@Arcanaut
- Please add description of eyes (A static image conveys a static idea, whereas perhaps there are moving specks?) You can keep the picture.
- Reference pictures, while useful, are not as telling as a written description. (Appearance) You can keep the pictures, within hiders: Though do not use hiders for the written portion, please.
- Aligned Faction: "Considered enemy of The Forsaken as well as those against the Forsaken" is.. a tad confusing, is an enemy to all?
- Backstory: " It was at this point Roland's abilities revealed themselves sending him across the field ", what abilities? I don't remember reading how, or when, he joined with a spark.
- Backstory:I don't understand why there would be no evidence of the bodies, blood, or anything, but they leave your character their because.. why? Convenience, purely.
- Backstory: "by crows and burned by the endless sun that Roland met his spark" Oh, there's that spark joining. Did you bother reading the lore I wrote? Actually, there's more lore errors than just the super powers without the spark. The character can't awake without a spark, as it is a manifestation of the spark. Uriel cannot "help" him remove himself from the cross, as the phenomena is gained by the joining, meaning the Spark has no prior knowledge of it, nor can Uriel take over his mind and do it for him, as the Spark can only take over during the awakened state. I suggest you read, or reread the lore, and redraft your backstory.
- Backstory: I'm really glad he was found by these doctors dudes who had the equipment necessary to perform microscopic surgery on his intestines, and treat the infections ensuing from wounds like that. Also, Blood loss in this case is still going to be very severe - nearly all the abdominal organs are pretty amply supplied with arterial blood. It's a bit hard to work out precisely, but the combined cross-sectional area of the arteries supplying the liver, kidneys and intestines appears to be about equivalent to that of a femoral artery. Meaning he would bleed to death in a couple a minutes at best, not even factoring in his crucifixion wounds, probable dehydration, and it's popularized that crows would go for the softer tissues first, his open wounds, his disemboweled midsection, and his eyes and tongue. I see absolutely no possible way this character is alive-- In fact he should have died about four times now.
- Armor: The armor he posses is accurately portrayed in the picture ... but without telekinetic shielding he is considered without armor. What? Does he or doe he not have armor? (Telekinetic shielding is not armor.) Also, Picture referencing his armor.. should be moved to armor section.
- Abilities: Long name is long: "Run so fast he becomes a blur" I agreed upon improved speed, but that's a bit drastic. Tone it down to like, twice as fast of a person sprinting?
- Abilities: Gremlin: That is not what tuning is, it does not give him the clairvoyance to see inside the working object and manipulate it. He would have to actually know what he was doing.
- Abilities: Rail Gun: This is tuning.
- Abilities: Spy Moon Guy: Training as a spy? You mean Soulless? How exactly does one know to acquire important pieces of information... if they do not understand what they are looking at; other than common sense which really isn't a special ability now is it?
- Abilities: Elegant Savage: Don't use specific situations as a fact. (This is really just a tip, not really a problem). Everything has a circumstance, that metaphorical room of people he could engage, they could all be immortals, or bears in disguise.
- Abilities: Muh Honor: Just need clarification on the last sentence, when he does use his powers to incapacitated, or when he does not? The "not" doesn't seem like it fits.
- Abilities: Muh Hands (:P): I will allow him to move small objects without much weight without tuning to them, and his longinus because of the familiarity of the weapon.
Faction:Will clean up for clarity
Backstory
- Offense 1- Misread the bit about the sparks. I thought they only talked to them when they awakened, and that awakening was different from first gaining their abilities
- Offense 2- This was because I thought you'd like them to be nice and spooky but I can easily remove this
- Offense 3- Again misread the section on the awakened part, will edit accordingly
- Offense 4- Here I'm having some confusion, as when I consulted you via PM you said this was perfectly fine. I'll clarify that he was holding his guts in with his powers but I'll change it to someone else saving him. I guess I'll remove the crow?
Armor:This is a fair assessment; the telekinesis shouldn't be considered armor. Bit confused about the need to move it, but you're the boss.
Abilities:
- Offense 1- Was using a bit of fluff to get the point across. Will edit with definitive numbers.
- Offense 2- Would he thought? It's not like he's taking apart a gun by the screws, he's just breaking it. If you believe it's going to be an issue I'll remove it though.
- Offense 3- Scout would have been a better word. I'll rework this one from scratch.
- Offense 4- I'm not sure what your problem is here. Have I offended you in some way?
- Offense 5- Perfectly fine with that.
