Serenia

Gold and Silver [Serenia/Melbourne]

Charlie finished her coffee opposite from Luke; slowly, savoring every moment she could get before tending to the jobs she did on the farm. So she sat in the mismatched t-shirt and pajama pants until Jake came panting back in and Luke left and returned in work clothes. She felt her teeth grind as she looked at him, fighting back the concern she so desperately wanted to express. Two days ago. Yes, Maggie still got the vitamins. Later in the evening. I don’t know. In a way, she appreciated the questions, because that meant he would be out of the house and taking care of things that she’d neglected over the past few weeks.

In another, it just reminded her how Sam hadn’t done any of that. They’d sat and had coffee, made him breakfast, and then he kissed her and whistled at Jake to follow. “Be careful,” was all she managed before taking another sip of coffee, stuck in place as she watched Luke leave.

Charlie loathed the way those Carhartts looked on him.

“Hm?”

Her brows furrowed slightly as she pulled her gaze upward. “Where are we going?” She’d planned to go upstairs and change, then meander to the barn to begin feeding the animals. The woman ran a hand through her dark hair before sighing. “Fuck it. Sure. Give me like… two minutes.”

So she quickly rinsed her mug and went upstairs, donning a ratty, gray T-shirt with ‘ARMY’ written across the chest along with a pair of jeans that were littered with paint stains. Pulling her hair up, she quickly descended the stairs and out the door.

Charlie hadn’t been in the truck since Sam had died. She kept her eyes down as she traversed to the grass in front of the porch. “You ready to slop the pigs and shovel the shit?” She asked, turning her eyes back to him with a bright smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I, uh… actually was in the barn yesterday trying to clean it up but didn’t get very far, if we could put it on the list. One of the lights went out and I need help moving some of Sam’s stuff. He had boxes of stuff out there for no fucking reason and…”

She moved towards the truck, trailing off. There wasn’t much to say; after all, they all knew how it had ended and why the godforsaken boxes were still there. Opening the door, the smell of Sam hit her square in the face. The smell of sweat after a long, hot day permeated the air, along with the general musty odor that came with an older car. “It always fucking stank in here,” she muttered, making a mental note to try and change that with car fresheners at some point.

Charlie’s eyes flickered to the sun visor above the driver’s seat, noting the deep indentation around the clip. She leaned over and flipped it down, looking at the two pictures that sat there. One of her looking over her shoulder, eyes narrowed as she was knee deep in hay and shit, and one of Sam and Luke working on the farm together. “Fuck me.”

Her jaw clenched for the second time in a half hour span and she closed to visor quickly. “I don’t have anything for dinner, and you have errands to run in town anyway. So let’s just get this done then we can go. I gotta get off this fucking land for one goddamn minute.”

Gold and Silver [Serenia/Melbourne]

Sleep had been a stranger since Sam died. Charlie had refused the Ambien and alprazolam that her primary care doctor had tried to give her. Every now and then she’d take something over the counter, melatonin or Benadryl, but she couldn’t while Luke was in the house… or anyone, for that matter.

Although that was very likely the time she needed to do exactly that. It seemed like she woke up every 15 minutes, fighting the urge to walk around the property to make sure Luke hadn’t went out on his own like Sam had. Jake’s ears would perk each time, though he remained at the foot of the bed. Charlie attempted to take some comfort in that.

So it wasn’t a surprise when she felt Jake move slightly or hear the guest bedroom door creak early in the morning. Charlie tossed and turned for a few more minutes, not eager to get out of bed and face whatever shitshow of a day that she and Luke made it. It had been easy to forget how explosive they could be. She’d thought that maybe Sam’s death would have mellowed their interactions but it seemed to have just made them more tense.

I fell in love with you years ago.

She hated the way her stomach dropped when he’d said it. Like she’d been waiting for eons to hear the declaration, only to immediately try and worm her way out of the implications with self-righteousness. Maybe she shouldn’t have told him to stay here. She should have told him to go, start a real life and have a family with not his brother’s wife.

But she hadn’t. And she wouldn’t. Charlie sighed, staring up at the ceiling before finally leaving her bed. She grabbed her phone, clock showing 05:32, and ushered Jake out of the room. He barreled down the stairs and she followed, albeit slowly, until she came to the kitchen. She didn’t smell coffee and immediately panicked, hoping Luke hadn’t gone and started working on the farm already.

But there he was, asleep sitting upright. Shirtless.

A year ago, she would have ogled. Hell, even six months ago. Now, when her eyes moved over him, she tried to convince herself it was for no other reason than to make sure he didn’t have any injuries.

A small smile graced her lips as she moved around the kitchen, beginning to make the coffee she had been promised. She opened the door to the porch, letting in cold air and allowing Jake to run around for the first time of many that day. “Luke?” She tried to keep her voice soft as she approached him, careful not to be behind him or to reach out.

She’d done research a few years ago into the PTSD and maladjustment that soldiers experienced when reintegrating into society. She remembered not to make sudden movements, never come behind them, and stories of how many of them, upon waking from sleep, would act on their training without thought.

“Luke.” Charlie opened a cabinet, grabbing two mugs as gently as possible and filling them up with coffee. Her fingers reached out, skimming the tattooed skin of his arm. “You can go back to sleep, you know.”

Gold and Silver [Serenia/Melbourne]

Luke was wrong. It was a betrayal of the highest degree, even if they hadn’t acknowledged it or acted on it. At the end of the day, Charlie had acknowledged it when she’d purposely slept in his shirt after the goat incident, the way she looked at him a little too long, or how she accompanied him into town for no good goddamn reason. She had talked about it with Milly, as if that would clear her conscience. She had acted on it when she whispered Luke’s name in a daze as she slid her fingers down Sam’s lower stomach and when her hand drifted down her own hips, moving as she thought not about her husband, but her husband’s brother.

Charlie leaned into Luke as he reciprocated her bid for closeness, telling herself that it had been the lack of physical contact over the last few weeks that had driven her to touch him. Her eyes followed Jake as he rolled in the grass, sniffed around, and then eagerly made his way back to her. His wet nose was forced into her hand, causing her to rub his nose and then settle into the familiar motion of rubbing his ears. She’d never forget meeting Luke. It was as if she could suddenly feel the stickiness of the beer that had splashed on her, the anger that had risen in her instantly as she’d all but verbally assaulted the man. The way her anger had immediately fizzled as she remembered she was there with Sam, with his sweet smile and kind eyes, and —

Charlie couldn’t agree that Luke brought out a good side of her. Perhaps a more playful one, but one that was willing to fight and argue, tooth and nail, at any given point. But he was staying, in a town that he hated and had only tried to escape from, for her. Because he loved her.

“I know,” she said, the arm closest to him moving around his back, fingers bunching the fabric of his shirt slightly. “I’m so sorry.” Sorry that he hadn’t had the privilege of spending as much time with Sam as she had. Sorry for letting Sam die.

After Matthew and the rest of his family were gone, Sam had taken every opportunity to bring Luke back to the farm, including him in everything he possibly could, but the small respites of leave that Luke got from the military were never enough for Sam. He’d wanted him to discharge, to get a house in the valley or even build one somewhere on the hundreds of acres they had. “He loved you, you know? Missed you like crazy.” Charlie could hear the raw vulnerability in Luke’s voice, not wanting to drive the nail further into whatever he was feeling.

“We should probably get going, if you wanted to go see Anna before it gets too late.” The woman didn’t bother to make any movements, though; was it a betrayal that she didn’t want to lose the weight of his arm around her shoulders? “If you still want me to go. I don’t have to. I can stay here.” I can manage here without you. I have been. The intrusiveness of the thought almost sent her reeling. When had she become so avoidant and so needy at the same time?

Gold and Silver [Serenia/Melbourne]

The resignation in Luke’s voice caused Charlie’s mouth to drop open slightly. She had fucking asked, but she hadn’t thought the contents would have been so volatile. She’d always known there was something between them and, whatever it was, it was not fleeting. Years. Her mouth went dry at the thought, looking down at the picture again. Then? When? “How the fuck would I have known that?” she asked, eyes trailing upward as he approached her.

Her jaw was set as he kept talking, teeth grinding as she fought from interrupting him and eyes narrowing as his voice filled the kitchen. Then, suddenly, it felt like she could barely hear his next words. Had she been a reason he’d always left? Did she have a part to play when he gained another scar or the pain she’d just witnessed? Charlie nearly flinched as Luke moved away from her, leaving her there in a daze as she tried to process what exactly was happening.

Did she want him to stay? She knew she didn’t want to be alone anymore, in a house where the ghost of her husband haunted every square foot. That wasn’t quite the same thing.

Maybe I want something I know I’ll never have.

Charlie’s hands braced against the island, steadying herself as she tried to formulate any response. Once Luke removed himself from close quarters, she felt like she could breathe again… but that wasn’t anything new. Always there when she didn’t want him there, never there when she wanted nothing but him; he always took up space, but she’d never been so aware of it prior to Sam’s death. Now, coupled with that fucking admission, it felt suffocating.

We can make it work for us. Months, years… Why would he want to stay now, when he had a very clear line of reasons why that had never been a good idea before?

She took a deep breath and pushed herself away from the counter, quietly padding after Luke’s steps and finding herself in the cooling air. Charlie couldn’t bring herself to do anything other than grab the lit cigarette from the soldier. “These things will kill you, you know,” she said before bringing the stick to her mouth and taking a deep inhale, holding it in as she handed it back to him.

Coughs racked her body followed by self-depreciating laughter. “I can’t give it up, even if I can't do it on my own.” Sam wouldn’t want her to run away just because he wasn’t here, would he? He always talked about how strong she was, but if she was then this wouldn’t be an issue. She'd be able to do it by herself. Charlie hoped that Sam couldn’t see them down here, couldn’t listen in on the conversation that had just happened or anything that would happen from here on out.

“You know, you were never the only one betraying him,” she said softly, looking up at the man she stood beside.

Him being dead or alive doesn’t change the fact that I’m not going to cross that line.

She let her head rest against his shoulder, keeping her eyes on the land in front of them. The barn, the animals, the legacy her husband at unwittingly left her… she couldn’t do it on her own. “I need you.” The words slipped from her before she had time to think, but they’d been quiet enough that she could trick herself into thinking he hadn’t heard her. Charlie cleared her throat, the residual taste of tobacco so cloying she could barely stand it.

“Stay with me. Please. We can make it run.”

Gold and Silver [Serenia/Melbourne]

Heat flared into Charlie’s face as Luke snapped at her, eyes narrowing. Neither of them were truly in the right place to have this conversation but it seemed like it was going to happen anyway. “You don’t seem very sorry,” she bit back accusatorially, shifting her weight to her hip. “Matter of fact, I don’t think you’ve been sorry for half of the shit you should be.” She could remember how raw his voice had been when he’d allow the endearment to escape and it was the exact opposite of the way he’d now used term of affection now.

Why did they always fight? She could barely control her emotions as it was, oscillating from depression and anxiety to sheer panic and fear and immediately into anger over the span of just a few minutes. Charlie chewed on the inside of her cheek as she watched Luke get up and all but stalk to his bag, wincing slightly at his pointed movements.

Obviously it was for her. It had her fucking name on it. And separate envelopes? Surely there weren’t many things he couldn’t have said to both of them… Her eyes widened when he started speaking again, as if realizing that the contents were probably things that should have never been said. “Luke, I didn’t mean to pr—“ He charged through her words, flipping the picture towards her.

A mixture of sunscreen, lake water, and sweat laid on every bare inch of Charlie, a layer that she would need to scrub away at for the next two days. “Don’t touch me, I’m disgusting,” she told Sam as he approached her, coaxing her ponytail through the baseball cap he’d given her.

“That’s never stopped me before,” he replied, his eyes flashing with laughter. “I’m going to get another beer, do you want one?”

Her nose scrunched. “A White Claw?”

“Same thing,” Sam replied with a wave of his hand, giving her a quick kiss before sauntering towards the area they’d set up with beach towels, an umbrella, and coolers. “Luke?”

She turned to the other man, a late minute addition to the trip but not an unwelcome one. Her gaze drifted over him, lingering on places she absolutely shouldn’t have when her husband was walking away. Had he heard Sam? Charlie walked towards the older brother, tilting her head in question. “Beer?”

Luke’s arm came to her shoulders, pulling her towards him and crushing her. “Get off me. You feel like you rolled around in lake algae,” she said with a laugh as she tried to push him away, knowing that if she’d touched Sam he would have felt the same way. “I just wanted to see if you wanted another drink. Well, he did but —“ When she looked up, she saw her husband with a phone in his hand and aimed at them.

“Memories, you know?” He said with a shrug. She didn’t notice how his shoulders slumped or the way his smile didn’t reach his eyes anymore.

Sam had always been sentimental, hell-bent on capturing even small pieces of their lives whenever he could. It was heightened with Luke, given that every time he went on tour there was no guarantee he’d be seen again. Charlie knew Sam had some regrets about not being with his parents for the last few years of their lives, so she tried not to complain about the sheer volume of stored pictures on his phone. She’d never seen this one, though. Sam must have given it to Luke, evidently without her knowledge. Her eyes softened as her fingers drifted over their faces as the letter was read.

I fell in love with you years ago. No. Nonono. She couldn’t look up, her eyes frozen on the photo she still held. You were always so good at that, like you were with me.

In what fucking world was he doing this now? She’d just lost her husband - his brother, for Christ’s sake - and now he was trying to hand her the letter that would have destroyed her if she’d opened the mailbox to find it.

Tell him that you need him. Say that you think about it too. Beg him to stay.

“Don’t do this to me.” Charlie tried to wet her lips, as if that would make the words come easily. Finally, she looked up and held out the picture. “He didn’t tell me he had this printed, or that he gave it to you.” He knew. He always fucking knew. Besides that, she couldn’t count how many times she’d wanted the courage to come clean with Luke; to clear the air and hopefully the tension, but after that night she’d charged out looking for the goat, she knew speaking it out loud would worsen whatever it was. “Don’t tell me you love me when he’s barely cold in the ground. Don’t come in here and tell me we aren’t horrible people for betraying him.”

Don’t tell me you love me.

Her gaze lingered on the top of the scar he’d exposed earlier, peeking just outside the confines of his shirt. “Is that why you kept going back? Because you couldn’t stand to be around me?” Maybe if he hadn’t been touring, he would have been here. He could have saved Sam, because she sure has fuck hadn’t. Charlie's wedding band seemed to burn on her finger as she met Luke's eyes. “You always said you hated the idea of being tied down here... and now is that what you're asking to do? To stay with me?"

Gold and Silver [Serenia/Melbourne]

The bag.

Charlie had made to move away to begin searching for the bag - had even located it by glancing around the room - when his words stopped her immediately.

Baby?

She couldn’t think about that right now. If he’d said that shit six months ago, she would have skipped her way to the phone and promptly made a call to Milly, asking what she should do, if she should address it, what did it mean. But clearly Luke wasn’t in his right state of mind and now was not the time to dwell. So she started again, her pulse lowering slightly with each step, until she grabbed the dusky bag that had clearly been through more than just one or two international flights.

Front. Pen. But as she opened the flap, her eyes skimmed over the contents quickly until they landed on envelopes. Normally she wouldn’t pry, but she could see the tops of some letters, like an ’S’ on one and a ‘Ch’ no the other.

How did she suddenly have so many things to address with him?

A little more digging procured a small, plastic bag and she opened it hastily, the leftover surge of adrenaline causing her fingers to still shake as she handed it to him. All she could do was hand it to him and watch helplessly as Luke administered the medication.

Her eyes lingered on the scar; she hadn’t known it was so extensive, or so ugly. Emotion welled again in her throat as she wondered what he could have possibly endured to have that, but she refused to cry again. Refused to feel any relief as he looked up at her like she’d just caught him at the bar, refused to feel the way his hand had found its way to her waist.

So she just waited there, until he let go of her and had some of his senses back. She didn’t want to look at the other things he had stored in the bag. It wasn’t any of her business, was it? Charlie tried to calm herself while Luke waited out the meds. “It’s okay,” she replied quietly, wishing she could give him some support other than silence.

Fuck the farm. Fuck the farm exactly, if he said he overworked it and hadn’t got to much manual labor at all. It would have been nice had he been upfront about the injury but she knew better than to expect that from him. Charlie remembered throwing the words “If you don’t talk about it, it just didn’t happen then?” more than a few times, always in frustration at how eager he was to hide things from them.

From her.

She started to clean up, putting leftovers in tubs then washing the pots he’d used and the cutlery they’d dirtied. Charlie was quick to remove her plate and was thankful that Luke was still trying to recover from his episode, and by the time he spoke again, all that was left was his plate.

Looking up at him, anger replaced whatever nondescript feelings she had in that moment. “TV? You wanna watch fucking TV and not talk about a goddamn thing that just happened?” She scoffed, raised a brow, and crossed her arms, watching for changes in his expression. “You wanna have a complete come apart at dinner, not tell me how you got that scar, call me baby, tell me to get in your bag where there’s letters fucking addressed to me and your dead brother, then ask me if I want to watch TV?” She ran a frustrated hand through her hair. “Jesus Christ, Luke.”

Gold and Silver [Serenia/Melbourne]

Metal prongs of the fork scraped against ceramic, causing Charlie to wince slightly. She managed to get a small bite of biscuit, bringing it up and into her mouth without managing to grimace. In all truth, food hadn’t tasted quite the same since Sam had died. She’d always been conscious of calories, not wanting the home cooking on a farm to go straight to her waist as it had a habit of doing, but she’d never turned down a meal before.

Friends. She had an inkling that Anna had wanted to be more than brushed off high school interactions. Charlie would run out of fingers on both hands if she counted all of the women’s hearts Luke had broken, at least per Sam’s report. It didn’t surprise her; he’d always been less than eager to stay in one place for too long. She briefly wondered how serious he was about spending his few months of leave here. Most of their previous visits had been a few weeks at their lengthiest and he always seemed to be itching to get away towards the end.

Her eyes briefly glanced up at his movement, knowing that what mess the farm had turned into in such a short span of time would be more than enough work for a while. Charlie’s utensil continued its fruitless motion of stabbing and moving food around as if she were a child trying to get out of eating dinner until she heard the clatter of Luke’s own fork drop.

Her eyes widened and she could feel her heart flutter in the worst way. Was he having a heart attack? She needed to call someone, but it would take half an hour for anyone to get here. Should she get the keys to the truck? Hell, the battery could be dead and the tires flat for all she knew. As much as she wanted to leap into action, the woman sat there petrified as she listened to the whispered curses.

She couldn’t do this again. She couldn’t watch another man she loved die on this fucking farm. Couldn’t see the tattooed arms gripping at his chest and the island go slack, couldn’t see his body to the floor, couldn’t see him turn a garish color as the life drained from his body. Move, she begged herself, frozen in panic as the palpitations continued, getting worse. She couldn’t even ask if he was alright, tongue suddenly swollen enough that it made it difficult to breathe.

All she could do was stare. His words didn’t even register, running together in a way that sounded like a different language to her. She couldn’t do anything for Sam - couldn’t save him - and now she couldn’t do anything for his brother. Any tear that she’d held back from minutes earlier began to cloud her vision.

Nothing bad is going to happen to me.

She couldn’t focus. Every fiber of her being told her that wasn’t true, that this was the last time she’d hear his voice.

I promise.

Sam had promised never to leave her, and look what had happened. She wasn’t equipped to deal with this. She hadn’t birthed cows, or seen combat, or ever had experience to fight the adrenaline and terror that kept her rooted in place.

Don’t leave me.

Pain. It was just pain. She could hear the sincerity in his voice, his eyes begging her not to lose her shit. “Tell me what to do,” she croaked, her own words thick with emotion as she wiped her face. “Tell me what to do to fix it. I can’t —“ As if speaking had finally broken the spell, she moved quickly to where she kept medication, grabbing a handful of pill bottles. They scattered as she nearly threw them on the island, searching frantically.

She never used to have so many medications. Tylenol, ibuprofen, and Tums were about the only thing she’d ever needed before Sam’s death but now she had to sort through things meant for anxiety, depression, panic attacks. “What do I do?” Shaky fingers grabbed ibuprofen, twisting the lid before pills littered the island. “Take something.”

Gold and Silver [Serenia/Melbourne]

There. A small semblance of normalcy had finally woven its way towards them, a small joke that typically would have caused Charlie to slap him playfully on the arm and convince him to tell her exactly what he had consumed. Instead, her eyes found his, taking some comfort in the way his lips had turned up genuinely instead of forced, as they had since he’d been here. She moved when he did, going to the sink to tidy up what she could. She’d never been a fan of mess and had recently learned that there wouldn’t be anything to clean if there wasn’t anything dirtied. It had been yet another reason why the house looked untouched; some days she couldn’t get out of bed, and the ones she managed to she spent out in the barn. As much as she hated to admit it, Luke’s visit was the only time she could remember spending outside of her bedroom. Their bedroom.

“Anna?” Charlie’s nose wrinkled slightly as she dried her hands, turning to Luke again. Her hip made contact with the counter as she rested there, crossing her arms. Last summer?

The bedside table rattled with vibration, causing Charlie to crack open one eye and immediately look at the time. 3:05 in the morning, who the fuck would be calling her? She fought a groan as she propped herself up, sight clearing just enough to read her caller ID. She immediately grabbed the phone and looked at Sam, who was sound asleep and snoring. Charlie swore someone could be breaking in and the man would sleep through the racket.

“Hello?”

“Charlie.” She hated how rough his voice was, how it made her heart beat faster, how it made her carefully remove herself from the sheets and exit the room as quickly as possible. Had she ever heard him sound so sheepish? There was only one reason he’d be calling from ‘Hingham Valley Pol’ at this time of night.

“What the fuck did you do?” And then she listened. She could feel her stomach drop, anxiety coursing through her. She wouldn’t ask him if he was alright; he always was.

“Don’t tell Sam.”

Of course, ‘don’t tell Sam’. She would have lied through her teeth if her husband woke up and came to the door, asking who she was talking to. But he didn’t, and she tried to stifle the nervousness that had surfaced… like she was doing something wrong. “Give me twenty minutes.”

Last summer. “Oh.”

Her brother-in-law, defending her honor. There shouldn’t have been anything to defend, and she certainly should have never accompanied him into town as much as she did. To the hair place, the grocery store. Never should have been seen laughing with him, or putting a ‘friendly’ arm through his as they walked. “Thank you,” Charlie managed, grabbing the plate and once more moving towards the chairs at the island again. She couldn’t sit at the table where she and Sam had dinner every night, breakfast every morning. She picked at the food, not yet able to bring herself to eat. How could it smell so good and yet so nauseating at the same time?

“She came out, you know. When…” Her voice trailed off. “I forgot you always had a thing for her.” She never pried into Luke’s love life, though she was aware nothing ever seemed to last for him. He’d never seemed the type to settle down, unlike his brother. “I bet she wouldn’t say no if you wanted to take her for dinner sometime. Since you’ll be here for awhile.”

The words slipped out before she could think about what she was saying and immediately her stomach turned. There had been times where she and Sam had suggested he go on more dates, find someone that could tame him… and each time, she’d felt the same knot develop. Charlie could still remember the time he'd brought a girl home and she could hear the telltale sound of the headboard hitting the wall. Had that been Anna? She could also easily recall how jealousy had reared without warning and that she had told Luke her house wasn't a brothel.

Gold and Silver [Serenia/Melbourne]

In her mourning, Charlie found it difficult to extend grace to others who had also lost. It was if she had developed some blind spot that allowed her to ignore the fact that others, too, were affected by death… it allowed her not to care. Sure, they’d experienced loss, but had they experienced seeing the man who talked about renovations and babies and life trapped underneath something else dead? Seen the waxy, near yellow color of their significant other, unresponsive to pleas and begging or felt the pop of a socket as they tried to pull them out from under what killed them?

This moment was no different. She’d known all along that Luke had been about to as accustomed to death as one could be, but it didn’t matter. Sam had been his brother, but he’d been her husband. She was supposed to be with him forever, and now he wasn’t here. All Charlie had were these memories that Luke had not only suggested to take away but now threw in her face. She tore her eyes from the photo, tears blurring her vision as she continued to stare angrily at Luke even when he turned to tend the food.

“I don’t need to be reminded of that,” she snapped, eyes still narrowed. She would forever remember how fiercely Sam had loved her and that she would likely never experience it again. Milly told her that things would get better and, eventually, she would have the chance to be happy again. She, too, had mentioned moving on, offering to come to the farm and help pack things up but it was all too soon.

How could she get rid of him?

Rage turned to sorrow again, causing Charlie to stand and move towards Luke. “I know you miss him,” she started quietly, breaching the gap between them with only a few steps. “And I know it’s hard to see him here. Everywhere.” God, she was tired. “But if you could just give me a little bit of time. Maybe you being here will make it easier to deal with his absence.” It wasn’t the best thing to say, but it was the most truthful.

She looked up at Luke, offering what she hoped was a convincing smile. “Maybe we can paint.” Her fingers fell over the ones that held the club soda, lingering for more than they should have, before taking it from him. “And maybe not drink from the can.” Once she’d pried it from him, she grabbed a glass and washed it out, then filling it with ice and emptying the drink into it. “You know there’s probably eight different types of shit on that, right?”

Charlie held out the glass. “You wanna tell me about what errands you already have to do?”

Gold and Silver [Serenia/Melbourne]

All Charlie could do was watch as the man moved around the kitchen, the aromas of homemade cooking wafting towards her. She hadn’t turned on the oven in weeks, and was sure that most of the pots and pans had a small film of dust that she typically would have been embarrassed about. The shame of watching Luke, after his long journey from Europe with dark circles that rivaled her own, in her kitchen to make them something was far more severe than her lack of cleanliness since Sam had died. She felt heat rise in her cheeks as he turned and gave her a shadow of a smile.

Another hour or two… it hardly mattered. Charlie was past the point of hunger. She’d assumed they’d go out and get something; had she known he would have pulled out all the stops, she would have lied and said she’d just had something to eat earlier. The woman lifted onto a chair near the island, propping her head up with a hand as her eyes followed Luke’s movements. He had always seemed comfortable here, something that on occasion irked Sam.

He walks around here like he owns the damn place. Charlie’s shoulders dropped as she realized how difficult it had become to remember the way his voice sounded, the gruffness of his voice that became more prevalent the more he drank or the way his voice raised when his favorite football team ruined a play. She hadn’t realized how deep in thought she was until she heard Luke’s low voice break the silence that had grown between them. It was for that very reason it took her a few moments to grasp onto his words and what he was truly saying, the way she flinched when his voice raised. Charlie adjusted herself, again looking down at the hands that had travelled to her lap.

How could she do any of the things he suggested? Paint over the walls and forget how Sam had laughed when she’d turned to him, covered in splattered paint from the roller? Take the things in the house that reminded her of Sam and lock them away so that they couldn’t touch the light of day? Burn the chair that Sam had picked himself and swore religiously by after a long day of working on their farm?

Unadulterated rage quickly overtook Charlie, her eyes narrowing as she met Luke’s. “You want me to erase him?” She asked, her voice quiet with seething. “You want me to act like he wasn’t the one was here with me every single day?” The way you weren’t. She fought tooth and nail to keep the unbated insult from reaching her lips. It wasn’t fair to say that, not when they were both hurting.

Because, despite everything, she had chosen Sam. Luke had never expressly discussed how he felt about her and vice versa. That was a conversation that would happen only over her dead body, and she’d be damned if she spoke it into existence when they were looking at another argument.

“I owe him that, Luke. I made a promise.” Charlie’s voice was raising now. “You act like it should be so easy to move on! Like you can just come here and take charge, like you don’t know what my life has been like over the past few weeks.” She felt the tell-tale signs of emotion welling up in her throat and fought the tears that would have readily dropped if she let them. ”’What’s the new guy supposed to do?’ What fucking new guy, huh? I’ll never —”

The woman took a deep breath, unable to ignore how shuddered it was. “Why would I do any of that?” Her voice was quiet now. “Why would I want to forget him?”