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1 mo ago
Current Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown
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1 mo ago
I'd like to think I've matured with age but then on weekends I watch cartoons and eat too much sugar cereal in my pajamas so if anything I've stayed the same.
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1 yr ago
I've watched the trailer for The Marvels a dozen times already you can't stop me I've needed this this is my heroin and my herione. Wordplay.
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1 yr ago
How many times do we have to teach you this lesson, Seabiscuit
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1 yr ago
If there's anything that brings this community together it is dunking on people who bring their own shit onto themselves. It's like schadenfreude!
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Look, I got lost on the way to getting some jajangmyeon and it'd be foolish to leave now.

Most Recent Posts

Timestamp: After first bell, during homeroom
Location: The Morning Show news studio
Dani @Fabricant451, Sully and Rye @Aces Away


____________________________________________________________________


“Gooood morning BHHS and welcome back to another day of chaos and classes!" Rye opened up from his spot to Sully’s left, television smile in place and tapping fingers hiding safely behind the front panel of the newsdesk. Why had Sully had to bring up him and AJ literally minutes before airing and then leave him with no answers? The dude really didn’t know how to talk to people properly, he should know by now that leaving a conversation with no closure stressed Rye out. On top of that, he had clocked movement in the window of the door to the hallway and saw his best friend peeking through when she absolutely should have been in her homeroom. Oh god, what happened? The day had barely even started and he was going to end up hyperventilating in an empty classroom by the end of it. “What a week, and it’s still not done!"

“Nobody slept on Pajama Day, in fact y’all really ate with that pancake contest. Ate and left no crumbs, in the case of first place winner Dash Day," Sully stepped in, barely glancing at their notes. He couldn’t believe this was part of his work scholarship requirements.

“Everyone sported their best attire on Tuesday, really dodging embarrassment," Rye emphasized, doing his best not to roll his eyes at how cheesy they were being.

“I am legally obligated to say that on Wednesday you all dressed as cowboys." DJ, on the right of the broadcast table, was very clearly not reading from the pre-approved script. If she had, she might well have died at having to mention how well everyone lassoed up a fit for cowboy day. “You know the movie for Wednesday was Wild Wild West, right? That’s not even about cowboys! They’re cops! You can see Will Smith’s di-" The camera, naturally, abruptly cut away from the wide shot of the three hosts for the moment.

“And you were all super crafty on Thursday," Rye continued in a monotone, already dropping his cheek into his hand and flapping the papers in disgust. “Come on you guys are you trying to get us blacklisted from parties with this cra-"

“And today!" Sully cut in, smile still perfectly in place despite how much he wished to act like his fellow co-hosts. This position really was used as a punishment, wasn’t it? “We’re sure y’all’re really Bringin’ It On in your fierce red and black fits. Keep that pep up for the pep rally later today, you’ll be excited to know it gets you out of class early."

“Hear hear!" Rye chanted with little enthusiasm.

“Of course, attendance isn’t mandatory but it is highly encouraged. After all, the high school athletes really like having their egos boosted before they go off to college and fail to get scouted by the professional leagues!" DJ’s smile was as bright as Sully’s, though her tone of voice was so dipped in sarcasm that in a weird way she almost resembled a professional broadcaster in cadence if nothing else. “And for all you dateless losers out there, don’t forget that today is the last day to get tickets for Homecoming. And no, no one believes you that you have a girlfriend in Canada who couldn’t come to the dance because of travel issues. Sure, you might spend the whole time sitting by the wall, but at least the punch is free! You two have dates for the dance, don’t you?" DJ threw back to her co-hosts, her smile remaining so wide that it was almost starting to look deranged.

Rye went static next to Sully and the boy in a baseball cap tilted his head down so that the camera couldn’t capture his eye roll past the brim. That was just vindictive for no reason.

“You know we don’t," Sully’s smile never broke as he turned to stare Dani in the eyes, and he nudged Rye’s leg with his own beneath the desk so the other boy could cover up the look on his face. “I’m too busy buildin’ sets and fixin’ all the things people break around here to be askin’ someone out for a single night. Why would you ask someone out for one night?"

“Holy- wow I’m not touching that one, buddy. That was such an innocent statement," Rye cut himself off, trying to turn away from furthering the conversation. He grinned largely at the camera. “Speaking of innocence, if any of you are planning on losing yours at or after homecoming, condoms and other barriers are strongly encouraged. We Pirates support safe practices."

“You heard it here first, Pirates, we encourage a healthy sex life for the students!" Dani placed a finger to her ear and after an uncomfortably awkward pause turned to the solo camera like she was about to deliver a breaking news story. “I’ve just been informed that while BHHS isn’t an abstinence school, the affiliates of BHHS do not condone or endorse students having sex. And remember: if they keep trying after you say no, it doesn’t mean they love you and counseling is available during all hours of the school day." Dani turned back in her seat, facing forward as the feed went back to the wide shot.

“So, any announcements for the school, gentlemen? News for the student body?"

The Morning Show, as it was every day that DJ was in front of the camera, was chaos on one side of him and disaster on the other. Sully didn’t even want to be on the Morning Show, it had been a requirement, yet somehow he was working the hardest to keep this train on its track and he had no idea why that became his job too. Sully looked down at his notes, taking a deep breath.

“We do, Dani! In recent news, the Arts club set up a new mural facin’ the back lot, meant to represent the blossomin’ opportunities and friendships created and fostered by the school," Sully’s interpretation was that that was a bunch of bullshit. It was just a bunch of flowers and some sun rays but hey, whatever keeps your funding he supposed.

“The wads of gum stuck to the wall of the hallway leading to the boiler room have been cleaned off and the wall repainted, the maintenance staff has asked us to remind the students that there are trash cans every twenty feet in this place so really, no need to be so ratchet, y’all have so much access and amenities-"

Don’t forget, Pirates," Sully cut off before the boy got on another rant about how rich kids treat the custodial and maintenance staff. It would run out the whole rest of the time limit. “That the theme of the dance is Hollywood! So bring your best and be ready to walk the red carpet for your paparazzi, played willingly by the Photography club underclassmen, so be sure to strike some killer poses for a chance to end up in the yearbook."

“And don’t make any scenes or mistakes, for the same reason!" Rye chirped with a large smile while Sully clenched his jaw in a sign of frustration. Ope, moving on then. “Dani? Any club cancellations or changes in schedule?"

“Of course there are, Rye! The chess club has canceled its meeting today; no reason was given but it’s probably due to lack of anyone giving a crap about chess!" DJ paused long enough for what she imagined to be laughter from the audience watching in their classrooms. “The film club’s Friday screening has been postponed due to the events of Homecoming, because why watch something entertaining when you can watch the thrilling world of high school football - a sport that is beloved only by middle aged dads who peaked at their Homecoming game! I’ve also been told that due to the earlier schedule today that tutoring will be unavailable after the pep rally, so you’d better hope you’re prepared beforehand but if you need tutoring at this school it just means your parents don’t have enough money to bribe your teachers!"

Another pause, complete with DJ looking absolutely thrilled with herself, especially as she looked around to see the response from the behind the camera staff. Sure, she might get another detention out of it, but studies showed that students retained information when it was delivered with such sarcastic glee. The study, of course, was made up by DJ but pepper any bit of information with enough words and people would be willing to believe it as truth.

“For other club inquiries, check with your club advisors! And maybe tell them to let us know next time so you can cut out the middle man! Because we work for you, for free, which technically makes us slaves. Isn’t that right, Sully?"

“I think I’m technically an indentured servant," He answered plainly before he could think of what he was saying. Letting Dani’s last shot finally break his professional air as he realized what he said, Sully slumped over the desk on his elbows, hands grasping the back of his own neck desperately, kneading at the tensing muscles beneath. Staring blankly at the desk panel before him, thinking about the terms of his scholarship, his contract, he muttered, “Oh my god, am I?

“While Sully has an existential crisis that should have come about when he first signed his soul away on the dotted line," Rye jumped in, patting the other boy’s back consolingly but not looking his way. The show must go on. “Remember upperclassmen, it’s never too early to send in your college applications but there is absolutely a point where it becomes too late, and your counselors will be getting a hold of you all for individual meetings regarding your life trajectory. Because that’s something to decide when you’re barely legal and up to your eyeballs in hormones, real great time to agree to spend tens of thousands in tuition and be sure of what you’re gonna do for the rest of your life. DJ," Rye turned to his best friend’s sister, happy to be matching energy with her now that he wasn’t the target of her comments. Sully was still staring blankly into the middle distance , and he’d certainly check on the other boy once the recording light turned off, but for right now they had a show to finish and Sully was not even here behind his eyes anymore. “any final words before we sign off? Sully tapping out gave us some free airtime today."

“For those in the know, I was informed that the theme of Saturday’s totally unsanctioned and unaffiliated event has a theme of Risky Business, because nothing says ‘good party theme’ like a movie where Tom Cruise has sex with a prostitute! If you’re not in the know, well ask yourself why that’s the case and then try to befriend someone who is! But finally, and this is straight from me, if I wind up in detention, please don’t talk to me because I hate you. You wanna sign us off, Rye, before Sully starts acting like Howard Beale from Network? Look it up, people, it won four Oscars." Dani turned her head towards her co-hosts, a look of pure satisfaction on her face. It was no wonder they rarely let her in front of the camera.

Rye grinned back while Sully honest to god groaned into his own forearms. Mr. Wells was giving him the cue to wrap things up and Rye had a lot of respect for the man, even if his actions in front of the camera never showed it. When you spent enough nights over someone’s house and in his daughter’s bed, you develop a weird understanding of each other.

“ARRRRRRRRRRRRRight Pirates! And yes, I have to do that per my contract, let’s seize this day and all the treasures it can offer us, plunder that booty well, and maybe find me at that party if you wanna make that more literal," Mr. Well’s hand motion became more demanding and sharp, telling Rye he may have pushed the envelope a bit, but honestly if Riley wanted the three hosts to follow the script he should demand the writing team do a better job, and if he didn’t want them saying lewd things then he should have someone at the ready for live censorship. “This is the slaves of the Morning Show, signing off for the day, see you psychos in the halls!"

As the cameras were cutting, Dani held up the back of an index card where her script notes were written. In bold writing were just the words ‘SEND HELP’ as Dani pointed at the message before the feed was cut entirely. As soon as she got the sign that the cameras were off, Dani once again placed her feet on top of the desk as she leaned back in her chair. “I think we’re gonna win the Emmy for that one, guys. Truly our finest work. I honestly thought you were gonna start screaming, Sully. Maybe next time." If today’s broadcast had been a trainwreck, then Dani was happy to have been one of the conductors on the train. In a weird way, she was gonna miss this job when she graduated.

“I’m gonna lose my scholarship in the last semester because’a you guys," Sully mumbled into his forearms before finally freeing himself of his own grasp and looking at the two creatures of misfortune that loved to sit on his shoulders. “What did I ever do to you?"

“Does rejecting my flirtations when we first met count? I didn’t take it personally, but that is something that you did."

“Your what? When?"

“Nevermind, buddy, stay pure. DJ, I’m gonna go see why your sister has had her eyes locked onto me through the door window for the past ten minutes, see you later," Rye popped out of his seat with no further fanfare and made a beeline for the exit, only stumbling once along the way as he got distracted trying to get his earbuds out of his pocket and connected to his phone. The silence after the lights go off always made the ringing in his ears much more apparent, and he had a feeling he couldn’t be overstimulated for whatever conversation had JJ literally waiting for him in the hall.

“Am I really an indentured servant?" Sully asked DJ quietly, managing to look like a kicked puppy and a aggrieved kitten in one fell swoop.

“I’m sorry you had to find out this way, Sully." DJ offered condolences by way of a patronizing pat on the back. “But if it makes you feel any better, you can call it an apprenticeship. You might save some dignity that way." DJ looked towards the door window but Rye’s swiftness meant she barely caught a glimpse of her sister. It had to have been JJ. If it was important, DJ would find out later. “Look, you didn’t say anything off color…for the most part. You’ll be fine. Buck up, or whatever. No one’s gonna even remember this by last period." She could not have sounded any less interested in this pep talk, but with Rye off flirting or whatever with JJ, the responsibility for perking up the sad puppy unfortunately fell to her. “Come on, it’s too early to be so depressed. Can’t you internalize it, like we all do?"

“What do you think I’m doin’ most of the time?" He asked back with little heat, releasing a heavy sigh and pushing his chair back. That was much less assuring than she probably thought it was, but he also didn’t think the girl cared much. Just as she’d suggested, he got to work on internalizing it and returning to his normal school persona. He didn’t care much for upholding reputation, but he also wasn’t a fan of open vulnerabilities. “I’m gonna go get another coffee before the underclassmen dump it, you want any?”

“Nah, one cup is enough for me. If I had any more I might lose my charming personality." DJ at least joined Sully in pushing her chair back from the table. As much fun as it was to be granted a late pass for class, she couldn’t stay in the broadcast room all day. She’d tried. “But seriously, Sully, don’t worry about it. Everyone could see you were trying to keep things on track or whatever. Every good entertainment act needs the straight man. I don’t know where I’m going with this but just…you know…relax. Because it’s really exhausting trying to cheer you up. I hate doing that. Cheering people up. Like in general, not just you specifically. You’re fine, okay?" Another pat on the back from DJ. It was the only move she had.

“I-" He had no idea how to respond to that, brows furrowing and head tilting to the side as words and reaction began to escape him. He wasn’t genuinely worried about losing his scholarship; slowly, he’d built up enough of a following that he was comfortably paying the majority of his uncovered tuition. If it truly came down to it, Sully could be dead broke for the rest of the year and put all his income toward paying tuition, but that would mean having nothing to make his ma’s life easier, and that shit could not slide. Add to all of that that Dani’s announcement of the Risky Business party reminded him of his deal with Ethan Green, and Sully was realizing that once he walked outside the studio doors there would be no peace or calm for the next forty eight hours in the very least. He needed that coffee.

Shaking his head to clear the fog that was rolling in, Sully just nodded to the shorter host and reached up to fiddle with his hat’s brim as he turned and walked away from her, no longer even connected enough to the conversation to remember to say goodbye. Coffee always helped when he started struggling with thoughts and words, just like anyone else. At least, that’s what he always told himself.

“I should be a motivational speaker. Every time I talk I’m motivated to never talk to people again. Nice." DJ looked proud of herself though kept herself from pumping her fist in delight. “Good show, Mr. Dubs. Let’s do it again some time, say, next week? Alright." Dani was out of the door before Mr. Wells could even think of giving her a detention slip.


Color me interested


For the fourth time in as many minutes the balding, bearded middle-age-by-age-twenty-seven employee tried to get the attention of Leila Webb, whose attention was on the slow rotating grill where they kept the hot dogs. It was much too early for a hot dog, but Leila watched as the questionable tubes of technically meat remained sickly heated until such a time as they were blessed with the gift of poisoning a customer’s insides. Leila wanted to be that customer. Leila had been that customer many times. Something about the grease and the eternal shine of the heat lamp made the pink cylinder taste horrible but delectable. Leila had eaten so many of those greasy disaster meat tubes that she could recall the taste, texture, and smell of them like she had perfect recall, but the reason she stared wasn’t because she so desperately wanted one despite the time of day; Leila stared because looking at the hot dogs filled her with the sort of melancholy that no one could really describe until it happened to them. It was the same look she gave the worker at the movie theater when they were making a fresh batch of popcorn. It was the same look she gave when someone opened a can of soda or when people clinked together glasses or when people winced when someone accidentally scratched the chalkboard.

Leila Webb was probably the only person who could look at hot dogs and almost start to cry. And for the fifth time, the man behind the counter tried to get Leila’s attention, this time by slamming his hand on the counter. Leila jumped. Leila blinked. Leila turned her head towards the counter and realized in her hand was a cereal bar and a single serving carton of milk she had to pay for. “I’m sorry?” She asked, blinking several times a second as she realized her own error. The man, whose patience was lost well before Leila stood in line, asked Leila the question she’d been asked for all of her life.

Sometimes when Leila watched the hot dogs or the popcorn or even the trees blowing in the breeze, she wanted to ask someone an incredibly difficult question but every time she couldn’t work up the nerve. She doubted anyone would have an answer, but the closest she came to going through with asking anyway was when she was at the Sunshine Diner one weekend morning and watched as bacon fried on the pan, as eggs were flipped to make an omelet, as coffee was being poured into a mug. The waitress saw Leila looking and asked what she was staring at. “What does it sound like?” Leila asked in turn, to a confused response from the waitress. When asked to repeat the question, Leila just shook her head and ordered a strawberry waffle with sausage links.

Some people held the belief that the worst part of Leila’s condition must have been the fear of not knowing if she’d ever hear again, but as frightening a prospect as that was, Leila was diagnosed early enough that she had the better part of her young life to adjust and adapt. Yes, the early days with the implant saw her curling up in a ball and covering her ears and shaking her head as her parents tried to calm her down, but the doctor had said there would be…complications in adjusting to her life. What she didn't know was that those complications would be her parents sounding like alien robots buzzing and crackling in her ear as they comforted her. That music would sound like a record being played in reverse and through a pitch altering program to make it sound like a droning roar or like the stinging hiss of a snake flicking its tongue directly onto her brain. She didn’t have nightmares during that period of her life because her day to day life was already a horror movie of noise.

The voices of others returned over time as the implant rallied the familiar cadence of speech to her brain. Music wasn’t as fast but it returned with a vengeance, with every song she listened to now feeling like a concert was being played directly onto her brain, every snare, every bass line, every voice digging their aural nails into her lobes. Sometimes the pitch was off, sometimes it was a little warbly, but if it meant not having to listen to the scratching recordings of hellspawn then she was more than willing to accept that trade. The day she could hear voices and songs again, Leila hugged her parents like it was Christmas morning and she just got a brand new bike.

But it wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t until later that Leila realized she couldn’t hear little things. The things people heard every day and just paid little attention to. Ice melting in a glass. Leaves brushing against a window. The sizzle of bacon frying in a pan. Popcorn popping in a microwave. Eggs cracking. The doppler effect of a car speeding past. A pin dropping in a quiet room. So many things in her life had sound but she couldn’t hear them. Even her own fingers snapping had to be done close enough to hear ears for her to hear anything other than the muffled nothing. Her eyes could see that a snap happened, but her brain just couldn’t replicate the sound.

How could she ask someone to describe the sound of bacon cooking? Of the wind blowing a tree? It would be like asking someone to describe the color red without using the word red. So all Leila could do when she saw something that she should hear was stare and wonder and wish.

The man behind the counter asked Leila the question she’d been asked all of her life. And Leila replied, “Yes, I am.”

Leaving the convenience store with her cereal bar already half eaten, Leila took a deep breath of the muggy California air and took out her phone. The wallpaper on her home screen was of her, Dani Jones, Parker Jones, and Ellie Walters posing in the middle of Webb-Heads - Dani was giving the middle finger while Leila was giving a peace sign. Just looking at the screen made Leila smile. For some people it was difficult to make friends at a place like Beverly Hills High School especially when a not insignificant amount of students dealt in friendships the way noble houses in Game of Thrones dealt in alliances, but Leila was blessed to have friends who treated her like anyone else. When Dani called her ‘Fingers’ because of Leila’s use of ASL, it didn’t come with Dani widening her eyes and being immediately apologetic like what tended to happen any time someone made a comment about someone being deaf for not answering their phone call while Leila was in ear shot. Yeah, it was annoying being known as the deaf girl, but it was considerably less annoying than people feeling like they had to walk on eggshells around her.

Hell, Leila didn’t even know what that sounded like.

The one benefit to Leila’s condition was that it put her above the social politics of high school. Her royal high cunt, Naomi Davis, basically informed her sycophants and wannabes that Leila was ‘off limits’ which sounded great on paper but in practice was like telling people that you weren’t allowed to make a comment about someone’s very noticeable mole. Leila knew well enough that people talked behind her back because people talked behind everyone’s back. That didn’t bother her. What bothered her was being treated like she had a contagious disease all because of being ‘off limits’. Sure, no one kicked her out of parties, but most of the time when she went there was the unmistakable feeling of knowing everyone was giving the side eye and wondering why she was there. A presence tolerated but rarely welcomed. Off limits. It was no wonder Leila was so glad to have friends like the ones on her wallpaper.

But smiling at the sight of her friends was only part of the reason for opening her phone. During her sophomore year, a classmate asked if she was some kinda robot or cyborg like from Cyberpunk and at the time Leila just blinked and said no by slowly shaking her head. Leila still remembered the look of disappointment on the student’s face. If she was asked that now her answer might skew differently. In a way, was she not a cyborg? She had a machine that sent things to her brain on her ear, that was pretty cool, wasn’t it? And the machine did more than help her hear voices and loud sounds which she demonstrated every single day. Some kids got in trouble for walking the halls or sitting in class with headphones in. They just didn’t know the tech.

Leila thumbed to her music folder on her phone and queued up a song. Her phone connected to her implant with Bluetooth and the sounds of music began to dance their electric signals along every surface of her brain.A concert for her ears only. Suddenly the world moved like a visualizer mixed with a prescription glasses commercial.


Turn Out Right

Every footstep Leila took towards school sent a little soundwave like a drumstick hitting the snare, cars drove past and their tailights left a trail straight out of Tron, the sky above her turned a brighter shade of blue - almost like she had stepped out of the real world and into a rotoscoped cartoon. She walked and her footsteps turned to rhythmic hops. Stepping forward turned her body sideways and then she danced two steps back while the grass next to her danced in the visible gust of wind that made Leila twirl, the colors of her red striped shirt swirl and blend out of her, creating her own little trail of color as she half-walked, half-danced up the sidewalk.

“It never seems to turn out right…” Leila lip synched along to the song, her eyes closing to let the music and the familiar steps guide her forward. To passersby she probably looked ridiculous, swaying her hips, dancing, her head bopping to a song only she could hear, but Leila didn’t care. As she approached the school grounds, Leila extended her arms like an airplane and soared. The colorful winds carried her into the clouds, their pillowy cotton strands passing through her like a hug from an overstuffed plush toy. A plane flew alongside her and passengers stuck their heads out of the window to sing along with her, clapping their hands along to the gentle beat of the song’s percussion track. The sun winked at her and she waved towards that bright, friendly ball of light before beginning her final descent back down to earth.

The song came to an end and Leila opened her eyes to find herself standing in the quad of BHHS, breathing increased like she had just come from gym class warm ups, and the inevitable rush of disappointment wafted over her. Back at school. The music video was over. As much as she would love to go through the school day listening to music on her brain, she knew it would only tank her grades even with an ASL translator dictating the lessons to her. Those blissful moments when she was dancing her way to school were addicting but like with any addiction she had to know when to dial it back. She had to know when to keep herself grounded.

Leila looked around the quad and saw people talking, another group of people laughing, two guys giving each other a high five and an elaborate handshake; Leila saw all of these students and the only thing she heard was her own breathing. Life going on all around her and more than ever she felt like she was window shopping for something she would never truly be part of. Once again she took out her phone and once again she looked at her home screen and once again she smiled. Leila might not have had her hearing but she had something much more important.

Maintaining the smile, Leila hit the replay button on her phone and began her swaying steps towards her homeroom, blissfully uncaring of who saw her. Let them see. Let them talk. They didn’t exist for the next three minutes. For those three minutes, the only thing that existed was Leila and her wonderful, colorful world.







____________________________________________________________________

Room 302 in Beverly Hills High had the best acoustics in the whole building, at least according to Andrew Green. It was anyone’s guess if it were true or not, and really Andy didn’t even think it was. The reality of it was that 302 was tucked in the back corner of the third floor, and no one ever went up there by choice. Andy had been able to secure a key to the room years ago, and he quietly used it as his personal practice space in the mornings and between classes when he managed to sneak away. It was his happy place! The only other person who had a key and wasn’t a staff member was his brother, though Andy was hopeful Ethan wouldn’t bother him this morning. He was in the zone.

He stood in front of a podium at the front of the empty classroom, with his violin tucked behind his neck. Slowly, he plucked at the strings as he found the rhythm of the song. He had heard it a thousand times, maybe even more than a thousand, but hearing wasn’t the same as playing. His brother always called it ‘downloading’ and Andy liked that phrase.

It really did feel like he was downloading the music sometimes! He played the first few notes once, twice, a third time and then it clicked. He had it! His bowstring moved across the violin as his deft fingers slid up and down, pressing down on the different strings to manipulate the instrument to speak the language he wanted it to speak. Quietly, Andy began to sing the lyrics as he played. “I can’t remember anything, can’t tell if this is true or dream…” He did not have a bad voice. Of course he didn’t, his grandmother was the songbird of her generation, but Andy did not sing with his whole chest. He was not offkey, but he wasn’t loud either. There was skill with the way his fingers moved, but his voice was low and almost shaky as he sang and allowed his mind to wander.

“Deep down inside, I feel to scream… this terrible silence stops me…” He shouldn’t have started thinking about things. He got in his own head too often. Andy found himself thinking about the traumatic experience he had, and wondering if he was ungrateful for being so… squishy as a result of something that happened in the past. By birthright, he would have no future problems. He could, and likely would, always get his way. His parents were both in their own way extremely confident individuals. His brother ran the school and would probably run the world when it was all said and done.

So why couldn’t Andy even take control of his own destiny? It was a bit sad, he reasoned, locking himself in a room where no one could hear him so he could practice the music he actually liked in the best way he could: shredding violin covers. In and of itself, that was kind of stupid. He should have had the balls to at least show his family and friends the work he’d done, to show them his passion for music that wasn’t written a hundred years before he was born.

A frown had crept upon his face as he approached the harder part of the song, near the end. Was he pathetic? Maybe, but he wasn’t sure how not to be! Andy wasn’t even able to tell his grandma, who had groomed him carefully for success ever since the incident, that he wanted to show her his covers. How was he supposed to tell her he didn’t even want to play violin? How was he supposed to tell her he wanted to be a rockstar?

He just didn’t have the courage.

Amy Kwon had never met a door that she couldn’t open or a line she couldn’t cross. Before the end of last year, before everything changed, doors just had a habit of opening themselves for her whenever she needed. Hapless members of the student body trying to appeal to her and maybe be acknowledged with a passing word of thanks or, better, a nod of the head as she walked through; now those same people shut the doors in her face like teens running away from a slasher movie villain. But doors were no obstacle for someone with a violent streak and a need to slaughter dumb teenagers and neither were they for someone whose streak ran a little less violent but still as insatiable a lust as blood. But of course, she was getting ahead of herself.

When Amy Kwon walked the halls, she moved in slow motion in the eyes of those not wise enough to turn their heads. The halls of BHHS were like her own personal Red Sea, students parting the way for entirely different reasons than they did when non-pariahs like the Hive walked by. For the populars, students getting out of the way was expected; for Amy, it was out of self preservation. Ever since her big debut at the start of senior year, where she showed up wearing knee high heeled boots and a skirt short enough that simply turning and not moving her leg fast enough would flash onlooking eyes a brief look at the Fruit of Eden, and a top that only technically met the definition of a shirt by way of having holes for head and arms to go through. The disciplinary staff in the slip they gave her said that ‘Strippers had more modesty than Ms. Kwon’s outfit’.

On Pajama Day she wasn’t even allowed to attend class until she went home to change. “I sleep nude, you know.” She was heard saying to the staff that formed a little barricade to protect the eyes of the student body. She didn’t show up naked, of course. She had underwear on. And a short robe. They were silk.

Pushing the envelope and embracing what people thought about her was who Amy was. The pink aegyo princess was dead and the fiery phoenix that turned boys to men and women to jealousy had risen. As was the case today, Amy had little desire to attend class and she had even less to show up at the pep rally later. Who gave a fuck about school pride, about a meaningless football game, about a dance where everyone in attendance was just waiting for it to be over so they could go fumble while putting a condom on and giving someone the most disappointing ride of their life in the backseat of their overpriced ego boosts. She wasn’t even wearing school colors today, but she was wearing black.

As she did most mornings, Amy was wandering the halls like an animalistic predator searching for her meat in the grass. The ones that knew her well knew to give her a wide berth. Those that didn’t would quickly learn that Amy Kwon didn’t chew her food after she finished playing with it: she devoured it whole. As her shoes clacked along the floor, the sound of music wafted to her ears. Well, some would call it music, others would call it the warblings of an instrument beloved only by nerds and those softer than soft serve ice cream. Perfect. The music carried her forward, towards a back corner on the third floor. It grew louder as she came closer, and the singing joined the chorus as Amy licked her deep, perky, ruby red lips. Under her smirk were teeth sharpened to such a fine point that her victims would have their flesh separated from their body as soon as she sank said teeth into them.

Metaphorically, of course.

The door to 302 was locked. But Amy had a bobby pin. And Amy had various skills. No door could keep her out. Or in. The door unlocked after she stimulated the pins and Amy stepped inside, eyes spotting the rabbit in the grass. She’d seen worse. She’d tasted better. But she was hungry. And she was bored. “You shouldn’t be here, little Green. You’re going to be late for class. I didn’t say to stop playing.” Her eyes were narrowed towards Andy as she stood in the doorway, her left leg bent just slightly forward enough to show off more leg under her short, black dress that clung to her body like it was made of leather. “Sing for me.”

When she let herself into the room, Andy immediately came to a halt, with the music stopping abruptly. He knew who was in the room with him, but he wasn’t sure how she’d gotten into the room. “Did you pick the lock?” Did she call him little Green? There were so many questions in his head. It wasn’t even fair to call him the ‘little Green.’ No one ever believed him, but he was almost two inches taller than Ethan was, and he was older too! He did not think Amy would believe him if he said either of those things. Honestly? Andy didn’t think she would go for anything he said. Why was she even here? Would she even answer him?

He didn’t know what to do or say. What would Ethan do in a situation like this? Probably say something cool. Andy had nothing cool to say, and hardly anything interesting to offer. As he stared at her, he dropped his violin to his side and shook his head. “Sing what? I have to know the words.” He tried to deflect as best he could, but he’d never been so close to someone so dangerously attractive before. How was he supposed to act? He felt a burning desire to do what she said, and a smaller voice in the back of his head telling him to tell her to fuck off. Andy had been ignoring that voice for close to decade, and this was no different.

“I’m not really a good singer though.” He said, his eyes darting around the room as he searched for an exit plan. Briefly, he couldn’t help but let his eyes land on her. She really was dangerously attractive. Were there more girls who were that attractive at their school? How could anyone think someone that pretty was a bad girl? Quickly, he put his eyes back on the door.

Unfortunately for Andy, Amy noticed the moment when his eyes wandered just enough to make Amy widen her grin from playful to dangerous. She had spun her little web as soon as she entered the room - of course she had picked the lock - and now the little fly was caught. No escape. No going back. Amy took a single step further into the room, inching her way towards Andy the way a hawk circled its prey before diving in for the kill. “Sing me something romantic. Something that will make my skin shiver in delight. Something that makes a girl want to throw her panties on the stage. Something…sexy.” Every word she spoke was deliberate and every sentence had her stepping closer and closer to Andy. Her tone was like honey but she spoke them like poison; how could something so sweet be so…dangerous?

Andy had never made eye contact with someone for as long as he was holding it with Amy. For a second, his breathing hitched and as his breathing picked up he wondered if he was going to die or have an anxiety attack. Why was she even here!? He locked the door for a reason! It was evil to step inside like this. But he didn’t speak, he just found himself staring at her.

“Don’t think, little Green. Look at me. Look.” She snapped her fingers. The acoustics really were good in this place. “Sing anything that comes to mind when you look at me. Impress me. I’m worth it. Don’t you think?”

In what was considered somewhat groundbreaking for the Green family, Andrew Green had never smoked the devil’s lettuce. And yet, he found himself desperately wanting a joint at that moment. He’d never even been high before, but he’d listened to his father and his brother sing THC’s praises enough that he felt he knew when a puff or seventeen might come in handy. Unfortunately for Andy, when he inhaled, it wasn’t Mary Jane that he took a drag from. It was Amy Kwon, and she smelled… “Whoa. You smell good. Oranges are my favorite.” His cheeks immediately ignited red after he spoke; that was the wrong thing to say from anyone’s perspective he reasoned. He bit his tongue, and wracked his mind looking for songs.

There were a thousand songs about sex. There were a thousand songs about pretty girls. Were there any songs about Amy? He knew so many, yet in that moment it felt like he knew so few. He searched, and searched and he found one. The look of clarity on his face was obvious as he placed the violin on the desk with the sheet music he’d made as an arrangement for One. He went to the supply closet in the room and opened it up, pulling out a guitar case.

This wasn’t really what she asked for, and he knew that. It may not have even been what she wanted. The problem was, the only song he could think of that made him think of Amy wouldn’t work on a violin. “I’m not as practiced on guitar. And please - nevermind.” Andy found himself thinking about warning Amy to not tell his grandma, but then he double guessed himself and figured if he said that to Amy, she might leave. He did not want her to leave under any circumstances. He undid the clasps holding the case closed, and pulled out an acoustic guitar. Only his brother knew about his tendency to practice the instrument, and it had been Ethan’s idea to hide one in the room so he could play it when the mood took him.

And it had taken him. If he were a bit more flowery, he could have said Amy was his muse. He sat down on the desk closest to Amy, carefully placing his feet on the chair to steady himself and brought the guitar to his knee, strumming across the guitar. As he moved his fingers, it took a second for the song to take shape, but this was a song he’d downloaded long ago. When he began the lyrics, it was obvious what the song was.

“Special, you think you’re special, you do
I can see it in your eyes.”

For the first time in his life, Andy tried to sing with his whole chest. It wasn’t easy, but with Amy’s icy gaze and the scent of her orange perfume still in his nostrils, Andy found the motivation to discover the voice he had done his best to hide. Though his eyes darted down to his hands once or twice, he did his best to keep their eyes locked. This was, frankly, the most intimate and sexually charged moment Andy had ever had in his life, and he was more than well aware that anything could fuck it up.

I can see it when you laugh at me,
Look down on me and walk around on me,
Just one more fight… about your leadership.”

He still wasn’t sure it was the kind of song she wanted, but Andy was singing as best he could - still keeping his voice low enough that prying ears might not hear him. He wasn’t sure he could handle it if more than one person were here when he sang.

Amy would be lying if she said she was familiar with the song, but in truth the song itself didn’t matter; what mattered was that Andy Green had known Amy for all of a few minutes and was already willing to serenade her at the snap of a finger. What mattered was that Andy Green behaved. They all behaved. The ones who thought they could turn the page and control Amy were boring. Chest pounding brutes, foot tapping bitches, a legion of losers who thought they could be Captain Saveaho by trying to exert a little social media domination and get Amy on her knees instead of on top where she was comfortable. Amy Kwon didn’t need to be saved. Amy Kwon didn’t want to be saved.

How long would this toy last, she wondered. He didn’t seem as… hardy as some of her other toys, but considering the name that came with this one it was like finding something valuable in mint condition. Little Andy Green… whisper the right words in his ears, give him an intoxicating scent… Amy could utterly ruin this boy and he’d thank her for doing it. The thought alone kept the smile and knowing, narrowed eyes aimed in his direction; he probably thought she was smiling for the song but the only sounds she was hearing were the future cries as Andy experienced a taste of heaven.

It sounded like bedsprings.

“You look better with a guitar than a violin.” Amy spoke as the song tapered off. “Your fingers must be…talented…to make the strings dance like that.” Amy was done being subtle. She draped a hand on Andy’s shoulder, standing just beside him but still standing over him. Her head was lowered and tilted, filling his nostrils with more of that perfume he so clearly liked the smell of. Who knew the devil on the shoulder wore Chanel Coco Mademoiselle? “Do you want to duet with me… little Green?” A deadly whisper, like a viper moments away from sticking its venomous fangs into the throat.

“He doesn’t,” Ethan sharply cut in, hearing the music at the end of the hall and knowing exactly who was playing it. He was the one who knew his brother’s secret and it was Ethan who heard his brother practice. No one else. He stood under the door casing not liking what he was seeing at all. His nostrils flared and his jaw tightened, all while he cracked his knuckles. Amy Kwon had her reputation and it was hard to deny the evidence that clearly showed she was not a good person. His brother didn’t need to be involved with someone malicious and cruel as Amy Kwon and Ethan doubted she was here with good intention. His twin was too inept in the social scene to see that he was prey and he was standing next to someone that wanted to kill him slowly but kill him no less.

Maintaining eye contact, his shoulders tensed, the Alpha of the Elite stormed deeper into the room, approaching his twin and the unexpected acquaintance Andy was making. “Get your hands off of him,” Ethan growled, hovering over the girl, clearly in defense and keeping his attention on his brother. He went from the she-devil to his literal other half. “Andy, seriously. Don’t listen to her. She’s a bitch trying to take you down with her and the last thing you need is to get stuck in a cage with a tiger.” Maybe, just maybe, that analogy would get Andy to think twice. He hoped so because the last thing Ethan Green wanted to do was touch… the devil herself.

“I wasn’t asking you.” Amy hissed towards Ethan without even looking in his direction. Ethan was a nuisance, a distraction, interference on the hunt and unfortunately for Amy it seemed the only thing he cared more about than hooking up with naive girls with loose lips was protecting his brother. The hand on Andy’s shoulder remained firmly in place, gripping a little tighter like her fingers were staking a claim, planting a flag of intent so Ethan would know that this wouldn’t be the end of things. Not if she had her way - and Amy Kwon always had her way in the end. “You can leave now, Ethan. I’m sure you have an STD test to take or something. Maybe a girl to disappoint for three minutes. Run along. Your brother is fine where he is.”

Her attention remained on Andy and a single finger traced from his shoulder up towards his jawline. Amy’s breath was hot on Andy’s skin, a deliberate heat that swam with the residual scent of her perfume. She wanted to intoxicate him with her very being, to make him so drunk on Amy that the only thing he would want was another hit. A single taste. “Isn’t that right, little Green?”

“You’re digging your fingers into my shoulder.” Andy was sensing a lot of tension between his brother and Amy. He wasn’t dense, he knew that Amy didn’t have a good reputation, but he was confused that someone had such a bad reputation his brother didn’t want to interact with them. The tiger comparison, Andy thought, was a little harsh. He threw his shoulder back a bit in an attempt to get Amy’s hand off of his shoulder and it didn’t budge - her fingers just tightened.

Was she for real? Amy was the last person to be talking about STDS. And why was his brother being so… fuck, his parents really did a number on him. No one would think they’re actually twins because there was nothing cool about Andrew Green at all. He was such a nerd. “Bitch please, your vagina has been used more than Google.” Ethan really did not want to put his hands on a girl, even if she was demonic and a whore and evil. His parents taught him that it doesn’t matter how much a girl makes you angry, don’t fucking put your hands on them unless there is consent. At a standstill, the twin took a step back to give the two breathing room. The only person that can actively do something in this moment was shrinking in his seat at the sheer power this girl exuded. Ethan took a deep breath in. He needed to change his method. Exhaling, he apologized, “...Sorry that was uncalled for. Please, can you give me a moment with my brother?” Ethan Green wanted to die.

Amy couldn’t help but to widen her smirk, her eyes flicking once towards Ethan before trailing back to her preferred prey. She didn’t even have to do anything and Ethan Green was saying please. To her. To the she-devil on campus. “I bet that took effort, Ethan. Asking a girl ‘please’. Don’t worry. I won’t tell.” Amy released her grip on Andy and placed her palm on his back, gently nudging him towards Ethan. “Go on, then. Take him. But we both know I’m all he’ll be thinking about. All. Day. Long.” Her words were spoken to Ethan, but they were whispered into Andy’s ear. A parting gift for Andy and a threat for Ethan.

It wasn’t until Amy stopped digging her fingers into Andy’s shoulder that he realized how much he liked it. He took a step forward when she pushed him forward but it was clear even from the way he moved that he was disappointed in the way things were ending up. There was not a lot he could say or do, all he could do was try and make sure that he didn’t forget the scent of her perfume. After he stopped being nudged forward, and was standing beside his brother, Andy spun around to look at Amy and blurted.

“You’re coming to our party, right?”

Ethan grumbled when Andy offered to invite the succubi. Even if he wanted to protest, this was actually a huge milestone for his older brother. Andy was inviting a girl to a party. He was going to have a date. He might get laid. It would be wrong for Ethan to ruin this when all he wanted was his brother to have confidence and for some reason, he was finding it in Amy. Begrudgingly, Ethan followed his brother’s lead, “Tomorrow, after the dance, we’ll have transport ready. It’s at our family’s vineyard. Theme, Risky Business.” He paused for a moment to look at his brother, hoping there was a sign of disgust, or fear, but all he saw in his eyes was how in lust Andy was already with this girl.

Fuck.

Teeth clenched, the King of the school added, “We… would love you to come… and if you like, you can…” He was going to regret this. He definitely was. But Andy was happy. Andy was making progress. Andy was… relaxed. “Ride with us.” At this moment, Ethan could only think about his mom and wondered if she had sound advice for this situation. He doubted it, but still. He wanted to talk to his mom.

An eyebrow raised as Amy listened to the Brothers Green, her perfect poker face unbreaking in the moment. How was it that Ethan came into the music room calling her a bitch and a tiger but now he was practically rolling out the red carpet for her? The way to Ethan was clearly through Andy - an unexpected but certainly welcome side effect. “I’ll be there.” Even if she hadn’t been directly invited, Amy had a wonderful habit of showing up even when she wasn’t invited. “We can talk about that…duet then, little Green.” Even if Andy was leaving with his brother, Amy was confident that her little fly was stuck deeper in the web. Fine. That was fine.

The best meals were the ones you savored.

Her hunt properly interrupted, but certainly not ruined, Amy offered a parting shrug of her shoulders and began the uncomfortably long walk back into the hallway. She didn’t look back at either Ethan or Andy as she walked past and opened the door. She knew that if she did, she would’ve seen Andy leering at her. Possibly Ethan as well. That thought alone helped her maintain that dangerous, ruby lipped smirk as she departed the room, the brothers free of her miasma for the immediate moment.

After he’d watched her leave the room, biting down on his bottom lip the entire time, Andy let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “Hey, Ethan.” He asked, finally directly addressing his brother. Andy had no idea what he was doing; he didn’t know what Amy was going to be like, but for the first time in his life, Andrew Green had caught himself thinking with the wrong head. He figured it had something to do with the orange scents she wore. He ran a hand through his hair, and asked the question that had been burning in his mind ever since Ethan had joined the room, “do you have any weed?”

He paused, and then meekly added. “Why did she keep calling me ‘little?’ Doesn’t she know I’m taller than you are?”

Weed was a fantastic idea. Ethan needed weed too after that. “In my locker.” He turned his head toward his twin and furrowed his eyebrows. With a baffled expression, he asked, “You serious right now?” It was rhetorical. He knew Andy was being serious. His older twin was too naive. Too innocent. Too good. “You’re so fucked, bro. Come on, let’s go. Maybe we have enough time to smoke.” He looked at his watch; they didn’t. The bell would go off in five, four, three, two…

The second warning bell went off.

“I mean if you want to skip homeroom, I’m down.” Would his brother agree? Well, if he was into Amy, this could mean a new era for Andy Green. It was 50/50 right now but maybe Andy would live a little. Only time could tell. Unfortunately for Stella, Ethan had his phone on silent so he didn’t see his text from her.

“What? I’ve never done that before. What if Dad gets mad?” Andy asked, turning his head to look at Ethan. After a moment’s thought, he felt like he’d figured it out already. “Dad doesn’t care does he?” He shook his head, and reminded himself of Amy’s voice and the feeling of her breath on his neck and it breathed life to the embers of confidence he’d gained that morning.

“Screw it, let’s skip homeroom.”

Ethan smiled. Internally, his gut was telling him this, meaning Andy and Amy, would be nothing but a disaster, but right now, as they strode out the room and down the hall, none of that mattered. Andy was carrying himself differently and Ethan liked seeing his brother assertive for once, and certain of himself. Greens were all about taking risks and finally Andy was taking them.

“Hell to the yeah! Let’s smoke some weed bro!”

The Brothers Green would not make it to homeroom today.


god fucking dammit



Exit Music (For A Film)

By the time Sara Delgado woke up to a room that was as comfortable and familiar to her as a prison cell, Himani Chakrabarti had been running for a half hour with no destination in mind. Running was one of the only things that made sense to Himani; one foot in front of the other, forward momentum, feet stamping the ground in a quiet affirmation combining with the aching heat of muscles screaming along the skin as if the entire body was announcing to the world that she was alive and here to stay. In another life, Himani would have done well as a cross country runner. Joined a team. Maybe go to the Olympics. Be somebody. But in another life, Himani might not have had to run at all. Everyone ran for different reasons, some for sport, some for exercise, some just because it was a cardio day; Himani ran because it was freedom. Himani ran because if she didn’t, she would drown. Himani ran because she didn’t want to look back. The pain in her legs as she pushed closer to the seven mile mark was nothing compared to what would happen if she didn’t run.

The route Himani took was never the same but she knew the streets and walks like a GPS did. Going left one way led to this location, going right was a dead end, three streets ahead and that was where the nice old couple sat in chairs petting a dog that was almost as old as they were. Himani liked that couple, they always waved at her on the days she passed and Himani always considered stopping to pet the dog, to converse with the old couple, but she never did. She couldn’t stop. Stopping was death. Her pace was as important as the route she took; it didn’t matter how fast she went as long as she was going and she always went to the same place. To the only place where Himani was allowed to smile. To the only place where she was able to smile.

When she ran, her hair was in a ponytail, only a few loose strands draped against her forehead and drifted with the pumping of her legs to bristle against her ears. Himani hated her ears. They were big, goofy, floopy, unpierced, and the only time they were ever visible was when she ran like this. When her hair was freed from the confines of a scrunchie, she made sure it covered her ears. Himani hated her hair. It was long, messy, an ugly shade of brown, unkempt even when she brushed it, and it sometimes got food on it when she ate too quickly because her hair reached all the way to the top of her breast.

What face did she make while running, she wondered. Was her mouth open even more than normal - her stupid overgrown front teeth made it so hard for her to close her lips which was another thing Himani hated, were her eyes wide, nostril flaring, eyebrows bristling? She hated each of those parts of her face. Her eyes were too big. Her nose was too pointed at the tip but too wide in the nostrils. Her eyebrows were too bushy, like Frida Kahlo. Her upper lip was always slightly lifted thanks to those hideous buck teeth. When she ran, those flaws didn’t matter. No one looked good after running for miles and Himani could feel normal for those wonderful times between starting and stopping.

At school, Himani smiled from the first bell until the end of the school day. She laughed. She had people who liked her at least enough to not talk shit about her until she was well out of earshot; of course with her ears she was sure she could hear them from the next state ove. She had people applaud and cheer for her. Well, not her. The Pirate. They loved the Pirate, how he ran in the gym during pep rallies, how he danced by the stands at football games, how he tripped and fell on his big stupid ugly face for a comedy gag. Everyone loved the Pirate and under the Pirate was Himani. Everyone loved Himani.

Except for Himani.



By the time Himani Chakrabarti ran for the sixth mile with legs screaming at her to stop, Sara Delgado was gently folding the bedsheet back under the pillows she had fluffed already. Her mother had taught her the proper way to make a bed and it was an almost zen-like experience to Sara now. Every morning she made her bed, every morning she took a small amount of pride in the making of said bed, and every morning for five minutes she sat on the end of her bed and tried not to cry as she spoke three words to herself under her breath like a meditative mantra. “Today’s your day. Today’s your day. Today’s your day.” At the end of those five minutes the mantra always ended with a slight change of wording. “Tomorrow’s your day…”

Sara’s room was comfortable but cold. The walls were bare except for a single hanging poster of the periodic table, something that Sara didn’t even need hung up anymore - she had learned the table before her sophomore year and had impressed her chemistry teacher by correcting the mistake and mentioning that Seaborgium was 106 and Bohrium was 107, not the other way around and then again for mentioning that Bohrium and Borium were two different things with the latter not even being on the table at all. For the rest of the semester, the chemistry teacher would randomly ask Sara a number and Sara would say the element on the table. Sara thought it was meant to embarrass or humiliate her on the off chance she got it wrong but she never did. For her troubles, all she got was a begrudging A+ on the report card and a revolving door of lab partners who spent labs on their phones while Sara did the experiment, the lab report, and got them a passing grade because of it.

The sun peeked in through the open blinds inside Sara’s room and shined its morning light on the spotless floor that was swept every weekend, the study desk that looked unused other than the numerous post-it notes with platitudes and doodles of a cookie with eyes and hands holding hands with a carton of milk with hands and eyes, and the bookshelf with a bunch of textbooks and study guides organized by subject matter. On the nightstand next to Sara’s bed was her cellphone, a navy blue covered diary, and a clock radio. The only personality to be found in the room was contained solely within the post-it doodles but even they seemed trapped in the diminutive canvas. Trapped in the same way their artist was. The only thing missing from Sara’s room were bars on the window.

Ever since she and her mother moved into this house, owned by Sara’s abuelita, Sara was given the biggest room in the house and all she had to show for it was a neatly made bed every morning. The clock radio buzzed to life with a static hum as the frequency of the morning jazz song (today it was Art Blakey) woke Sara from her five minute mantra, a sniffle punctuating her mumbled words as she slid off the bed and turned off the alarm before scooping her diary and phone into her hands, transferring both to the study desk as she opened her bedroom door (devoid of any poster hangings as well) and stepped her bare feet onto the creaky carpet floor en route to the toothpaste pastel colored bathroom.

Her mother’s towel was still damp as it hung on the towel rack and Sara sighed in realization. Another early shift. Another breakfast alone. Another morning where her only conversation was with the friends in her head who were interested in hearing her talk about the difference between arachnids and insects. It wasn’t always so empty, but with her dad in Mexico for most of her life, her mom taking whatever shifts she could at the hotel, and her abuelita living…elsewhere…Sara hadn’t had a conversation with another person in what seemed like forever. No one to tell her good morning. No one to ask how school was. No one to call and talk with until the sun went down. Nothing. No one. No one except Chipper and Derry, the names she gave to her cookie and milk doodles. They were the best of friends, Chipper and Derry were. Sara was jealous.

At school, Sara got some of the highest grades, tutored, was well on her way to being in the consideration for valedictorian - though she figured that wasn’t guaranteed and that someone more popular but with a worse GPA would get that satisfaction - but that was all she had. Her name at the top of a list no one cared about. Inside her drawer at the study desk was her acceptance letter to Pomona College, underneath which was a pamphlet about financial aid and scholastic scholarships, both of which she had applied for. Yet another list her name was at the top of. What good was being at the top of lists if no one cared? What good was being one of the smartest, academically, at school if teachers still got her name wrong (it was Sah-rah, not Sehr-uh)? Everyone at school had friends. Laughed. Smiled. Didn’t eat lunch in the janitor’s closet. Everyone knew each other in some capacity. Had memories and jokes, gossip and stories, kisses and romances. Everyone, even with their dramas, went to parties and hung out and would look back on these years fondly.

Except for Sara.

While Sara was showering and getting dressed, then getting changed as she double checked the theme of the day, Himani Chakrabarti had finally stopped running. She wasn’t out of breath or even all that tired, but she was in desperate need of water, which was the reason she stopped running. Close by the school, close enough that some students dropped in during lunch periods and still had enough time to spare, was a convenience store. Himani waved to the cashier before going to the cold beverage section, grabbing a water, cracking the top, and drinking half the bottle before grabbing a second one. Cradling the fresh bottle under an arm, Himani brought two fingers to her neck and looked at her wrist. She didn’t have a watch, she’d just seen people do this in medical dramas.

When she stepped outside the convenience store, the drawstring backpack with the FILA logo on the bottom re-slung over her shoulders now that it contained a bottle of water more and four dollars less, the morning heat wafted over her and added another layer of sweat to her forehead and legs. She had been wearing running shorts and a sleeveless, plain blue top. Sweat had formed on her legs, perhaps the only part of herself that she didn’t hate, and she wiped her forehead with the back of her hand. She couldn’t go to school like this. Sweaty. Not in school colors for spirit day. But inside her backpack was a small bar of disposable soap, a hotel sized portion of shampoo, and a change of clothes. One of the perks of being the mascot was the school trusting her with a key to the gym storage area where the mascot was stored; that same key got her access to the gym locker rooms which had a shower attached to them.

Every day she ran and every day Himani showered and changed in the school gym locker room. Today would be no different. Himani wasn’t sure if people knew that she treated the showers like they were in her home, but the alternative would be going to school caked in sweat and stench and while she was well aware that some students, definitely underclassmen, would surely be into the idea of smelling a sweaty girl’s armpits or, like, licking sweat because she’d been on the internet, in practice the only thing that happens to a high school girl showing up sweaty and rank is being known as the smelly girl. Himani was many things, and as she looked in the mirror in the bathroom next to the showers, the things she believed herself to be came flooding into her. She was ugly and no matter how much lotion she rubbed on her face she always would be. She had big front teeth and no matter how many times she brushed and gargled and brushed and gargled she would always have them. She had gross hair and even as she brushed and brushed and brushed she always would, but at least it covered her big, floppy, ugly ears. And at least she wouldn’t be the smelly girl.

Himani smiled as she finished brushing her hair and brushing her teeth. The mirror didn’t crack but the girl looking back at her was believably happy. Which meant Himani was genuinely happy. Her enthusiasm for all things BHHS might have been annoying to many, but her enthusiasm in general was earnest. She loved the school. She loved the people. She loved the students. She loved being the mascot. She loved that her outfit for school spirit day was a red t-shirt that she made herself that had BHHS in big, bold, black letters, under which was a picture of her in the mascot costume under which was her graduation year. The back of the shirt had the statement “LET’S SHOW ARRRRR SCHOOL SPIRIT!” with a pirate sword as the exclamation point. Her black shorts just had the BHHS logo on either leg and on her face she stuck four star stickers, one red and one black on each cheek. And on her ugly, frizzly, dirty brown hair she put a red and black bandana - like the one famous pirate Jack Sparrow wore; some of her hair still spilled out from the back, and of course there was still hair to cover her ears.

Homecoming week was the best. It was when Himani was at her most popular because of school spirit being at a school year high. Pep rallies. The game. The dance. She didn’t have a date for the dance, of course she wouldn’t- she wasn’t gorgeous like everyone else, but she loved going to the dance and dancing to the fast songs and swaying like she had someone to dance with on the slow songs. Showing up to school as a cowboy, a hippie, in pajamas…the one week it was cool to show pride and excitement in your future alma mater. As Himani put her jogging clothes in her gym locker and headed for the quad now that students were starting to arrive, she couldn’t help but to smile as wide as ever. In a few hours she’d be in the costume, rallying the crowd, responding to their cheers. Everyone would be there. Everyone would love it. Because everyone loved homecoming week.

Except for Sara.

Sara didn’t even know why she bothered sticking to the theme of the homecoming events. Any effort she put forth went unnoticed and made her question the point of even trying so hard. On Wednesday while people wore cowboy hats, denim jeans, or god forbid the people who wore Cowboy Barbie pink, Sara had a historically accurate outfit based on the Spanish vaqueros complete with sombrero and overly warm sarape and buckskin shoes and woolen bolero jacket. The most she got was a teacher telling students to take their hats off indoors so people behind them could see the blackboard. The janitor was concerned she would overheat, though, which she thought was a nice consideration until he followed it up with the bleak thought that an ambulance called to a high school is never good for anyone, especially if they found one in the janitor’s closet. Sara laughed it off but she was the only one.

Naturally after a week of trying, Sara tried a little less with her outfit today: a red and black striped shirt and a little face paint on her cheek that read ‘BHHS’, only really perceptible if you were looking into her eyes and she assumed that no one would even notice. Nor would they notice that her black pants sort of combined with the striped shirt to give her an almost Freddy Kruger vibe. All she was missing wasthe hat.After checking her outfit in the mirror in the bathroom, Sara returned to her room for the last time that morning in order to put her diary, phone, and the completed homework folder into her backpack all before swapping the main pun drawing that was pinned onto the center of the backpack. Today’s pun? Carrate.

The kitchen was quiet with the only evidence someone had even used it being the coffee mug sitting in the sink with a puddle of water pooled at the bottom. Sara sighed as she took out the items for today’s breakfast. Before, back when her abuelita was still around, she would almost always have some fresh made pan dulce and hot chocolate for Sara; now the only thing greeting Sara were the ingredients she prepped the night before just so she could cook them that much faster. Before, when her mother would miss mornings, Sara would at least have a note telling her to do her best, to have a great day, little words of encouragement or the puzzle section from the newspaper so she could have entertainment while she ate; now there was nothing other than that damn coffee mug.

The only sound in the ktichen for the next twenty minutes was the cooking of oil, potatoes, chorizo, the gentle scrape of a spatula adding peppers and onions, mixing the ingredients, the crackling sizzle of a pan over a medium heat, and the clink of a fork as she placed her chorizo con papas onto a tortilla and ate her breakfast. Water rinsing the plate added to the puddle in the mug and after pausing to say a short prayer by the cross hanging in the living room - something her abuelita did and Sara did simply to respect the home Sara was graciously allowed to live in - Sara was outside and locking the door behind her. She had five minutes to get to the bus stop. Most senior didn’t take the bus to school, but most seniors weren’t Sara Delgado. Her seat on the bus was practically reserved. Right in the front, behind the driver, she sat by the window and her backpack next to her. No matter how full the bus got, no one ever seemed to want to sit next to her.

From the bus window, the outside world looked so pleasant, especially at this time of morning when people were waking up and beginning their commutes or morning exercise. Behind her she could hear people talking about a break up, discussing the progress they made in some video game, saying how they were going to not bother going to the football game tonight so they could catch a movie instead. Dozens of conversations going on all around her and Sara was hearing bits and pieces of all of them. Was this what ghosts felt like? Invisible but present? Chuckling lightly at jokes she wasn’t meant to hear, silently correcting the people comparing homework, checking her own wardrobe when others complemented their friends. The only difference between her and a ghost in this moment was that people got excited at the idea of seeing a ghost.

As the bus roared to a stop and the doors filed open, Sara was the last one to step off - the doors damn near closing even as she was still descending the steps, and she stepped off with a smile. Even if no one knew her name, even if no one ever really thanked her for helping them pass trig or history or chemistry, even if she had to eat another lunch in the janitor’s closet she still smiled as she stepped onto the sidewalk and towards the quad. Sara didn’t know why. She didn’t have much in the way of school spirit and at the rate she was going she wasn’t even going to leave here as anything more than a face in a yearbook that other graduates struggle to even remember one single anecdote about…but still she smiled. She wondered if anyone else smiled as they walked towards school by themselves and promptly shook her head. Why would anyone do that? That was weird. No one other than Sara smiled for no reason, putting on a brave face for as long as it took for it to fade- which in Sara’s case was up until her classmates filed in and brought with them their drama and their conversation and their continued ignoring of Sara Delgado.

Except for Himani.

Himani Chakrabarti was in the quad, leaping in front of arriving students - underclassmen being the majority - and after the heart attack shriek of surprise from the unsuspecting students, she handed them a flier using only her words. “YARRRRR I SEE YOU’RE FLYIN’ THE SCHOOL COLORS. GOOD ON YA, MATEY! YOUR SPIRIT IS REQUESTED AT TODAY’S ASSEMBLY! DON’T MISS IT OR I’LL MAKE YA WALK THE PLANK, LADDIE! YARRRR!” It was early in the morning but that didn’t stop Himani from making sure students started their day having a laugh even if it was at her expense - at least four different students whispered how ‘cringe’ she was being after she moved on to the next group, but Himani didn’t let that stop her. If she let the remarks of other students ruin her mood then she wouldn’t be Himani Chakrabarti. Their words couldn’t hurt her anymore than others already had.

By the time Himani was sure she had gotten to most everyone she saw in the quad, it was almost time for class to begin. The girl with endless energy and school spirit darted up the stairs into the school and up the stairs towards the classroom; she wasn’t supposed to run in the halls but for Himani, running was life and anything else was the opposite. As she made her way to Mr. Phoenix’s class, she said a loud hello to everyone in the classroom - the same way she had to everyone in the quad. Everyone.

Except for Sara.

Sara had noticed Himani running in the quad and got her hopes up that she would be greeted in kind. She even slowed her steps and held her breath when Himani was greeting some sophomores just in the grass as Sara passed them, but after Himani did her piratey song and dance for them, she turned and looked through Sara, sprinting right past Sara in order to greet a group of three. Sara didn’t drop her smile, but it did crack and quiver. Her footsteps regained their speed as she made her way towards the entrance to school.

“Sara!” A voice called behind her and Sara froze. Her head turned with her body to see the face of someone she had tutored. She knew him well because he took three lessons to learn the difference between sin, cosine, and tangent. After all this time he still didn’t know her name?

“It’s…it’s actually pronounced…” Her voice was so quiet and foreign to her own ears that she barely recognized it. When was the last time she heard herself? Her spoken word went unfinished as the guy calling her name waved to a red headed girl who came bouncing over to him. The way they embraced was all Sara needed to see to know that he had the right pronunciation all along. Turning back around, Sara disappeared into the school as she always did. A ghost roaming the halls, scoring high on tests, haunting the janitor’s closet, sitting in the front row in Mr. Phoenix’s class.

Maybe today wasn’t her day after all.


Fab since you’re exceeding six, can you make a new tab for the next six?


Sure can, but if I have another six characters please tell me to stop

I hope the Fallout show doesn't suck
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