Hello, world. It's me, Deadpool. Now, I'm sure you're wondering how I managed to squeeze this ass into leather spandex, but that's a story for another time (and it's only
really helpful with a demonstration and I don't have any olive oil left...) Instead, I have a different story to tell you. Last time I was around, it was waaaaay back in 2019. End of the world, blah blah blah, humanity going extinct, blah blah blah, teen romance, blah blah blah...It gets a little boring.
So when I found out someone was on my
naughty list, I just couldn't help myself! What else is a bastard like me supposed to do all day when you're out of tissues? And I owe a
lot of money to a Señor Jose Cuervo, so I can't make a trip to the store anytime soon. I may be a bad person, but I'm not a big enough piece of shit to let Walmart treat its employees like Karen from the PTA's dog's watery shits just to keep those insanely low prices!
But before we get this show on the road, shout out to Allison! You're a badass bitch and I wouldn't want to pressure you into prom sex! Killing people will
definitely make you feel better. I recommend picking one of the bad guys at random, decapitating them, and making a fun little display out of it! It always works for me.
And now, here's your neighborhood pool guy, about to make some chimi-fucking-changas...
P.S. Are you guys Team Pietro? Really? I love Silver Balls (any color, really) but damn...I hate to say it, but I'm Team Lance. The chemistry is unbe-fucking-lievable!
9
Location: Lab Facility
The Aulid Project - the words were entirely foreign to her and brought to mind just about nothing. Yet with a name to it, along with the tattoos with numbers and the military guard, it was pretty clear that it was some form of human experimentation. She didn't regret killing the leader, though. Even if he had all the information, he was still the most dangerous one. And for now, this one's information would suffice. She contemplated for a moment killing the rest of the soldiers, just to clean house, but she noted the nervousness on one of the younger one's faces.
"Excuse me, pardon me, so sorry about this," a voice whispered in Nine's ear.
"I just need to borrow this for a moment. Gosh, I can see the family resemblance by the way. Do you moisturize? You've got fantastic skin." The gun was then yanked from her hand and Nine didn't protest. The voice didn't sound to be anything like the soldiers and she could pretty clearly see where they were in the fog.
"That depends," Nine answered the voice in the fog. She wasn't going to let on that she was unarmed, given as to how she had stepped up into what seemed to be a leadership role. She didn't want them to see her weakness.
"If the Aulid Project is what it seems to be - human experimentation - and for you to want to kill us...What exactly were the experiments?" Nine asked. If they were meant to be put to death, it would be in their best interest to not let there be any survivors amongst the soldiers. Any of them could betray them at one point in time. They couldn't be trusted to keep their end of the deal if they let them live.
"Okay, I need you to blink for as long as you can after this," Deadpool explained, standing directly behind Four.
"You're on my naughty list, but that doesn't mean you can't help advance scientific research at the same time. So - just blink, okay? And then after this is over, I'll make myself a mean chimichanga and go steal Leo's oscar again." A second later, there was another round of gunfire. The bullet embedded itself into Four's neck and this one seemed to be one of the contact explosives. It obliterated her neck, sending blood and various bits of skin everywhere. A bit of a vocal chord even fell on Six.
"Aww shit! You aren't wearing the red pants!" Deadpool groaned.
"Lemon seltzer and water! Water seltzer and lemon? Fuck it. Just get new clothes. My bad. Just tell them Wade sent you," he said. He then tapped Four's body and watched as she collapsed down to the ground. He then glanced around at the group, seemingly unimpeded from the fog.
"Wow, you guys are fucked. Peace!" And just as strangely as he appeared, the man dressed from head to toe in leather spandex walked down a hallway and disappeared from sight. Nine blinked a few times, before looking back at the others. She then looked at Seven in particular.
"That was...Never mind. The Aulid Project. Who ran it and what are we?" Nine said, trying to return to business.
"Fuck! Forgot to return this, sorry!" Deadpool called out, running back to Nine and handing her back her gun.
"Huge fan of your work, big big fan!" he shouted before running off again. This time, he vanished before he even hit the bend in the hallway.