended to attack someone else or hamper them if it was supposed to support them by the same extent they expected it to work for them. If it hits a zanpakuto or other 'item' of spiritual energy, then the next reiryoku attack using or channelling through that item will backfire in the same way.

So, I'm fine with the attack being able to hinder or somewhat disrupt someone's ability to access or control their reiryoku. However, what is not okay is the fact that it can essentially cause any attack/ability to "backfire," somehow. This is largely problematic for several reasons.

1.) Mechanically, that...doesn't always work. Some abilities manifest reiryoku and then allow the individual to control that. Causing something like that to "backfire," doesn't...really make any sense. So this wouldn't work on some abilities, for starters.

2.) It's...kind of over powered to be completely straightforwards and honest with you. Additionally, it doesn't really stay with the theme of your ability that you set in the primary description (that being the disruption/manipulation of reiryoku(ki) as if you were causing damage to it in a manner similar to damage caused by a physical weapon to someone's body.

So I'm going to say no to this technique. You can make something that weakens an ability or briefly disrupts their ability to use reiryoku-based abilities, but causing them to backfire or suddenly inconvenience them rather than help them is a no-go.

Seishin Shifuto: Xero will stab the target in the heart in a passing lunge. The poke distorts what the mind feels as pain and what the 'heart' feels as fatigue. In the mind, the user will register lost reiryoku as if it were physical pain. The amount of pain they feel will depend on how empty (as a percentage of their total when full) they are of reiryoku. Additionally, the moment this skill is successfully used, the target will be 'caught up' by this phantom pain for the lost percentage of reiryoku in a single instant, similar to feeling all the strikes from an actual fight all at once. That moment can cause the target to flinch as well as raise hesitation as they use their spiritual energy, since each use of reiryoku from then on will make them feel pain. While this skill is in effect, it is possible for the target to pass out or faint from the phantom pain of energy loss without actually being hurt.

So...no. This doesn't fit with the theme of your ability and it is massively overpowered. It makes any use of any energy at all painful to some degree. I should remind you that reiryoku is a character's equivalent of stamina meaning, living and moving around would also use it up somewhat. That coupled with any zanpakuto ability that uses reiryoku (aka literally every single one of them) and any ability that uses reiryoku (kido for example...and also anything at all that could possibly require energy) makes this completely unreasonable.

I'm sorry if that comes off as harsh. I'm just being real with you since I think anyone deserves that, you know?

Kiai-katta: Xero makes a cut able to cut into reiryoku-based attacks as if they were tangible objects. Whether elements, waves or even vibrations, Xero can physically cut them or stop them with his zanpakuto. If he uses the back or flat of his blade, he can parry or deflect them rather than cut them.


Now this is better, with the only part I have a problem with being the deflection. He's going to need considerable reiatsu and/or physical strength to be able to deflect attacks like that...and that's without considering the effects of any given reiryoku-based attacks. So you may keep his ability to cut reiryoku-based attacks with greater ease than others might, but he can't deflect them unless it makes sense (his reiatsu/physical strength stats would need to be around the same level as the other person's reiatsu stats or higher although I may change this after some deeper thought).

So yeah, those first two techniques are largely a no-go, and part of the third is a no. I would suggest you make a PM with @Ganryu, @Terminal, and myself to work on some edits and alternatives for the direction you could take the zanpakuto. Once we/you work that out, then I'll take a look at everything else and see if there's anything that needs alteration.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by MysT3CH
Raw
Avatar of MysT3CH

MysT3CH The Wordsmith / ★★★★★

Member Seen 4 yrs ago

Les Entrada



Inception
~"Forfeit control... and squirm."~


Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by yoshua171
Raw
GM
Avatar of yoshua171

yoshua171 The Loremaster

Member Seen 21 hrs ago

Since we've already gone through the reviewing in PM and whatnot, Accepted. Throw him in the character tab.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Xan the G
Raw
Avatar of Xan the G

Xan the G

Member Seen 11 mos ago

I edited the two techniques you had a problem with.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by yoshua171
Raw
GM
Avatar of yoshua171

yoshua171 The Loremaster

Member Seen 21 hrs ago

Kiai-katta

This is pending full approval, the other two techniques look great. Gonna find a way to balance the deflect bit.

Gonna review the rest of the CS tomorrow :)
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by yoshua171
Raw
GM
Avatar of yoshua171

yoshua171 The Loremaster

Member Seen 21 hrs ago

Alrighty @Xan the G. So the only problem I saw was the following:

The only reason he defected from soul society was because his Captain had done so, but for a man like Xero, that was reason enough.

So, none of the current characters "defected" from soul society. They were defeated and kicked out by other shinigami, calling themselves the Junsei. They did not explain their motive/as to why they were doing it and they were not of any known rebel or opposing faction. They are shinigami, just to make sure that's clear.

so yeah, alter that detail and the above post and then I can accept you ^_^
Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by Oblivion666
Raw
Avatar of Oblivion666

Oblivion666 Pun Loving Machine

Member Seen 5 yrs ago

Hogo-sha


How about you fight me instead?\ /Last Confrontation\ /Hopes and Dreams
~”For all my friends to live, I must eradicate all villains!!”~
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by yoshua171
Raw
GM
Avatar of yoshua171

yoshua171 The Loremaster

Member Seen 21 hrs ago

【Name:Hogo-sha】

Here we go!

First, can you remove the part that says "name" from the top of the CS. Keep the "Hogo-sha," though.

【Additional Appearance Info: Having evolved to this stage Hogo-sha is oddly unique looking. He seems to have almost a liquid like form, and can move way more differently than most Hollows, moving his body almost like a snake can. On all four he stands at about ten feet tall, and on his hind legs that shoots up two feet. He is also not very wide at all. Being smaller than a bus but larger than a truck. The mask doesn’t seem very large but in truth a majority of it is covered up by what appears to be almost hair. It also seems to have a strip appearance as well, the true mystery is where his hollow hole is. Most have never found it due to his entire form being black, but if one were to have enough time, or were lucky enough. They would know his hole is actually in the middle of all the goo like hair. It should also be of note that his tail is the only natural hard surface on him besides his teeth, it is also naturally sharp as well and can cut through solid stone with little effort.

So, as a note, his being at 10 feet tall whilst on all fours is...kind of odd for an Adjucha, especially a Greater Adjucha, which would probably be considerably smaller/more compact. Consider that he'd be 10 feet tall at the back. Which would make him 4 feet taller than a 6 foot man. Take your own height, and then consider how much further up Hogo-sha's back would be from your head.

Additionally, if he stood up on two legs, his being only 2 feet taller than his norm, would make no sense as his height would essentially be the length of his body from hip bone to head, whilst also including the length of the legs he's standing on. Consider that a 10 foot tall creature is gonna have some ludicrously long legs as well and you get a really bizarre, not terribly proportionate, picture.

I'd say make him about 6 feet tall at the back. His height, I imagine, would be considerably taller if he reared up on only his back two legs, but given how his body's put together, I imagine that he can't stand on two legs and keep his balance (due to not enough strength and stability in and around his rearmost legs. So yeah.

As to his hollow hole. It's typically portrayed as just a black circle, but is quite literally a hole that goes straight through some part of a hollow's body. So it would be visible. It might just be small and/or in a place that people don't generally look. So yeah, moving on.


Huh, so yeah, looked everything else over. Your stats check out. The ability is fine, so I guess the appearance and the logistics of that are the only problem I have...which is a weird feeling, but yeah ^^;

So work on/fix that and then I can accept it :)
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Oblivion666
Raw
Avatar of Oblivion666

Oblivion666 Pun Loving Machine

Member Seen 5 yrs ago

Edited Yosh XD
1x Laugh Laugh
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by yoshua171
Raw
GM
Avatar of yoshua171

yoshua171 The Loremaster

Member Seen 21 hrs ago

Alrighty. Accepted, put 'em in the character tab ^_^
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Xan the G
Raw
Avatar of Xan the G

Xan the G

Member Seen 11 mos ago

I edited the tech and that line in the bio
1x Like Like
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by yoshua171
Raw
GM
Avatar of yoshua171

yoshua171 The Loremaster

Member Seen 21 hrs ago

Alrighty! Accepted, put 'em in the character tab ^_^
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Xan the G
Raw
Avatar of Xan the G

Xan the G

Member Seen 11 mos ago

I'm just reading through these posts, I see people have done collabs. If I'm supposed to be with any particular group let me know, if I should be back at base, I have a post idea for that too.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by yoshua171
Raw
GM
Avatar of yoshua171

yoshua171 The Loremaster

Member Seen 21 hrs ago

You were 4th seat? Well guess what, you get to join the Captain Commander's group!
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Xan the G
Raw
Avatar of Xan the G

Xan the G

Member Seen 11 mos ago

Okay. In that case, my first post will be catching up to the commander's group.
1x Thank Thank
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by yoshua171
Raw
GM
Avatar of yoshua171

yoshua171 The Loremaster

Member Seen 21 hrs ago

Sounds great!
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Xan the G
Raw
Avatar of Xan the G

Xan the G

Member Seen 11 mos ago

I posted. I'm aware I might have taken some liberties in the post, but just as an explanation: the actions of the Third Seat of the Eleventh Division do not need to tie into the main plot at all, I deliberately left it open so you can decide how if at all you would like it to fit into the plot. I just thought it was a interesting way to explain why Xero was late and why no one else in the resistance has spoken anything of it or even seen him.

Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by yoshua171
Raw
GM
Avatar of yoshua171

yoshua171 The Loremaster

Member Seen 21 hrs ago

Another hollow NPC, in large part.

'Kage'
Suimin Akumu


Kage/|\Combat/|\Sueño
~"Just let me think in peace."~
1x Like Like
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Xan the G
Raw
Avatar of Xan the G

Xan the G

Member Seen 11 mos ago

just to say - I'm not against any collab posts at all, so if I should be in one such group or another, just let me know with a link either here or pm. Cheers.
↑ Top
© 2007-2024
BBCode Cheatsheet