Grimoire Gaming

Treewit Psychiatric Hospital for Adolescents

@foxygen

Neil Hilborn?

The 30-Day Song Challenge

Day 5 }}} A song that has new meaning every time you hear it.

---

Under Grey Skies (Instrumental) - Kamelot

[

As Fabricant pointed out, most songs are pretty easy to figure out the meaning of. Picking out lyrics and analyzing them for emotion and depth is one of my favorite things to do with music. For me it is always more about the poetry in the words rather than the beat itself when I am trying to find meaning in a song. That being said, Kamelot has fantastically poetic instrumentals. In fact, on their latest album ' Haven' they included an entire second CD with all of their tracks sans vocals (or with very few vocals). Under Grey Skies definitely falls under the category for day 5, as it is packed full of emotion and, depending on how you are feeling that day, it's meaning can change. I think...

Treewit Psychiatric Hospital for Adolescents

@foxygen All polished up and ready for Official Approval™. It was tough to pull from my love of Gerard, but as soon as I saw Stav I was like -- oh shit, that's actually Niki. I think canon they have the septum piercing but not the eyebrow one, not sure if they would have it in at the facility, though? I imagine not if makeup and hair extensions aren't allowed. Thanks~

Nikolai

^{Skin • Chameleon Boy • The End}

---

"If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see,
you can find out firsthand what it's like to be me."

_{- MCR -}

---

NAME }} Nikolai
NICKNAME }} Nik or Niki, these are prefered to Nikolai
AGE }} 16
DIAGNOSIS }} Gender dysphoria (while in and of itself not a mental disorder, the clinically significant anxiety and depression associated with dysphoria sometimes needs treatment) and Body Dysmorphic Disorder

---

^{{{ EQUITABLE • INSECURE • OBSESSIVE • EFFEMINATE • ANXIOUS }}}

PERSONALITY }} Niki typically goes through life as a wallflower, quietly blending in with baggy clothes in muted colors. They don’t want to be noticed, not really. If someone does happen to notice them, that person will find a kind hearted and open minded individual, despite their brokenness, perhaps even because of it. Silent and introverted, Nik much prefers listening to talking, especially now that their voice has grown deeper - they don’t like to hear it out loud. Regardless of insecurities, listening to others’ thoughts and ideas and feelings has always been better than dwelling on one’s own struggles. The teen’s quiet nature can make them seem aloof and stoic, but they are by no means judgemental or closed off. Those closest to Niki know that Nik will fight more to support their friends than they ever would fight for themself. This combination of traits makes a Niki a hard friend to make, but a good friend to have and keep.

STRENGTHS }}

• Open-minded and receptive listener.
• Genuine and Honest
• Imaginative

WEAKNESSES }}

• Overly self critical - This sometimes manifests physically in the form of skin picking and other self-harming behaviors.
• Mirrors - Nik is either obsessively looking in them to analyze their reflection, or obsessively avoiding them in shame of their own appearance.
• Disordered eating - It would be easy to misdiagnose Nik with anorexia nervosa, as some patients with BDD often are, but Niki goes through bouts of complete avoidance of food as a means to cope with their discontent in their own body. It is not that Niki sees themself as overweight, it is the incessant recurring negative thoughts about their own body being imperfect and mismatched that pushes Nik to change it. As plastic surgery isn’t an option yet, eating is something that Niki can and does limit to alter their appearance.

---

---

HISTORY }} It was obvious to Nikolai’s parents from a very young age that their son was different. On christmas he asked for both Tonka trucks and Barbie dolls. He would go outside and catch bugs and then come inside to play princess dress up with his sister. Kids can be like that sometimes, so his parents didn’t think much of it. The other children didn’t seem to mind, so why should they, if Nikolai was doing what made him happy?

When Nikolai was in late elementary and early middle school, things grew more complicated. The girls in his class started wearing make-up and giggling about bras and boys. Nik wanted to be like them, so he talked to his parents about this and, because they loved him, his mother took him the store and picked out some makeup and training bras. Nik proudly wore these things to school the next day.

At first, everything went unnoticed by his peers. The makeup was subtle, and the bra hidden safely under his shirt. Nik was confident and happy, feeling pretty, like he had always wanted to. This happiness was short lived, as adolescents tend to ostracize those who stray from the social norm. Niki dared to wear a dress after convincing his mother that it would be okay, that his friends said it would be fine. It wasn’t okay, and those ‘friends’ laughed at him. Nikolai was brutally bullied by his fellow students, physically by the boys and socially by the girls. He quickly became a social outcast, labeled ‘freak’ and ‘gay’ and whatever other unclever nicknames the kids had cooked up on any particular day.

The bullying grew so intense that Nik’s parents had to relocate so that their child could attend a different school and have a brand new start. Unbeknownst to them, it was already too late, the internal damage had been done. Nikolai had become a different person; Their once bright and colorful child had faded to grey. The criticisms of his peers had become his own, yet amplified. The older he got, the less he felt like a he… but not completely like she, either. They became they, and they became no one.

A new school did little to improve Nik’s quality of life. They went to class and did their homework, because they had to. They came home and sat alone in their room, avoiding parents and what few friends they had still managed to keep. Sometimes they would stare at the full length mirror behind their door for hours, a black sharpie in hand that they used to draw X’s above all of the flaws in their reflection. No one is sure when those markered X’s on the mirror turned into razor kisses on their skin, but they did. Niki intentionally picked out and wore baggy clothing to hide the scars and marks, and also to camouflage their body.

This downhill spiral of unseen psychological warfare and battles with self harm led to where these struggles unfortunately sometimes do lead. One month ago, Nik switched directions and intentionally cut deeper. Whether it was the sight of so much blood, or the sheer loss of it, Niki passed out almost immediately. They awoke in a hospital bed, confused and bandaged up with a very forlorn looking mother and father staring back at them. After a period of physical healing, Nik is currently being checked into Treewit for mental healing, and has yet to receive a bed assignment or meet any other patients.

OTHER }} Currently prefers they/their pronouns because their gender identity is still undefined.

_{FC: Stav Strashko Color: E9967A (DarkSalmon)}

---

---

CLOSED.

Same, maybe I'll find a ship. 0.0

SoS: Semblance of Suburbia

Second character is up! One more to go! *wipes brow*

The 30-Day Song Challenge

Day 4}}} A song that reminds you of something sad.

---

Boulevard Of Broken Dreams - Green Day

[

I know, I KNOW, I'll say it for you: "Wow, the Local Emo picked the emoest song? shocking!" But, I swear, it is way more than that to me. Back in 2004/2005 this was my family friend/basically cousin's favorite song. He struggled with depression and mental illness and in the Spring of 2005 he took his own life. The suicide really shook my family, and life isn't the same without him. I can't help but think of him whenever this song comes on. As a side note, if anyone picks on Green Day or this song in particular in front of me, I get pretty triggered, so keep it to yourself.

The 30-Day Song Challenge

I missed a day! Whoops! So here are two in one:

Day 2 }}} A song that helps you clear your head

---

Promise - Silent Hill

[

It was actually pretty tough to pick this one out. I hardly ever listen to what could be called 'calming' music, but I think what clears my head best is music without any words - or at least music that has very few words. When trying to wind down I really enjoy turning on some dubstep, Native American pan flutes and drums, or even... the haunting melodic soundtracks to my favorite movie and video game franchise ever. (Yes, Silent Hill is my favorite and, yes, it is part of the reason that I go by 'Silent' on here :p)

Day 3 }}} A song that makes you laugh

---

She's Like Heroin - System Of A Down

[

I mean, just listen to it. I know the idea of drug addiction and heroin shouldn't be funny... but there is just something so irresistibly comical about these grown ass men singing about making some cash selling ass... for heroin. I laugh every time this song crops up in my iTunes shuffle. Good luck selling your hairy asses, my friends! XD

Your Current Mood in One GIF

i'm surrounded by such fantastic people who have literally saved my life and are the reasons i'm still alive today. they know who they are, and words can't describe how amazing and unreal they are. i still have some days where i think i've dreamt up these people solely because they are too amazing, talented and kind beyond words to be true. no matter how many flaws they see in themselves, they're heroes that deserve nothing but the best. as long as they're all alive, well and happy, that's all i'll ever need.

@Wade Wilson

SoS: Semblance of Suburbia

@HalfOfLancelot

First, holy shit, that history section blew me away. You are a fantastic writer and I can't wait to see what you do for your in character posts. Second, he's accepted... obviously, given my first point. :]

@Aewin

Of course, you are accepted, my dear! I love Naina and I hope - even though her dancing is a well-kept secret - that she can be friends with my character Grace (who will be up in the next few days), as they have a love of both dance and books in common. :]

The 30-Day Song Challenge

Day 1 }}} A song that makes you happy!

---

Dirty Sexy Money - The Struts

[

Pretty much all of The Struts' songs make me happy, but this one especially sticks out to me. I could be in the shittiest mood, turn this song on, Luke asks "Are You Ready?", and then I sing-scream "SHE GOT MONEY!!" in response before peeling into laughter. I can't help myself, it's a happy song with a super catchy beat and fun lyrics/phrases (I now use 'shit hot' as a positive descriptor). The fact that I've seen it performed live with Luke in a bedazzly sequined hot-pink blouse and leather pants makes it all the more entertaining. 10/10