Mordechai stared out the windshield from the passenger side of Creed and Jokesâ black 2008 Toyota Highlander, a car that he knew well not only as a passenger but as someone whoâd personally put work into it back when he was employed at Philâs the first time around. When Jokes had come back to the motel to pick up Mordechai and Allegra at the end of their shift, the petite woman had announced her intention to walk home to the James house alone while Mordechai returned to base to hand in the money. Heâd wanted to protest, but her tone brooked no room for argument and she had been switching moods constantly in the past few hours since their encounter with Rey Rey, meaning he wanted her out of his hair just as much as she wanted to be home with the kids. He also didnât want to be there when she showed up at home and Lacey saw the wound on her new interestâs face. So, once she passed the weapons check she was on her way, and Mordechai was struck with the realization that Allegra was able to navigate her way home on her own like a pro. Like sheâd been here for years instead of less than two months. He hadnât doubted her when she said earlier that she made her rounds to threaten his friends, but the confidence as she headed straight towards the direction of the James household just proved it all the more.
âI spy with my little eye,â Jokes broke through his wandering thoughts with a playful tone and a smirk on his face, pulling the car to a park in the Edge of Sin parking lot.
âA stormy cloud ta most but a sourceâa light for you.ââWhat the fuck kinda open mic poetry shit was that?â Mordechai replied, raising an eyebrow at the other man who simply continued to grin back, giving no answer but nodding for him to look back out the window. The tired man followed his gaze and his heart skipped a beat as he saw Sonny leaning against the brick wall near the back exit, head ducked down with a blunt between his lips and his hands cupped around his lighter to protect the lit frame from the breeze.
âOh,â Mordechai muttered dumbly as Jokesâ little riddle actually filtered through.
âSunshine.ââYeah, your little Sunshine, he makes ya happy when skies are gray,â The man laughed at his own joke.
â...What?ââNothinâ,â Jokes replied back with an exaggerated sigh at the missed reference, well used to it by now with most of his crew. The blank spots in many of their upbringings became rather apparent during any of his reference heavy comedy, so heâs always quick to give up on that and move along to something else. Besides, ever since they were kids Mordechai always responded best when you just cut to the chase.
âGo talk ta him, Boa, itâs been long enough.ââI know,â Mordechai responded immediately, nothing in his tone but acceptance. Sonny was blowing the smoke out now and scanning the parking lot, and while he could see the car parked on the other side of the lot, the faded daylight meant he couldnât see the two men inside. Mordechai was taking advantage of that to get a good look at him- or as good as he could at this distance- before finally approaching him for the first time since he shoved him away at 13 Carlisle, right across the street from where they were right now.
He looked exhausted, like his leaning against the wall was the only thing actually keeping him upâŚlike a part of him had stayed down ever since Mordechai had shoved him away and he hit the ground hard. His typically stubbornly squared shoulders were drooping as the smoke worked its way through his system, but Mordechai had been reading that body with ease for most of his life and he could feel guilt swirling in his gut at the evidence of how his lashing out had affected the man heâd always loved.
He wondered if Sonny had been eating properly, he always forgot to when he was upset, That tended to make him even crankier with people of course and-
âMordechai,â Jokes sighed once more, tearing him from his procrastinating, and Mordechaiâs gaze snapped to him at the use of his full name. Jokes was staring at him patiently, one arm tossed over the wheel while he leaned back against the door. He wondered for a moment if Creed would keep the former captain in the car for a bit longer and try to impart some wisdom or help psych him up. In the end though, it was never really Jokesâ style unless he and Creed were working off of each other. He shook his head fondly and then made sure the younger man could see his face as he smiled to show his support, giving him a stern,
âGo. Now.ââ...YessirâŚâ The paler of the two replied, knowing not to argue when Jokes stopped joking. The sound of the door closing behind him as he slung the cash bag over his shoulder echoed damningly through the parking lot and it snapped Sonnyâs gaze back over to him, this time without the protection of darkened glass to hide him. His green eyed mirror went tense and the hand holding the blunt slowly dropped as he pinched out the cherry before stuffing the roach in his pocket along with his now balled up fist. Step by step, he got closer to Sonny, and with each step it was like the other man was turning to stone before him. By the time Mordechai got to him, the shorter man was practically vibrating in place and his glower was becoming more twisted and upset by the second. Any practice heâd imagined for this encounter flew out of his head and they were left standing in tense silence while the music beating in the Edge bled through the brick and metal of the building. Unsure of what else to do in the face of Sonnyâs silent rage, Mordechai decided to leap straight into the trenches and took a shaky breath before going to speak.
âI-ââSonny! Did you take my last wrap you assho- oh, uh,â Zion stopped dead in his tracks, half hanging out the back door as his eyes landed on Mordechai and then his adoptive brother. He was absolutely unprepared to deal with all the unresolved issues now standing in front of him, and the idea of forgiving Sonny for stealing his wrap and just getting the fuck out of there was suddenly very appealing. Unable to really look right at Mordechai and not daring to keep his eyes on Sonny after the glance heâd gotten at his surly mug, Zion opted for the safest option and went to stare over the other jewâs shoulder into the shadows he currently wished would sequester him away, which is when he noticed the bag hanging off of it and quickly formed his plan of retreat.
âHey man, uh, welcome backâŚâ His voice cracked and went out at the end, how fucking mortifying. God if Danny were here he would have laughed- nope. No.
âYo-you need me to bring that in?ââHey, yeah thatâd be great,â Mordechai greeted carefully, unsure about the younger boyâs rather subdued reaction to him. The kid used to follow him around just like Danny and Conan had, sometimes dragging poor Topanga along just because she was hanging with them that day. Theyâd all been quite close before Conan was lost, which had caused Zion to cling tighter to the two best friends he had left, as well as those heâd claimed as older brother figures. Topanga had snapped at him over his clinginess multiple times in those months, but Danny had needed all the physical closeness he could get, desperate for the warmth and love of the friends he had left after losing the other side of his coin. But then theyâd lost Danny too, and then Mordechai had left without so much as a âsee ya kidâ. To top it all off, Zion wasnât even at the den when Mordechai had first returned and reunited with most of the crew, so this was their first time seeing each other again. The whole time, really just a few seconds but god did they drag, Sonny was glaring a hole into his head and frowning something fierce. The air couldnât be any tenser. Eager to get one thing out of the way, or two if he were including Zionâs presence in this, he dropped the bag into his hand and handed it off to the younger boy, calling out an awkward thanks after his abruptly retreating form that was cut off by the slamming door. Sighing as he added a mental note to check on
that later, Mordechai brought his full attention back to a seethingly silent Sonny. His demeanor only seemed to worsen at his little brotherâs noisy and swift retreat, and Mordechai was feeling less and less sure about this with every second he was pinned by the other manâs gaze.
âIâm sorr-âNot wanting to hear whatever was about to come out of Mordechaiâs mouth, Sonny cut him off with a sharp and challenging tone.
âJesus ya just gonna gloss over that? Stow the confusion ta get this over with sooner? Fuck that,â He bit out, keeping his unblinking eyes locked on the other with lifelong knowledge of how much he hated it.
âDâya even know why Zi wonât look at ya? Dâya fuckinâ care?ââIâm sorry, what?â Mordechai asked, wildly thrown off guard by Sonnyâs interruption. He was right, of course, that heâd had a set apology in his head and he hadnât been planning to approach the Zion thing now, though of course heâd clocked it. But it looked like Sonny was choosing indignation on behalf of his little brother in order to vent his frustration before Mordechai even got a chance to talk. Not surprising as heâs always been better at fighting for someone else instead of himself, something that the two of them have forever shared in common. Emotions were confusing, but anger was always so clear to them as it was the first one they can recall ever seeing growing up. In front of him, Sonnyâs stance was rigid and his fists were still balled up in his pocket, but his eyes were piercing Mordechaiâs own as if daring him to try and ignore him. Mordechai could never ignore him, not again. So, much to his chagrin at the prolonged tense situation, it looked like they were going to talk about Zion.
Iâm so fuckinâ tired of talkinâ...âYa know heâs got that abandonment shit fuckinâ up his head,â Sonny hissed, more than willing to break it down for him and drag it out. More than willing to make Mordechai as uncomfortable as him being suddenly cornered by said man was. If youâre cornered and you couldnât get away, you turn it around on the other person, make
them sweat.
âYa never even tried ta talk ta him since ya got back, and that kidâs not gonna go handinâ ya a needle just ta make ya happy like I would so I donât care what your baby mama said-â"Sunshine I wasn't-""Shut the fuck up!â Rage echoed through the parking lot, cracking sharply against the brick and concrete around them before a strong breeze took any lingering noise away on its currents. Sonnyâs face was red and his chest was rising and falling like heâd just crossed the finish line.
âIt's been about you! I'm talkin' now!"Mordechai's mouth clicked shut.
âYa better fix this shit with him soon, hear me? Heâs been havinâ nightmares and been cryinâ in his sleep since ya blew back in'a town and ya havenât even fuckinâ thoughtâa him!â Disgust and contempt clouded Sonnyâs face, the mere look feeling like a slap to Mordechaiâs own, but Sonny wasnât done.
âYa do remember him, right? You were the one that found âim and convinced âim ta trust Lacey, ya treated him like another little brother, he was best friends with your real little brother. Hell, he lost CT and then Danny within a year, and then not only do ya leave but he and Ryeâs family were the only ones that knew what was needed for Dannyâs funeral, so he had ta help Phil where you were too weak to!!âMordechai had taken a step back before he stood stock still, eyes wide as Sonny lashed out at him with everything heâd never been able to say for the past two years, his voice one step away from a growl and lips pulled back in an angry sneer. His eyes were wild with rage but steady on Mordechaiâs own, unwavering amidst his tirade. Mordechai waited a beat before opening his mouth, but Sonny surged forward and in an even more aggressive manner than his sister from earlier, balled his fists up tight in the collar of Mordechaiâs shirt, jerking him in close to his face. Just like his sister, Sonny would never lash out in a way that actually hurt Mordechai or triggered him to a pure panic state, the Cernis siblings always more tactful and aware than people quite realize, but that didnât mean the threat being contained in his body language wasnât evident. That didnât change the fact that Sonnyâs tightly coiled fists were one twist from cutting Mordechaiâs airway off or that his head was one rock forward from breaking his nose. It didnât stop Mordechai from thinking of all the violent things that he
knew Sonny could do, had seen him do to others, but it also didn't stop him from knowing that the man- with more restraint than people would ever know of- could do anything to harm him but never
would. He would certainly have never shoved him away to the dirt and left him like Mordechai had done to Sonny.
âNot. Done.â Mordechai swallowed thickly and nodded, heart rate picking up quickly as the pulse in his throat beat harshly against Sonnyâs fist.
âThatâs him. Deal with that later. But me?â A humorless laughed escaped his lips, something so raw and pained that it stabbed at his heart, and Mordechai reached shaky hands up to cover Sonnyâs fists. For whose comfort, he didn't quite know anymore. He looked into his storming sage eyes and saw him briefly falter at the contact before throwing his walls back up all in a single instant. Sonny shook him slightly, as if reminding both Mordechai and himself of what was happening here.
âI shoved my shit down âcause I was just so fuckinâ happy that ya came back ta us, and ya looked half a step away from joininâ Danny in the grave so I couldnât bare ta ask anythinâ too real. I didnât ask everythinâ I wanted, and there was so fuckinâ much. Like, âwhy cut all contact but I find out you anâ Badger still talked?â or âHow the fuck did Nolan fuckinâ MacCullum qualify for your phone number but not me? Why is he what finally brought ya back and not me?ââThey were locked in a staring match and neither was willing to look away. The delicate moment held between their gazes paused everything around them and froze their sight to each othersâ. This means that Mordechai saw the moment Sonnyâs resolve shattered behind his eyes like the most fragile of stained glass, breaking as he did. The slightly smaller man took a shuddering breath in before continuing.
âAnd of course, of course there was, âwhy didnât ya take me with you?ââ The grip on his collar released as Sonny shifted his hands until his and Mordechaiâs fingers were interlaced between their rapidly beating hearts, and he clasped tightly while using their combined fists to beat a pathetically light objection against the tallerâs chest before tears finally drowned out the rage in his eyes as he desperately claimed, voice cracking,
ââCause fuck, Mob, I wouldâa gone with you. I wouldâa gone anywhere with ya, any time, always.ââI know ya wouldâa,â Mordechai whispered hoarsely.
âYouâre my Sunshine after all, youâve always been my Sunshine,â his own tears burning at his eye as he dropped his forehead to press it against Sonnyâs, not bothering to stop the light hammering against his chest. He deserved everything Sonny had to throw at him and more. The current captain's frame was shaking from a definite combination of rage and an age-old exhaustion, and the former already knew that nothing he could say would really be enough, but that didnât mean he wasnât going to say anything. Sonny deserved more.
More than anyone else in his life, this man has been there with him from almost the very start. Sonnyâs nickname was Sunshine because he was that to
Decky and no one else, because when they were younger Sonny lit up Deckyâs life and made sure he kept it alight from there on out. He was Deckyâs beacon, burning bright and hot. And like the moon, Mordechai soaked up and reflected Sonnyâs rays, showing up as a softer form of the other man, the type that others could stare at without going blind. They may not be two souls born at the same time like Maliq and Jonie, but a five day difference is infinitesimal in comparison to the life they spent together and until Lanie, Sonny had always been the only person for him.
Monogamy had always been a challenge for Mordechai, and as Lanie was the first person to require it of him, it had been a new experience and he had quite the struggle adjusting to her expectations. He told himself that it made the most sense, that the courts would see a stable, normal relationship with a good girl from the right side of the tracks and that would prove to them that he was on the right path and could take care of his little brother too. Mordechai hadn't seen anything wrong with how he and Sonny still hung onto each other or fell asleep together after a long shift, but apparently with their history together that came too close to cheating in the blonde girl's eyes. Flirting was bordering the line of cheating even if things went no further. Every form of communication Mordechai felt like he was actually good at up until that point had suddenly been restricted. At the time, he didn't understand his frustration, because she was expecting normal things out of a normal relationship and he had never had one of those before so he had to learn to catch up, right? He just never seemed built for doing things the normal way, and the gossip had always been that he was raised to fail at everything he did. There were plenty of times when the gossip was right. Too many times.
But he'd tried to do right by Lanie. He tried to stop flirting in casual conversation and he strongly encouraged Sonny to take a shot with other people while he himself kept reeling with confusion over what he was supposed to do with all these different feelings whilst being in a monogamous relationship. Sonny had already been screwing around with Lexie during that time, and Decky had been hit with a confusing sense of loss he hadn't expected when heâd first been told. Things fell apart between those two just before junior year when the girl was shipped off to military school overnight, but even during all that, Sonny had been adamant that he and Mordechai worked better as a team when it came to life and love. While he never pressured the struggling teen to change his mind, he always let Mordechai know that his options were open. Sonnyâs comments had gotten the other serpent thinking about things that wouldâve been extremely disruptive to his way of life at the time. Before he was ready to figure those things out, summer had ended and senior year had started with, well, a bang, halting everything on all fronts for him as the person he was building his world for was torn away along with Mordechaiâs will to build any type of life ever again.
But then heâd met Allegra, found out she was pregnant with Chai and got found by Mika, and then Phil had messaged him saying Nolan was in a bad way and giving him Mordechaiâs new number was a last resort because Phil just couldn't handle seeing any more dead kids so soon. A new life that heâd barely started the foundation of was already invaded by his old one. Not that heâd trade anything if he had the chance, everything that happened led him back to this moment, back to his Sunshine. His Sunshine whoâs tears were raining onto their joined hands.
âThen why?ââBecause youâre not just my Sunshine,â The answer was sad, resigned like he was on the day heâd first made the decision to leave.
âYouâre Laceyâs Sunny D, and admit it or not youâre Ziâs big brother. Leavinâ them wouldâa torn you up, and mix that with how fucked I was and how fucked I was planninâ on gettin, I knew I would get ya killed or do somethinâ stupid like get ya hooked on H like your asshole parents all âcause I just couldnât stop usinâ,â Mordechai took a ragged breath in while Sonny, as always, stiffened at the mention of his and Laceyâs parents. Sonny had been clean of the shit ever since their forced detoxes in Juvie, but Mordechai could never stay away from it for too long. He always did believe that he took after his parents in the worst ways.
âI know you, Sunshine, and the way I was livinâ wouldâve killed ya in allâa the worst ways.ââBut I donât care! I wanted you, Mob!â Sonny sobbed, finally collapsing against the other man, who immediately caught his weight and detangled their mash of fingers so he could properly hold his love up.
âI wanted you! I wanted ta be there for ya and not only did ya not let me, ya left me!ââI know,â He admitted near silently against the top of Sonnyâs head, gazing brokenly at the dirty brick wall behind the slighter man.
âI abandoned you.ââYou abandoned me!â Sonny parrotted before devolving into a bawling mess while Mordechai held him tightly, whispering apologies that he knew couldnât actually heal the wound, but unable to truly mend what heâd torn in Sonnyâs heart. The heart of the man heâd shared the most of his journey with outside his own brother, who knew every single one of his secrets and every skeleton in his closet just like Mordechai knew his. Mordechai held him close like doing it now could hold him together all the times he fell apart without him in these past two years. Likewise, Sonny clung to him like the second he let go Mordechai would fade into the ether like heâd never been there to begin with. Time stretched between the two as Sonny released all his pent up pain and distress, Mordechai taking it all in and doing his best not to start crying himself. Then, when the shaking had subsided a few minutes later, the door slammed open as Monarch came barreling out with her skateboard to head home for the night, Zion hot on her heels. Sonny shoved himself out of Mordechaiâs hold and began violently scrubbing at his eyes and face, unaware of the hurt look that crossed Mordechaiâs own features. The two minors witnessing the scene shared a long-suffering commiseratory look before they each shot off in their respective directions, Monarchâs skating far more graceful than that of Sonnyâs adoptive brother.
âSorry,â Mordechai whispered once the kids were gone and they were alone once more, taking the shove to mean that Sonny no longer wished to see him now that he got what little closure he could. He was an idiot for hoping heâd get another chance after how much heâd hurt him, but heâd been hopeful that they could at least try. Stupid. He turned around and took a step towards the exit of the lot, ready to go home and try not to cry himself to sleep while Allegra hounded him for details.
âIâll just g-ââWhat the fuck are ya doinâ?â Sonnyâs tone was abrupt and scared, like a child whose parent was trying to leave them alone in the check out line, and suddenly there was a hand catching his wrist so tightly he felt his bones creak, forcing him back around while maintaining its hold.
âWhere are ya goinâ? Y-ya canât just leave me- leave after-ââIâm sorry,â Mordechai repeated like a broken record.
âI thought- ya shoved me anâ I just thought-ââI was wipinâ my fuckinâ eyes ya goddamn drama queen,â Mordechaiâs heart ached at the oxymoronic affectionate derision in Sonnyâs tone, as if he had almost forgotten where Danny had learned it so well.
âChrist. No, youâre cominâ home with me and weâre gonna talk and figure our shit out! Iâm not lettinâ ya outta my sight for at least three more hours.ââWhat? Why three hours?ââWell, I meanâŚbecause ya got, like, kids ânâ shit,â Sonny replied stiltedly while looking down at the ground and scratching at his cheek in a move that Mordechai knew as bashful. His heart melted at both the sight and at Sunshineâs forethought into his home dynamic.
âGotta likeâŚtuck âem in right? Read âem a story goodnight or somethinâ.ââRight,â Mordechai offered warmly.
âViva cries if I donât read her The Worst Princess every night. Even had ta call in last night from Blue Hill âcause she was throwinâ a fit.ââSee,â Sonny nodded proudly to himself, everything decided.
âThree hours, let's go.âMordechai let Sonnyâs grip on his wrist pull him along as the current Captain of the Serpents led the former out of the lot and in the direction of the Lost Souls complex, well aware that the other man was done with such vulnerability in a semi-public place as the Edge of Sin backlot,
and that he was using the change in location as an opportunity to reboot from everything that just happened and prepare for the deeper talk theyâd be having soon. Mordechai was taking the time to do much the same, and as their strides synced up and they were walking side by side, Sonny tentatively changed his grip from around Mordechaiâs wrist to take his hand in his own. Hope fluttered in both their chests as the spark that always seemed to shoot through them at contact came to life once more, assuring them that even if things havenât been fully healed, their bond was still there. That meant that there was still a way for things to blossom between them again, and damn it if that wasnât more than Mordechai could have ever hoped for.
________________________________________________________________________________
The shower pipes were just shuddering to a halt as Sunshine locked up behind them and dropped his keys on the small table by the door. Mordechai couldnât help the surprise that crossed his face when he looked around the apartment and saw that the room was a mix of his own tastes and those of Lacey and Zion. Sonnyâs shone through in a picture of the Boaz and Cernis siblings as kids and how his old acoustic rested against the wall by the tv. There was even a bookshelf holding all the comics they shared in childhood and the books that Mordechai and Danny had favored most over the years. He must have saved them when Danny and Deckyâs apartment got cleaned out after Decky left. Laceyâs hair ties and small items were scattered around and the curtains had definitely been changed to her tastes, and Zionâs skateboard was by the door while the pull-out couch pushed against the far wall of the living room seemed to be permanently transitioned into its bed form, divided down the middle by pillows and a spare blanket. There was a smaller two seater couch in front of a low table between the pull-out and the kitchen, forcing the appearance of a living room in the connecting space while the real one acted as the second bedroom.
âWait, do yâall all live together?â He asked, knowing Sonny to be rather minimalist and not leave his things around carelessly, and that the other two siblings were much the same when in other peoplesâ space.
âI thought-ââShitâs complicated as always,â Sonny cut him off, pulling him further into the living space. His plan had been to move into his own apartment once he was out of the dorms, having spent most of his teens under the Edgeâs roof, and last Mordechai had known before the shooting was that Sonny was looking into the apartment across the hall from his sister and younger brother. The apartment that Mordechai and Danny had moved into after his emancipation junior year, making that yet another thing that he screwed Sonny over on by leaving.
âI went from the dorms straight to here and despite bitchinâ that Iâm a lilâ bitch, Lace gets that stupid look in her eyes when I talk about movinâ in somewhere else, even on this floor. Sometimes I canât stand beinâ in the same room as her though, I swear.ââRightâŚâ Yeah right. Mordechai thought in response to the paler manâs grumble. He could act all he wanted, even get as frustrated and loud with her in public as he wanted, but there never was and never will be any doubt from those that know him that Sonny loved his older sister and would never know what to do if she suddenly decided to stop reacting to him. As much as she was also an instigator, Lacey knew that Sonny couldnât process his emotions the same way as other people, and that concern often showed as rage just as much as love seemed to show as irritation. Hearing the way to two talked to each other, youâd think them still living together would have become a murder scene, but Mordechai knew how much those two needed each other and to know where they were to feel safe and stable at all times, and thatâs included Zion for nearly a decade now.
âWhere the hell is she anywayâŚâ Sonny grumbled to himself, having hoped she would be here to distract Zion while he talked to Mordechai.
âLacey?â Mordechai asked, having heard him in the silence. At Sonnyâs nod, he supplied,
âShe barged in on me at the Jamesâ house and got roped in ta watchinâ the kids while Legs and I met up with R2 and started our first job.ââShe fuckinâ what?â Sonny stressed as he tossed his jacket over the backrest and sat down on the couch, leaning over the coffee table to pull an ashtray closer before he pulled out his blunt from earlier and lit it desperately, as if the harsher he inhaled the smoke the more ready heâd be for whatever the fuck was happening. And hell, Mordechai hadnât even mentioned the revelation of him having more family or the disturbingly mutual flirtation between his baby mama and Sonnyâs sister that heâd had to watch. Just thinking about it made him wish heâd had the forethought to smoke something himself, as one of the few vices left he was still allowed to indulge in, but before he could even swallow his pride and ask Sonny for a hit, the bathroom door finally creaked open to let the steam roll out while its inhabitant continued his routine, and Sonny silently slumped back into the couch and let out a large cloud of smoke from his lungs before running a tired hand down his face.
âWhatever, go in ta Laceâs room while I send Zi after her.ââWhat?âThe look Sonny gave him told him that the other man had no more patience for his stupidity today, and Mordechai did his best not to squirm under his gaze.
âHe doesnât wanna see ya, dumbass, and this is his home, so go in ta the bedroom and close the door so he can walk through his own livinâ room without gettinâ upset or jumpy.ââŚOkay, fair enough. Mordechai made a beeline for the only other separate room in the apartment, the door clicking shut just as the one for the bathroom was fully opened. He couldnât make out the words, but he listened to the muffled voices go back and forth for less than a minute before the slamming of the front door made him jump. The bedroom door swung open a second later and he could tell by the look on Sonnyâs face that Zion hadnât been all too happy to be sent back out after barely being home, especially with the reason being Mordechaiâs presence. Everywhere he went he made a mess of things, even when actively trying to fix them. Danny was the only person he never did wrong by and he still couldnât save him in the end. He still failed. This was all too much for a single day, he had to stop himself from spiraling over Zion right now and focus on Sonny and
just Sonny and compartmentalize Zion until the younger boy was ready to let Mordechai talk to him.
Alright. Here we go.He followed the other man back out to the living room and they both dropped down onto the couch in unison, the cheap wooden frame groaning under the sudden strain.
âSo, Badger. MacCullum. New York.ââYeah, them. ThatâŚâ Mordechai replied, running his hand through his hair.
âBadger found me, pulled strings with people he still knows in New York,â He let that sink in for a moment, the hoops Mika had to have gone through to find him.
âI actually flipped out a bit on him when he showed up outta the blue, but he made it pretty clear that he wasnât lettinâ me go dark on him again. Iâd left Phil my new burner in caseâŚin case anything happened ta anyone else I loved while I was gone, and he called me up one day and said that givinâ Nolan my number was the only thing he could think of ta help him out. We barely ever talked too much, he just reached out when he had no one else. I actually only came back because I was fucked up enough when he called me that I said yes without thinkin' and I just started hitchhikin'.ââStill couldâa let Badger tell us about ya,â Sonny countered abrasively.
âShit, we didnât have ta know where ya were or what was even goinâ on in your life, but I deserved a helluva lot more than âHeâs aliveâ outta the fucker. Once ya let him and MacCullum back in ya shouldâa reevaluated where ya stood with the rest of us. Those of us that knew ya before the other sideâa the tracks took ya over. The ones that grew up with ya.ââYouâre right, Iâm sorry,â He ceded quietly, no excuse in his mind for his actions.
âAnd the girlfriend?â Sonny barreled on without a second thought for the apology, reaching below the table to pull out his smoke box and pull out a new blunt.
âShe came up talkinâ real demandinâ about ya, I almost went off the rails and smacked the shit outta her before she told me who she was.ââI didnât know she went around like that, but Iâm glad ya didnât hit my baby mama,â Mordechai started weakly, Sonny tilting his head to the side to glare at him while he sighed.
âNo Iâm serious, I knew she had me on lockdown but I didnât know she had everyone else locked out, I just found out earlier âcause Jokes made a comment. I just figured no one she didnât know was allowed through, not that she went around threateninâ everyone,â Because Allegra really just went around the first week or so of her residence in Edenridge and threatened the gang members who lived there. He couldnât believe the level of audacity and self-assurance the five foot tall nineteen year old had. Any other gang members than the ones Mordechai knew closely and she could have gotten herself killed, or at the very least beaten to the brink, but she strutted her way through threats and warnings with confidence.
âIâm not excusinâ it Iâm just explaininâ. Also she ainât my girlfriend, weâve never dated.ââYâall live together, got a kid together, and ya adopted her other kid,â Sonny piped up unhelpfully while ticking each point off on his fingers, recalling their conversation from when Mordechai first returned to town, and Mordechai repressed the glare he wanted to send the man.
âYa moved her ta your hometown-ââShe moved herself here,â Mordechai interrupted.
âLiterally bought the plane tickets while on the phone with me and Poppy the night after Carlisle,â Sonny closed his mouth but was still watching Mordechai, and with his eyes on him Mordechai couldnât help but shift uncomfortably in his seat.
âItâs like ya said earlier, I wasnât doinâ well when I came back. Carlisle made it worse, and when Legs saw that on the phone she just made a plan and ran with it, yâknow? She does that. She called Badger and sent him after me, and since he found me at Dannyâs grave Iâve just been in the James house,â He specifically omitted his stay with Mary-Anne Zima, forever protective and respectful of Mikaâs privacy surrounding his family, even with Sonny.
âBadger is the only person aside from Legs and the James family that I had contact with. It wasnât nothinâ against the Serpents specifically, if there was any chance I could be set off Legs kept it away from me. She didnât even let me read the fuckinâ news.ââWell at least youâve been miserable this whole time too,â Sonny replied after a moment of silence before hitting his blunt with a bit of a vindictive smirk and passing it to the other man. As Mordechai accepted it he had to do a double take at the sudden amusement in the otherâs green eyes.
âWait, dâyou like her now that youâve heard that?ââFuck no,â Sonny denied, smirk falling into a neutral line and eyes going blank.
âI have no idea what youâre talkinâ about. I do got a question, though.ââ...Yeah?â Mordechai asked warily, leaning away from him.
âHow many stints inside does this make for ya, and was the warden that ya fucked your favorite-ââOh fuck off Sunshine-ââNo, really, thatâs a helluva a way ta get time served, just sayinâ-ââAre we really doinâ this?ââNo,â Sonny replied, rolling his eyes and snatching his blunt out of Mordechaiâs hands.
âIâm still upset.âMordechai flexed his hands open and closed a few times in frustration, knowing Sonny swinging back and forth in his mood was because of the turmoil that heâd thrown the other man into with his sudden presence. Sonny could always switch up attitudes on a dime, and he weaponized this in arguments with people like Mordechai who try to read the flow of a conversation. Sonny and Mordechai knew every button that they could press on one another, and theyâd had most of their lives to test their limits, so both men in the room knew exactly what was going on when Sonny gazed steadily back against Mordechaiâs glare. Most of the Serpents had seen Sonny use this technique to fluster Mordechai on more than one occasion, but not many had seen him use it vindictively.
âLookâŚBadger, Pops, and Legs, they all worked hard ta make sure Iâd be able ta be sober-ââFuck that, what about yourself?â Sonny spat out angrily before Mordechai could finish his sentence. Sparks flew as he flicked the ash out into the tray and turned to glare at the stumped man.
âYa gonna leave all your accomplishments at the feet of others like ya always have? I let it slide the first time for the sake of the warden joke but youâre not pullinâ that again.ââWhat?â Mordechai repeated for what seemed to be the thousandth time today.
âWhat the hellâre ya talkinâ about Sunshine-ââThey worked hard so youâre sober, Phil gave ya a job so youâd have a wage, Lancaster and Beau did everythinâ ta make sure youâre emancipation was processed.â â...Yeah?ââYeah?â he mocked, face sour.
âFuck you. What about sayinâ I got sober âcause I needed to, I started a job and ran a crew younger than most people hit puberty because I had ta raise my brother, I worked away my teenage years and figured out the legal system enough ta get emancipated and get my little brother out?â Sonny was glaring at Mordechai as the other seemed to be short circuiting in front of him.
âSeriously? Every bad thing thatâs ever so much as happened around ya is somehow your fault, but the second ya have your own accomplishments they belong ta someone else?â â...Oh.ââYeah, oh.ââWe- I canât- why are we talkinâ about this? Wasnât I apologizinâ? Explaininâ?ââThen do it right, Mordechai.â Sonny snapped, his tone breaking right through the tension between them and creating a whole new one. Years of that tone being used for commands in the bedroom and to bring him out of fogs flashed through Mordechaiâs mind and brought heat rushing to his face. He cleared his throat and looked away, ready to speak again until Sonny stopped him with a curt,
âExplain everythinâ ta me without your self depricatinâ bullshit or keep your fuckinâ mouth shut.â After that, silence stretched between the two while the blunt was passed back and forth, Sonny letting Mordechai get his thoughts together and Mordechai following orders to not say anything until heâd done so. Finally, as the cherry was burning down to the filter, Mordechai took a deep breath and sat forward with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.
âI got sober again. People helped, but I did that.ââGood,â Sonny replied evenly, finally giving Mordechai his gaze again to show his approval but not budging any further.
âContinue.ââI got sober because I needed ta be and it was the best choice for my life. I stayed in the house, let Legs keep me there, because I knew that was the only way Iâd get through it without immediate relapses. I listen ta her because I know that anythinâ she does with me is to make sure that her kids continue ta have a father growinâ up. She doesnât just control me, I need ya ta understand that,â Sonnyâs face was a mask of indifference, giving Mordechai no sign of his thoughts so far.
âAllegraâs gonna be a part of my life no matter what from now on, thatâs not even somethinâ that I would want ta change if I could,â He continued earnestly, thinking back on all the things that Allegra has done for him in the past two years, knowing that he has perspective on her and her attitude that others didnât.
âSheâs saved my life, Sonny.ââWouldnâtâve had ta if youâd just stayed here with me,â Sonny replied combatively but without any real heat, letting the other know that it was just for argumentâs sake.
âWhatever, so sheâs here for good? She good for ya? Yâall still fuckinâ?ââSheâs great for me, and no, not since I last left her and the kids in New York, like a month before cominâ ta town,â He answered honestly.
âHell, pretty sure from the scene I witnessed earlier that sheâs already got her eyes on your sister now.ââOh Jesus christ, gross,â Sonny groaned before promptly pushing that bit of information away for another time, unwilling to get sidetracked.
âFine, so sheâs gonna be around, so long as she doesnât keep ya away from me anymore I donât give a shit what she does. What about the Serpents? Youâre back?ââBottom rung of the Rose crew,â Sonny pulled a face and Mordechai raised his hands placatingly.
âI know, Tate actually asked if I could handle it, but Iâm good and Legs is partnerinâ with me, just trust that. Iâll work my way back up, fight in the Pit for extra money if this and my job at Philâs canât cover everythinâ I need. Donât start any shit with R2 over this, he hates ya as is.â A look flashed across Sonnyâs face, the same one that always came over him when Rey Reyâs attitude towards him was brought up. It was a face that said
âhe has his reasonsâ without giving anything more away, and Mordechai wondered if he thought that face kept him from putting the puzzle pieces together years ago. Rey Rey was as fine with Sonny upon their introduction to the crew as he was with anyone else, but something changed around New Years of Sophomore year. Sonny and Laceyâs parents go missing and suddenly Sonny is on Rey Reyâs shitlist. As someone that knew the Cernis parents and how they treated their kids, as well as knowing it happened around New Years when they liked to have a big blowout and beat down-
knowing that the Cernis parents had blown back into town early and ruined Laceyâs anniversary surprise for Zion who would have been hiding in the basement around that time- Mordechai and Danny had talked about the likelihoods in the dark that night and then promptly locked their lips and thrown away the key. It was the one thing Sonny never talked about with Mordechai, but that didnât mean he didnât still know.
âIâm not leavinâ ya again, Sunshine,â Mordechai said after the silence had relaxed from tense to comfortable.
âI canât say Iâll never hurt ya, but I wonât hurt ya like that. Not again.ââThatâs not a promise,â Sonny retorted quietly as their eyes connected, and Mordechai could tell that both the questions and the fight had finally left him. Seeming to have noticed it himself, Sonny tried to break their gaze and muster up more combative energy, and Mordechai reached out and caught Sonnyâs face to stop it from turning.
âThis isnât over, Iâm gonna have more questions.ââWe donât believe in promises,â Mordechai countered, leaning in as Sonnyâs gaze sharpened and narrowed in on him.
âAnd Iâll answer any questions ya got, but right nowâŚright now can we just be here with each other before I have ta go back ta the Jamesâ? Iâve missed ya so fuckinâ much and this barely touchinâ, barely lookinâ shit is killinâ me.ââImagine how I felt the past two years,â Sonny protested but didnât pull his face away. He turned fully towards Mordechai and knocked the hand off of his jaw, sending his own hand forward to fist into Mordechaiâs collar in a mock of their earlier situation. Mordechai barely had a chance to react before Sonny was yanking him forward to crash their lips together in desperation, well past his ability to remain aloof in the other manâs presence. He pulled Mordechai over him and he shifted down on the couch, the other man following as he chased his lips. Taking a second for breath, Sonny propped himself on his elbow, other hand still in Mordechaiâs collar.
âI told Zi not ta come back with Lace till I text him, how muchâa those three hours we got left?âMordechai fumbled to pull his phone out of his pocket and check the time on the screen.
âAbout two. We could do plenty in that time.ââOh weâre gonna do plenty in that time.â With that, Sonny pulled Mordechai back down to his lips, the taller manâs phone falling carelessly to the ground, forgotten for the moment even as it buzzed and lit up with a message from Duke.
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