The Twelve Labours: General Discussion

[mdk]

Something that is minor spoiler to the contents of my entry

And I just found out there's a Marvel character called "Speed Demon" within 24 hours of sending that because I decided to watch the Wolverine VS Raiden death battle. I had no idea. Oh, well. That makes me wonder... *googles*

And "Apocalypse Maiden" is a trope, I had no idea. "Soul Surgeon" was a band. "Mirror Witch" is some boss in some games and "Undertaker" I expected already to have been in use everywhere anyway. It would appear "Gunpowder Fairy" is pretty unique, though. Hahaha.

@PlatinumSkink

Don't feel too bad. I'm two chapters into novelizing "Cintamani Stone" and I just found out it's basically a slightly more grounded version of Uncharted 2, which is like, a multi-billion-dollar platinum GOTY type megagame.

[PlatinumSkink]

@mdk Gosh. That does put things into perspective.

[Loksfjoer]

There is one thing I noticed in this labour. After writing my own and the 2 stories I picked for judging it seems a military-themed story is not an original approach to the labour But it's a theme that works for the labour. It's why I picked it :P

[PlatinumSkink]

@WiseDragonGirl Though, with widely different scenery. Haha.

My takes.

My thoughts on entires

How to Ruin a Life

Aaaaah… Such a pure taking of the theme. Short, true to the point and beautifully delivered. Should it have been “I said it” on the second and third time too, or was “I said” really correct? Eh, doesn’t matter. Flawlessly done. The feelings were spot-on. My hat is off.

Yeah, we needed one of these entries to take the common man’s approach. A way a completely normal person can just lose it, as well. And of course, the way this affects his life after. It is a lesson we’ve heard before, but still. It is really well done here. Yupp.

Spirits of Vietnam

Oh, my. Alright, then. Yupp. This is finely written, I see the points which it was written by, and I see what the result was. I have really few comments and/or observations about this entry, it’s quality that I’ve come to expect and respect. Well done.

If there is anything I would like to comment on, it’s how little we know about our main character that makes this choice that, yeah, kills him. Has he no family or future back home that he has to weight justice against? I see why he did it, but… Nothing at all? Oh, it’s not important, really, but still. Oh, well.

The Visage of Conduct

Hey, I don’t know military ranks in real life, your comparison doesn’t help me. XD … Actually, maybe it does. Lower the higher? Sergeant->Lieutenant->Captain->Major->Colonel->General? That helps. Thanks. XD

You know, the ranks in this entry made a whole lot of sense to me. There is Second and First Commander, Major Second and First Commander, then Grand Commander. Makes perfect sense. Much easier to keep track of than… *points to real-life equivalents*. Then again, one probably learns those easily enough if one actually has to in their day-to-day life. I know there’s a ton of more ranks, too. There’s probably a good reason for all those names I just don’t know of. Haha. I think I got side-tracked.

Yupp. I clearly see the violation, the choice that was made, the consequences and all of that. Well done, I can think of no immediate anythings to correct except a single spelling error (can’t belief it), and the story makes sense and was an experience that kept me engaged reading through the entry. Good work.

Same Mistakes

Oh, wow. I am immediately reminded by Starship Troopers. With mechs, though. Starship Troopers combined with, um… Any other mech-thing. Maybe. XD … Let’s see.

Oh, I approve so happily. I had completely forgotten that this theme could be used in a positive sense. Look, look at what all these series of negative themes and labours has done with my mind! XD … Yupp, I completely see where you’re going with this. I approve. Well done. I am so happy right now. Haha.

Now some self-inspection of my own product from when I was really tired.

Apocalypse Maiden

I don’t think it’s bad? Yeah, I noted several strangely formed sentences that reveal the sleepy state I was in when I wrote it and the fact I didn’t have much time to proof-read. But, all in all, I think it is alright. Decent. Eh. I’ll see what others think.

It’s strange. When I was writing my entry for the first labour, I was thinking “I am making a way too long entry” while writing. Yet, this entry is almost 1.5 times longer, and I felt no such feeling. It felt like it was the length I intended it to get. Anyway. It’s a little experiment of mine, to see what people think. So. Now I wait.

[Holmishire]

@PlatinumSkink, Apocalypse Maiden was my favourite entry this round. I felt all the flamboyant—or maybe distinct is a better word—character concepts were very well pulled off, and I particularly enjoyed the stand-off leading up to her body-switch.

As for the positive ending, I know it's not what I usually do, but I guess I had to cut my characters some slack eventually.

[Terminal]

An announcement for you all.

After some contemplation, I have finally determined the precise ending of The Twelve Labours, and the contest's ultimate fate beyond its current run.

As I have hinted at, once all Twelve Labours have concluded there will be a Final Hazard. Rather than restricting this to only those who won every single Labour - because both @WiseDragonGirl and @Holmishire are going to be dethroned in challenge Eight (I DARE YOU) in any case and a participant pool of two makes for poor sport.

Instead, simply, anybody may join the Final Hazard. However, the nature of that Labour will make even these twelve seem paltry in comparison. You will all fail, many many times - but that will be ok, because for every individual victory and challenge accolade you have earned, you get to carry on. Everyone will receive one free life no matter what, but there are a potential twenty four additional lives that can be handed out to any given individual. In the case of TTL: 1, simply having won any of the bonus challenges will count for the purposes of having earned a Challenge Accolade.

Although this predisposes long-running contestants for success, it is entirely possible that a newcomer with only one life might be able to succeed - due possibly, in part, to the fact that the Final Hazard will be at least partially collaborative in nature.

Finally, after the Final Hazard, the Twelve Labours will restart over from the First - with a brand new Twelve Challenges - and work its way up to the Final Hazard again.

I make this announcement in the knowing that with November and December rising, guild activity as well as contest participation is going to drop drastically. This may well be my last official contest announcement of this year, and Labour number Six may not come around until February. We'll have to wait and see on that front.

That is all. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to ask - and as always, feel free to engage in idle chatter.

EDIT: Also spoke with Mahz, TTL: 4 and 5 trophies will both be assigned simultaneously. Winners can expect them any day now.

[PlatinumSkink]

@Holmishire Teh-heh. Thanks. I'm happy you enjoyed it. I was enjoyably surprised by yours, so I'm happy to have returned the favour~

Apocalypse Maiden

That's more like it. Although this entry did still have a lot in the way of awkward grammar and the occasional typo, it was much less profuse than in prior entries. I would say that 'Little Guardian' had better makeup overall, but this is nearly on the same level - and is a bit longer. By this point all I can do is comment that while the problem does not seem to be getting worse, it does not seem to be abating. Next time, you may many to consider a different approach to proof-reading. I know you said you submitted this rather hastily before you had a chance to go through it thoroughly, so a thought: After writing a section, go through the whole thing for errors before continuing. Your plot will wait for you, and it shouldn't require any schedule juggling.

I do like the commitment to the setup. One thing you've firmly established is your knack for internal plot details, and the circumstances that led to the Maiden's destructive rise made for an entertaining read. You did take a while to get to the crux of the story, but as I have said before: There is no substitute for taking the time to write out the entirety of what is needed for the story to work, and that is precisely what you did.

Visiting the combat scene, we finally come across the story's real problem. The battle between our magicians was, in my opinion at least, much more engaging than your previous battle scenes. It had greater tactical aspect to it, and although we don't get a great description of any of the characters' appearances or that of their attacks, the narrative does an excellent job of relaying the actions and consequences in a natural way. The problem though is that you keep getting ahead of yourself - throughout the whole story (the battle in particular is just the point where it occurs most prominently), you bombard the reader with narrative exposition. The exposition is not a bad thing, but you spend almost more time explaining parts of the story than telling it, continuously introducing new details - which is sort of detrimental to the engaging aspects of the experience. My suggestion here is to show, not tell. Don't cut or scale back the exposition entirely, but space it out a bit more appropriately allow the readers to interpret and infer some of it on their own with the actions in the story and the behavior of the characters.

As for how you handled the challenge itself, you neatly nailed it right on the head, capturing both the positive and detrimental aspects of such a dramatic change in a manner which perfectly meets what I was looking for - Awesome, horrific, grand in scale, and not something that the individual in question would have envisioned themselves doing prior - with far reaching consequences. The double-take Judith has at the very end after she 'rescues' Min was particularly well executed.

Congratulations, and keep at it.

@Terminal

Me Responding

I do usually proof-read a few times if I'm not in a hurry, but I seem to be in a hurry a little more often than I'd like. Haha. Yeah, reading a done section before continuing sounds like a solid piece of advice, I believe I'll do so next time. Thanks.

Teh-heh. I am very happy to have been able to provide with an entertaining read. I am rather proud of my entry now, because I believe I got things (except for some grammar and typos) just as I wanted them, and the feedback appears to agree, mostly. I am happy I spent as long on the night as I did finishing this tale as I wanted it.

And yes, I did bombard the reader with narrative exposition. I intend to attempt cutting back a bit on that for the next entry. This entry was a small experiment of mine, where I made sure to describe the world as well as I could imagine so that the reader would understand what was going on in the world. I do believe I've understood your point, maybe, and I will attempt a different kind of experiment next time, to see how people take that one. Thank you for providing your opinion.

I kind of want to explain a little about my reaction here. I was recently the GM of a roleplay that took place in this world I've written about, and the players faced Min as a villain. They had been asked to rescue the girls she had kidnapped from various places in order to attempt completing Project Aliea on. So they found her mansion, got into trouble running around her mansion watched by countless mirrors and had some action against her various minions (she had two more magicians and numerous other named fighters in the roleplay to make the adventure more exciting) while Min tried to scare them away without fighting, all of which was made more intense by her minions' capability to come out of any mirror at any time thanks to her magic.

She was eventually forced to do battle herself and was defeated by the player playing a heat-magician who managed to melt through one of her defensive mirrors and hit before Min could attempt using Aliea against them. After they captured her, they had quite the amusing discussion where they found out, well, pretty much what Min was shouting over the town and tried to figure out what to do with her now with Min's added commentary. In any case, the players appeared to have enjoyed the adventure and I really liked Min's character, so I really wanted to write about her in the upcoming Labour, but as said, I was worried the Labour wouldn't fit her.

... It was perfect. She already had a loon of a body to go crazy in, and the story fell into place so well. Screw the person who said "discard your first idea", because it was too perfect not to take advantage of, which was also why I was so determined to finish it. And yepp. I'm really happy that I managed to execute it well. Now I have this story about her which I'm pretty proud of, in a wonderful alternative timeline. So, thank you very much for the perfect theme~!

I shall most certainly keep at it. Haha. Thank you, once again.

Lesse, now I've cleared every other Labour. Cleared #1, failed #2, cleared #3, failed #4, cleared #5... Which means I should fail #8. ... I WILL BREAK THE PATTERN! XD

[Loksfjoer]

There's no way I'm going to be dethroned in round eight or any of the other rounds. Challenge accepted!

I can't begin to explain where the awkward grammar and typos came from, the spellchecker didn't seem to pick up on any and I didn't see them either. I did read through it several times though :/ I will do my best to get back to the former quality of story telling in my other entries.

Basically with the new system clearing every labour doesn't do more than give more lives? And winning every labour until the final hazard will be more of a personal accomplishment instead of something that will be rewarded in a way? Because I was rather proud of being 1 out of 2 clearing everything so far XD

[mdk]

I'd be there if I hadn't totally misunderstood the first labor :( I was the only one to miss the memo, so clearly my own fault. Haunts me, though. I'm happy I'll get a crack at the final round, at least.

[Terminal]

There's no way I'm going to be dethroned in round eight or any of the other rounds. Challenge accepted!

I can't begin to explain where the awkward grammar and typos came from, the spellchecker didn't seem to pick up on any and I didn't see them either. I did read through it several times though :/ I will do my best to get back to the former quality of story telling in my other entries.

Basically with the new system clearing every labour doesn't do more than give more lives? And winning every labour until the final hazard will be more of a personal accomplishment instead of something that will be rewarded in a way? Because I was rather proud of being 1 out of 2 clearing everything so far XD

@WiseDragonGirl

I suppose there will be something in it for those who are Twelve Times the Victor...

But you don't need to fret about that, since Eight is going to break your streak if six and seven don't. ;)

[Loksfjoer]

We'll see about that :)

[Holmishire]

<Snipped quote by WiseDragonGirl>

I suppose there will be something in it for those who are Twelve Times the Victor...

But you don't need to fret about that, since Eight is going to break your streak if six and seven don't. ;)

@Terminal

Every time you tell us we'll inevitably fail, it only spurs me on further.

[Dedonus]

Labor 2 and 5 should count because they didn't count for Herakles.

[Terminal]

Labor 2 and 5 should count because they didn't count for Herakles.

@Dedonus

Except this is called the Twelve Labours. He was only supposed to do ten, here I expect you at minimum to do twelve. If you would like, I could discount those same two and rack it up to fourteen.

[Dedonus]

<Snipped quote by Dedonus>

Except this is called the Twelve Labors. He was only supposed to do ten, here I expect you at minimum to do twelve. If you would like, I could discount those same two and rack it up to fourteen.

@Terminal

It was just a little joke. Herakles did Twelve Labors instead ten because two of the original labors did not count, so in order to have ten labors that did count, Herakles needed to do two additional labors. :D

[Terminal]

<Snipped quote by Terminal>

It was just a little joke. Herakles did Twelve Labors instead ten because two of the original labors did not count, so in order to have ten labors that did count, Herakles needed to do two additional labors. :D

@Dedonus

Right, and the joke here is that each subsequent series leads to an increase of two Labours since the discounting and addition of two additional labours each time has become a tradition.

[Terminal]

Wait, is it December already?

And here I am already behind schedule. Tsk tsk.

Of course, recalling one of my earlier posts, I cannot actually be certain that the next Labour will be starting yet. If anybody is paying attention and would care to chime in: Should I run the Sixth Labour during December, or wait until after the New Year?

If nobody answers I will default to the presumption of delay due to holiday-induced apathy.

[Thaddeus Dron]

I love this. I have no idea what I'd do for it, but that's part of the intrigue. I'd try to draw something up for the sixth labor...

[Dedonus]

Wait, is it December already?

And here I am already behind schedule. Tsk tsk.

Of course, recalling one of my earlier posts, I cannot actually be certain that the next Labour will be starting yet. If anybody is paying attention and would care to chime in: Should I run the Sixth Labour during December, or wait until after the New Year?

If nobody answers I will default to the presumption of delay due to holiday-induced apathy.

@Terminal

You might want to hold out until New Year. The next week or two will be exam week for most people, so that might take up people's time.

[Holmishire]

I myself am burdened with finals until the fourteenth. Should the Labour progress as usual, I would of course do my utmost to participate—but I would certainly not be adverse to a short delay.