1 Guest viewing this page
Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by Hammerman
Raw
Avatar of Hammerman

Hammerman

Member Seen 2 hrs ago

Here's my CS.

Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by Invader Len
Raw
GM
Avatar of Invader Len

Invader Len Your Friendly Neighborhood Megalomaniac

Member Seen 11 mos ago

@Avanhelsing Just a few issues that we've noticed with your CS. I’ll put them in bullet point so that you can correct them.

First off, if you could find a picture of someone wearing more clothes, that would be a start. It doesn’t have to be a uniform, but just wearing more in general would be much better.

Next up, there’s a problem with how he gets to St. Fortuna’s. First off, this is one of the oldest and most famous schools in the country, so most everyone who lives in Prydain has heard of it. Next off, they do not invite you to join them. This is a very exclusive private school that only takes 5,000 students at any given time. You must apply to the school and pay tuition to attend.

As your character is not of a wealthy or even middle class background, he would be unable to pay the tuition. St. Fortuna’s does offer scholarships, however, you have to show outstanding academic scores and keep up with the curriculum, as falling on academic probation easily leads to expulsion.

In addition, the school is very, VERY picky about keeping a clean record. Criminal activities of any sort would not be allowed at all, and anyone with a criminal record would be refused entry. Thievery, fights, and underage working would get you off of the list faster than the speed of light.

In order to fix these issues, I would suggest finding a picture that has a shirt on it, fixing the back story to either give him more intelligence and drive to be at the school or make him of a better financial background, and remove the thievery and fight-club backstory entirely.

After these changes are made, we would be happy to review your quiz and accept you. :)
Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by Avanhelsing
Raw

Avanhelsing

Member Seen 4 yrs ago

@Invader Len
Uhh okay. Did not know about half of that... I'll change my guy based on the information.

Fixing now.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Invader Len
Raw
GM
Avatar of Invader Len

Invader Len Your Friendly Neighborhood Megalomaniac

Member Seen 11 mos ago

Born as the daughter of a minor noble, she was the only one in her family who had any aptitude towards magic. Of course, her family was very happy about this, and she soon received some introductory magic education by a tutor assigned to her. Introductory, because a mage couldn't really develop their true potential without a familiar they were bonded with. And for that, she had to wait until she entered the academy. Thankfully, she gladly received the education shoved onto her, as she herself loved magic. It was the only thing that kept her from dying from boredom, as she was a frail child, and she had to be homeschooled as a result.

When she entered the academy, as you would've guessed, she ended up becoming somewhat of a recluse, having no close friends at all. She didn't mind though, as she was only there to learn magic, not to make friends. However, with now her getting her familiar, whom she would be bonded with, she realized that she had to make friends after all. And this made her nervous. She just hoped she wouldn't receive someone unpleasant.


Could you explain this better? Only one in her family with magic? Do you mean her family was all Familiars? Because everyone in the world is either a Mage or a Familiar.

Misc.: Her necklace used to be worn by her now dead mother. She really treasures it and she will always wear it if the occasion allows.


How did her mother die? What's the significance? Why was this not included in her bio?

1. What is your character's dream career?
To be a magician

Do you mean a Mage or a stage magician? Please elaborate a little bit.

Password:
My home made pizza


This is the exact same password as the Avanhelsing's. Please re-read the rules, and choose a different password.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Invader Len
Raw
GM
Avatar of Invader Len

Invader Len Your Friendly Neighborhood Megalomaniac

Member Seen 11 mos ago

@Invader Len
Uhh okay. Did not know about half of that... I'll change my guy based on the information. Didn't know about the invites or that stuff.

Fixing now.


Thank you. I should have made myself more clear in the OOC, so thank you for putting up with me. :)
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Avanhelsing
Raw

Avanhelsing

Member Seen 4 yrs ago

@Invader Len
Could you? I was confused about the school (it's rules and all that), the other areas around the country (So I can say he is from somewhere else in the country), and such. I just did not want my guy to be some rich kid. I'll remove that stuff.

Though I have a new idea!
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Invader Len
Raw
GM
Avatar of Invader Len

Invader Len Your Friendly Neighborhood Megalomaniac

Member Seen 11 mos ago

@Invader Len
Could you? I was confused about the school (it's rules and all that), the other areas around the country (So I can say he is from somewhere else in the country), and such. I just did not want my guy to be some rich kid. I'll remove that stuff.

Though I have a new idea!


Of course! I’ll put up a section for school rules as soon as I can. If you’d like your character to not be from a rich family, you could instead have him middle class and pressed by parents/legal guardian to attend, or give him an ambitious drive to attend.

I’ll also add in some other cities to the Overview of Prydain section shortly, to help you out. :)
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Gareth
Raw

Gareth KingKlutz

Member Seen 3 mos ago

Name:Aaron Fora
Image or Description:Aaron has shoulder length, straight and dirty blonde hair. His features include: a long straight nose, light blue eyes, small ears and particularly noticeable from the side of his face is his strong jaw line. Aaron's complexion is very fair skin, like almost white in color, except for his face that has tanned and burned in the sun, over time allowing it to darken slightly compared to the rest of him.

Aaron's body is slender except perhaps for his shoulders as they have broadened as he has grown into his teenage years. He doesn't have any particularly noticeable muscles on his arms, legs or stomach. His arms look fairly long, but its his legs that make up much of his height of 5'8". His feet are rather long though and he wears men's size eleven shoes.

Aaron also has a scar on the lower portion of his chest that goes straight up and down.

His clothing is a variety of sweaters that vary in color in winter or long sleeves in summer that also vary in color. For pants Aaron wears sweatpants or jeans depending on where he is going. Aaron prefers boots to shoes as boots are bigger and more 'imposing.'

Aaron weighs 160lbs.
Age:16
Gender:Male
Orientation:Straight
Mage or Familiar:Familiar
Magic Type: (Leave this blank until you are accepted. If you're a Familiar, omit this entirely)
Ability: (Leave this blank until you are accepted. If you're a Mage, omit this entirely)
Known Spells: (Leave this blank until you are accepted. If you're a Familiar, omit this entirely)
Partner: (Leave this blank until your partner is announced)
Personality:He's very insecure as a person and it shows in how he acts. From a distance he will notice when people do things that he condemns as stupid or reckless. Yet he has the opportunity to say something to them, then and there, and he refuses to do so. Aaron is afraid that they will be angry with him, not agreeing with how they do things. Thus it would be true to say that Aaron is lacking in confidence.

When he is with people who are friends or people he is 'forced to be around' like coworkers or classmates he constantly fools around with them. Like blocking his class mate by standing in their way and then when they look at him funny he would laugh nervously to cover up that he is embarassed that they didn't understand his joke.

One of his strongest qualities is Aaron's honesty, and if he is asked a question by somebody, even if they wouldn't like the answer they are asking for, Aaron would still tell them that answer. Even if he added the "Not to be rude, but..." in a quiet voice before the answer in a hope to have not have the person offended afterwards.

If in a time of crisis Aaron would allow his instinct or what his heart felt to take over and decide what to do for him. He doesn't know why he doesn't think through crises. He will often be overcome with thoughts and emotions after a crisis has passed and that is when his body slows down and listens to his brain.

Very simply Aaron is not an outgoing guy and it takes him a reason for extra motivation in order to step out of his shell. It would also take reason or extra motivation for Aaron to meet people to one day god forbid for Aaron to 'Show off' in front of others.
Biography:Aaron lives in the countryside, or farmland in the southeast of Prydain. His parents are both farmers who long supported the academy since attending it by selling crops to the school as well as the villages neighbouring the institution. Perhaps unsurprisingly his father is a mage and his mother is a familiar and ever since Aaron was a young kid they have always told him stories of their experiences with magic and learning.

The only thing with living on a farm like Aaron did was that you learned hard work with long hours. The boy tended the land, the animals and the house. The house especially to make it spotless, lest his mother or father come back from selling stuff at the marketplace to find their son had left the place in dissaray while he instead twiddled his thumbs.

Aaron spent his first year in the academy with difficulty. The classes were hard to begin with, but gradually became easier as he realized, "yes I can do this." Aaron gravitated towards science and painting finding that the classes appealed to his emotions in different ways. The volatile nature of chemistry and wild experiments made the science classroom very exciting, while in the art room Aaron was able to relax and doodle whatever strange things his mind made a picture of.


Likes:Peace
Kindness
Listening to others
Strange things that he doesn't understand
Mysteries or puzzles he can't solve
Sunny weather
The number 26
Icecream
Cake
Yogurt
Things blowing up
Messing around with people
Silly questions

Dislikes:
Violence
Greed
Ignorance
People talking to him like he is stupid
Things that are way too easy for him
Rain
Hail
Mud
Olives
Spinach
cabbage
being bored
Lies
Rap music
Thieves
Bugs

Points:10
Proficiency:1
Intelligence:3
Athletics:6
Misc.:He once dressed up as a robot using painted cardboard boxes as his costume.
Quiz Answers:


Password: Ice Cream

Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Hammerman
Raw
Avatar of Hammerman

Hammerman

Member Seen 2 hrs ago

<Snipped quote by Hammerman>

Could you explain this better? Only one in her family with magic? Do you mean her family was all Familiars? Because everyone in the world is either a Mage or a Familiar.


Ah, I thought there are people with no magic in them.

Then, I'll make the father a mage and the mother his familiar. Will edit the CS.

How did her mother die? What's the significance? Why was this not included in her bio?


..Yeah, in retrospect, I should have not added it in. Will edit it out.

Do you mean a Mage or a stage magician? Please elaborate a little bit.


The former. She doesn't like the spotlight so the latter is off-limits. And she thinks stage magicians that only use tricks instead of real magic don't deserve the title anyways.

This is the exact same password as the Avanhelsing's. Please re-read the rules, and choose a different password.


Will fix.

Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by Invader Len
Raw
GM
Avatar of Invader Len

Invader Len Your Friendly Neighborhood Megalomaniac

Member Seen 11 mos ago

@Gareth Most everything seems in order, could you perhaps elaborate on how your character got a scholarship and why he wants to attend the academy? Assuming his parents are not wealthy farmers. Which is possible, just not in the way described.

Also, its not uncommon for Mages and Familiars to marry one another. There is no stigma attached to being born either a mage or a familiar.

Once this is clarified, we would be happy to review your quiz. :)

Also, it's quick work, but I've added 3 new cities to the Overview of Prydain. I'll get started on basic school rules shortly.

Edit: Basic rules have been added, as well as an incentive to keep grades up.
Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by Avanhelsing
Raw

Avanhelsing

Member Seen 4 yrs ago

@Invader Len
I added a bit more. He is not dumb as a post any more.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Turboshitter
Raw
Avatar of Turboshitter

Turboshitter Ubiquitous. Mendacious. Polyglottal.

Member Seen 7 mos ago

Can't decide if I wanna do a snotty rich girl who secretly has low self-esteem or a shy boy who wants to be ZE GREATEST MAGE UN ZE ENTIRE VORLD! >:D
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Avanhelsing
Raw

Avanhelsing

Member Seen 4 yrs ago

@Turboshitter
My new guy is a magic version of Koyoya from Ouran Highschool Host Club.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Gareth
Raw

Gareth KingKlutz

Member Seen 3 mos ago

@Gareth

Also, its not uncommon for Mages and Familiars to marry one another. There is no stigma attached to being born either a mage or a familiar.

I meant by perhaps unsurprisingly like I was trying to say perhaps it is common.

@Gareth Most everything seems in order, could you perhaps elaborate on how your character got a scholarship and why he wants to attend the academy? Assuming his parents are not wealthy farmers. Which is possible, just not in the way described.


I have an idea.

Idea: His parents convinced many of the citizens of the towns around the academy to back Aaron for a scholarship. Because his parents are well known and trusted by those village people because of a relationship they have established with each other over years-a village rep. and Aaron parents went together to the academy to convince them of Aaron's scholarship worthiness and that the boy has great potential. Maybe Aaron had one great thing about him that the Academy people saw when they tested him to see if he was worthy of a scholarship.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Turboshitter
Raw
Avatar of Turboshitter

Turboshitter Ubiquitous. Mendacious. Polyglottal.

Member Seen 7 mos ago

@Turboshitter
My new guy is a magic version of Koyoya from Ouran Highschool Host Club.


Never seen that animu, sorry.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Gareth
Raw

Gareth KingKlutz

Member Seen 3 mos ago

@Invader Len Also I wrote that his parents attended the academy and that they told him about their experiences. So it got Aaron excited to go there himself.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Sadie
Raw
Avatar of Sadie

Sadie Unknown

Member Seen 1 hr ago





Password: Italian
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Turboshitter
Raw
Avatar of Turboshitter

Turboshitter Ubiquitous. Mendacious. Polyglottal.

Member Seen 7 mos ago





Password: Italian


I think the GM said no faceclaims.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Sadie
Raw
Avatar of Sadie

Sadie Unknown

Member Seen 1 hr ago

<Snipped quote by Sailorsadie>

I think the GM said no faceclaims.


It's not a face claim....The rules said I could use a model. Which I did. She isn't anyone famous.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by onenote
Raw
coGM

onenote A wild Neno appeared!

Member Seen 2 yrs ago

@Gareth That really isn't how the scholarship's work here. It's either you make good grades or you don't get it. He may have quite a bit of support coming from his folks and the townspeople surrounding the school, but if he can't make the grades, he can't make it in the school. If his parents went to the school, they either should have money or have prepared him for a scholarship. As for having something special that would let him, he's a familiar, they're all unique. He could go to any other school to get taught, it doesn't have to be this one. So it's your choice whether he put his nose to the grindstone and studied for that scholarship, or his parents are actually wealthy enough to get him in that way.

Also, something about Aaron's personality is a little...contradicting. He's a guy that likes to stay in his shell and not show off in front of others...and yet around friends, co-workers, and even out in public, he'll try to pull practical jokes? He lacks confidence, and yet is always able to tell people the truth, even if it's something he knows they won't want to hear? Do you see what I mean?
↑ Top
1 Guest viewing this page
© 2007-2024
BBCode Cheatsheet