Game: "Useless" superpowers

[IntPenDespSword]

I mean, timezones are a thing, so now I always know the time in roughly a twelfth of the world, more if I could remember the direction the time zones go. Boom, I am the master clock.

The power to manipulate element manipulations.

[Witch Cat]

I really like this

Find someone who can bend the elements and use them as your bending slave to bind all the elements to eventually rule the world by setting everything on fire

The power to make any lamp turn off using your mind

[TheUnknowable]

@Witch CatThe sun's technically a big lamp, right?
Comes in handy when I'm an assassin. No artificial light sources will be on when I kill them.

The power to transmute dirt into rock.

[VKAllen]

@TheUnknowable Become the next Jesus.

The power to stop clocks within 5 metres (16.4 feet in retard units) of you.

[Witch Cat]

Become the best bomb defuser ever. To stop a clock, you gotta stop everything that makes it work, right? So if there's a ticking time bomb next to you, you can shut off everything inside it to defuse the bomb. You'll become a national hero!

The power to become invisible but only when no one is looking at you.

[TheUnknowable]

Security cameras and guard dogs aren't people, so I'd still make a good burgler. Or I could just poach rare animals in remote areas. They couldn't find me to fight back.

Your skin is now sticky, and you can't wash it off.

[Feyblue]

Step 1: Find hill. Step 2: Roll down hill. Step 3: Keep rolling. Step 4: NA NA NA NA NA KATAMARI DAMACYYYYYYYYYYYY

You now have memorized and mastered the exact shift routine of a prep cook at a local restaurant. No matter how good at it you are, however, that restaurant will never hire you.

[Witch Cat]

I construct a fake identity and play the part really well so they hire me and I climb the ranks and I eventually control every resturant in the world by being the best chef there is.

You have the power to instantly know who farted if you hear or smell a fart

[Little Bill]

Delicious doublepost

[Little Bill]

@Witch Cat Make a small private investigations office with your talent.

Superspeed, but only when you're on fire.

[Witch Cat]

Get a flameproof suit, light yourself up, and run free.

The ability to breathe underwater but only when you're breathing air

[Mage]

Well, just equip the oxygen tank and go swimming like any other normal people do, because that power is beyond useless. xD

The power to drop anything you're holding in your hands in the most naturally dramatic fashion ever.

[Witch Cat]

Become an actor in a drama and just drop pennies silently in dramatic scene so you're as dramatic as possible, rinse and repeat till you're so famous for your acting you become the best actor there ever was

The power to eat rotten food without getting ill

[Cyndyr]

Do you know how much money I could save by eating straight out of people's trash cans?

The power to manipulate glitter.

[Majoraa]

"You sucessfully dashed the perfect amount of glitter onto your projects. The masses hear of your talent and give you a job as a fashion designer. Years from then, you would become famous for not only not spreading glitter everywhere, but making dazzling designer clothes aswell."

"So basically, easy fame, easy game."

The ability to write an original story everytime. No sequels. No references. Just a scratched start each time.

[Foster]

"You sucessfully dashed the perfect amount of glitter onto your projects. The masses hear of your talent and give you a job as a fashion designer. Years from then, you would become famous for not only not spreading glitter everywhere, but making dazzling designer clothes aswell."

"So basically, easy fame, easy game."

The ability to write an original story everytime. No sequels. No references. Just a scratched start each time.

@Majoras End

Only to watch it get copied less than a year later and the clones have a bit more polish to their finish. But still, the ability to acquire those funds is a thing.

Able to volunteer (as in unpaid) for stuff you are not qualified to actually do.

[Witch Cat]

I volunteer into ISIS and slowly destroy their organisation from the inside by fucking everything up

The power to obey commands to the best of your abilities

[Mage]

Have someone command you to be the greatest superhero ever.

The power to cause instant bad hair day on someone.

[Witch Cat]

Run for president and ruin all your opponent's chances of winning by giving them the worst hair ever.

The power to give yourself a bad hair day at any time

[IntPenDespSword]

Now you always have an excuse for not going outside!

Why obviously I am the best possible subject for hairdressers in training.

The power to know every detail about the contents of a YTP only by looking at the thumbnail.