Member
Grimoire Gaming
LovelyComplex
Festive
Hey Im Jordan
AlteredTundra
Melissa
Izurich
Sapphic Pigeon
Rockette
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
Rye all but bowled JJ over with the speed that he flung himself out of the media center and into the hall, throwing himself on her with a dramatic sigh and giving himself three seconds of hiding his face in her shoulder before he had to face the world outside the set lights. He was always careful when doing this never to squish their bodies together, to keep his hug up around her shoulders, ever aware of his best friend’s rotation of rodents and their snuggle spots in her bag and hoodie pockets. His best friend basically carried around emotional support in the form of fuzzy little friends that were absolutely not actually allowed to be there, but Rye loved it.
He loved it even more when they got loose and caused chaos, but he’s been told he can be a bit of a dick with what he finds funny sometimes. To each their own.
Pulling away, Rye looked at JJ and tilted his head, questioning, “That’s a pretty serious thinking face you’ve got going on, Jay, am I in trouble for something? Also who do you got on you today, is it one of the ones that likes me and wants cuddles?”
Opening her tote, to showcase Biggie sweet chillen, JJ gave a nod to answer that question (Biggie loved cuddles with anyone that didn’t want to squish him) before she let out everything, speedily, that was on her mind. “Okay so I think Chai noticed me because I put on Addie’s lipstick, which is more progress I ever made with him even after you keep telling me to just be myself.” Rye and her sisters were the only ones that knew how bad JJ had it for the bad boy but she didn’t want to overstep or make Chai uncomfortable, so she tried her best to stay in her lane and be just friends. Her crush was getting harder and harder to bury and she knew if she didn’t do something now they’d waste their last year still being just friends. She didn’t want to be just friends anymore.
She wanted more.
To make Chai happy in ways that only lovers could but in her humble opinion Rye was always better in the department of sex and love, and knew Chai more than her. There was also Chai’s childhood best friend, and lover, Sunshine, to consider. Without a doubt, Sonny was a package deal if she wanted to embark on this journey. JJ had spent most of her highschool career thinking about her sexuality, her wants and needs, and while she was deeply out of her element in courting, she knew she’d be okay with sharing. Her heart had plenty of room to love more than just one person. She just hadn’t really tried anyone yet.
There were times she thought that maybe Rye was a better match for their mutual interest. That, however, rarely lasted long. She would never know unless she tried and she wasn’t one to harbor on comparing herself with her best friend. They had similar taste and that just goes to show that he understood her better than others. Well, except better than PJ. PJ was her twin. She had an advantage. Rye constantly encouraged her to try and assured her that what he had with Decky was not what she was seeking. JJ wanted commitment, which is why she couldn’t sleep around and explore, and Rye wanted companionship, to feel less lonely, and was in need of intimacy. He explained to her that he got that from a few people. Not just Decky.
“So I was thinking after the game — because we both know I need to do my drummer girl thing — we should go shopping so I can get him to really see me. But also! I don’t know if this is the time or place to talk about this but like, Jamie was not himself this morning. He was walking away from the murder shed and looking sad, so I kept him company and we’re actually going to the party together, weird right? But that’s beside the point. Whatever he has going on had to do with a really prominent hickey on his neck and I hope he is okay but like I want to know from you, what’s the beef between him and Chai? I was sitting in between them and it was… A LOT. I’m honestly glad Biggie slipped out and scared the shiitake mushrooms out of PJ. I really thought Chai was going to punch Jamie’s face in!” When she got everything out of her mind, she exhaled out, content that it was no longer trapped inside.
Rye had received Biggie from JJ while she spoke and the mouse had curled up under the collar of his flannel, something he’d taken from Sully’s closet on his last visit with the express interest of having them wear the same type of clothes on screen this morning, and the other boy hadn’t even noticed. Not that Rye was surprised, he’d pulled little tricks like this on the second host of the Morning Show ever since Freshman year and dude just breezed by completely unaware somehow even with more caffeine coursing through his system than Rye has anxiety, and that’s really saying something. Whatever, the fabric was comfy as hell and Rye had left behind his sherpa lined zip up hoodie of his that he knew Sully loved the softness of, so it wasn’t like he didn’t give a fair trade too. Sully probably just thought Rye left it on accident, but the smaller boy loved that hoodie and would never forget it somewhere, especially without asking after it for the whole week since. No, that hoodie was the streamer boy’s now just as much as his flannel was now Rye’s, it was just how friendships and companionship with him worked.
In order to process all of his friend’s words, Rye closed his eyes before slowly reaching up to press his earbuds in further and take a deep, grounding breath as his brain finished processing the wonder of Chai noticed me, shopping after school and moved along to the anxiety inducing Jamie, murder shed, going to the party together, Jamie and Decky tension. He dropped his fingers from the earphones and made sure to give Biggie an adoring scritch on his little head before letting his hands fall slack at his sides. Dammit. First Sully before the day even started and now JJ is dancing on the edge of it all too, getting a peek over the fence into a situation that by all means they shouldn’t have to worry about. He blew out a harsh breath and began tapping his thighs rapidly before making the executive decision that this was not the place to be having this conversation. Rye had nothing against Jamie, honestly- didn't even really interact with him outside the media center- and there was no reason to be spilling everyone’s secrets in the open halls.
“Okay. Okay, yeah, that lipstick does look fucking great on you by the way I’m glad it pulled Deck’s head outta his ass, and you calling him Chai is honestly so adorable I can’t even. Now come on, not here for the rest,” Rye grabbed JJ’s hand and began to drag her towards the best place he could think of. The library this early in the morning was almost strictly filled with student tutors and their charges, and avid readers who get lost in their books, which meant if you kept your noise level respectful, no one paid you any damn mind nor did they care for any gossip that did manage to filter past the printed pages of their textbook and novel induced hazes. They soon reached the library doors and Rye had to jump back last minute to avoid getting smacked in the face as one of them swung open and slammed into the wall. “Christ!”
“Watch it Twinkie,” The boy that had flung the door open sneered as he hefted his backpack higher on his shoulder. “Why are you everywhere?” Rye’s surprised look dropped when he saw who it was and he immediately rolled his eyes, crossing his arms and cocking his hip out to complete the judgmental stance.
“You didn’t mind this twinkie when you were desperate to be the filling, Ronnell,” He responded as the door swung closed, making the other boy grimace. As one of the Junior Firefighters and Junior EMTs, Ronnell and Rye had joint training quite often, and over the summer it had culminated into a night of disappointment and embarrassment. Ronnell didn’t take Rye’s attempted assurances well, in fact he’d turned on the other boy completely and treated him like shit since, so Rye just gave back as good as he got. “Maybe you can’t stop thinking of me so you keep manifesting me in your vicinity. Am I on your mind that much? Miss what you barely had a chance to have?”
“Fuck off, Shomer,” The larger boy spat, hands fisted at his sides. “Never even wanted to be with you in the first place, never want to again,” He shoved Rye back by the shoulder and stalked away at breakneck speeds, but not fast enough to avoid Rye’s parting shot.
“Whaaaaat? Really?” Rye called, waving with one hand and boosting his own voice with his other hand cupped on the side of his mouth. “But Ronnie, we made such a great pair for the three seconds you lasted!”
“SIR, TWINKIES ARE GOOD!” JJ called out before immediately getting a quiet shush by a male student poking his head out from the library entrance before closing it to go back to his book.
“You tell ‘im, Jay,” The malicious smile dropped off of his face the second the other boy was out of view and a scowl to rival Decky’s took over. “What a fucking prick, I didn’t even care but then he had to go make it a thing,” He grabbed the door handle to the library and threw it open, intending to go through and hold it open for JJ to pass the threshold as well. “I was more than happy with the fact that he could lift me up against a wall and keep me there I didn’t care abou-”
Rye ran face first into the chest of someone on the other side of the threshold.
“Was that prick the reason why you—” Niles breathed, glancing down at the boy that ran into him and back up at the girl that was staring wide eyed at him, like she had seen a ghost. He continued, “—were screaming? Mrs. Mads sent me out to check on it. You’re loud.”
Jordyn didn’t know how to react. While her best friend had many people that wanted to sleep with him, the one he wanted to sleep with badly, was the boy he just ran face first into. Niles didn’t back away and he even had his hand on Rye’s lower back, making sure he didn’t fall. JJ couldn’t help but blush for her friend. What a predicament to be in! How was he going to get out of this one? “I am… going over there. Catch you soon RyeRye.” Instead of saving her friend she decided to give him privacy so he can say whatever naughty things that were on his mind. Wait, no JJ. This wasn’t the time or place for that. Even so, she was going to give Rye space. He could use it so he could take in all that was Niles Sinclair.
“Are you okay?” Niles asked his dainty classmate as the curly haired black girl pranced away.
Rye had shot JJ’s retreating form a very clear don’t leave me look of panic, but his best friend, the traitor, never even turned around. Biggie’s whiskers were twitching against his neck and Rye was trying desperately to focus on that odd feeling instead of the warmth blooming from Niles’ contact point on his lower back. Instead of the mortification at the realization that Niles just heard him say he liked to be held up against walls. He would be getting back at her for this later.
“Loud? Sorry, yeah. I, uhm,” Rye wasn’t blushing. Someone doing something as little as touching him never made him blush. Yet he could feel heat creeping into his cheeks, especially when he realized he had put his hands up between them to catch himself at the same time Niles had steadied him with his hand on his back, and they were resting far too comfortably against the taller boy’s chest. He dropped his hands in embarrassment. Why was it so hot in here all the sudden? “I- yeah, I’m fine, you’re pretty comfy to run into.”
For once in your life, shut the fuck up, Gavriel. Please
The nonchalant gaze of the other boy watched Rye carefully. He couldn’t help but give a small smile as he shared an intent stare with his acquaintance. This wasn’t something Niles expected to happen to him this early in the morning but here he was, holding his cousin’s lover. “And you’re nice to hold,” Niles teased back, playing along with Rye. This was all good fun and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t find Rye’s expression cute. “You know,” Niles continued, sliding his hand off and putting it to his side. He took a step back to let his shorter classmate breathe. “There’s a mouse in your shirt.” At this point, Biggie found its way in Rye’s flannel and started crawling down until he dropped on the floor. “And now on the floor.”
Biggie ran off.
“That’s- honestly sorry that’s JJ’s problem,” Rye answered, watching disconnectedly as the mouse ran in the same direction his mother had disappeared. It barely even registered to him nowadays that rodents chilling on someone’s person may be considered weird. He honestly just couldn’t believe the little shit had also abandoned him to this trainwreck of an interaction. On his part, at least, because Niles’ initial comment had done a wonderful job of turning any remaining areas of his face bright red. There were so many responses he wanted to give. Then don’t let me go, then hold me closer, tighter. Forget the mouse, I want you under my shirt. And so many more. However, all that came out was a stumbled, “Being held is nice.”
He was never going to recover from this. His voice had fucking cracked, wobbled like a tightrope walker over a dark precipice. He didn’t know why he was even entertaining himself, or why Niles was entertaining him at all. Rye and AJ were fucking, AJ and Niles were cousins, he had no doubt that Niles was aware of what was going on, but that smirk on the taller boy’s face was too playful to not be leaning into flirtation. Normally, Rye was the one wearing that smirk, luring someone in until they were hooked on him all the way through to the next morning when he slid out of bed and out of their minds. Except for those few that kept him around. Even when he’s been on this end of things with people like Decky, Helen, and AJ who were just as talented flirts as he was, no one had ever made him stumble over his words unless their lips were involved in the process. Well, Helen that first time in the media center but mostly because it had initially been her maliciously intimidating him and she had been both terrifying and incredibly attractive, which is a totally different situation.
“I’m sorry that was so stupid,” He mumbled into his chest, chin tucked in shame and unwilling to see the other boy’s face judging him for acting so ridiculous. Rye couldn’t be any more obvious with this crush, and as a serial flirt and bedhopper, he was honestly a bit disgusted with himself, unsure of just what made Niles Sinclair so different. So effective.
The other boy, a doctor’s son, just like Rye, redirected the conversation. It was as if he could read what was happening or he was good at picking up social cues. “The party, tomorrow.” He asserted, letting his voice carry in the space between them. He didn’t go over an octave. All Niles did was enunciate and fixed his brown eyes on Rye’s face, looking only at him. Hooking his thumbs in his jeans, he leaned his weight to his right and asked, “Are you going?”
“Yeah,” Rye answered in confusion, tilting his head. Of course he was going, Rye’s been to damn near every party he could logically get to ever since he moved here halfway through eighth grade. Parties were where he let loose, where he found people willing to have him, and where the way he tended to act was actually seen as somewhat acceptable. Unlike most people’s opinions on highschool parties, to Rye they were a sacred space where he did and felt his best. Occasionally, the vibes of the party would be enough for him and he’d go home alone, to the house that was always empty because of his mother’s crazy schedule, and he’d put his music on loud and open his latest book. Some nights, the parties were enough that he was actually okay with being alone with himself.
They were rare.
“Oh! Are you going?” He realized he’d barely responded to Niles’ question and the boy was still staring at him as Rye was chewing on his lip while lost in thought. He tried not to get his hopes up that this was actually leading to something, but he was hopeless in more ways than one.
In response Niles rolled his eyes and admitted (a bit unenthused at the fact), “Unfortunately.” Niles wasn’t like his cousin at all. Where AJ partied hard, Niles found peace at home or literally anywhere else. Where AJ got off with surrounding himself with others, Niles would much rather be alone. Where AJ screamed and roared, being the hype people didn’t ask for but clearly needed, Niles chose to keep quiet. Stay in his lane. Avoid the spotlight, at all cost, which was ironic when you considered who his best friends were. AJ and him? They chose to live different lifestyles and that was okay but this was the year he promised his friends he would try new things and stop being a judgy asshole.
This party was his first attempt to live a little.
Niles didn’t find the idea of parties, which was basically a place for teens to lack standards and self respect, as intriguing. Drink booze? Why was that worth his time? He could get whiskey out of his dad’s liquor cabinet. Smoke some weed or snort some coke? Nah, he’d leave that to his cousin. Fuck someone? Yeah, he’ll pass. They probably had an STD. Still, even with how grumpy Sinclair was, he seemed to ease at the thought of knowing Rye would be there. “My friends want me to go. I spent this past week listening to them both bitchin’ so yes, I’ll be there. I’m glad you’ll be there too. It’s good to know I’ll have someone worth talking to.”
“Oh, great!” Rye replied while perking up at the casual compliment, catching himself as he went to lean into Niles space and shrinking in on himself a bit instead. ’Control yourself,’ His father had always said, holding him out at arms length with strong fingers digging firmly into his shoulders whenever Rye would try and seek comfort with him the same way he did his ma. ’Not everyone wants some klutz falling into their space. Act like a man and stand firm.’ Rye didn’t know if Niles would be so forgiving if he fell into his chest twice today, and the conversation had at least been steered away from the earlier embarrassment he’d made of himself. Wringing his hands close to his chest, noticeably quieter, Rye smiled largely at Niles and offered without thinking, “Yeah, come and find me I’ll-”
Be with AJ, you dumbass. Rye’s smile froze as he remembered the situation once again. Niles was just looking for a friend, a life raft in the sea of chaos that was a Green party. Rye could be that, just that. It would be fine.
“I’ll probably be everywhere at least once, so I’ll keep an eye out for you too, yeah?”
“So you don’t want me to find you?” Niles raised his eyebrow, catching on Rye’s sentence shift.
Well that’s embarrassing. Called out so simply.
“I’m, I mean it’s just that…” Rye hated liars, so naturally he didn’t like to be one either. A bit of omission was fine. Like how AJ was omitting his rekindled situationship with Jamie, more likely out of sheer forgetfulness than any malicious intent. It’s not like Rye couldn’t just ask either, but really it didn’t matter to him. They were absolutely no strings attached and both of them were free to do whatever they wanted, and whoever they wanted, regardless of the nights they spent holding each other together when no one else was there to. Rye had already attempted his omission and Niles had caught him in the act, he wasn’t one to continue to bluster through something after that. “I’m gonna be with AJ most of the night, and at parties we’re both pretty loud and high energy which I know isn’t your thing…I can switch on and off no problem so I figured if I saw you it would be easier.”
“Message received,” Niles answered, giving a nod and checking his wrist watch. “Didn’t you come in with a friend? Don’t want to take too much of your time so I’ll catch you later.” The other boy gave a lazy salute before walking around Rye and leaving the library.
Was that okay? Rye wondered, suddenly very aware of the strong beating in his chest. That didn’t feel okay. Did I fuck it up? Did he leave because I upset him? Of course I did, of course I fucked up. His throat began to feel a bit restricted, every anxious, harsh swallow feeling like sandpaper rubbing together. Should he have lied? Niles left very abruptly, and Rye didn’t do well with those types of departures. His hands shook as he continued to wring them together like it would squeeze out the panic, distracting from the way his legs suddenly seemed numb, tingling so intensely with the sudden flooding chemical reaction that he swore he’d vibrate through the floor if he were a comic book character.
He needed his best friend, but he couldn’t move. His breath was coming in short and he could feel tears burning at his eyes as he stared mutely at the closed door. He knew he was an overthinker, but the way Niles had dropped any hint of flirtation in his posture and tone as soon as AJ’s name left Rye’s lips was a pretty clear indicator that it wasn’t just his skewed perception of things. People could probably see him right now, probably saw him just crash and burn in a spectacularly un-Rye-like manner. His tinnitus was ringing like crazy, weren’t his earbuds in? He could feel them resting in his ears, now almost painful while the skin there burned in mortification, but he couldn’t hear anything past the suddenly sharp, tinny tone that had taken over. He ripped them out frantically.
There was subtle movement behind him where someone put headphones on him and Placeholder by The Story So Far was playing. Gently, feminine hands, with sharp, long black nails placed themselves on Rye’s shoulders and eased his body to turn around. When Rye was facing her, Helen brought him close, holding him tightly, grounding him. “Breathe,” she whispered into his ear.
Rye let out a wordless sob as he felt Helen’s arms around him, keeping him from shaking out of his skin. He buried his face into her shoulder much in a similar manner to how he had with JJ earlier. He was trying to breathe, he really was, it was just that suddenly air really hurt and his throat didn’t want to open up to accept any. He tried to focus, eyes shut tight as he tried to narrow in on everything that made Helen, Helen.
Her pop-punk song was playing in his ears, her headphones much more efficient at blocking out the outside world and overpowering his internal noise than his little plastic earbuds ever could be. The melody was simple and with that key whine that helped make pop-punk what it is, making it identifiable and easier to regulate to. Her sharp nails ran soothing circles and lines along his back and head, helping uncoil tense muscle as she did so. She ran a little hotter than most people, throwing off heat like a radiator that always had Rye cuddling closer to her no matter how hot the actual temperature was, and she always smelled so enticingly of vanilla and amaretto, his nose unable to really separate the cherry and pistachio scents. Thinking of it had him taking an aborted breath, but it was better than the nothing he’d been able to pull in before. Eyes still screwed shut, Rye shook pathetically while enveloped in Helen’s protective hold.
“I-” His next attempt earned him a wheezed gasp of oxygen, and Helen’s scent flooded his system like a cleanser. His lip wobbled and he bit it harshly to force it to stop, drawing another harsh breath in past his gritted teeth. “I fucked up, Hellie.”
Helen quieted him, stroking him methodically. “You don’t know that so don’t think that.” She felt his soft curls, twirling a few strands with her fingers, grasping him and steadily breathing. She allowed him to feel her chest move with each controlled inhale and exhale. Helen was calm and collected. Unbothered and unphased. She may be a mythic bitch but for Gavriel Shomer, she was tender, kind, and careful. She was observant and soft. Soft for her usual rep where aggression and anger defined her. Helen, at least for Rye, was vibrating with love. “The rat almost met the sneakers of Malcolm.” She snapped her gum, that hopefully hid, even if subtly, her smoker’s breath. “Don’t worry, it’s with your friend. The rat girl. Do you want to go to her?” She calmly offered, her hands continued to soothe and stroke. A constant motion. A repetitive action to show she was there and she cared. She wasn’t going anywhere.
“Malcom’s a dick,” Rye mumbled into her collarbone, understanding just enough of her words through the music thanks to how aware he was of her voice and the vibrations he could feel from her throat as she spoke. He gripped her tighter. “Rat girl is named JJ. And yes please.”
“Okay, Sprinkles. I’ll take you to her.”
In the farthest corner of the library, where the beanie bags were, JJ laid out sprawled with Biggie splooting on her chest. She wasn’t a good friend for leaving Rye like that but what else did he want her to do? Stare and watch while he puts his foot in his mouth? If she was there, she was 99 percent sure Niles would’ve only stayed for seconds. If Rye seemed occupied, Niles would’ve let him be. It was something she noticed the timid, handsome boy did whenever they were in a shared space. As far as JJ could see, Niles Sinclair only had two friends and his cousin. Everyone else? He likely thought were okay but not once did he see him actively interact with anyone. That is until Rye decided to sit next to him.
If Niles was an introvert, and let's be real, he totally seemed it even if he was charming and good with words, then the more people that surrounded him the less open he’d be. Her taking a swift exit was for Rye’s benefit! It was a calculative move. She hoped he understood. If he didn’t, damn. What would she do to get him to forgive her? Buy him his favorite dessert at that fancy bakery? Actually, that wasn’t a bad idea. Yeah, actually, that was kind of brilliant. She’d keep that in her back pocket just in case she needed to cover her tail.
When the person on JJ’s mind and his gothic supernatural entity appeared, coming from an aisle of many, many horror books, she sat up, making sure Biggie slid down her shirt and to her hands. Observing the two in front of her, she blinked twice and tilted her head; a frown immediately appeared on her face. She didn’t want to bring Rye into another panic attack so instead she made room on the beanie for him, holding Biggie with one hand, against her chest, and patting the beanie with her other, mouthing: “Come.”
At the sight of his best friend, Rye’s fragile dam broke once more, his puffy eyes again filled with tears and face screwed up in regret. Not letting go of his death grip on Helen’s hand, he stumbled forward and dropped harshly down onto the cushion, falling into JJ and curling up to her as the beanie shifted beneath their bodies. Slowly, his fingers detangled from Helen’s and his arm fell across JJ’s middle in a desperate squeeze, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t still seeking contact from the goth too. Almost subconsciously, his leg extend out until his shoe was in touching Helen’s, making sure she was still there while he couldn’t see her or hear her from their new distance. Brokenly, his insecurity on full display, he whimpered the need Helen had already reassured him on into JJ’s soft curls.
“Please don’t leave me alone.”
Fuck her. Helen wasn’t planning on staying in the library but here Rye needed her. She looked down at her dress, corset and all, and blew a little strand out of her face. “I’m going to this chair, right here. Literally next to you. I expect you both to pick me up once first period is over.” Shuffling to the beanie near the two others, Helen glanced behind her at the low chair and her dress. She dropped down and laid back, trying her best to not ruin her hair. She reached out her hand to grab Rye’s before closing her eyes and listening to the atmosphere. Helen truly did look like a beautiful corpse bride on a beanie bag.
”Please…”
“I don’t think I can even if I wanted to,” JJ teasingly admitted. Rye completely took over her space, making sure she couldn’t get away. Biggie found his way nestled between both their necks, ready for a nap just like the dead woman. “Now. Do you want to talk about it or do you want to just lay here for a bit?”
“I don’t wanna cry again,” Rye answered, which was his tired way of saying ‘just lay here for a bit’. He squeezed Helen’s hand and focused on the steady rise and fall of Biggie’s bitty body against his pulsepoint. He could feel a bit of steady vibrations from where his feet rested on the thin carpet and he cracked exhausted eyes open to see Mrs. Mads casually wheeling an incredibly full book return cart in front of their little alcove, effectively giving them a privacy wall against the outside world. She pretended not to even notice them until she saw the boy’s eyes on her, and then she let a warm smile overtake her face and winked at him, holding her finger up to her lips before walking away as his eyes shut again.
Kids needed their rest, after all.
He loved it even more when they got loose and caused chaos, but he’s been told he can be a bit of a dick with what he finds funny sometimes. To each their own.
Pulling away, Rye looked at JJ and tilted his head, questioning, “That’s a pretty serious thinking face you’ve got going on, Jay, am I in trouble for something? Also who do you got on you today, is it one of the ones that likes me and wants cuddles?”
Opening her tote, to showcase Biggie sweet chillen, JJ gave a nod to answer that question (Biggie loved cuddles with anyone that didn’t want to squish him) before she let out everything, speedily, that was on her mind. “Okay so I think Chai noticed me because I put on Addie’s lipstick, which is more progress I ever made with him even after you keep telling me to just be myself.” Rye and her sisters were the only ones that knew how bad JJ had it for the bad boy but she didn’t want to overstep or make Chai uncomfortable, so she tried her best to stay in her lane and be just friends. Her crush was getting harder and harder to bury and she knew if she didn’t do something now they’d waste their last year still being just friends. She didn’t want to be just friends anymore.
She wanted more.
To make Chai happy in ways that only lovers could but in her humble opinion Rye was always better in the department of sex and love, and knew Chai more than her. There was also Chai’s childhood best friend, and lover, Sunshine, to consider. Without a doubt, Sonny was a package deal if she wanted to embark on this journey. JJ had spent most of her highschool career thinking about her sexuality, her wants and needs, and while she was deeply out of her element in courting, she knew she’d be okay with sharing. Her heart had plenty of room to love more than just one person. She just hadn’t really tried anyone yet.
There were times she thought that maybe Rye was a better match for their mutual interest. That, however, rarely lasted long. She would never know unless she tried and she wasn’t one to harbor on comparing herself with her best friend. They had similar taste and that just goes to show that he understood her better than others. Well, except better than PJ. PJ was her twin. She had an advantage. Rye constantly encouraged her to try and assured her that what he had with Decky was not what she was seeking. JJ wanted commitment, which is why she couldn’t sleep around and explore, and Rye wanted companionship, to feel less lonely, and was in need of intimacy. He explained to her that he got that from a few people. Not just Decky.
“So I was thinking after the game — because we both know I need to do my drummer girl thing — we should go shopping so I can get him to really see me. But also! I don’t know if this is the time or place to talk about this but like, Jamie was not himself this morning. He was walking away from the murder shed and looking sad, so I kept him company and we’re actually going to the party together, weird right? But that’s beside the point. Whatever he has going on had to do with a really prominent hickey on his neck and I hope he is okay but like I want to know from you, what’s the beef between him and Chai? I was sitting in between them and it was… A LOT. I’m honestly glad Biggie slipped out and scared the shiitake mushrooms out of PJ. I really thought Chai was going to punch Jamie’s face in!” When she got everything out of her mind, she exhaled out, content that it was no longer trapped inside.
Rye had received Biggie from JJ while she spoke and the mouse had curled up under the collar of his flannel, something he’d taken from Sully’s closet on his last visit with the express interest of having them wear the same type of clothes on screen this morning, and the other boy hadn’t even noticed. Not that Rye was surprised, he’d pulled little tricks like this on the second host of the Morning Show ever since Freshman year and dude just breezed by completely unaware somehow even with more caffeine coursing through his system than Rye has anxiety, and that’s really saying something. Whatever, the fabric was comfy as hell and Rye had left behind his sherpa lined zip up hoodie of his that he knew Sully loved the softness of, so it wasn’t like he didn’t give a fair trade too. Sully probably just thought Rye left it on accident, but the smaller boy loved that hoodie and would never forget it somewhere, especially without asking after it for the whole week since. No, that hoodie was the streamer boy’s now just as much as his flannel was now Rye’s, it was just how friendships and companionship with him worked.
In order to process all of his friend’s words, Rye closed his eyes before slowly reaching up to press his earbuds in further and take a deep, grounding breath as his brain finished processing the wonder of Chai noticed me, shopping after school and moved along to the anxiety inducing Jamie, murder shed, going to the party together, Jamie and Decky tension. He dropped his fingers from the earphones and made sure to give Biggie an adoring scritch on his little head before letting his hands fall slack at his sides. Dammit. First Sully before the day even started and now JJ is dancing on the edge of it all too, getting a peek over the fence into a situation that by all means they shouldn’t have to worry about. He blew out a harsh breath and began tapping his thighs rapidly before making the executive decision that this was not the place to be having this conversation. Rye had nothing against Jamie, honestly- didn't even really interact with him outside the media center- and there was no reason to be spilling everyone’s secrets in the open halls.
“Okay. Okay, yeah, that lipstick does look fucking great on you by the way I’m glad it pulled Deck’s head outta his ass, and you calling him Chai is honestly so adorable I can’t even. Now come on, not here for the rest,” Rye grabbed JJ’s hand and began to drag her towards the best place he could think of. The library this early in the morning was almost strictly filled with student tutors and their charges, and avid readers who get lost in their books, which meant if you kept your noise level respectful, no one paid you any damn mind nor did they care for any gossip that did manage to filter past the printed pages of their textbook and novel induced hazes. They soon reached the library doors and Rye had to jump back last minute to avoid getting smacked in the face as one of them swung open and slammed into the wall. “Christ!”
“Watch it Twinkie,” The boy that had flung the door open sneered as he hefted his backpack higher on his shoulder. “Why are you everywhere?” Rye’s surprised look dropped when he saw who it was and he immediately rolled his eyes, crossing his arms and cocking his hip out to complete the judgmental stance.
“You didn’t mind this twinkie when you were desperate to be the filling, Ronnell,” He responded as the door swung closed, making the other boy grimace. As one of the Junior Firefighters and Junior EMTs, Ronnell and Rye had joint training quite often, and over the summer it had culminated into a night of disappointment and embarrassment. Ronnell didn’t take Rye’s attempted assurances well, in fact he’d turned on the other boy completely and treated him like shit since, so Rye just gave back as good as he got. “Maybe you can’t stop thinking of me so you keep manifesting me in your vicinity. Am I on your mind that much? Miss what you barely had a chance to have?”
“Fuck off, Shomer,” The larger boy spat, hands fisted at his sides. “Never even wanted to be with you in the first place, never want to again,” He shoved Rye back by the shoulder and stalked away at breakneck speeds, but not fast enough to avoid Rye’s parting shot.
“Whaaaaat? Really?” Rye called, waving with one hand and boosting his own voice with his other hand cupped on the side of his mouth. “But Ronnie, we made such a great pair for the three seconds you lasted!”
“SIR, TWINKIES ARE GOOD!” JJ called out before immediately getting a quiet shush by a male student poking his head out from the library entrance before closing it to go back to his book.
“You tell ‘im, Jay,” The malicious smile dropped off of his face the second the other boy was out of view and a scowl to rival Decky’s took over. “What a fucking prick, I didn’t even care but then he had to go make it a thing,” He grabbed the door handle to the library and threw it open, intending to go through and hold it open for JJ to pass the threshold as well. “I was more than happy with the fact that he could lift me up against a wall and keep me there I didn’t care abou-”
Rye ran face first into the chest of someone on the other side of the threshold.
“Was that prick the reason why you—” Niles breathed, glancing down at the boy that ran into him and back up at the girl that was staring wide eyed at him, like she had seen a ghost. He continued, “—were screaming? Mrs. Mads sent me out to check on it. You’re loud.”
Jordyn didn’t know how to react. While her best friend had many people that wanted to sleep with him, the one he wanted to sleep with badly, was the boy he just ran face first into. Niles didn’t back away and he even had his hand on Rye’s lower back, making sure he didn’t fall. JJ couldn’t help but blush for her friend. What a predicament to be in! How was he going to get out of this one? “I am… going over there. Catch you soon RyeRye.” Instead of saving her friend she decided to give him privacy so he can say whatever naughty things that were on his mind. Wait, no JJ. This wasn’t the time or place for that. Even so, she was going to give Rye space. He could use it so he could take in all that was Niles Sinclair.
“Are you okay?” Niles asked his dainty classmate as the curly haired black girl pranced away.
Rye had shot JJ’s retreating form a very clear don’t leave me look of panic, but his best friend, the traitor, never even turned around. Biggie’s whiskers were twitching against his neck and Rye was trying desperately to focus on that odd feeling instead of the warmth blooming from Niles’ contact point on his lower back. Instead of the mortification at the realization that Niles just heard him say he liked to be held up against walls. He would be getting back at her for this later.
“Loud? Sorry, yeah. I, uhm,” Rye wasn’t blushing. Someone doing something as little as touching him never made him blush. Yet he could feel heat creeping into his cheeks, especially when he realized he had put his hands up between them to catch himself at the same time Niles had steadied him with his hand on his back, and they were resting far too comfortably against the taller boy’s chest. He dropped his hands in embarrassment. Why was it so hot in here all the sudden? “I- yeah, I’m fine, you’re pretty comfy to run into.”
For once in your life, shut the fuck up, Gavriel. Please
The nonchalant gaze of the other boy watched Rye carefully. He couldn’t help but give a small smile as he shared an intent stare with his acquaintance. This wasn’t something Niles expected to happen to him this early in the morning but here he was, holding his cousin’s lover. “And you’re nice to hold,” Niles teased back, playing along with Rye. This was all good fun and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t find Rye’s expression cute. “You know,” Niles continued, sliding his hand off and putting it to his side. He took a step back to let his shorter classmate breathe. “There’s a mouse in your shirt.” At this point, Biggie found its way in Rye’s flannel and started crawling down until he dropped on the floor. “And now on the floor.”
Biggie ran off.
“That’s- honestly sorry that’s JJ’s problem,” Rye answered, watching disconnectedly as the mouse ran in the same direction his mother had disappeared. It barely even registered to him nowadays that rodents chilling on someone’s person may be considered weird. He honestly just couldn’t believe the little shit had also abandoned him to this trainwreck of an interaction. On his part, at least, because Niles’ initial comment had done a wonderful job of turning any remaining areas of his face bright red. There were so many responses he wanted to give. Then don’t let me go, then hold me closer, tighter. Forget the mouse, I want you under my shirt. And so many more. However, all that came out was a stumbled, “Being held is nice.”
He was never going to recover from this. His voice had fucking cracked, wobbled like a tightrope walker over a dark precipice. He didn’t know why he was even entertaining himself, or why Niles was entertaining him at all. Rye and AJ were fucking, AJ and Niles were cousins, he had no doubt that Niles was aware of what was going on, but that smirk on the taller boy’s face was too playful to not be leaning into flirtation. Normally, Rye was the one wearing that smirk, luring someone in until they were hooked on him all the way through to the next morning when he slid out of bed and out of their minds. Except for those few that kept him around. Even when he’s been on this end of things with people like Decky, Helen, and AJ who were just as talented flirts as he was, no one had ever made him stumble over his words unless their lips were involved in the process. Well, Helen that first time in the media center but mostly because it had initially been her maliciously intimidating him and she had been both terrifying and incredibly attractive, which is a totally different situation.
“I’m sorry that was so stupid,” He mumbled into his chest, chin tucked in shame and unwilling to see the other boy’s face judging him for acting so ridiculous. Rye couldn’t be any more obvious with this crush, and as a serial flirt and bedhopper, he was honestly a bit disgusted with himself, unsure of just what made Niles Sinclair so different. So effective.
The other boy, a doctor’s son, just like Rye, redirected the conversation. It was as if he could read what was happening or he was good at picking up social cues. “The party, tomorrow.” He asserted, letting his voice carry in the space between them. He didn’t go over an octave. All Niles did was enunciate and fixed his brown eyes on Rye’s face, looking only at him. Hooking his thumbs in his jeans, he leaned his weight to his right and asked, “Are you going?”
“Yeah,” Rye answered in confusion, tilting his head. Of course he was going, Rye’s been to damn near every party he could logically get to ever since he moved here halfway through eighth grade. Parties were where he let loose, where he found people willing to have him, and where the way he tended to act was actually seen as somewhat acceptable. Unlike most people’s opinions on highschool parties, to Rye they were a sacred space where he did and felt his best. Occasionally, the vibes of the party would be enough for him and he’d go home alone, to the house that was always empty because of his mother’s crazy schedule, and he’d put his music on loud and open his latest book. Some nights, the parties were enough that he was actually okay with being alone with himself.
They were rare.
“Oh! Are you going?” He realized he’d barely responded to Niles’ question and the boy was still staring at him as Rye was chewing on his lip while lost in thought. He tried not to get his hopes up that this was actually leading to something, but he was hopeless in more ways than one.
In response Niles rolled his eyes and admitted (a bit unenthused at the fact), “Unfortunately.” Niles wasn’t like his cousin at all. Where AJ partied hard, Niles found peace at home or literally anywhere else. Where AJ got off with surrounding himself with others, Niles would much rather be alone. Where AJ screamed and roared, being the hype people didn’t ask for but clearly needed, Niles chose to keep quiet. Stay in his lane. Avoid the spotlight, at all cost, which was ironic when you considered who his best friends were. AJ and him? They chose to live different lifestyles and that was okay but this was the year he promised his friends he would try new things and stop being a judgy asshole.
This party was his first attempt to live a little.
Niles didn’t find the idea of parties, which was basically a place for teens to lack standards and self respect, as intriguing. Drink booze? Why was that worth his time? He could get whiskey out of his dad’s liquor cabinet. Smoke some weed or snort some coke? Nah, he’d leave that to his cousin. Fuck someone? Yeah, he’ll pass. They probably had an STD. Still, even with how grumpy Sinclair was, he seemed to ease at the thought of knowing Rye would be there. “My friends want me to go. I spent this past week listening to them both bitchin’ so yes, I’ll be there. I’m glad you’ll be there too. It’s good to know I’ll have someone worth talking to.”
“Oh, great!” Rye replied while perking up at the casual compliment, catching himself as he went to lean into Niles space and shrinking in on himself a bit instead. ’Control yourself,’ His father had always said, holding him out at arms length with strong fingers digging firmly into his shoulders whenever Rye would try and seek comfort with him the same way he did his ma. ’Not everyone wants some klutz falling into their space. Act like a man and stand firm.’ Rye didn’t know if Niles would be so forgiving if he fell into his chest twice today, and the conversation had at least been steered away from the earlier embarrassment he’d made of himself. Wringing his hands close to his chest, noticeably quieter, Rye smiled largely at Niles and offered without thinking, “Yeah, come and find me I’ll-”
Be with AJ, you dumbass. Rye’s smile froze as he remembered the situation once again. Niles was just looking for a friend, a life raft in the sea of chaos that was a Green party. Rye could be that, just that. It would be fine.
“I’ll probably be everywhere at least once, so I’ll keep an eye out for you too, yeah?”
“So you don’t want me to find you?” Niles raised his eyebrow, catching on Rye’s sentence shift.
Well that’s embarrassing. Called out so simply.
“I’m, I mean it’s just that…” Rye hated liars, so naturally he didn’t like to be one either. A bit of omission was fine. Like how AJ was omitting his rekindled situationship with Jamie, more likely out of sheer forgetfulness than any malicious intent. It’s not like Rye couldn’t just ask either, but really it didn’t matter to him. They were absolutely no strings attached and both of them were free to do whatever they wanted, and whoever they wanted, regardless of the nights they spent holding each other together when no one else was there to. Rye had already attempted his omission and Niles had caught him in the act, he wasn’t one to continue to bluster through something after that. “I’m gonna be with AJ most of the night, and at parties we’re both pretty loud and high energy which I know isn’t your thing…I can switch on and off no problem so I figured if I saw you it would be easier.”
“Message received,” Niles answered, giving a nod and checking his wrist watch. “Didn’t you come in with a friend? Don’t want to take too much of your time so I’ll catch you later.” The other boy gave a lazy salute before walking around Rye and leaving the library.
Was that okay? Rye wondered, suddenly very aware of the strong beating in his chest. That didn’t feel okay. Did I fuck it up? Did he leave because I upset him? Of course I did, of course I fucked up. His throat began to feel a bit restricted, every anxious, harsh swallow feeling like sandpaper rubbing together. Should he have lied? Niles left very abruptly, and Rye didn’t do well with those types of departures. His hands shook as he continued to wring them together like it would squeeze out the panic, distracting from the way his legs suddenly seemed numb, tingling so intensely with the sudden flooding chemical reaction that he swore he’d vibrate through the floor if he were a comic book character.
He needed his best friend, but he couldn’t move. His breath was coming in short and he could feel tears burning at his eyes as he stared mutely at the closed door. He knew he was an overthinker, but the way Niles had dropped any hint of flirtation in his posture and tone as soon as AJ’s name left Rye’s lips was a pretty clear indicator that it wasn’t just his skewed perception of things. People could probably see him right now, probably saw him just crash and burn in a spectacularly un-Rye-like manner. His tinnitus was ringing like crazy, weren’t his earbuds in? He could feel them resting in his ears, now almost painful while the skin there burned in mortification, but he couldn’t hear anything past the suddenly sharp, tinny tone that had taken over. He ripped them out frantically.
There was subtle movement behind him where someone put headphones on him and Placeholder by The Story So Far was playing. Gently, feminine hands, with sharp, long black nails placed themselves on Rye’s shoulders and eased his body to turn around. When Rye was facing her, Helen brought him close, holding him tightly, grounding him. “Breathe,” she whispered into his ear.
Rye let out a wordless sob as he felt Helen’s arms around him, keeping him from shaking out of his skin. He buried his face into her shoulder much in a similar manner to how he had with JJ earlier. He was trying to breathe, he really was, it was just that suddenly air really hurt and his throat didn’t want to open up to accept any. He tried to focus, eyes shut tight as he tried to narrow in on everything that made Helen, Helen.
Her pop-punk song was playing in his ears, her headphones much more efficient at blocking out the outside world and overpowering his internal noise than his little plastic earbuds ever could be. The melody was simple and with that key whine that helped make pop-punk what it is, making it identifiable and easier to regulate to. Her sharp nails ran soothing circles and lines along his back and head, helping uncoil tense muscle as she did so. She ran a little hotter than most people, throwing off heat like a radiator that always had Rye cuddling closer to her no matter how hot the actual temperature was, and she always smelled so enticingly of vanilla and amaretto, his nose unable to really separate the cherry and pistachio scents. Thinking of it had him taking an aborted breath, but it was better than the nothing he’d been able to pull in before. Eyes still screwed shut, Rye shook pathetically while enveloped in Helen’s protective hold.
“I-” His next attempt earned him a wheezed gasp of oxygen, and Helen’s scent flooded his system like a cleanser. His lip wobbled and he bit it harshly to force it to stop, drawing another harsh breath in past his gritted teeth. “I fucked up, Hellie.”
Helen quieted him, stroking him methodically. “You don’t know that so don’t think that.” She felt his soft curls, twirling a few strands with her fingers, grasping him and steadily breathing. She allowed him to feel her chest move with each controlled inhale and exhale. Helen was calm and collected. Unbothered and unphased. She may be a mythic bitch but for Gavriel Shomer, she was tender, kind, and careful. She was observant and soft. Soft for her usual rep where aggression and anger defined her. Helen, at least for Rye, was vibrating with love. “The rat almost met the sneakers of Malcolm.” She snapped her gum, that hopefully hid, even if subtly, her smoker’s breath. “Don’t worry, it’s with your friend. The rat girl. Do you want to go to her?” She calmly offered, her hands continued to soothe and stroke. A constant motion. A repetitive action to show she was there and she cared. She wasn’t going anywhere.
“Malcom’s a dick,” Rye mumbled into her collarbone, understanding just enough of her words through the music thanks to how aware he was of her voice and the vibrations he could feel from her throat as she spoke. He gripped her tighter. “Rat girl is named JJ. And yes please.”
“Okay, Sprinkles. I’ll take you to her.”
In the farthest corner of the library, where the beanie bags were, JJ laid out sprawled with Biggie splooting on her chest. She wasn’t a good friend for leaving Rye like that but what else did he want her to do? Stare and watch while he puts his foot in his mouth? If she was there, she was 99 percent sure Niles would’ve only stayed for seconds. If Rye seemed occupied, Niles would’ve let him be. It was something she noticed the timid, handsome boy did whenever they were in a shared space. As far as JJ could see, Niles Sinclair only had two friends and his cousin. Everyone else? He likely thought were okay but not once did he see him actively interact with anyone. That is until Rye decided to sit next to him.
If Niles was an introvert, and let's be real, he totally seemed it even if he was charming and good with words, then the more people that surrounded him the less open he’d be. Her taking a swift exit was for Rye’s benefit! It was a calculative move. She hoped he understood. If he didn’t, damn. What would she do to get him to forgive her? Buy him his favorite dessert at that fancy bakery? Actually, that wasn’t a bad idea. Yeah, actually, that was kind of brilliant. She’d keep that in her back pocket just in case she needed to cover her tail.
When the person on JJ’s mind and his gothic supernatural entity appeared, coming from an aisle of many, many horror books, she sat up, making sure Biggie slid down her shirt and to her hands. Observing the two in front of her, she blinked twice and tilted her head; a frown immediately appeared on her face. She didn’t want to bring Rye into another panic attack so instead she made room on the beanie for him, holding Biggie with one hand, against her chest, and patting the beanie with her other, mouthing: “Come.”
At the sight of his best friend, Rye’s fragile dam broke once more, his puffy eyes again filled with tears and face screwed up in regret. Not letting go of his death grip on Helen’s hand, he stumbled forward and dropped harshly down onto the cushion, falling into JJ and curling up to her as the beanie shifted beneath their bodies. Slowly, his fingers detangled from Helen’s and his arm fell across JJ’s middle in a desperate squeeze, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t still seeking contact from the goth too. Almost subconsciously, his leg extend out until his shoe was in touching Helen’s, making sure she was still there while he couldn’t see her or hear her from their new distance. Brokenly, his insecurity on full display, he whimpered the need Helen had already reassured him on into JJ’s soft curls.
“Please don’t leave me alone.”
Fuck her. Helen wasn’t planning on staying in the library but here Rye needed her. She looked down at her dress, corset and all, and blew a little strand out of her face. “I’m going to this chair, right here. Literally next to you. I expect you both to pick me up once first period is over.” Shuffling to the beanie near the two others, Helen glanced behind her at the low chair and her dress. She dropped down and laid back, trying her best to not ruin her hair. She reached out her hand to grab Rye’s before closing her eyes and listening to the atmosphere. Helen truly did look like a beautiful corpse bride on a beanie bag.
”Please…”
“I don’t think I can even if I wanted to,” JJ teasingly admitted. Rye completely took over her space, making sure she couldn’t get away. Biggie found his way nestled between both their necks, ready for a nap just like the dead woman. “Now. Do you want to talk about it or do you want to just lay here for a bit?”
“I don’t wanna cry again,” Rye answered, which was his tired way of saying ‘just lay here for a bit’. He squeezed Helen’s hand and focused on the steady rise and fall of Biggie’s bitty body against his pulsepoint. He could feel a bit of steady vibrations from where his feet rested on the thin carpet and he cracked exhausted eyes open to see Mrs. Mads casually wheeling an incredibly full book return cart in front of their little alcove, effectively giving them a privacy wall against the outside world. She pretended not to even notice them until she saw the boy’s eyes on her, and then she let a warm smile overtake her face and winked at him, holding her finger up to her lips before walking away as his eyes shut again.
Kids needed their rest, after all.
