Yup, I messed up. Sorry about that, I blame exam brain.

No worries. We're not get confused by the mistake.

Echo: we can't connect to IRC here, so sheetwriting will have to be without chat.

I fully intend to bulk it out as I think I said in the post itself but at the time I didn't have enough time to fill it all out and I didn't' want to write entire bio's for 5 characters if the general premise was unacceptable. Since it is I'll be filling them out properly later on this week/weekend when I have some free time to do so.

I'm not so sure if I can really impose when I just recently hopped in here, but I'd like to give some advice, Hymusia. You may want to reel back the portrayal of them as a wapanese gothic lolita club. It doesn't really create any creepy dissonance between how they behave and their alleged capacity for violence, it just makes it harder to take them seriously. Likewise, the assertion of the ambiguity of each character's backgrounds doesn't really provoke a sense of mystery so much as leave unexplained why they are the way they are. You may very well have already intended to do this, but might I suggest you go deeper into the reasons behind each of the Malkavian's delusions, as well as less ambiguous details on Leo and Demitri?

Similarly, they're so involved with what amounts to a pop-goth subculture that they don't really fit as low generation vampires, either. I mean, it's not like freak low-generation Embraces aren't a thing that happens sometimes, but that's a whole lot of them in one place, and they aren't particularly tolerated by the Camarilla. To be fair, we've got a lot of people in the RPG who have Generations that are a tad strange, so you can probably get away with ignoring this detail. But honestly? 7th Generation Kindred is pushing it. Assuming embrace took place after CLD published Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, that gives her 147 years at most. But, once again, you can probably ignore this detail - a lot of people seem to already have.

Although Generation lines are blurred somewhat by older Kindred doing Embraces (which isn't often allowed by the Camarilla) and Diablerie, by default in the Final Nights, things tend to even out along the lines of...

1st Generation: Caine
2nd Generation: Caine's 3 childer
3rd Generation: Antediluvians (more like Great Old Ones than people; existed in prehistory before The Deluge circa 5600BC if not longer)
4th Generation: Methuselah (eldritch monsters closer in nature to Antediluvians)
5th Generation: Methuselah (inhuman monsters closer in nature to Elders)
6th Generation: Elders (Really old; Closer in thought-process to inhuman monsters like Methuselah)
7th Generation: Elders (Not going to be here or above unless you're over 200 years old and many are at least twice as old as that; Most don't give a fuck about human mores beyond the Masquerade; everyone probably thinks you're a dick at this stage)
8th Generation: Mature (Ancilla; majority were the Adolescents of the Dark Ages; difficult to maintain human values after having eaten so many people and lived multiple lifetimes)
9th Generation: Mature (Ancilla; Begin to lose human sentiments if they haven't already)
10th Generation: Adolescent (Ancilla; roughly 50 to 150 years; this is the stage where you can actually begin to start making waves)
11th Generation: Adolescent (Freshly not a neonate or about to start becoming an Ancilla)
12th Generation: Modern day Neonates
13th Generation: Neonates of Neonates (believed to be the last actual generation)
14th Generation: Thin-bloods
15th Generation: Thin-blooded progeny of Thin-bloods

This, of course, is not exact, but a general guideline to follow. Just some advice, take it with a grain of salt if you'd like.

キンドレドはかわいいじゃない。 キンドレドは萌えじゃない。 キンドレドは酷いよ。 うそじゃないよ。

I really hope Instantes is okay... :(

Yes, I hope that too. >:

I was particularly fond of his very authentic portrayal of Vernon. Best wishes for his wife's operation.

We've begun rewriting the personality and biography of our character after realizing the build was inconsistent with the derangement used and was almost Mary sue convenient. The essence of version 3 is much the same as v2 but the wrapping is better.

Myst said
I really hope Instantes is okay... :(

Me too, poor guy.

If you're stuck and I can do something to unstuck you, just let me know. <3

We've finished the rewrite by now. Now all that remains is to be online at the same time as Echo so that the rest can be plotted out.

Anemone said
I'm not so sure if I can really impose when I just recently hopped in here, but I'd like to give some advice, Hymusia. You may want to reel back the portrayal of them as a wapanese gothic lolita club. It doesn't really create any creepy dissonance between how they behave and their alleged capacity for violence, it just makes it harder to take them seriously. Likewise, the assertion of the ambiguity of each character's backgrounds doesn't really provoke a sense of mystery so much as leave unexplained why they are the way they are. You may very well have already intended to do this, but might I suggest you go deeper into the reasons behind each of the Malkavian's delusions, as well as less ambiguous details on Leo and Demitri?Similarly, they're so involved with what amounts to a pop-goth subculture that they don't really fit as low generation vampires, either. I mean, it's not like freak low-generation Embraces aren't a thing that happens sometimes, but that's a whole lot of them in one place, and they aren't particularly tolerated by the Camarilla. To be fair, we've got a lot of people in the RPG who have Generations that are a tad strange, so you can probably get away with ignoring this detail. But honestly? 7th Generation Kindred is pushing it. Assuming embrace took place after CLD published Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, that gives her 147 years at most.

There are reasons to all my characters actions and their not supposed to be 'mysterious' they are simply not fully written as I'd written up the quick bios at about 11pm my time after a full days work and taking care of my two kids. It was a place filler so I didn't forget the ideas I had and the general concepts could be approved before I spent the next several hours working on them. Harley is in fact one of my main VTM characters and there are about 20 full pages of back story on her, her family and her blood line. Why she is who she is and how she became that way. I've changed her some for this game and so her back story will be different but don't presume that she's just some kooky bint or she'll fuck your face with a rusty razor. As I've already pointed out I intend to fill out the character sheets properly when I have the time to do so and until then you should reserve your judgement on the characters I've posted. I didn't sign up for this rp to get the same elitest bull shit I've tried to escape with most VTM platforms.

@Zach I've updated all the malks, working on the bodyguards. Let me know if you need more I'll do what I can to flesh them out more.

I wasn't judging your characters - I knew they were incomplete. Advice is just advice and all. The same kind I got when I first posted in here, the same anybody gets in collaborative writing. I was doing my best to be helpful, and apologies if I came off a bit too strong with it. I see you did raise their Generations, so thank you for taking my suggestions to heart.

Although, when you say "contacts with the Underworld," do you mean the criminal underworld or the Shadowlands?

Right they're all done. Unless people want more details added. Criminal underworld, Travis and his Sire ran the London Mafia, or a branch of it. This is all taken from London by Nights games roleplay over the last 4-5 years.

Edit: Also I don't mind the advice but you came across as an arse. I'd already pointed out there was more to come but you judged them as some sort of fish malky experiment gone wrong, which, if you'd waited like I'd hoped, you'd realise Harley is anything but and it's just their means of survival. It would be like having criticized an artist when they haven't even finished sketching, the whole picture wasn't there but you were pointing out perceived flaws without knowing what the picture was even of.

If you NOW have criticism's about them fair enough.

I think you're taking it a biiiiit out of context. I didn't call Harley a fishmalk or even question the overall concept, I was just pointing out that the group's aesthetic was harder to take seriously and that you could go more into the formative events that led to the Malkavian's derangement (which I even said you may have already intended to do). These were comments regarding the direction of the premise that you might could consider going forward rather than the overall content itself. There was nothing judgmental about it - I even said that you could take it all with a grain of salt.

Alrighty kids, lets not get angry at each other. Criticism didn't necessarily come across as entirely construction, but I wouldn't call Anemone an arse, lets just all be friends (OOCly, ICly killkil).

cthulu said
Harley is in fact one of my main VTM characters and there are about 20 full pages of back story on her, her family and her blood line. Why she is who she is and how she became that way. I've changed her some for this game and so her back story will be different but don't presume that she's just some kooky bint or she'll fuck your face with a rusty razor.

I don't want to sound like an asshole (especially since I'm yet to post my shit), but 20 full pages?
For one fucking Malk?
Jesus, don't you think that's a little bit much?
Just saying.

Zed said
I don't want to sound like an asshole (especially since I'm yet to post my shit), but 20 full pages?For one fucking Malk?Jesus, don't you think that's a little bit much?Just saying.

Zed, I just warned people about being unnecessary.

Don't be unnecessary.

Zacharius said
Zed, I just warned people about being unnecessary.

Don't be unnecessary.

Mkay.
Just saying, it seems a bit much.

Zed said
Mkay.Just saying, it seems a bit much.

Congratulations.

You're still doing it.