Hound55 — Roleplayer Guild

Mr Tawky Tawny stood in a bored-looking repose, his martini glass in hand, regaling the small assembly of lawyers at the Pro Bono Privato over his latest success.  The air rich with well oiled teak, mahogany and fine imported liquor, with sporadic plumes of cigar smoke.

"...and then the judge was so taken with the boldness and obscure knowledge of the law which I demonstrated in making the motion to dismiss, he was left with no valid alternative but to dismiss the case."

A smattering of polite amusement from those in attendance.

"Really?  In a murder trial?"

Mr Tawny seemed quite taken aback by the very question.

"Uhh... yes.  The prosecution could offer no reasonable means to strike and--"

A well dressed man, presumably the maitre-domo, walked over with quick pace and prim poise.

"Sir, we've just checked your card and can find no mention of you amongst our members list."

"Well, that makes sense.  You see I'm just a guest here today, I was invited in by an existing member, whilst I consider whether it meets my standards to become a member myself."  Tawky Tawny explained reasonably.

"Sure, that's fine, sir.  And what was the name of the member?"

"Well, I mean it could be anyone.  We're all friends here..."  The group slowly dispersed from around the well dressed tiger.

"Well, work acquaintances.  WELL RESPECTED work acquaintances, and--"

"I see...  Yes, well sir, if you weren't signed in as a guest of an existing memb--"

"Now look here!  I'm in fine standing with the American Bar Association--"

"I should certainly hope so, sir.  After all this is a Lawyer's Club..."

"Why, you think I'm just some common ambulance chaser, don't you?!  I'll have you know I've been out of the the Public Defender's office for quite a while now--"

"Uh-huh.  How long?"

"..."

"...Two weeks."

"Two weeks?!  Alright, sir, I think we've heard enough now--"

"Alright, one and a half weeks!  But we've set up our new offices and we'll be--"

"Sir, you don't want to be making a scene.  Well, anymore of a scene than a belligerent tiger in a suit complaining that he can't sneak in without proper invitation already is.  I'm sorry, sir, you'll have to leave."

The dispersed crowd started to gather again, unable to sweat, Mr Tawny began to pant to do away with the excessive heat from the pressure of the situation.

"I'm sorry, sir, you'll have to leave."

"I'm sorry, sir, you'll have to leave."

"No wait!  This isn't right!  This can all be fixed!"

"I'm sorry, sir, you'll have to leave."

"I CAN EXPLAIN!"

"I'm sorry, sir, you'll have to leave."

Mr Tawny awoke with a start that threw him from his cheap factory seconds swivel-office chair.  Detective Chimp hovered over above him repeating the same sentence over and over.

"I'm sorry, sir, you'll have to leave."

"I'm sorry, sir, you'll have to leave."

"I'm sorry, sir, you'll have to leave."

"Why do you keep saying that!?!"  Tawky Tawny yelled, his head feeling like it was going to explode from waking suddenly.

"Just screwing with your dreams..."  The Chimp Detective chattered out a laugh, and swiftly roller skated away.

"Damnedable simian!"  He called out after him.  "And I don't care if you were right when you said about Sherlock Holmes playing the violin!  I'm damned near positive he didn't wear roller skates!

Bobo poked his head back around the door frame.  "Are you sure..?  Are you going to read the complete works of Arthur Conan Doyle to tell me I'm wrong?"

Mr Tawny considered the challenge.  "They have it on audiobook, right?"

Bobo's eyebrows raised at the laziness of the tiger.

"No, you know what.  I saw those movies with Robert Downey Junior in them.  I remember now.  Never wore roller skates."

"Are you suuuuuuuuure..?"

"Yes, I'm certain!  I saw them both... all... three of them.  Wait, were there two or three?  I remember he was dressed up as a chair in one.  I mean that was pretty out there...  Did he wear roller skates?  I know he didn't wear roller BLADES because it was a period piece, but did he?  Oh my god, am I about to lose a bet over whether Sherlock Holmes wore roller skates?"  He second, third and fourth-guessed himself.

"Are you suuuuuuuuure..?" Detective Chimp repeated, smirk well and truly covering his face, as he was now well and truly in the tiger's head.

The tiger grabbed his head, frustrated and had more than his fill with this conversation.  "Look... just... leave me alone for a few minutes, and don't leave rubber skidmarks around on the new... ish, linoleum covered floor.  Don't you have work to do?"

The smile dropped from Bobo's face and he deadpanned.  "I'm a paid permanent Private Investigator for a so-called legal office.  If you don't have a caseload, I don't have anything to do.  Or do you expect me to go out and find you work now?"

Tawky Tawny cupped his head in his paws, here it comes again.

"I suppose you expect me to go downstairs, slap on a sandwich board and walk up and down the street with my tail between my legs, begging people to use your legal services..."

"Alright.  I did that once.  It was a mistake to have you do that.  I admit it.  What more do you want from me?"

"The restoration of my dignity for a start...  Or is this how you see all of us other animals?  A real eye-opener that was--!"

"I said, 'I'm sorry', what more do you want from me?"

"You're not sorry you made me do it, you're sorry because you didn't realise its frowned on in your profession for legal offices to advertise in such a 'shameless' fashion, and because it reflected poorly on you!"

"Yes, like I said.  I'm sorry.  I'm sorry I foisted the idea upon you and I shouldn't have done it."  He replied, once more evading the point.

"You're unbelievable!"  Bobo skated off again.

Detective Chimp skated sullenly - as much as a chimpanzee can roller skate sullenly - to the front counter where Mary was sitting.

"Please don't upset Tawky Tawny, Mr Chimp.  He's been under a lot of pressure lately trying to find us more work."

Detective Chimp was about to scoff at the notion of "Poor Mister Tawny" being the one looking for work and unleash another tirade, when he was silenced by the deeply saddened expression on her innocent face.  He was instantly warmed to a smile.

"Sure, Miss Mary.  For you.  And please, it's 'Detective' Chimp."

"Oh, I'm sorry.  You have told me that before.  'Detective' Chimp."  She apologised, her previously sad face warming into a smile as well.

"That's quite alright.  You know, when you say it, it doesn't seem like you're trying to rob me of any respect in the first place.  You're one of the few people I might just let call me that."

Mary's smile grew into a wide beam.

"But yeah-- obviously, if you can.  Umm...  'Detective' Chimp.  If you wouldn't mind."

"Absolutely...  And what can we do for you, sir?"  Mary said, greeting a new person that neither of them had ever met before.  A short man in a green tweed suit.

"My name is Oswald Loomis, and I'm here to see the lawyer.  I trust he's in?"

"I do believe I have a case for him..."
Hound55 Member

Create-A-Hero RPG GM, Blue Bringer of BWAHAHA!

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