Hidden 3 yrs ago 3 yrs ago Post by Lewascan2
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@McFazzer Thanks! I do apologize on my end for the fact that my posts are so long, as I know that means it can be easy to miss stuff. But I'm more than happy to point things out when they're too egregious. On the flipside, I'm more than happy to adjust any missteps in my own posts, as I do try my best to keep the information Chinami knows strictly in character. In fact, she has acted on outright incorrect knowledge/assumptions more than once.

I think it should be worth noting that -for all that she is Goth, Chinami is demonstrably about the furthest thing from a brooder (at least on the outside in public). For better or worse, she sets aside her own discomforts to be as friendly and welcoming as she can most of the time. I think if there's anything to have grievance with her over on Tesni's end it's that Camelot would seemingly be taking everything "too seriously" or something. She's not a doomer or anything, but she does tend to be rather... protective of her fellows, sometimes to a somewhat overbearing degree. She's rather inversed compared to Lumiere's "trial by fire" methods, advocating training, experimentation and general preparation before anything else.

That's all stuff an average outsider could pick up on reasonably (adjusting for any given character's personality/perspective/biases).

EDIT: Paragraphs 4 and 5 are still fairly invasive (in light of the above).
Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by TheWendil
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I think the issue lies in it’s not clear how long Tesni has actually known/interacted with Chinami to be saying these things, regarding paragraphs 4 and 5. As for paragraph 5, I do agree Chinami’s not said anything dialog wise to suggest that and most of those thoughts were kept to herself in internal monologue. That said, if Tesni has known Chinami for a while it’s mediated. If it’s Tesni expressing her beliefs that should be made more clearly. You two should probably hash out their exact relation to each other then go from there in correction/editing if need be.
Hidden 3 yrs ago 3 yrs ago Post by Lewascan2
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I think the issue lies in it’s not clear how long Tesni has actually known/interacted with Chinami to be saying these things, regarding paragraphs 4 and 5. As for paragraph 5, I do agree Chinami’s not said anything dialog wise to suggest that and most of those thoughts were kept to herself in internal monologue. That said, if Tesni has known Chinami for a while it’s mediated. If it’s Tesni expressing her beliefs that should be made more clearly. You two should probably hash out their exact relation to each other then go from there in correction/editing if need be.


The real issue is actually this segment from Chinami's third post. During the course of this segment, it is very firmly established that Chinami does not like Tesni and sees her as a twisted "what-if" mirror image of herself. She would have kept her at arms length the vast majority of the time, and regardless of any amount of time that Tesni may have been at Marrywell (and I've avoided brushing upon such), Chinami would never have told her the things she just spoke of with such knowledge. They are, at best, acquaintances, and Chinami has been cordial with her. But that's it. Time really has no bearing.


Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by TheWendil
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In that case, it’s things Tesni shouldn’t immediately know. If it’s her just saying her beliefs that should be clarified. However, Tesni does say in paragraph 4 it’s the vibe she gets from Chinami and being around her. The following paragraph seems to run off this assumption on Tesni’s part. Can you point me to the exact lines that don’t make sense.
Hidden 3 yrs ago 3 yrs ago Post by Lewascan2
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In that case, it’s things Tesni shouldn’t immediately know. If it’s her just saying her beliefs that should be clarified. However, Tesni does say in paragraph 4 it’s the vibe she gets from Chinami and being around her. The following paragraph seems to run off this assumption on Tesni’s part. Can you point me to the exact lines that don’t make sense.


This is my thoughts on the paragraphs in question, as specifically as I can put it.


Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by TheWendil
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The Grimoire line in the first paragraph I agree should be either tweaked or removed. As for the rest of it, I think it’s reasonable to say Tesni is just assuming. IC wise, it seems neither of them like each other and Tesni getting aggressive, making assumptions, and being wrong about Chinami seems in-character; which translates over to the second paragraph. Overall, if the Grimoire line was removed, I think everything else fits Tesni’s character but that needs to be made more clearly in Tesni’s post.

Ultimately, we should probably wait for @McFazzer but those are my observations so far.
Hidden 3 yrs ago 3 yrs ago Post by Lewascan2
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The Grimoire line in the first paragraph I agree should be either tweaked or removed. As for the rest of it, I think it’s reasonable to say Tesni is just assuming. IC wise, it seems neither of them like each other and Tesni getting aggressive, making assumptions, and being wrong about Chinami seems in-character; which translates over to the second paragraph. Overall, if the Grimoire line was removed, I think everything else fits Tesni’s character but that needs to be made more clearly in Tesni’s post.

Ultimately, we should probably wait for @McFazzer but those are my observations so far.


I can accept that, sure; that feels in-line with the Tesni presented so far. Though the "tragic vibe" is a bit iffy. It really just maybe needs a tad more clarification (than the blink and you miss it bit it already has) that she was saying that as an opinionated speculation more than anything, because that statement really feels like it came out of nowhere (though, granted, the fact that this is Tesni simply being who she is mitigates that somewhat). The main thing was the Grimoire bit, because that kind of infected the tone/context of the entirety of the other parts.
Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by McFazzer
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I realised how unclear I was with the whole ‘tragic vibe’ part. I think it was really just poor wording on my part. It’s not that Chinami is a misery guts or depressed, but the tragic vibe that ‘I am the lone hero who can truly save this situation’. I’ll think of a better way to express that and edit as required, and of course get rid of the grimoire line. I might not get to it immediately as I’m about to go to work, but before the end of the day I’ll get everything fixed
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Hidden 3 yrs ago 3 yrs ago Post by Lewascan2
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I realised how unclear I was with the whole ‘tragic vibe’ part. I think it was really just poor wording on my part. It’s not that Chinami is a misery guts or depressed, but the tragic vibe that ‘I am the lone hero who can truly save this situation’. I’ll think of a better way to express that and edit as required, and of course get rid of the grimoire line. I might not get to it immediately as I’m about to go to work, but before the end of the day I’ll get everything fixed


Understandable. Thanks a ton! Sorry if I come off picky about this. I just wanted to get this addressed as quickly and clearly as possible before it spirals out of control into other player posts.
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Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by McFazzer
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Oh I agree absolutely, much better a small issue now than something down the road getting way out of hand. A stitch in time saves nine and all that. I should have spent more time in the proofreading stage clearly and my first wave of corrections were done on my phone at like 12:30 in the morning which is totally my fault, but I felt bad just leaving so much wrong with it for hours and hours.

@Lewascan2
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Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by Ponn
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Okay, cool.

So, is Suzuya, like, unconsious while her Grimoire has control, or does she still know/remember what happens while transformed?

Just wondering, since it would be amusing for Olivia to have a conversation with her, while transformed, but then she has no memory of it when she changes back.
Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by McFazzer
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I think it’s all good now… I hope :P
Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by Lonewolf685
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@Ponn

Suzuya's entirely aware and remembers things, she just acts and thinks in an entirely different track. One day she could be confidant enough to actually own her powers and that divide would disappear, but she's basically stuck in the training wheels mode.

So when she turns back it's like looking back on a night drinking and screaming internally that she actually did and said everything she did.
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Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by Lonewolf685
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Whelp, time to meet the bunny and hear some Anti-Ministry Propoganda. Surely nothing bad can come of this.
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Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by Izurich
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Whelp, time to meet the bunny and hear some Anti-Ministry Propoganda. Surely nothing bad can come of this.


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Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by Lonewolf685
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What’s sus is no one considering we are all enslaved to the machinations of a Merlin alter.
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Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by Lewascan2
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I think it’s all good now… I hope :P


Yeh, that works.
Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by Lonewolf685
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What’s sus is no one considering we are all enslaved to the machinations of a Merlin alter.
Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by Izurich
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I dunno, fam, double posting is a pretty sussy sign.
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Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by Lewascan2
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O O F. Dat double post.
I've had that happen when my internet was being a little bitch, and I didn't realize it had saved the "submit post" action when I refreshed.
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