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Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by CaptainCaptcha
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This is my character! Let me know if I need to make any changes at all, I will more than understand.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Pandapaw23
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@VitaVitaAR: Alright, fair enough. Do you have a more suitable top speed for Edward than?
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by VitaVitaAR
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@CaptainCaptcha: I'm sorry, but alchemy isn't so much a thing in this setting. ^^;

@Pandapaw23: It should probably be quite a bit lower, at least.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by CaptainCaptcha
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It's cool! Is there any conceivable way I could redo it to work or is a total overhaul in order?
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by VitaVitaAR
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@CaptainCaptcha: You might need to rethink his abilities, sorry. ^^;
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by CaptainCaptcha
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Totally fine
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by VitaVitaAR
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Roxas and I will try and help out any way I can.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Pandapaw23
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@VitaVitaAR: How does mach 2 at top speed sound? Keeping in mind that top speed is a huge toll on his body, as in he'd be out for a few days recovering.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by VitaVitaAR
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@Pandapaw23: I'm trying to work that out, actually. Being able to run that fast even for a short burst is really strong and superspeed on that level can be hard to work with in RPs.
Hidden 8 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by BCTheEntity
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Okay, ladies and gentlemen, after some discussion with the GMs, it's time to be honest and admit that what I'd previously written up as Kiyoshi's AED power is not, in fact, his real AED power. I was going to do a thing where he deliberately keeps his real power a secret, to throw other students off the scent, but apparently it'd be difficult for people to figure out OOC, let alone IC, so I'm just going to put it into his sheet proper and let people give their opinions on it. And I think I would like everybody's opinions on it, all things considered - does anybody think the AED is too much, or are there any particular criticisms of Kiyoshi that I've not considered, or what? I'm curious to know, folks.

Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by AtomicNut
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I don't know man. To be fair i lost the interest on reading the rest halfway through.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by TheFake
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The ability seems really cliche. Some others here are but they're simple enough that it's not a big deal but this one is so specific that it just seems really over the top.

Ability aside, the whole point of the school seems to be to train students in using their AEDs. The club is pretty redundant and this makes most of the biography irrelevant. No other character is in any club remotely combat related and instead use their club to expand on their character. It just feels like you're trying too hard to make your character be this quiet, strong, mysterious loner that I doubt any of the others characters would want to interact with. To be honest, the character is just boring.
Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by Ryougu
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@BCTheEntity
When I read @TheFake's post (before I bothered reading your CS) it seemed kind of harsh.
After reading your CS however, I'm afraid I must agree with @TheFake.
Sorry.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by BCTheEntity
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@TheFake@Ryougu Well, I thank you for your opinions. From the sounds of it, the biggest issue you guys have is with the club he's in, and how it makes his whole biography redundant by itself being redundant. I admit, I was aiming for that being for, you know, really dedicated fighters, who want to get focused training in even beyond what the school provides... but, if it's not appropriate, I'll see to changing it and fixing his backstory to match. Once again, big thanks for the criticism.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by TheFake
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@BCTheEntity

Not just that, the character as a whole isn't very interesting. His personality and powers just feel generic.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by BCTheEntity
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@TheFake Alright, I've modified his personality somewhat to make him a bit more interesting, as well as the club he's a part of and his backstory to match. That said, I'm not sure what you mean by his powers being generic, and in fact I've tried to make sure they're a bit more interesting than what straight clone production would entail. Would you mind going into detail for me?
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by JohnSolaris
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Not sure if I'll join yet, but this looks kind of interesting so I'm considering it.

Would I be allowed to have a character whose ability is to transform her entire body into some kind of amorphous substance? In that form she is highly resistant, but not completely immune, to physical damage, and energy- or elemental-based attacks can still harm her normally. However, she would no longer have any vital organs or other physical weak spots that could be targeted; basically like how a slime monster is unaffected by "critical hits" in some games.

@BCTheEntity@TheFake: If the ability itself isn't overpowered or anything, I don't see why it's a problem. Players aren't obligated to come up with abilities that feel fresh or interesting to all other players. Some of the abilities of other characters don't look too terribly interesting to me either, but that's not something I mind.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by CaptainCaptcha
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@VitaVitaAR I redid my character's abilities, are these ones more suited?
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Raineh Daze
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  • Name: Himawari "Lily" Yuri
  • Age: 17
  • Gender: Female
  • Appearance:Even a slacker shouldn't leave some things to the last minute. Much to her ongoing frustration, that appearance is all-natural. Not only is it pretty distinctive, she's a shoo-in for "tallest girl in school" due to her ancestry.
  • Personality: When she was younger, Yuri put a lot of effort into doing as well as possible--if you were going to stick out anyway, you might as well try and stand out for good reasons, right? By highschool, her desire to try and avoid attention at all had overcome any desire to do well, plus avoiding the stress. Nowadays, she's a dedicated slacker whose desires are to do just well enough that she isn't in trouble for failing, to be harmless enough that any fights are quick and relatively painless, and to avoid anyone important wherever possible.
    She's not so much of a slacker that she won't work if actually getting something done is the path of least resistance--but from the way she tends to snipe about it or point out the stupidity in what she's doing or someone else is doing, you wouldn't begin to guess.
  • Backstory: Oddly enough, though Yuri's parents were both born in Japan, none of her grandparents were--all four of them were from the US. Yet despite the shared family background, those grandparents' mutual xenophilia and her own parents' never having left the country leave her no more knowledgeable about the Western world than the average student. Instead, her interests were generally directed to the world of fashion. The result? Until she realised that standing out in a fighting school was a great way to get even trouble, her outfits tended to make her stand out even more amongst the normal school uniforms.
    It was just her luck that her natural appearance lent itself so much to the fashion that she got the Fashion Club president's attention, even while trying to dress in the most unremarkable manner achievable. She isn't sure why the girl wanted her to join the club, but it didn't seem like the sort of request she could get away with refusing. At least it's a club that she would have been happy to join... in a more normal school environment.
  • Inherent Engine Skill: Immovable Object-
    Yuri's ability is a simple one: neither she, nor anything she is directly holding, is going to be budged from its position without an incredible amount of force. For most objects, and indeed the girl herself, it would be easier to break whatever isn't moving than have to deal with overwhelming the power itself. She mostly uses it to draw fights out and give the illusion of putting up resistance, rather than seriously put herself in more risk by possibly winning.
  • Active Engine Device: Gravity Shield-
    A man-sized riot shield, it certainly isn't an offensive weapon, especially with how Yuri tends to use it, but it's durable, mostly clear, and makes her an utter pain to fight. Not only does it make a very effective obstacle to actually hitting her, it makes gravity in the nearby area much stronger... which makes moving even more difficult. As Yuri likes to point out: it would be a whole lot easier to just not bother fighting in the first place, no matter the outcome.
  • Skills: As expected of someone that would have considered joining the Fashion Club, Yuri does have enough knowledge and skills in the area to not embarrass herself, though her abilities in the field of creating clothing can be explained with one statement: "I once sewed my arm to my leg". It's a bit of a shame that there was no band to join, in her opinion--she's not a half bad drummer. Or artist, but joining an art club was out of the question; she'd burn the drawings before anyone else saw them.
  • Rank: 0
  • Club: Fashion Club
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Pandapaw23
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@VitaVitaAR: I can just replace the power if it's easiest. I don't want to create an overpowered character, and I'm not too attached to the power.

@BCTheEntity: I liked the power, but it was pretty wordy, and kind of a slog to read through. It kind of felt as if it was a fighting series with a huge battle happening, and then it cut to one of the friends on the sideline who then gave an exposition dump. I also don't think it's cliche or at least a cliche that's been done to death.
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