DeadDrop — Roleplayer Guild

"I think you're wrong."

Amy takes the forgotten cigarette out of her mouth, she flicks the tobacco ridden stick towards Summer. It hits the ground and bounces briefly before resting in the dirt ground beneath her feet. The old cig, old as it was remained still as it had when it was lodged on Amy's appendage. Her left hand was wrapped tightly underneath her stomach on her black belt, her BDUs still sat snug around her waist. Her sweater felt two times her size as she started to move both her arms. They went right up behind her head as she stretched out her limbs to the sky above her.

"You aren't though, about some things. I wish this wasn't real, talking animals and the undead. It's like a fever dream, but one you can't ever wake up from. Your time is better spent doing something else, you can't predict my behavior or who I'll be. That's just something that's out of your control, sure you can make guesses or estimates but in the end, my actions come down to my own will. I never asked to come here, it was by fate or misfortune I was placed in Last Hope. Don't mistake this as complaining, life in Portland was hard and it was never comfortable but I never asked for any of that. I was going to get out my own way, one day. I just didn't see it being in the form of losing a battle is all. I'm not defending Feng, he raped me and countless other girls and women. I was young, a kid and he was younger. It felt good, but I knew it wasn't right - did you know he's a fan of tattooing? One thing he didn't do was burn me with cigarettes, that was before his time but you knew that already, didn't you? "

Amy manages a weak smile, her hands go to her back pocket to draw an old package of cigarettes. She looked at them as if she was viewing a fond memory, her head raised itself back up to look Summer dead on once again.

"He's human as much as you and I are. Well, I'm not sure about you - he's evil that's for sure. I'm sure there is someone worse than him out here, if not in Washington then the country or the world. Maybe you don't see it yet, maybe it hasn't manifested yet. Once it does though, it'll be challenging but we'll survive. I hope it's the military, I've always wanted discipline in my life and a gun.
 Technology is like my own dog, everyone here has a dumb stupid dog, or pet bear or bird like you do. You know I'll never buy into having an animal or talking to it. I'll always be fond of technology though, it's the only thing we have left and preserving it will be our greatest achievement. We were living in an age of information, I'm not sure where we went wrong - I was too young then to really know anything. Now that I'm older, I know it'll be our savior one way or another, but it's what I know and it's my job to make sure everything works for better or for worse.

Killing Feng won't change anything, it wont stop what he's done. He's smart, he may have robbed me of an education but he taught me more than just pain and hardship. I think Locks was human error, he tried to see everything and do everything. He was over ambitious and that's what led to such a failure, I wish I could say what he was up to now. He's hurting, he wants us back, he wants me back. He hasn't tried anything yet, maybe he knows a rescue attempt would be fruitless. Maybe he's angry over the loss and wants to pave over Last Hope. That's what he'll try to do, then he'll come and grab me by my hair and we'll kiss or something silly like that. He always liked grabbing my hair, but if the Council does win - which they might. Would they kill him? I'd be against it, if we kill him we're no better than him. Of course freeing the people is ideal but, he's kept them alive for so long, he's been their light in this dark - however, twisted that light may have been. I think it would be better if he walked away with nothing, and he'd be left to live with what he's done with nothing to show for it.

If he came up on this cliff right now, I'm not sure if I'd kill him or kiss him." 

Her hands ran up the long sleeves of her sweater, pulling the sleeves up above her elbows. Her forearms were covered in a myriad of scars and tattoos. Eyes, angels, swords, skulls and cigarettes burns.

"It's his sweater, it used to smell of him too. Until some prick took it off me and washed it, this was his gift to me.
 He didn't like the scars, he didn't want to see them. He tried to cover them up, but tattoos only draw more attention. The tattoos mean something, I don't know what all them mean yet. Taking a guess is a part of life, but the sweater was so I wasn't bullied. I haven't taken it off for years, he always use to take it off for me so I don't really know how. If I did, maybe I'd see him on the other side of it, but I don't want to take that chance. I don't trust anyone here, I don't think I ever will. My biggest challenge is restraining myself, I'm close to putting an ice pick through Scott's virgin eye socket. I'm a trooper, not a killer, I was a trooper before I came to Last Hope and I stay strong, and I stay a trooper not because I want too but because I have to. To protect me, and those who work with me. I don't want to draw blood, I'm not the person people think I am. The person you think I am."

Turning away from Summer, Amy looks out towards the blue skies laid out in front of her. The clouds, the trees and camp below her. Amy removed her glasses and wiped both of her eyes with her left wrist, her skin slick with fluid after a dozen strokes of her skin run along the membrane that was her eyes.

"We're always, sometimes monsters Summer. Taking the moral high ground in today's world is so hard, it's so fucking hard.
 I'm still trying to find out who I am, but I know that I can't forget who I am or who made me into who I am. It's why I wear what I wear,
 carry what I carry and do what I do. If I were to die right now I'd be happy knowing I survived until now because there are people who are in worse positions than we are right now and people I've known who died because they couldn't live with themselves after all that had happened to them. I hate feeling sorry for myself, or blaming the world. I shouldn't, but I do. Listen, I appreciate everything you do for us and the olive branch you've extended towards me. I haven't been Amy Walker for a long time - or, god what's Feng's fucking last name. It's been so long I've forgotten his name too, I've been just Amy for a long time. I don't like dogs, or wolves, or anything like that so if you bark at me I'm going to fucking punch you, but I'd be happy to be a Coyote if you'd take me.

I hate talking, opening up to people really makes my nose run."   

Amy wipes her nose with her sweater, she'd been crying for a while but never did she once take a minute to realize that she was.
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