Ulfric had ordered the heroes to wake, but The President didn’t budge. He remained curled up in his bedroll with his back to the rest of the tent. Kinzie’s voice crept into his ear:
“Booo~sss…” He didn’t respond.
“Wakey, wakey, sleepy head. You’re not on the ship. Remember?”His brows converged on his forehead, and he didn’t even bother to open his eyes. He kept his bedroll gripped tight and muttered groggily,
“Fuck off…”Kinzie sighed.
“Get up or I’ll start singing ‘Work’ by Rihanna.”The Boss’s eyes cracked open.
“Kinzie…you better fucking-”“Work, work, work, work, work, work; you see me I be…”The Boss groaned and squirmed as though he was in pain.
“God, make it stop!” His hands then desperately went to cup his ears.
“Stop! STOP!” He looked like a crazy person, grabbing his head and screaming. The President finally sat up with an exasperated sigh when Kinzie stopped.
“Fuck,” he muttered. He took in his surroundings and seemed to scowl as though disappointed to still be stuck inside the video game.
“No eggs; bacon; no nothing. Not even coffee. Everybody’s gonna hate me…(as though they didn’t already).”Tossing aside some drapes, blankets, who knew what it really was. He rose to his feet and blew his breath on his hand and sniffed it.
“At least there isn’t any morning breath in this simulation. I probably don’t even need a shower.”“Will you stop sniffing yourself? That is so disturbing.”“Kinzie, do I stink?”“I don’t know. I’m not about to sniff you while you’re plugged in.”Oh well, he mused.
The Boss was quiet as he followed where Ulfric had vanished off to. He didn’t greet the others in his party at least not verbally. He might have given them an ugly scowl because he didn’t have any coffee to wash it off with. He rubbed at his eyes, squinting at the still night sky. It was still night!?
Fuck, I’m not awake enough for this. My balls are gonna fall off. When the group had finally gathered, Mr. President followed the departing party as they quickly and quietly marched to Markarth. He swiftly posted behind a boulder next to Ulfric and then finally looked to the rest of the group, noticing spear babe was gone.
The Boss blinked in disbelief and then asked,
“Where’s Spear Babe?” He didn’t even remember her name. Was she late? His heart then jumped at the possible realization.
“No…don’t fucking tell me. She went on that fucking side quest didn’t she?”Boss didn’t have much time to get mad before Ulfric was urging the group on to execute Operation B&E. He looked to the rest of the party that was present and growled,
“We’re gonna fucking talk about this later!”It was his turn to take out the sentries as he had volunteered to do. Boss raced out from behind the boulder, keeping a low silhouette and used the rocky terrain as cover. His heart near ripped from his chest again when a loud shout sounded and something about a Sneak Level Up flashed before his eyes.
What the fuck… he mused. His hand was resting on his heaving chest. He thought someone had noticed him or something. As he continued to move to the right of the fortress, hardly looking like a ninja or Special Forces soldier sporting his green Christmas sweater, he scaled up the side of the mountain. It was a little strange but by the way the graphics were cut. He could jump from each rock as though they were squares rather than perfectly round or smooth.
Of course, I could only do this in a video game.Boss front flipped off the last rock that would have him land on the battlement. He landed in a crouch—one hand posted before him to balance himself, and he gazed down the battlement at the deer furries carrying flaming torches. They were pacing the wall much like any guards he would expect in a video game. The only difference was unlike the medieval fantasy setting of the game, slung across their backs were blaster weapons.
“Time to make these bastards wish they hadn’t fucked with the United States,” Boss muttered to himself. Pushing forward off his hand, Boss broke into a sprint across the battlement. One of the Forsworn paused and turned around in time to see the Boss drop upon his side, slide across the ground, and thrust his feet into the shins of the deer man. The Forsworn soldier fell over on top of Boss. He caught the deer’s head between his bicep and forearm and slinging his hand across to his forearm to tighten the hold, Boss leaned back and applied enough pressure to the deer man’s neck to make him faint. When the guard went limp in his hold, Boss released him and extended his arm in the other patrolling deermen’s direction. Materializing in his grip was a purple, green, and orange tube-covered rifle. He fired a glowing yellow tennis ball like shot that flew toward the back of the Forsworn soldier’s head. The ball seemed to pass through the solder’s skull, bouncing straight into the next soldier in front of him. As both soldiers collapsed, Boss was on his feet continuing to sprint down the battlement in time to see the gatekeeper step out of one of the towers. He first glanced down stupidly at the two downed guards before unslinging his rifle. When he looked in the sprinting Boss’s direction, Boss through his rifle at the guard’s face and when the rifle bounced off, he jumped and kicked the rifle back at the guard’s face a second time. Landing, he followed up the stunt as the guard was struggling to catch his balance. Leaning his weight on his left leg, Boss raised his right leg and kicked out to strike the guard’s face with the sole of his foot. Bringing his leg swiftly back, he hopped in the air, switching legs to have his left foot shoot out to jab the guard in the throat and send his form slumping to the ground.
“Woo!” Boss exclaimed.
“Settle down there Bruce Lee,” said Kinzie.
“Did you record that shit? That was fucking bad ass. I'm a beast!”“How about you focus on the mission, Boss? You need to signal to the others that you managed to secure the gate.”“Yeah, yeah; shit can’t have any fun around here,” Boss grumbled. He glanced down to one of the torches and picked it up. Walking over to the battlement wall, he waved the torch around to signal Ulfric and the others that the gate was secured. All they had to do was take out the guards at the bottom and make their way inside. He was going to give them a minute to get into position before he started turning the wheel to raise the gate.
