Ssarak, Althalus, and Lyn: a few days ago.
Lyn was giggling, trying to stifle her noises with her hand, as she darted her head about her hiding place. She was behind a stone golem, one of many Uicle had placed for her amusement, and crouched lower to the ground where she was fairly sure her father couldn’t see her. Getting on her hands and knees, her eyes crept around the golem’s side to see her dad ambling this way. Quickly and quietly, she hustled backwards to keep him from spotting her small figure. She pulled her legs close to make herself as small as possible. Lyn kept her back straight against the rock surface while listening for Althalus’ soft boots to tread closer.
It was not too long after waking that Ssarak started to wander the college’s courtyard. It was a few days after his return from the caravan mission, and he was going to be resuming his normal schedule the next day, but for the moment, he had one more responsibility to fulfill. He had made a promise to Lyn, and he still intended to keep it. She often played in the courtyard around this time of day, so he had gone there to find her. Reaching out to the thoughts of those around her, it was not difficult to pick out the mind of a little girl, so he had no trouble finding her. Using her thoughts to pinpoint her location, he saw that she seemed to hiding, likely from her father nearby. Based on her mood, she was most likely just playing, so there was no real problem with him interrupting.
Ssarak walked up to the golem and glanced down to Lyn hiding behind it.
“Greetings, Lyn. Sorry to interrupt, but I now find myself with the time to help you with what we spoke about yesterday. If you do not feel like hiding anymore, I could help you speak with your parents.” He said telepathically.
At the same time, Ssarak looked at Althatlus, who was walking in his direction, and gave him a polite nod.
“Greetings, Althalus.” Lyn pull her finger to her lips, hushing Ssarak and still trying to quiet her giggles. Her head again whipped about to see if her dad spotted her.
’Don’t tell him I’m here, please...hehee”Althalus walked gently back along the path, humming a soft tune under his breath. He saw Ssarak and waved a hand in friendly greeting.
She’s not over there. Althalus thought, pleased that Lyn was doing even better than before. Much as she thought this was a game, he was encouraging her to become skilled at stealth. He would let Alaira and Mar train her how to fight. He wanted her to have something to fall back on should fighting and diplomacy fail.
“Hello Ssarak! What brings you to the courtyard?” He said, slightly louder than strictly necessary to cover the quiet giggles from behind the nearby Golem.
“I don’t suppose you’ve seen Lyn anywhere around? I appear to have lost her. She has a talent for disappearing whenever I start counting to ten, you see.”Ssarak started to chuckle, knowing well this kind of game.
“Oh, I am afraid I have not seen her anywhere. She must be a phantom.” He responded.
”Actually, the reason I am here does involve Lyn, and before you become worried, it is nothing negative. In fact, you may rather like what I have to offer. During the caravan escort, after we had learned Lyn had been smuggled aboard, we did all we could to keep her protected. in that process, I learned something quite interesting. I do not know to what extent you are aware, but Lyn’s mind is remarkably well-developed, considering her age. If my knowledge on Humans is accurate, it is obvious her body is advancing far faster than any normal Human, but her mind is progressing even more quickly. I would liken her mental capabilities to those of a child of between five and ten years. She understands language fully, even though she cannot vocalize it herself. By reading her thoughts, I can hear her voice just as clearly as anyone’s. She wants to speak to you and Mar, and I offered to facilitate that conversation.”Althalus began moving as silently as he was able, his armor being stashed away, towards where Lyn was hiding. He nodded occasionally to show he was still listening to the Esyire. He knew Lyn was smarter than her actual age and muteness would suggest. After all, she had displayed time and time again that she was. As he was just behind the stature, Lyn’s stifled giggles clearly heard, he caught the final bit of Ssarak’s words. For a brief moment, his eyes snapped to the dragon man’s face, clearly looking for any kind of lie.
Seeing none he suddenly rounded the corner and scooped Lyn up, laughing. “Got you!” He teased, looking back over to Ssarak.
“Mar and I would enjoy that very, very much.”Lyn squealed as she was snatched, her body pulled up into her father’s arms, her arms settled on his shoulders while she smirked. When her father turned to face Ssarak then replied, she grinned wider.
”He agreed! When do we start?” ”I am ready now, if you are.” Ssarak said, answering both Lyn and Althalus. Given her reputation, he intended to be somewhat cautious around Mar, but he doubted there would be any issues, considering the service he was offering. Though,, he supposed the subject they intended to speak about might cause her some stress, as she was going to be confronted with the depression that Lyn had observed.
”Although, I should probably mention the subject that prompted Lyn’s desire to speak to you. It is Mar; Lyn has noticed an acute, persistent sadness which has evidently been looming over her. She wants to help her mother through it, and honestly, I believe it has a chance to work. Other than you, the person I see who has the best chance of reaching Mar would be Lyn.” He explained.
“I think our game is done now, right my maniacal gardener?” Althalus said, smiling down at Lyn. He looked up and raised an eyebrow at Ssarak’s words, before sighing slightly. This was going to be far more interesting than he had originally anticipated.
“That will certainly be a touchy subject, especially with you around, Ssarak. But we’ll make it work.” He looked down at Lyn and smiled again.
“Have to make mom better somehow, don’t we?”Lyn nodded and smiled, her head leaning against his shoulder while still cradle in his arms.
Ssarak nodded.
”I understand. Mostly, I intend to just convey Lyn’s words. Only if it is appropriate for the situation will I provide my own advice. I am a psychomancer, so these issues of the mind are directly related to my field of study.” He commented as they started to set off towards Mar and Althalus’ room, or “den,” as they called it.
Though he had been thinking on the topic since he had agreed to help Lyn, Ssarak reviewed in his mind what he might say to Mar if he was given the chance. Just as vitamancers could cure ailments of the body, a psychomancer could solve the issues of the mind. Being a novice, Ssarak could not simply use his magic to erase Mar’s problems, but he knew enough of the theory of the mind that he might have some useful advice. It was not long before they neared their destination, though Ssarak stopped in the hall outside the den.
”It may be best if you go in ahead of me to announce my presence.” Ssarak recommended.
“Yeah.” Althalus said, gently placing Lyn on the ground. “Stay here and chat with Ssarak. I’ll be right back.” With that he headed into the Den to alert Mar to what was going to happen.
’Mom’s in one of her sad moods again. Her body heat dropped some and she’s not come out again...’ Lyn stated when she flicked out her tongue, identical to her mother’s, and stared into the Den entrance. She was leaning away from her father and toward the dank, soil darkness that felt rather comforting.
’Ssarak,’ she jerked upward into her father’s grip and faced the Esyire.
’ Do you think I can help mom?’Her thoughts held a hint of hesitation and worry, her eyes reflecting it became clear as day.
Although Ssarak wanted to encourage Lyn, he did not wish to act as if success was guaranteed. If they did fail, then that would only serve to compound Lyn’s disappointment, potentially in herself.
”I will not say it is guaranteed. You will come to find that few things in life are, but you, I would say, may be able to help her more than anyone. Even if you do not know if you will succeed, it is important to try. The only way to accomplish anything is by trying. I believe in you, Lyn; you can do this, and both myself and your father will be here to help.” ’Alright, but I really don’t want to make it worse...she’s not eaten anything and I don’t think dad knows it yet. She missed her monthly feeding and I know this because we eat together. She didn’t, but told dad she did.’ Lyn admitted and held tightly to her father, her head resting on his shoulder.
She seemed still worried though it clearly lessened compared to earlier and now was more contently thinking of her next words. Namely to her mother as to why Ssarak was here, including getting her to talk back to her. Mom after all hadn’t eaten things for days. Most the time it was normal since she had a large, raw meat meal that lasted her several weeks. However, Lyn her mother’s time to eat had already come and gone, putting the female Naga on an empty stomach for two days now. For a child her age, despite the advance mental state, seeing a parent waste away wasn’t easy though her dad had keep her ignorant though much it with extra attention.
Althalus looked in on Mar, smiling despite himself. “Mar, tell me, have you ever wanted to talk to Lyn? Have her speak back to you, albeit in this case it might be an indirect manner?”
Mar was nestled into a corner of the den, her tail wrapped up and pressed tightly against herself, as she looked up to see the dim figure of Althalus shambling into the Den. Her head shifted to the side and stared at the wall, not bothering to look in the man’s direction.
“Lyn can’t talk, Althalus. She doesn’t know how.” Her torso lifted and her head turned studying him for a moment.
Althalus chuckled. “She doesn’t know how to talk aloud, granted. But Ssarak can hear her thoughts as clear as day. Surely you’ve noticed that she is far more intelligent than she should be for her age. She and Ssarak have conversations from time to time, apparently. She wants to talk to you, she noticed that you didn’t eat despite my best efforts to distract her, and Ssarak will be putting her thoughts into words. Of course, to do that, he has to be here. So he’s going to be here, and we’re going to talk, and then we’ll go from there.”
Mar noded, soberly, as she pulled upright then added. “Alright, but only because of Lyn. Though it would best if it was short as for eating, I’m just not hungry.”
Althalus snorted, using sarcasm to hide most of his worry. “Sure. You’re not hungry and I don’t have a new hand.” With that, he headed back out of the Den and to Ssarak. “Lets go, shall we?”
Ssarak nodded to Althalus, then looked down to Lyn.
”Of course. After you, Lyn.” He commented before they all headed inside.
Once in the den, Ssarak regarded Mar in the corner of the room. He did not see her very often, but her body did seem to look somewhat...weaker than the last time he saw her. Though, the fact that Lyn had explained to him that she had not been eating may have made his perceptions biased. Nevertheless, if Mar was as receptive to Lyn’s words as he hoped, she might be able to solve that issue.
”Greetings, Mar.” He said politely.
Mar nodded though she didn’t say much, her eyes twisted from Lyn creeping from around the Esyire and edged toward her mother. Her body moved with a slightly bounce as she pulled close into her mother’s coils, sitting like a child into Mar’s arms. Instinctively her hair was brushed by her mother while she looked at Ssarak. She was slipping back into old habits again despite her conversation with Tyrael, though she yet to realize it, as she looked at the Esyire.
Lyn’s thoughts peered into Ssarak’s mind.
’I think uncle Tyrael wanted mom to use her words but right now, she’s expecting an explanation. How much did dad tell her?’”I am not sure; I will simply give the explanation.” Ssarak telepathically answered to Lyn before continuing aloud.
”As Althalus may have mentioned, I am here to facilitate a conversation between the both of you, and Lyn. Her thoughts are amazingly clear and...advanced for someone her age. It surprised me when I first heard them. I will make sure to indicate when I am speaking for Lyn, and I will speak her thoughts entirely verbatim, so there are no misunderstandings.” He explained.
Lyn smiled and hung on her mother, her body pressed again Mar while arms wrapped about her.
’Mom, why aren’t you eating? Your meal time was several days ago but you never ate anything. Why?She turned to Ssarak to speak for her. As promised, Ssarak repeated Lyn’s thoughts word-for-word. Lyn was beginning immediately with her worries, so the topic would not be a pleasant one. He intended to pay close attention to Mar’s reactions, though he would not speak up himself at first, or not at all, depending on if he found an opportunity where it would be appropriate for him to join directly in the conversation.
”I’m not hungry is all, Lyn.” Mar stated with a weak smile, her fingers gently brushing away the hair, as she lowered head to Lyn’s sight.
”Is that all that you wanted to say?’’No. What’s wrong? You’ve been upset since you returned home and I wonder if I did something wrong. Did I upset you? Lyn asked while staring into her mother’s eyes.
When Ssarak repeated, Mar’s face became paler. Her eyes looked at Lyn and her arms wrapped about her child, squeezing tightly, while her head rested on Lyn’s.
“Don’t you ever think...You’ve not upset me, not at all. I’m just… confused and worried.’Why, I don’t understand. Was because of the trip or that I left without permission?’”It’s just something I’m struggling with. It’s hard to explain right now. It’s nothing you did, ever.”For a while, Lyn was silent as her mother continued to hug her. She was cradled tightly among the arms and her body slightly wrapped about the comforting coils, her eyes shifted to Ssarak when she reached out to him.
’What do I do, Ssarak?’Through the conversation, Ssarak had been trying to piece together what was causing Mar’s issues. He knew that she was depressed, but he did not yet have a way of knowing what exactly was causing it. He hoped that, as Lyn spoke to her, he would be able to determine the source of her problems so he could give his own input. However, he did not yet have enough information, and Lyn had quickly come to a loss for what to say.
”There is likely something causing her depression. Perhaps you can let her know how much you care, and how much you want to help her. People who are caught in deep sadness will sometimes try to push people away, but I doubt she would ever push you away. If you can get her to say what is troubling her, I might be able to aid you in helping her even more.” He recommended.
’If you think that will work. Lyn stated then turned to her mother.
’Mom, I don’t know how to help but I still love you. I love how you and dad coil me between you two at night. It’s warm, safe and comforting. It’s hard to see you this way. Your scales look sickly and I want you to be happy, mom. With dad and me. I just want to see you smile and watch me play because I want to help. Please, mom, tell me what’s wrong.Lyn’s emotions had plunged in the attempt as her eyes started to bud up with tears. She was holding tightly though she knew nothing she could do. Her mother was suffering yet she couldn’t get her to speak or explain, her head tilted to her father for help.
“She doesn’t know how to express her emotions, my maniacal gardener.” Althalus said gently. “She bottles them up rather than letting them out and, well, that has negative consequences. For everyone. She doesn’t mean to hurt anyone, but she doesn’t know any other way than what she’s been taught and that’s not working anymore.” Althalus shrugged helplessly. “We’re, Tyrael, Alaira, and I, doing what we can but it’s a slow process. Just know that she loves you and doesn’t mean anything that hurts you.”
“It’s not you Lyn.” Mar pulled her head up, her eyes looked up at Alathalus as she added.
”Althalus, you should Lyn outside. Please.” ’Mom, please. Don’t...’ Lyn protested and snapped into her father’s direction, silently pleading with him not to.
“No. She deserves to be here. To know
why.” Althalus replied.
After Ssarak had repeated Lyn’s thoughts, he decided it was time for him to give his own input. Thanks to Althalus’ explanation, he now had a reasonable idea of what could be causing Mar’s issues. Naga were reputed to be unemotional beings, which made the fact that Mar was experiencing such intense emotions rather strange. Indeed, Mar seemed to be quite strange in every way for a Naga. She possessed mageblood, which was not found within the Naga, and had a child with a Human. It could be that these emotions Althalus described were simply another way in which she had diverged from her kind.
”Forgive me, if I may, but this is something I believe I can speak about. Perhaps I can relate it to...” Ssarak began, pausing for a moment as he worked out his analogy.
”Mar, you are a vitamancer, correct?” He asked. The purpose of his question would not likely be obvious at first, but he had a definite reason for asking it.
”Yes, I am. Discovered it when I ended up being nearly…” Mar hushed her tone when recalling Lyn being close. She was against upsetting her child anymore and[ bit her tongue, somewhat, to stop her ending words.
”What does this have to do with this?”Ssarak continued quickly, in case Mar was growing impatient.
”As a vitamancer, your domain is the body, any living body. You know, or will know, everything about how it functions, and how to manipulate it. You will know how the muscles connect to bone, how the heart and its blood vessels spread through the body, how the organs relate to one another. You will be able to mend damage back to its natural state, or shift it into whatever form you desire. Psychomancy behaves the same way, but for the mind. As a psychomancer, I am studying all of the mind’s attributes. I am still a novice in skill, but I have been studying the theory of it since I first learned of my mageblood. I know from where the various emotions originate, and how they relate to one another. I know how empathy affects rage, or compassion. I know many of the positive and negative effects of joy, or sadness, and many other facets of emotion. A more skilled psychomancer than myself might be able to simply...fix your problems, like a vitamancer can mend a broken bone, or close a wound. As for me, however, I may at least be able to offer advice, if you would hear it.” He explained. By relating his psychomancy to her vitamancy, he hoped to both appeal to her logic, and to equate her emotional issues to physical wounds, which could be more easily understood. On a basic level, the two were not actually so different.
”Will that work?” Mar’s voice sounded slightly hopeful, though it was seemingly more strained and pushed than natural.
Ssarak was honestly surprised that Mar was receptive to his suggestion. Granted, she did not say much in response, but she was not refusing the possibility of help.
”There is no reason why it would not. Satori, for instance, can shape the mind just as Lidda can shape the body, healing included. Although, it would be a lie if I said I trusted her entirely; you know what happened at the opening feast, after all. Still...I believe she would cure your problems, just as Lidda would, as long as she has the chance to do it. Satori is quite a busy woman, and psychomancers are not usually called on for mental healing as often as vitamancers. People do not often see mental issues in the same light, and they may not trust psychomancers. I do understand if you would not want to see Satori, specifically, but as I said, I may be able to help. I do not believe my magic alone is strong enough to cure you outright. Granted, I have not looked inside your mind, and will not do so without your permission. Regardless, if you can set your mind in the right state, it can heal on its own, just like a broken bone can mend by itself once properly set.” “I do, but I only saw the aftermath when Aramir went down and crumbled. My mind was never affected and I didn’t understand, but I don’t enjoy the idea of my mind being open to someone known to be vicious.” Mar admitted, her hand still trying to nudge Lyn, who refused to leave, toward Althalus.
”Though, I’m unsure of this as I’ve no details about it. I do and have heard Lidda mentioned it once, about the mind being different compared to the body and that is why shapeshifters could never fully become their targets. Unlike others, I don’t have any second chances and if this fails... “ Mar purpose left her words trail off as she was sure Ssarak would be able to piece them together.
Althalus barely restrained himself from cursing at Satori’s name, a glance at Lyn convincing him he shouldn’t give her any more words to add to her vocabulary. He still wasn’t entirely sure if that one morning had gone over her head or not. He hoped so.
“Ssarak won’t fail.” His look at the Esyire spoke quite clearly in what was unsaid.
He’d better not fail. “He wants to help Mar, and Lyn certainly wants him to help. At this point, we really can’t afford to turn down anyone who
can help.”
”If I am right, I may not even need to use magic. Not to “cure” you.” Ssarak commented. He did not want to start with anything invasive, not when there were other, more mundane options which could help her. His magic could be useful in observing her emotional state, but he did not want to change anything with it.
”With your permission, I would like to observe your thoughts, but only to get a sense of your emotional state. I will not actually influence your mind in any way, just observe. To help you, I would like to just attempt to help you understand what you are experiencing. Naga are known for being unemotional, so I am assuming that they are unfamiliar to you. Emotion is...an incredibly complicated concept. To start, I would just like to ask a few questions, if that is alright?”Mar had snapped her head to Althalus, absorbing his words of confidence. His eyes clearly held warning and distaste in them when he jerked to brush over the Esyire’s own, something she knew was uncalled for but she lacked the energy to properly scold him for. Her eyes lowed back to Lyn, still hugging closer, and leaned into the affectionate attempts to get her mood to improved. Or at least, not worsen. Mar sighed heavily then started to answer Ssarak’s first question.
”Alright. Questions are a start and it’s not easy to explain.” As Mar gave her answer, Ssarak took a moment to take one of the chairs in the room so he could have a seat. Of course, it was sized for a Human, so it was somewhat awkward to sit in, but it served its purpose. Ssarak wanted the atmosphere to become more relaxed, and less tense, though that would be a lot to expect.
”Very well. Emotions are rare among your kind, correct? What would you say your opinion on them is, and the opinion of your people in general?” ”Emotions are strictly controlled. We can show happiness, sorrow and fear, but too extremely and we’re usually shunned. Frowned upon and looked at as something weak.” Mar stated to the point, her mine flirting back to that dream she’s been having since the mission. The corpses, death filled the scene and the three naga surveying it. The one that looked the most like Mar, screaming and crying in pain over the dead children while the Ocean Naga gently examined a child’s corpse. Immediate Mar shivered adn pushed it from her mind.
Ssarak could feel the fear in Mar’s mind, and catch glimpses of the images that went through it. However, he did not have the context to know whether it was a memory, a dream, or simply something she feared. It was a topic he intended to pursue, but first, he had to continue in his line of questioning. “I see. Can you tell me why the Naga view extreme emotion as weak? Is it something you were given a reason for, or something that just...was?” He asked.
Mar, her head still laying on Lyn’s head, milled over the question for a moment.
”Always was… no explanation why. Though it’s likely the Matriarchs would know.””No doubt they have their reasons. The Naga’s ways have served them for...well, I have no way of knowing how long. Given your lifespans, longer than I can likely imagine. Your ways were the solutions to the problems you faced.” Ssarak began. To explain the purpose of emotion, even the extreme emotions Mar had been taught to avoid, would not be an easy task, but it would be necessary for what he intended.
”However, I would disagree with calling them weak. Risky, certainly, but not weak. Emotions have power and purpose, more than many often know. An entire subset of psychomancy, pathokinesis, is devoted to manipulating them for that reason. They all can motivate in different ways. Anger can motivate one to fight with unmatched fury, while ignoring the pain that might slow the body down. Fear can allow one to run farther and faster than their body ever would have allowed them on their own. Compassion can build social bonds strong enough to withstand even the harshest tragedy. Do not mistake me, the wrong emotion at the wrong time can hurt, or even kill the one experiencing it. But, they are still powerful tools. Think about it; every part of every creature on Tien is designed for a specific purpose. Why would emotion be any different?” Eliminating the extremes of emotion does get rid of the risks, but also the rewards of having them.”The Naga listened to the words though her pride cried out in protest, her arms about Lyn tightening.
”Naga don’t look kindly on extreme emotion so we tend not to deal with them. Those who succumb to them are often left to...fade. If we can’t overcome them, than we are better off dead is the most common accepted belief among my people.”Her thoughts recalled the way she felt like an outsider among the college’s inhabitants, her eyes seeing conflicting gestures, movements, and more that screamed anything from hostility to request for aid. Her first day was nerve wrecking as she hugged Lyn tighter, the girl not letting go. Her thoughts were upset and gloomy, a mangled mess for the most part.
I don’t want to feel this way but I do. I don’t understand why or how to make it go away. Is there a reason for feeling this way? Ssarak nodded. Her thoughts were conflicting and altogether uncertain, but he was able to gleam a few useful details. He felt her pride, which, combined with the Naga’s reputation and her descriptions so far of the Naga, led him to believe they were a prideful race overall. It made sense, considering what he felt could be the problem causing her depression.
”If you are asking why you are feeling strong emotions at all, there certainly is a reason, but I do not know it. All I can say with certainty is that you are not a normal Naga. You feel strong emotions, where they would not, you had a child with a Human, and you have mageblood, something that I have never heard of among your people. When I was in Yarosmere, they seemed fairly adamant that your kind could not be mages. But, if you are asking why you are feeling this depression specifically, that is something of which I may have an idea. It relates to the purpose of sadness itself. You see, sadness is much like physical pain, as it serves the same role. It is not a problem, but rather a symptom. When one’s body is being harmed in some way, the pain acts as a warning. It tells you that something is damaging you so that you know to fix the real problem. The same is true of sadness; it is not causing your problem, but rather, warning you of it. Based on what you have described, and what I have felt in your mind, I believe that your problem is that you are attempting to reject your emotions.”Considering the outlook on emotions that the Naga had taught her, Ssarak did not expect it would be easy to convince Mar to accept her emotions. Even with the most logical argument he could create, he had a lifetime of teaching to overcome, but it was not as if he was alone in the attempt. Both Althalus and Lyn were here, and they both wanted to help her however they could.
”To explain, the mind is the healthiest when in its natural state, just like the body. However, your natural state does not seem to be the same as other Naga. Granted, I have never examined the mind of another Naga, but from what you describe, they are perfectly fine in avoiding their emotions, and there is nothing wrong with that. Their lives favor the patience and consistency brought on by living without emotion.” He explained. Granted, he was guessing that the Naga favored consistency, but it made sense based on what a lack of emotion would do to the mind.
”But, you are different. Your mind is naturally gravitating towards the expression of emotion, but I have a feeling that, due to your upbringing, you are fighting it. When you fight your mind’s natural state, when you try to become something you are not, it is damaging to your psyche, like dragging a blade through your own flesh. Your sadness is the pain of that wound. And, just like a laceration, if you stitch it together and apply a bandage, it will mend on its own. I believe that, for you to be ‘cured,’ you will need to learn how to accept and embrace the emotions you are experiencing. To try anything else, to attempt to rid you of these extremes of emotion, would only bring you farther from your natural state, and cause more damage.”Mar raised her eyebrow, though her emotions seemed unchanged, and narrowed on Ssarak.
“Now you’re sounding like Althalus, though what neither of you understand is to give into accepting my emotions means I reject my people’s teachings. I reject being a Naga. Then what would I be? Change is never accepted well with Naga, including emotion. ” Lyn’s eyes looked into her mother’s eyes and immediately answered the question.
’
My mother, daddy’s mate… and more. Tyrael, Alaira, and others don’t think of you as Naga but as Mar. Why can’t you see, you don’t need to be a Naga?’Lyn had grabbed her mother’s attention with her actions, so Ssarak quickly followed by repeating her thoughts. He allowed a few moments for Mar to think on her daughter’s words before he continued, calmly and softly.
”You care about your people. That is understandable, and respectable, but you are more than just a Naga. You are different, and it could tear your mind apart if you try to fight it. I know-well both how strong, and how fragile the mind can be; Satori has taught many classes on it. I know what it is like to be forced away from your people; I am in exile from my own clan. My village was destroyed, my wife and...children killed due to my people’s traditions as warriors, and my own obsession with that tradition. You can care about your people without supporting everything they say or do, it is not disloyal to disagree. By learning to control, and eventually master your emotions, you could be made stronger. You can learn to wield them like a blade, instead of having them tear at your mind. As any psychomancer could tell you, emotion can be just as powerful as any weapon.”Mar sighed and held her daughter closer, trying to grip what little comfort she could as her child let her. Lyn felt her sorrow and pain but know she couldn’t take it away from her mother. Her little eyes started to damp, tearing down while her arms wrapped about Mar’s neck. Thier misery plain to see to both Ssarak and Athalus, lost in the swirling emotions, before Mar spoke again.
”It’s all I know. As I said, Naga don’t do well with change, but…”
‘I don’t want to lose what I have...’ Her desire to keep her family was stronger than the sorrow, it was small and hidden, that consumed her. Mar’s arms held her child closer than before as if holding her would chase it away.
Althalus moved from his position along the wall and kneeled next to Mar and Lyn, hugging the both of them. It hurt to see her in this much suffering, but if there was a better way to fix this he didn’t see how. Softly, so only Lyn and Mar would hear, he spoke. “Don’t worry Marya. You won’t lose us. We’re going to stick with you through thick and thin, no matter what.”
In her words, and in her mind, Ssarak could feel Mar’s fear. She was afraid of this change because she did not know what it might do to her, and what could happen to Lyn if she was not able to protect her. For all of her life, he reasoned, she had been taught to live in a certain way, and that any other was inferior. But she was not a normal Naga, and her life had been shaken from the consistency to which she was accustomed. Her resistance to her emotions made sense.
”You are afraid for Lyn. You want to protect her, to make sure she is safe. I do not even need to see in your mind to know that. Any, and every parent would feel the same way. Once you have it, family becomes the core of your life. You would do anything for her; you would sacrifice everything for her. You are afraid of this change because you are afraid of what it might mean for her. I know because I felt the same way for my children. I know the fear one feels for their safety whenever life becomes uncertain...”Ssarak paused a moment, his head lowering slightly, and his eyes closing.
”And I know the horror one feels upon seeing those fears become reality. I have experienced everything you are trying to avoid. And I have felt my life shatter upon realizing that it was my own actions which doomed them.” When Ssarak’s eyes opened, it revealed the tears brought on by his memories. His voice was somewhat more strained, but still determined.
”If you can believe nothing else I say, believe that I, with every fiber of my being, want to prevent any family from going through what I have experienced. When I look at Lyn, I see a bright little girl who deserves better than the war and pain this world has to offer. Based on all I know about the mind, on everything my classes and experience has taught me, I believe, truly, that accepting, and learning to control your emotions is what will make you healthy once more. And, by extension, will help you keep your family.”Mar only subtly flinch, though not out of anger but surprise. Her skin not having had felt him this close for several weeks since the depression settled in, the touch was almost painful and she had to resist lashing out. For a moment she wasn’t sure if the pain would ever fade as warmth filled her core for a small time. She had been listening to Ssarak’s words for a time and let it set into her memory, reflecting on the thoughts swirling in her mind and seemed to threaten more confusion than aid into the right direction. Her words finally spoke her choice in the end.
“Then how do we approach this? I’ve been taught all my life to use body language and never my words, so the first comes naturally and often ends… in unpleasant ways. As you might’ve witnessed at least once.” Mar was referring to the creation of Lyn, which Ssarak was partly responsible, though she never regretted the gift bestowed on her.
Ssarak gave a nod, pausing to wipe the tears from his eyes.
”It will take time, as this is not something to rush. Emotion is a complicated beast. I can teach you about all of them from the perspective of a psychomancer. I can help you understand their strengths and weaknesses, and when it is appropriate, and even necessary to express them. Accepting emotions does not mean expressing them completely, regardless of the context. Whenever our schedules permit, I can help you with these things. We could even start now, if you wish.” “Alright, but something goes wrong, Lyn comes first.” Mar stated, her voice stern. Her mind worried over her child should her Malice kick in as Ssarak seeing memories of empty eyed Naga clawing, tearing and attacking even children in their wild emotion. She feared for Lyn’s safety above all else and if the choice ever came down to her and Lyn, her heart would always value her offspring over herself. It was only natural for a mother.
