Loksfjoer

RPGC #20: Gratis - Voting and Critique

You'd think that with 2 entries it would be easy to vote, right? Right.

I liked both entries, but since only one can get a vote, I'm giving mine to SleepingSilence, which doesn't help at all to get a winner from this and I apologise for that. Maybe Frizan can be the tiebreaker.

I'm going in a little more detail. The first time I read through the stories, I have to admit I was more drawn to Briza's entry, it was short and cute and well written. But reading through the story a second time, I started to appreciate The Wanderer more.

The Good Samaritan

There is little else to say about The Good Samaritan, the title is fitting for the story and I liked it. There wasn't a whole lot going on, but it got the message across. And I enjoyed the feel-good nature of it.

The Wanderer On Wilhelmsvale Trail

I do have more to say about The Wanderer, but the entry is longer so that makes sense.

First off, I noticed all the 'w's in the first sentence and I appreciate the effort put into crafting a sentence like that, but for storytelling it's not really needed and it's making it harder to get into story. It felt more like taking hurdle than reading a story, but like I said, I appreciate the effort you did crafting a sentence like that. To be honest, the first paragraph was a bit of a struggle to get through, but the story started to flow better after that.

It seemed a bit odd that everyone was so accepting of the beast, considering the introduction you made. The Authority doesn't even seem to realise the wanderer is one, he does notice there is no clothing, but there is no mention of any fur.

I like all the diversity of characters and how they were introduced. The lack of names didn't bother me, it's not the firs story I read where people are named after their profession or title instead of a name, fairy tales have this more often, so I'm familiar with that style.

It's not a feel-good story, but the darker plot appealed to me. The story was interesting and well crafted and it was easy to sympathise with the main character. Because more was going on, the story itself was interesting, and the characters came more to life than in the Good Samaritan you get my vote, but the Good Samaritan did read easier.

You seem to use a lot and often big words and long sentences to get the point across. While technically it looks good, it does effect the readability. The first paragraph is an example, but also:
“The drunk actually has a real job.” The Aristocrat muttered, grinding a thinning patience against his temples as their debauchery was getting sickening and his overwhelming desire to smoke was enough to leave to the comfort of his wagon. Wrapping himself in layers of luxurious blankets, stuffing his pipe with tobacco and striking the match to lit his candle and pipe before entering the darkness...
Making it a little more concise or breaking up the sentences would make it easier to read.

The literary imagery of the how the dog fell was a nice touch!

Overall, the story was intriguing and I enjoyed reading it.

Some small suggestions that I stumbled across:

• "A creature piercing eyes lunged in front of his wagon" --> I think there needs to be a 'with' between creature and piercing.
• "The hulking figure shivering and his stomach rumbling as it stood beside a dog that laid motionless." --> Personally I would have made shivering and rumbling past tense, but that could be a personal preference.
• Throughout the story I got the idea that there were several words ending with -ing where a verb could have made a more active sentence, if you get what I mean.

RPGC #20: Gratis - Discussion

I read the entries, I'll leave my vote soon.

RPGC #20: Gratis - Discussion

Still working on my NaNoWriMo story, but you don't need to extend the deadline just for me.
I did reach the 50k, but the story is unfinished so I want to complete that first.

RPGC #20: Gratis - Discussion

Right now I'm writing the continuation of my Beware The Metal Age entry for NaNoWriMo. I know people were curious about that, so I decided to finish the story for NaNo. If I hit the 50.000 words ahead of schedule, I should be able to write something for this prompt as well. According to the NaNoWriMo stats, if I keep up the pace I currently have I should get the 50.000 on november 22th.
Trying to get to 30.000 words today (at 28.000, so I should be able to)

Calle's characters

Andy Bansing

As a doctor

Physical Information:
First Name: Andrew
Last Name: Bansing
Nickname: Andy
Title: Doctor
Age: 45
Height: 1,88 meters
Weight: 81 kg
Body Type: An average build for his height. Ectomorph / rectangle Shape
Hair Colour: Dark-Blond
Hair Style: neck-long, reaching up to his shoulders. He usually keeps his hair in a loosely tied pony tail. Only after a shower, when he goes to bed or when he gets out of bed his hair is hanging loose. It’s usually quite messy when he wakes up.
Eye Colour: blue-grey
Skin Tone: pale
Notable features: a clean shaved face, otherwise nothing special can be seen.
Clothing style: casual, often dressed in a t-shirt and a pair of jeans. During work he wears a white coat, usually unbuttoned.
Race: human
Sex: male
Sexuality: straight

Personal Information:
Appearance: With his 1,88 meters and 81 kilograms, Andy is tall, but has an average ectomorph body shape. His dark-blond hair almost reaches his shoulders and he usually keeps it tied together in a loose ponytail. His eyes are grey-blue and he has no distinctive features in his shaved face.
He often dresses in t-shirts and jeans, the t-shirts often have a funny image or text on them.

Personality: If you take his word for it, Andy is the best doctor and the most handsome man that ever lived. While he knows all that is not true, he will still take any opportunity to remind people around him how awesome he really is.
While Andy can be serious when he wants to be or when needs to be, he likes to exaggerate and boast, even when the boast is obviously misplaced or when he knows it annoys those around him. Some say he does it on purpose to annoy those he doesn’t like, but he never admitted that.
Andy has a curious nature and is methodical in his research. It’s one of the few things he takes seriously in life.
He is outspoken; he will speak up and share his opinion, whether that was requested or not. When he disagrees with something it will be known, even when the person he disagrees with is of higher rank or status.

original

enthusiastic, outgoing and rather full of himself, those words describe him the best. If he wants to be, Andy can be serious. The problem is that he doesn’t want to be. Life is serious enough and he doesn’t wish to participate in that, if life can’t be lived with a couple (or a lot) laughs, then it’s not worth living.
He often exaggerates when he talks about himself, claiming he’s the best doctor of the world and immediate surroundings or the most handsome guy who ever lived. If you take his word for it he is as awesome as one can be at every level, even if his boasting is sometimes obviously misplaced. Which doesn’t matter, because that’s where the fun is, according to Andy.
It may not always look like it, but he can be serious, he knows his limitations and he knows very well what he is doing, especially on professional level. Andy won’t let others tell him how to live or how to do his work. He will follow any rules and regulations everyone is bound by, but within those rules, he feels he is free to do anything however he wants to.
Maybe because he is not as serious as most adults he is usually well liked by most children he meets. He, in his turn, enjoys being around children. It keeps him young, as he always says.

Likes: Cars, coffee, hamburgers, going out with friends after work, travelling in Africa, African art, any piece of art a child makes.
Dislikes: noisy neighbours (especially when he is doing a night shift), strong perfumes, mosquitoes, Brussels sprouts, people hurting children in any way and people taller then him (he doesn’t like having to look up to people when he’s talking with them, but due to his height this doesn’t happen often).
Strengths: An optimistic attitude, life experience from many cases he has seen in his career as doctor, patience, determination, his awesome crossword puzzle skills (he can do 5 stars difficulty!)
Weaknesses: a general low blood pressure and prone to hypoglycemia after exercise due to a relative fast digestion system. This combination can cause dizziness, fatigue and in the worse case fainting after physical exercise. Another weakness if that he can’t turn down a plead for help, especially coming from a mother seeing her child in need.
Fears: To get an incurable disease that will deteriorate his body or mind faster then it should.
Quirks: he always holds his face in the same manner when thinking: a thumb under his chin, his index finger over his cheek and his middle finger curled over his lips. When he is explaining something enthusiastically he usually waves his arms around. After waking up the first thing he does is make coffee, things like breakfast, dressing and brushing his hair are for after that first cup.
Flaws: nothing, he is perfect boasting about his awesomeness when people don’t want to hear about it, not taking a serious attitude when he should, arguing with those in charge when he should listen, stubbornness
Family: Andy has a father and mother he regularly visits, a brother who is often away on a travel and a nephew, his brothers only son. Being childless himself, he enjoys having his nephew around.
Relationship status: single

Other Information:
Occupation: Andy works as a doctor in the hospital.
Education: PhD in medicine, specialisations in Paediatrics and SEH
Skills: besides the medical skills and obviously first-aid, he has general survival skills and a private pilot certificate.
Living space: Apartment
Hobbies: building model-cars, recreational flying
Accomplishments in life: he wrote books and articles, alone or as a co-author
Setbacks in life: a break-up with a girl he had been dating for three years and with who he was living together, but since the apartment they rented was on her name, he was homeless for a bit. During that time he moved in with his brother, who had just become a father the week before. He stayed there for two months, until he found a place for himself. After that he never had a long-term relationship again. Not because he didn’t want to, but he was unable to find a woman who wanted to stay with him for that long. So even though he wanted a family of his own, he never had the opportunity to start one.
History: Andy grew up with his older brother and nothing remarkable happened during that time. They were a rather average family although financially on the better side of the scale. He went to medical school and went through the university with decent grades and a discussion with the teacher here and there. He met a girl and after graduating he started living with her. In this time he started his specialisation in Pediatrics.
They broke up a few years later and Andy found himself homeless. His brother offered him a place to stay, so Andy moved in with his brother, sister-in-lay and his newborn nephew. During his stay there he also took care of his nephew, aiding the new parents with the care a baby needed and the knowledge he possessed as a children’s doctor.
Two months after he found his own place, a decent apartment somewhere in the city and close to the hospital where he worked.
After his specialisation was complete he worked on the children’s department for several years until he felt it was time for a change. He loved his work and he loved working with children, but it lacked the excitement he was looking for. That was his reason to move to the emergency department and start a specialisation for she-doctor there. Now he could offer direct aid to those who needed it and the days were more unpredictable, much to his liking.

As Pokémon Trainer

Physical Information:
First Name: Andrew
Last Name: Bansing
Nickname: Andy
Title: Professor
Age: 45
Height: 1,88 meters
Weight: 81 kg
Body Type: An average build for his height. Ectomorph / rectangle Shape
Hair Colour: Dark-Blond
Hair Style: neck-long, reaching up to his shoulders. He usually keeps his hair in a loosely tied pony tail. Only after a shower, when he goes to bed or when he gets out of bed his hair is hanging loose. It’s usually quite messy when he wakes up.
Eye Colour: blue-grey
Skin Tone: pale
Notable features: a clean shaved face, otherwise nothing special can be seen.
Clothing style: casual, often dressed in a t-shirt and a pair of jeans. During work he wears a white coat, usually unbuttoned.
Race: human
Sex: male
Sexuality: straight

Personal Information:
Personality: If you take his word for it, Andy is the best trainer or researcher of the known and unknown regions. And the most handsome guy who ever lived. While he knows all that is not true, he will still take any opportunity to remind people around him how awesome he really is.
While Andy can be serious when he wants to be or when needs to be, he likes to exaggerate and boast, even when the boast is obviously misplaced or when he knows it annoys those around him. Some say he does it on purpose to annoy those he doesn’t like, but he never admitted that.
Andy has a curious nature and is methodical in his research. It’s one of the few things he takes seriously in life.
He is outspoken; he will speak up and share his opinion, whether that was requested or not. When he disagrees with something it will be known, even when the person he disagrees with is of higher rank or status.

original

enthusiastic, outgoing and rather full of himself, those words describe him the best. If he wants to be, Andy can be serious. The problem is that he doesn’t want to be. Life is serious enough and he doesn’t wish to participate in that, if life can’t be lived with a couple (or a lot) laughs, then it’s not worth living.
He often exaggerates when he talks about himself, claiming he’s the best trainer of the known and unknown regions or the most handsome guy who ever lived. If you take his word for it he is as awesome as one can be at every level, even if his boasting is sometimes obviously misplaced. Which doesn’t matter, because that’s where the fun is, according to Andy.
It may not always look like it, but he can be serious, he knows his limitations and he knows very well what he and his Pokémon are capable of doing. Andy won’t let others tell him how to live or how to do his work. He will follow any rules and regulations everyone is bound by, but within those rules, he feels he is free to do anything however he wants to.

Likes: Cars, coffee, hamburgers, wrestling with his Primeape, grooming his Furret, teasing his Noctowl, strolling with his Butterfree and teasing professor Maple
Dislikes: People using Pokémon for evil, catching Pokémon for no real purpose, people purposefully hurting Pokémon
Strengths: An optimistic attitude, life experience from the many travels in all the regions he has done, patience, determination, his awesome crossword puzzle skills (he can do 5 stars difficulty!)
Weaknesses: a general low blood pressure and prone to hypoglycemia after exercise due to a relative fast digestion system. This combination can cause dizziness and fatigue after physical exercise. Another weakness is that he can’t turn down a plead for help.
Fears: To get an incurable disease that will deteriorate his body or mind faster then it should.
Quirks: he always holds his face in the same manner when thinking: a thumb under his chin, his index finger over his cheek and his middle finger curled over his lips. When he is explaining something enthusiastically he usually waves his arms around.
Flaws: nothing, he is perfect boasting about his awesomeness when people don’t want to hear about it, not taking a serious attitude when he should, arguing with those in charge when he should listen, stubbornness.
Family: Andy has a father and mother he regularly visits, a brother who is often away on a travel and a nephew, his brothers only son. Being childless himself, he enjoys having his nephew around.
Relationship status: single

Other Information:
Type of trainer: pokémon trainer / researcher
Starter: Caterpie
Occupation: Researcher at the lab in Lilan Town
Place of birth: Mespirit City on Rhando Island
Current living place: Lilan Town on Rhando Island
Living space: small house with a small garden
History: that is what the fanfiction is about.
In short, he travelled through the known regions, starting at the age of fifteen, with his companion Benny, a Butterfree who he had met when it was still a Caterpie. In the Kanto region he met a Mankey, left behind by the colony. After Andy was attacked by the angry Mankey and barely won in a wrestle, he promised the Mankey he could help him get stronger. The Mankey agreed to come with him and Andy named him Bear. In the Johto region he came across a wounded Furret, who in the end also came along with him, mostly thanks to Bear who persuaded her to come along. Andy named her Kim. Later on, still in the Johto region, he noticed a rather serious and a bit stuck-up Hoothoot. Andy was intruiged by him and decided to try and catch it, with the help of Benny. After an awesome failed throw as only Andy can manage, (he missed the Hoothoot and hit a tree instead, making Benny tumble from the sky with laughter), he did manage to catch it and called him Merlin. After that he added no more Pokémon to his team. He did come across plenty of Pokémon on his travels, but he didn’t feel for catching them just to have them. In the cases of Bear and Merlin, there was something special about them and it had been because of that he had wanted to add them to this team.
After his travels he returned to his home in Rhando Island and took a job in professor Maple’s team. There he worked himself up to be a researcher of his own. He started to focus his research on the bonds between humand and Pokémon. Despite his ability to annoy professor Maple to no end, she never fired him. Why is a mystery to all.

Party:
Species: Butterfree
Nickname: Benny
Gender: Male
Appearance: a normal Butterfree
Personality: Relaxed, you won’t get Benny angry easily.
Background: Benny was the first Pokémon Andy found and as a Caterpie he was often sitting on Andy’s arm, a habit he still has as Butterfree, when given the opportunity.

Species: Primeape
Nickname: Bear
Gender: Male
Appearance: a normal Primeape, though depending on Andy’s mood, he can be seen wearing a cap, a hat or other kinds of head-wear.
Personality: Outgoing and playful. Much like his trainer, Bear will let you know he’s in the room and they joke around together. Though when a fight starts, Bear shows a radical change and is all focused on the fight. Bear has the characteristic short temper that belongs to his species, but he has learned to control that.
Background: Bear was the second Pokémon Andy caught while he was still a Mankey, with the help of Benny’s sleeping powder. Andy managed to earn his trust and now Bear is a loyal friend. Sometimes Andy and Bear wrestle even though Andy stands no chance.

Species: Furret
Nickname: Kim
Gender: Female
Appearance: a normal Furret, but depending on Andy’s mood she can be seen wearing a collar, a scarf, or something else pretty around her neck.
Personality: Kim is a shy Pokémon, who hides behind Andy, Bear or furniture if she feels uncomfortable. She is also caring for those in her team, sometimes worrying about them as a mother would worry about her children. She is rarely used in combat, but she will fight for Andy when he needs her to.
Background: Andy found her as a Furret, wounded and all alone. He took her with him and nursed her back to health. Kim stayed with him ever since.

Species: Noctowl
Nickname: Merlin
Gender: Male
Appearance: a normal Noctowl
Personality: Unlike his trainer, Merlin is always serious and has a somewhat stuck-up attitude.
Background: Andy caught Merlin as a Hoothoot, with the help of Benny. Even though Andy teases him because of his serious nature, he is loyal to his trainer and cares for him. Merlin often shakes his head when he sees Andy joke around again and rarely speaks. When he does, it’s to get Andy’s attention to something that is going on.

My location, the Rorie Islands

This is where Andy lives, I use this setting for my fanfics, but also as a location to RP in.

Location
There is a group of island called the Rorie Islands. This group consists of the following islands: Rhando, Ornitan, Resto, Indelgy and Evoru. The first four islands each have a gym: ground, water, fire and flying. The last island has the arena where the Rorie League is organized.
The biggest port is located on Rhando Island at it's here that ferry from Vermillion City in the Kanto region docks. This is currently the only route in from outside the Rorie islands. Between the Rorie islands smaller boats are used to go to any of the other islands, each island has its own port.

An image of the Rorie Islands:


Below you can find the information about the individual islands and the Pokémon you can catch on each island:

Rhando Island
Rhando islands has large forests and plains, a big lake in the center and a rocky area up north with 3 hotsprings and a geyser which erupts every three hours. The Pokémon found here are normal, flying, grass, bug and rock types. By the ocean water types can be found as well. In the forest there is a cave with some bat-like Pokémon, nothing more.
There are two large cities (Mesperit City and Lilan Town) and several smaller villages. In both the large cities is a Pokémon Center, the port is in Mesperit City and a research facility is in Lilan Town.
There is a road between Lilan Town and Mesperit city, there is 1 bus that leaves at the full hour in Mesperit city and at the half hour in Lilan Town. It takes about 20 minutes to travel with the bus, a taxi or a car between the cities (a little faster if it's Andy driving)
There is a house in the forest outside Mesperit city, walking there will take about 15-20 minutes from the edge of the city

Pokémon that can be found on Rhando Island
Caterpie+evolutions, Weedle+evolutions, Ladyba, Spinarak, wurmple+evolutions, Scatterbug+evolutions, Hoppip, Aipom, Oddish, cherubi, Shuckle, Pidgey, Spearow, Tailow, Pidove, Fletchling, Rattata.
Zubat & Gligar in the cave
Onix in the rocky area up north

Ornitan Island
Ornitan has lots of rivers, lakes, flower fields and grassland. Water, grass, flying and fairy type Pokémon can be found here. There are 3 small villages on the island, only the one with the port has a Pokémon Center. The port city is called Watersleat, the two other villages are called Old Pond and Mollin.

Pokémon that can be found on Ornitan
Tropius, Natu, Ducklett, Wingull, Lotad, Pidgey, Azurill, Togepi, Flabébé, Sunkern, Cherubi, Cottonee, Sewaddle, Rowlet.
Under the water gym is a cave where the Pokémon living in the ocean can be found, as well as Froakie.

Resto Island
Resto island has a giant dormant volcano, but there are caves with lava-lakes in them. It also has muddy beaches, and some plains. Here you can find fire, rock, ground, electric and dark types. And some water types near the coast. There are two villages, one of them is where the port and Pokémon Center are located. The port village is called Poras, the other is called Stonethrow.

Pokémon that can be found on Resto
Aron, Chinchou, Litwick, Wooper, Torkoal, Sandshrew, Houndour, Geodude, Slugma, Sandile, Stunfisk, Magby, Zorua, Tynamo/Eelektrik, Larvesta

Indelgy Island
Indelgy island has forests, grass, meadows. This island is home to flying, bug, fairy and normal types. And some water types near the coast. There aretwo small villages, one of them is where the port and Pokemon Center are located. The port village is called Prillis, the other village is called Hilltop.

Pokémon that can be found on Indelgy
Swablu, Pidgey, Caterpie+evolutions, Scatterbug+evolutions, Vanonat/Venomoth, Burmy+evolutions, Meoth, Glameow, Skitty, Snubbull

Evoru Island
Evoru island is the smallest, with a think forest and rocky underground. There is only one city, called Evoru, and that is where both the port and Pokémon Center are.
Just outside the city is a large stadium. It's not allowed to catch Pokémon on this island, but you may catch Pokémon who live in the ocean.
One noteworthy group of Pokémon is a colony of Cyndaquil. A giant Onix is known to roam the forest.

The ocean
Pokémon that swim in the ocean in these parts are: Horsea, Tentacool, Staryu, Lapras, Chinchou, Remoraid, Shellder, Clamperl, Krabby, Corpish, Qwilfish, Corsola, Carvhanna, Wailmer.
Sometimes a Gyarados or Milotic is spotted.

Travelling between the islands
There are ferries going between the five islands, there are direct routes between the islands the locals use, and a tourist ferry that stops at every islands.

• From Rhando it takes 20 minutes to go to Ornitan, 30 minutes to Resto, 1 hour to go to Indelgy and 1h30min to Evoru.
• From Ornitan it takes 20 minutes to go to Rhando, 30 mintues to go to Resto, 30 minutes to go to Indelgy and 1 hour to go to Evoru.
• From Resto it takes 30 minutes to go to Rhando, 30 minutes to go to Ornitan, 30 minutes to go to Indelgy and 40 minutes to go to Evoru.
• From Indelgy it takes 1 hour to go to Rhando, 30 minutes to go to Ornitan, 30 minutes to go to Resto and 25 minutes to go to Evoru.
• From Evoru it takes 1h30 minutes to go to Rhando, 1 hour to go to Ornitan, 30 minutes to go to Resto and 25 minutes to go to Indelgy.

The number of times a ferry departs depends on the travel time, the ferry to Evoru will leave every 3 hours from Rhando, whereas a ferry to Ornitan will leave every 45 minutes from Rhando.
Every 4 hours the tourist ferry will leave from Rhando that will make a stop at every island, ending in Evoru and then returning straight to Rhando.

The league
Every official gym battle, including the League, will be fought with 3 Pokémon. The League is themed around the four basic elements (water, fire, air and earth), and the gyms represent each of the elements.
While you may use any Pokémon you want to defeat the gym leaders, you may only use the types Ground, Water, Fire and Flying in the actual League. Dual types are accepted as well, but they must have the right types when they fight.
For instance, if Dartrix evolves to Decidueye it loses the type it needs the compete andthe battle is stopped. When this happens the trainer can choose another Pokémon to take its place, but this counts as the same Pokémon. With that I mean that battles are done with 3 Pokémon per trainer, and switching because a Pokémon evolved and lost the correct type(s), doesn't mean the Pokémon lost, so a trainer may choose a 4th Pokémon to take the place of the other Pokémon.

That being said, since Rowlet is native to the islands, they are aware of what happens to the final evolution and trainers can get a free everstone in the Pokémon Center of Evoru when the League is being held.

There is no 'Elite Four', there's just the 4 gyms and the league.

The Gym leaders:

• Ground gym: Henri Tenson (on Rhando, in Mesperit City)
• Water gym: Alana Landrieu (on Ornitan, in the port village Watersleat)
• Fire gym: Liah McLean (on Resto, in the mountains)
• Flying gym: Blake Johnson (on Indelgy, in Hilltop - a village located in the center of the island)

Other important people

• Professor Maple: a middle-aged woman and head of the research facility in Lilan Town. She is the Pokémon Professor of this region. She has a Haunter and Ditto. There are three 'official starters' that are found on the islands: Cyndaquil, Froakie and Rowlet. But Maple generally hands out what she happens to have in stock.
• Thomas Redcliff: an old man living in the forest of Rhando Island, just outside Mesperit City. No-one knows much about him, but he seems to keep several Pokémon at his house. He's often seen with a Houndoom by his side.
• Charlie Johnson: father of Blake, owner of a general store on Evoru island with his wife Naomi and expert on the Cyndaquil colony. He has, amongst others, a Typlosion.
• Andy Bansing: the most handsome and talented researcher anyone has ever seen! An adult male who has a Butterfree, a Primeape, a Furret and a Noctowl as his team and who is a childhood friend of Henri Tenson. He works for professor Maple.
• Roark Clarckson: A scientist who feels greatly misunderstood and enjoys doing experiments. His pokemon are a Magneton, a Hypno, a Claydol and a Misdreavus

as HP wizard

from an atlantis harry potter rp of Jabberwocky

PLOT

We've all heard the story of Atlantis; that of a utopian island said to be inhabited by a nation of people in possession of advanced knowledge and the favour of the gods. But it didn't last ... Eventually they were punished for their hubris and Atlantis was sunk into the ocean deep, never to be seen again.

At least, that's the Muggles version. The truth is a little different.

In reality the island of Atlantis was a land of wizards, it's city a bastion of magical research and philosophy. However, at some point in time, the non-magical world became a bit too aware of the mystical place off their shores. That was when it was decided that the island had to be moved, far away from prying eyes.

Atlantis was transported to the Atlantic ocean, to a place that would come to be known as the Bermuda Triangle. It sat in isolation for many years, before slowly being forgotten. Time moved on and the wizarding world did too, before an enterprising group of wizards remembered the mythical island. It would be the perfect place for their dream, an entirely international and neutral wizarding school for any wizard in the world to come learn.

Ten years ago, three wizards from different corners of the world met together on the abandoned island of Atlantis. Now a place of empty buildings and tropical overgrowth, it's school of magic was still largely intact. The School of Atlantis was quickly set up to cater to all wizards, from anywhere in the world, regardless of everything except a willingness to learn.

SETTING

THE WORLD AT LARGE
The year is 2010. It's been twelve years since the defeat of Voldemort at Hogwarts, and ten years since wizards returned to the island of Atlantis for the first time in centuries.

ATLAS ACADEMY
At the center of the island of Atlantis is a grand tower and various outbuildings, what has become the grounds of the school of magic. Though ancient, it is surprisingly well-kept and beautifully designed. Teal, taupe, and coral at the dominant colors of the school, with rounded, smooth buildings that evoke the feeling of flowing water.

THE CITY RUINS
A large city of empty, dilapidated buildings surrounds the school grounds. In recent years a few members of the wizarding community have started to repopulate the island, mostly business owners who cater to visiting students. But much of it remains uninhabited, and it can be unwise to wander about alone... which of course doesn't stop a few of the more rebellious students from doing so.

THE ISLAND
Outside of the ruined city is a large tropical island of great beauty, with a lush landscape and pristine beaches. It's also inhabited by many varieties of magical creatures that are drawn to the island.


ATLAS ACADEMY

Since day one, Atlas has been focused on catering to a worldwide selection of students. Rather than being selective or elite, the school seeks out those that need a fresh start for any variety of reasons. On top of this, the island of Atlantis is welcome to any werewolf wizards, commonly shunned from other parts of the magical world. The three founders, Velile Tambo, Felicia Stoica and Matt Shui, dedicate themselves to fostering a place of inclusivity and redemption for their students. The three of them form a council to lead the school equally, rather than having any one headmaster as is traditional. As of 2010 there are 226 students registered at Atlas Academny, a number that's growing with each passing year.

HOUSE TAMBO
Velile Tambo, a wizard hailing from southern Africa, leads her house with zeal and focus. Their house color is teal, and their emblem is the great white shark. House Tambo is known to be full of the courageous and those with strong moral codes.

HOUSE STOICA
Felicia Stoica, from Romania, prizes knowledge and curiosity in her house. Their house color is coral and their emblem is the octopus. House Stoica is synonymous with students top of their class, those that are often found nose deep in a book.

HOUSE SHUI
Matt Shui is an American wizard with a notoriously large heart and big smile. Their house color is taupe and their emblem is the seagull. House Shui are the glue that brings the other two houses together, those selfless people that put others first.

SCHOOL GROUNDS
In the center of the campus is the great tower of Atlantis, a gorgeous spire of smooth rock, where most of the classes and learning takes place. About it are many connected buildings, the largest of which serve as the co-mingled dorms. Rather than separating the houses into their own living areas, students are encouraged to mingle with each other and foster a sense of community. The mess hall is at the base of the tower, a large room of four tables set into the ground.

REEF'S END QUIDDITCH PITCH
The quidditch field of Atlas Academy isn't actually a field at all, but rather rings floating above the raging ocean itself. Many a quidditch player has gotten a surprise bath after losing their seat from the impact of a Bludger.

CLASSROOMS & STAFF QUARTERS
With the exception of Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures, all classrooms are located inside the tower of Atlantis. They boast a gorgeous view of the entire island and the ocean beyond, as well as a small but comfortable suite of rooms connected to each one. This is where the teachers sleep and spend their free time.

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^{Awesome begins with an A. What else begins with an A?}

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^DETAILS

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Name: Andrew Bansing, prefers to be called Andy.
Age: 49
Pronouns: He/him
Blood Status: Pureblood.

Nationality: United Kingdom.
Alumni: Hogwarts, Hufflepuff
Wand: Sycamore wood with a phoenix feather core, 14 ½" and hard flexibility

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^WORK

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Occupation: Magizoologist
Class: Muggle Studies
Club: Ethics Debate Club (for 5th years and up)
Years At The School: 5 years

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^PERSONAL

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Appearance: With his 1,88 meters and 81 kilograms, Andy is tall, but has an average ectomorph body shape. His dark-blond hair almost reaches his shoulders and he usually keeps it tied together in a loose ponytail. His eyes are grey-blue and he has no distinctive features in his shaved face.
He often dresses in Muggle t-shirts and jeans, and only wears robes when he has to. The t-shirts often have a funny image or text on them.

Personality: If you take his word for it, Andy is the best wizard and the best magizoologist and the best teacher that ever lived. And the most handsome guy who ever lived. And that they should have awarded him the Order of Merlin the moment he was sorted into Hufflepuff. While he knows all that is not true, he will still take any opportunity to remind people around him how awesome he really is.
While Andy can be serious when he wants to be or when needs to be, he likes to exaggerate and boast, even when the boast is obviously misplaced or when he knows it annoys those around him. Some say he does it on purpose to annoy those he doesn’t like, but he never admitted that.
Andy has a curious nature and is methodical in his research. It’s one of the few things he takes seriously in life.
He is outspoken; he will speak up and share his opinion, whether that was requested or not. When he disagrees with something it will be known, even when the person he disagrees with is of higher rank or status.

History: Andy comes from a family of pureblood wizards in the UK.
Like most magical children he went to Hogwarts where he got sorted into Hufflepuff, although the sorting hat had considered Ravenclaw too.
The classes he took were: Charms, Defence Against The Dark Arts, History of Magic, Care of Magical Creatures, Muggle Studies, and Study of Ancient Runes. He was one year behind Snape and the Marauders and when he graduated, he became a Magizoologist.

While he was asked to join the Death Eaters because of his pureblood status, he refused; he didn’t want to be part of that pureblood supremacy and he actually kinda liked muggles, who seemed to do well without the ability to do magic. During the First Wizarding War he protected Muggles and muggle-borns as well as he could, but never joined the Order of the Phoenix.

Between the First and Second Wizarding War against Voldemort, Andy worked as a Magizoologist, often travelling to Africa for his studies. When he wasn’t travelling, he wrote about his research and published it, while living in a Muggle apartment building; the apartment had belonged to an uncle and none of the other relatives had wanted to live among muggles.

He started giving lectures about his published research in conventions for Magizoologists and guest lectures in Wizard Schools around the world. The lectures were about the creatures he had investigated, but over time his focus shifted to the ethics surrounding the study of magical creatures and gave lectures about that. That led the way to exploring the subject of ethics more closely.

During the Second Wizarding War, Andy again didn’t join any group but did what he could to protect Muggles and Muggle-borns around him.
After Voldemort was defeated, he was contacted about teaching Muggle Studies at Hogwarts, since he had done several lectures in school, and not only had he taken that class during his own time at Hogwarts, he had lived among them. And because Andy didn’t have an immediate research project and he enjoyed teaching kids new things, he took the job.

But the rediscovery of Atlantis intrigued him and after a few years he moved there to explore it. It wasn’t long before he decided to settle there and apply for a full-time job at the new School of Atlantis.

RPGC #19: Beware The Metal Age - Discussion

Thanks for clearing that up BrokenPromise.

I too want to reply to the people who reviewed my work so far. And if there are people who read it and couldn't add their review yet, I'd love to know what you thought about it.

First off, a big thank you for everyone who took their time to read the story and review it, your advice will help me improve my writing skills.

@Silver, thank you for the wonderful review, I'm glad you liked it so much. I will go over the story to see if I can find those moments of clumsy syntax and exposition.
I am planning to continue this story and I roughly know what I want to happen, so it's just a matter of finding the time to write it all down.

@PlatinumSkink, thanks for the review. I will read it over again to see if I can make it more interesting, more alive.

@Exit, I sincerely apologize for teasing you like that. In the end I wrote on this story every moment I could, but it wasn't enough time to tell the entire story. I'm glad you enjoyed what I had and I will finish it.
For some reason I saw the prompt and my mind went 'steampunk dwarves, let's write about that'
I agree I didn't give Mikhal really colourful lines, I'll see where I can add a bit more bard-like sentence to avoid that setup and no payoff. And in the future I will be more mindful about the scenes that might serve the bigger story, but are unneeded for the competition.

@BrokenPromise, thank you for reviewing my entry. The story does need a bit more finetuning. I'll definitely have another go at that scene you mentioned.
The story I posted was written as it played out. I didn't plan much of it and I admit I rarely do. I generally just write and the story unfolds, and in this case it lead to some scenes that, in hindsight, weren't needed for the competition or could be condensed.
You'll be glad to hear that I did skip two scenes I came up with, but of which I decided they weren't needed in the story (lemitsa actually taking lady Catheryn to the port city and Lemitsa meeting the thief).
I'll take the advice of a word budget in consideration, but I honestly have no idea on how to guess the amount of words I'll need to properly do a scene or a conversation. As I write I don't pay attention to the word count because I found that hinders the creative flow, but I can look things over afterwards and decide for every scene or every line of dialogue if it's really needed or not.
The discoveries about the steam tech were planned for the second part of the story. The reason for their invasion was mentioned, although not obviously stated, as wanting more coal and needing more water.

They started building mines to mine for more coal. (...) While they didn’t let any human near the coal-mines or any of the factories, they did let the humans gather water for them, which wasn’t as abundant in their own region as it was here.

Looking for 1x1 rp's (20+/mature)

Bumping this after two years XD

Added some new stuff I'd like to try.

Calle's characters

Medieval characters

Mikhal, a travelling bard

Trevor, an ex-military woodguide/mercenary

Calle's characters

The three friends

Can be used together or separately

Mike

Name: Mike Peterson

Age: 20

Gender: Male

Sexuality: straight

Relationship status: taken

Appearance: short brown hair, brown eyes, an overall friendly appearance. He wears comfortable and casual clothes, not really concerned with fashion, like a white t-shirt, jeans and decent hiking shoes.

Personality: He likes to talk with people and entertain young children. Mike is always very calm and rational, trying to play it safe as much as possible. Despite his lack of adventure, he likes to travel.

Additional: Mike loves music, he always had and always will. He had learned to play the guitar and lute and uses them to accompany himself with singing. He liked to perform, especially for children.

Background: His parents both work, so he's often on his own. Even though his father loves him, the relation he has with his mother is not going as smoothly and to make matters worse, his father often goes on long travels for his work.

Skill/Ability/Power: Mike can experience out-of-body experiences and can at a certain level control them. Outside his body he can move through solid objects, but the further he goes from his body, the more difficult and tiresome it becomes. In this state he can't touch anything, just observe and his body seems to be in a deep sleep.

Ben

Name: Benjamin Wilkins, Ben for friends

Age: 18

Sexuality: doesn't want to label himself, but has an overall preference for the female body shape. While he hasn't been attracted to any males yet, he wouldn't mind if it happened.

Relationship statues: free

Appearance: Benjamin has hay-blond earl-long hair. He's rather tall, but has a slim build.
What he wears in clothing varies a lot, but it's usually fashionable. While his clothing varies there is one thing he always wears and that is a fedora-style hat, usually black or grey.

Personality: Benjamin is a care-free, easy-going and optimistic guy. He enjoys meeting new people and going out with friends. It doesn't matter where they go, as long as the company is good.
In an artistic view he's an impressionist.
Something that is important for Benjamin is his freedom, be it political, spiritual or physical. He doesn't want to be suppressed in his ideology, or suppress others in their views, and he doesn't want to be locked up somewhere as he's prone to claustrophobic attacks.

Skill/Ability/Power: he can see ghosts and see through minor illusions. While he can see the invisble realm, he can't hear it, unless he has a bond with the spirit or the other has some form of telepathic abilities

Other: He has a younger sibling, a sister of which he is very fond. His hobbies include long-distance ice-skating, painting and music. He plays saxophone, accordion and guitar.
Depending on the RP he may or may not have been part of a ghost-hunting team

Ethan

Name: Ethan Thomson

Age: 19

Gender: male

Sexuality: Straight

Relationship status: free

Appearance: Ethan has an average height for a man of his age and an average posture. He has short black hair and brown eyes.

Personality: Ethan has a short temper and speaks his mind, which can make him sound rude. He does have a heart of gold and he will stand up for people who can't stand up for themselves. He can have little patience and he's known to hit first and ask questions later.

Skill/Ability/Power: he's just a normal human, but he has learned to fight on the streets and he owns a gun.

Background: Ethan is the youngest of four brothers and since a short temper runs in the family there were often rows. However, the Thomson brothers stood up for each other when needed. During his childhood Ethan spend a lot of time on the streets with his brother or friends, but quite often got involved in fights.
Going through high school was a struggle due to dyslexia, but he managed to graduate. Being called stupid is one of the things that ticks him off easily, because it reminds him of the struggle during high school. He didn't manage to complete any education after high school and did some temporary jobs to earn some money until he was contacted by the Paranormal Investigators to join them.
Ethan's biggest hobby is music, he started learning playing the piano when he was eight, but grew tired of it and stopped when he was twelve, moving on to the drums. He dropped out of music school two years later when he got in trouble with some others and stopped with music altogether for a year. At fifteen he picked up his eldest brother acoustic guitar and regained the passion for music, learning how to play it from his brother.

Other: Ethan smokes cigarettes even though he knows it's not a healthy habit, he doesn't want to quit it. He is also a hard-rock fan.

Calle's characters

Name: Martha McNally

Alias: Nelly Roselips

Gender: Female

Appearance: Nelly is a bit chubby but looks healthy, there are no visible scars and she has all her teeth. Her eyes are blue and her skin varies from pale to tanned, depending on the season and how much time she spend outside. She has blonde hair with a faint reddish hue in it, which she keeps in a long braid.
Her clothes are fairly simple: when she’s at home she wears what other Scottish woman wear and on sea she wears a long-sleeved shirt and trousers because that’s easier. Her clothes change depending on the season or the area they're in, in warm weather she wears a linen shirt, in cold weather she'll wear a woollen coat over her shirt and woollen trousers.

image

Equipment: She always wears a golden pendant in the shape of a rose. She carries a knife with a rosewood handle in her belt at all time and owns a rapier that she only takes with her when she joins on off-boat mission.
Position on the pirate ship: Cook

Skills: Cooking, knitting, sewing, basic farming skills, basic butcher skills, reading, writing, sword fighting, hand-to-hand combat.

Weaknesses: Afraid of snakes

Special characteristics: Loves roses. She has a pendant in the shape of a rose which she often kisses before battle for good luck. Her husband always offers her a rose when she leaves on a journey and as the ship sets sail she’ll kiss it and throw it overboard. That’s what earned her nickname.

Family: Nelly is the daughter of a Scottish pirate boatswain and a Norwegian farmer’s daughter. Her father fell in love with her mother when he had come ashore for supplies with a small crew. He spent his next shore-leave in the same place and the more time they spend together, the more they loved each other. Eventually he asked her to marry him, she agreed and moved to the northern part of Scotland with him.
The couple had several children, only three made it passed the age of four. Nelly was the middle of the surviving children, her brothers are six years older and four years younger.
At the age of fourteen she fell in love with the son of a butcher, they married when she was seventeen.
They have two children, aged 4 and 1, when she chooses the pirate life. Her husband supports this decision, taking care of their children and the butcher shop with his sister when Nelly is at sea.

History: Nelly grew up in a small house at the outskirts of a village on the north-coast of Scotland. Even though her father brought back plenty of money, they lived a simple life. Nelly learned from an early age to work in the garden, to cook, to knit and to sew, because she was the only daughter of the family. She helped taking care of her younger brother, but also played with her older brother who loved her deeply.
When her father was home he taught her older brother and her how to defend themselves with a sword, her aunt had died because she couldn’t, and her father didn’t want that to happen to her.
At the age of twelve she was send to the city to attend school, like her brother before her. Her father had saved most of the money he had earned on the pirate ship for this purpose. She attended a girl’s school there for two years, to learn to read and write in English, something her mother never learned to do, and the basics of biology, geology and calculus.
In her second year a butcher opened his shop on the city, having moved there from the countryside. Nelly fell in love with his son, but went home when her second year of education came to an end.
She continued to live there and travelled to the city at least once per month to visit her lover. When he proposed she accepted and she moved in with him.
As she lived and worked in the butcher shop, she often longingly looked at the sea, where her father works. He had often told her stories about his adventures and she had always wanted to go with him.
After giving birth to her second child, she told her husband she wanted to join a pirate crew. Her husband already knew about her father being a boatswain on a pirate vessel and it didn’t come as a surprise. He gave her his blessing and she promised to return to him and their children every shore-leave she had, like her father had done too.
She boarded her fathers ship and served as a cook. The captain didn’t believe in the superstition that a woman on board would bring bad luck. The men soon learned she wouldn’t accept any inappropriate behaviour and when a rival group of pirates attacked she fought alongside with them, earning their respect.

art

Art is created by antiquarian and can be viewed on DeviantArt.