@McFazzer Thanks! I do apologize on my end for the fact that my posts are so long, as I know that means it can be easy to miss stuff. But I'm more than happy to point things out when they're too egregious. On the flipside, I'm more than happy to adjust any missteps in my own posts, as I do try my best to keep the information Chinami knows strictly in character. In fact, she has acted on outright incorrect knowledge/assumptions more than once.
I think it should be worth noting that -for all that she is Goth, Chinami is demonstrably about the furthest thing from a brooder (at least on the outside in public). For better or worse, she sets aside her own discomforts to be as friendly and welcoming as she can most of the time. I think if there's anything to have grievance with her over on Tesni's end it's that Camelot would seemingly be taking everything "too seriously" or something. She's not a doomer or anything, but she does tend to be rather... protective of her fellows, sometimes to a somewhat overbearing degree. She's rather inversed compared to Lumiere's "trial by fire" methods, advocating training, experimentation and general preparation before anything else.
That's all stuff an average outsider could pick up on reasonably (adjusting for any given character's personality/perspective/biases).
EDIT: Paragraphs 4 and 5 are still fairly invasive (in light of the above).
I think the issue lies in it’s not clear how long Tesni has actually known/interacted with Chinami to be saying these things, regarding paragraphs 4 and 5. As for paragraph 5, I do agree Chinami’s not said anything dialog wise to suggest that and most of those thoughts were kept to herself in internal monologue. That said, if Tesni has known Chinami for a while it’s mediated. If it’s Tesni expressing her beliefs that should be made more clearly. You two should probably hash out their exact relation to each other then go from there in correction/editing if need be.
I think the issue lies in it’s not clear how long Tesni has actually known/interacted with Chinami to be saying these things, regarding paragraphs 4 and 5. As for paragraph 5, I do agree Chinami’s not said anything dialog wise to suggest that and most of those thoughts were kept to herself in internal monologue. That said, if Tesni has known Chinami for a while it’s mediated. If it’s Tesni expressing her beliefs that should be made more clearly. You two should probably hash out their exact relation to each other then go from there in correction/editing if need be.
The real issue is actually this segment from Chinami's third post. During the course of this segment, it is very firmly established that Chinami does not like Tesni and sees her as a twisted "what-if" mirror image of herself. She would have kept her at arms length the vast majority of the time, and regardless of any amount of time that Tesni may have been at Marrywell (and I've avoided brushing upon such), Chinami would never have told her the things she just spoke of with such knowledge. They are, at best, acquaintances, and Chinami has been cordial with her. But that's it. Time really has no bearing.
Camelot was further wrested from her musings over the coin and the newbie by a rougher voice addressing her. Straightening up, she raised an eyebrow at the still rather soaked form of Dynasty Queen ambling closer, legendary staff nowhere to be seen but presumably tucked away behind her ear as her Legend's titular main character was want to do.
Camelot had mixed feelings about her fellow "king". That is to say, she wasn't quite sure whether to dislike or pity her. It was honestly frightening, looking at Dynasty Queen and seeing an almost funhouse mirror of what she could be, someone with far too much power and far too little care in how they used it. She was someone who took after the original Monkey King almost all too well. A battle junkie with a tunnel vision for violence and getting what they wanted that was honestly unrivaled amongst her fellow Magical Girls. "Right" and "wrong" never seemed to factor into anything she did, only her immediate enjoyment. While she certainly saved people; it seemed more to be a consequence of her actions than any intended result. The battle in and of itself was the apparent goal. Everything else was secondary... and/or an excuse to get into a fight.
Of course, this was not necessarily Dynasty Queen's own fault. Rather, for someone with such a sense for combat as Camelot, she had picked up on occasion the utterly unnerving change in demeanor that came over her fellow, when the latter was fully "in the zone" as it were in battle. It wasn't just Tesni's own bloodlust that seeped out... but something more... something all too much older and more dangerous, perhaps looking to rekindle what it had lost. It did not reassure Camelot any that Tesni seemed quite bold about referring to herself and other Magical Girls in terms that implied their Grimoires were stories about themselves.
A very dangerous line of thought... and surely... hopefully vastly incorrect.
While Alters were the most infamous for it, it was hardly uncommon for the instincts that allowed a standard Magical Girl to use their powers properly from the get-go to come with a bit of extra... baggage, some more-so than others. Dynasty Queen's own brand was almost sinister in its subtlety simply from just how similar she was to her patron. But that did not matter to Camelot. Any mind warp was just as bad as any other, no matter the degree or duration. Free will was the right of all sentient beings, and to alter who they were was to strip them of the opportunity to change and evolve into a better version of themselves naturally. Such a thing was to strip them of their fundamental right to command their own destiny, and she would fight against such things with every breath.
That said, Camelot felt it would be arrogant to say even she was unaffected, despite her strong sense of self; she found herself able to possess a certain way with words that she didn't outside her transformed state. Perhaps it was simply the security of feeling so physically indomitable, but she found herself surer in her convictions, quicker to act rather than plan, more likely to forget overthinking problems and simply carve the simplest path to a satisfactory conclusion. She suspected that, much like Dynasty Queen, her own brand of mental influence was subtle... far more so in fact, which was honestly worse in some ways. It was far more difficult to separate an almost casual word or two from her dialogue, painfully awkward to even try to double-check her phrasing and tone of speech on the fly.
The point being that it was difficult enough for her to act against such instincts, even as consciously aware and fully opposed as she was. How much more difficult might it be for someone far more impulsive than herself? She worried that if she asked about or so much as mentioned her concerns, Dynasty Queen wouldn't even care, would brush off the seriousness of the situation... as usual. Worst case, Tesni would be the kind to absolutely revel in the new person she was becoming, the "Reject my Humanity, Jojo" sort that more than a few rather chuuni Magical Girls were. So, in a lot of ways, Camelot couldn't bring herself to fully blame Dynasty Queen for her behavior.
That didn't mean it was any easier to put up with her recklessly casual demeanor, but from one "king" to another, Camelot had long managed to be just as cordial with Dynasty Queen as anyone else, if occasionally chiding in regards to the overt property damage. Not that she had all too much ground to stand on herself when the chips were down, but at least she was trying not to cause wanton destruction in the course of achieving victory.
In that case, it’s things Tesni shouldn’t immediately know. If it’s her just saying her beliefs that should be clarified. However, Tesni does say in paragraph 4 it’s the vibe she gets from Chinami and being around her. The following paragraph seems to run off this assumption on Tesni’s part. Can you point me to the exact lines that don’t make sense.
In that case, it’s things Tesni shouldn’t immediately know. If it’s her just saying her beliefs that should be clarified. However, Tesni does say in paragraph 4 it’s the vibe she gets from Chinami and being around her. The following paragraph seems to run off this assumption on Tesni’s part. Can you point me to the exact lines that don’t make sense.
This is my thoughts on the paragraphs in question, as specifically as I can put it.
“Chinami, I like you well enough as a person. I know how you feel about Grimoire’s, but I’m gonna get really blunt so brace yourself, alright? I don’t know if this is right, but for the longest time you’ve given off this tragic vibe, like all of us becoming magical girls is a terrible event that befell us. So, I’m just saying that we won’t achieve anything by showing off our misfortune to each other! ‘This awful thing happened in my past that made me onto a Magical Girl’, guess what? We all have that exact same story! It’s all pointless compared to our current situation anyways!” Taking a deep breath she tried to calm down, slow down her words so they didn’t come out so fast no one could understand because she felt this was important.
This entire colored segment relies on information she wouldn't know (that Camelot is wary of Grimoires) and an impression that she most likely wouldn't ever get (a "tragic vibe") except on very rare occasions, but the way it's presented here is as if Chinami is like that often, which she isn't. The problem here is that Chinami doesn't really show that side of herself to the general populace. It just doesn't happen. The persona she shows to the vast majority of others is best described as "distant", unless they're an Alter and/or one of her charges. And finally, the way the majority of this bit is worded (to me, at least) seems not so much an opinionated statement, as it is someone speaking from a position of factual knowledge.
“Chinami. I don’t care about your situation. Do you know why? Because we are all in the exact same goddamn situation! And it’s not like you will sympathize with another person for having a similar past as you either. Because everyone thinks they’re the hero of their own story, everyone sees others as side characters in their grand narrative so therefore everyone thinks thei own personal tragedies must be the most tragic, right? Especially since our powers literally come from heroes of stories!” Pulling out another can of cola she shoved it into Suzuya’s hands.
There's nothing inherently wrong with this segment, other than the fact that it builds off of another paragraph that was already flawed at the root, thus infecting it by proxy. Otherwise, this more opinion-based segment wouldn't merit attention.
The Grimoire line in the first paragraph I agree should be either tweaked or removed. As for the rest of it, I think it’s reasonable to say Tesni is just assuming. IC wise, it seems neither of them like each other and Tesni getting aggressive, making assumptions, and being wrong about Chinami seems in-character; which translates over to the second paragraph. Overall, if the Grimoire line was removed, I think everything else fits Tesni’s character but that needs to be made more clearly in Tesni’s post.
Ultimately, we should probably wait for @McFazzer but those are my observations so far.
The Grimoire line in the first paragraph I agree should be either tweaked or removed. As for the rest of it, I think it’s reasonable to say Tesni is just assuming. IC wise, it seems neither of them like each other and Tesni getting aggressive, making assumptions, and being wrong about Chinami seems in-character; which translates over to the second paragraph. Overall, if the Grimoire line was removed, I think everything else fits Tesni’s character but that needs to be made more clearly in Tesni’s post.
Ultimately, we should probably wait for @McFazzer but those are my observations so far.
I can accept that, sure; that feels in-line with the Tesni presented so far. Though the "tragic vibe" is a bit iffy. It really just maybe needs a tad more clarification (than the blink and you miss it bit it already has) that she was saying that as an opinionated speculation more than anything, because that statement really feels like it came out of nowhere (though, granted, the fact that this is Tesni simply being who she is mitigates that somewhat). The main thing was the Grimoire bit, because that kind of infected the tone/context of the entirety of the other parts.
I realised how unclear I was with the whole ‘tragic vibe’ part. I think it was really just poor wording on my part. It’s not that Chinami is a misery guts or depressed, but the tragic vibe that ‘I am the lone hero who can truly save this situation’. I’ll think of a better way to express that and edit as required, and of course get rid of the grimoire line. I might not get to it immediately as I’m about to go to work, but before the end of the day I’ll get everything fixed
I realised how unclear I was with the whole ‘tragic vibe’ part. I think it was really just poor wording on my part. It’s not that Chinami is a misery guts or depressed, but the tragic vibe that ‘I am the lone hero who can truly save this situation’. I’ll think of a better way to express that and edit as required, and of course get rid of the grimoire line. I might not get to it immediately as I’m about to go to work, but before the end of the day I’ll get everything fixed
Understandable. Thanks a ton! Sorry if I come off picky about this. I just wanted to get this addressed as quickly and clearly as possible before it spirals out of control into other player posts.
Oh I agree absolutely, much better a small issue now than something down the road getting way out of hand. A stitch in time saves nine and all that. I should have spent more time in the proofreading stage clearly and my first wave of corrections were done on my phone at like 12:30 in the morning which is totally my fault, but I felt bad just leaving so much wrong with it for hours and hours.
So, is Suzuya, like, unconsious while her Grimoire has control, or does she still know/remember what happens while transformed?
Just wondering, since it would be amusing for Olivia to have a conversation with her, while transformed, but then she has no memory of it when she changes back.
Suzuya's entirely aware and remembers things, she just acts and thinks in an entirely different track. One day she could be confidant enough to actually own her powers and that divide would disappear, but she's basically stuck in the training wheels mode.
So when she turns back it's like looking back on a night drinking and screaming internally that she actually did and said everything she did.
O O F. Dat double post. I've had that happen when my internet was being a little bitch, and I didn't realize it had saved the "submit post" action when I refreshed.