Two days after the Senior Dance... Infirmary, PRCU
Something was missing, and Haven couldn’t remember what it was.
A steady beeping greeted her as the blanket of a deep slumber began to slip off of her. She felt the scratchy pillow beneath her face, the stiff gown against her skin, and the blanket that covered her back. No warm, firm body next to her. No scent of cucumber and cologne. She heard the gentle breathing of someone nearby, but it wasn’t Rory’s deep draws and soft snores. She didn’t recognize it.
Her throat was dry, almost raw against the stale air she inhaled. Her muscles felt burdened by exhaustion where she laid on her stomach. The pressure at the middle of her back had her brows furrowing together. She’d used her wings too much last night. The liquor had been a self-prescribed painkiller for her healing joints.
Shifting her body onto her side was an effort itself. She winced at the pain in her wing as she tucked it into her back to avoid crushing it beneath her. It felt like the joints had been dislocated all over again.
It was a slow and steady climb for her hands to slip out from under the pillow and rub her heavy eyelids. She sighed as she managed to peel them open, finding the figure at the chair beside the bed blurry and unfocused until she managed a single, slow blink. The sight of the figure before her cleared, revealing Harper with full lashes panned low where she sat slumped in the chair.
Sister.
What was she doing by Haven’s bedside? What had happened at the dance to put her in the infirmary again? Where was Rory?
The confusion in Haven’s expression slowly became more evident as her eyes scanned the dozing brunette. She noticed the dark bruises peeking out of a sweater on Harper’s neck. She saw the subtle sign of worry etched into the dark brows. It was strange that Harper was sitting where Rory should have been.
She listened to their shared heartbeats as she tried to remember. Distracted only for a moment as she realized how the rhythm of their hearts beat in sync.
Sister…
“L-Little Dove.”
Her memories began crashing into her like birds into a glass pane.
"I need you."
The beeping of the monitor began to increase in tempo. She felt a weight settle onto her chest, pressing inwards, crushing her heart and lungs until she couldn’t breathe anymore.
“Mother.”
She heard the crack of Rory’s legs as they shattered and bent the wrong direction. She heard Amma’s shrieking fill the space with sizzling arcs of scarlet and black and silver. She remembered the sound of a body being torn apart above her. The horror she felt when she couldn’t determine if it was a clone or the real Gil.
Her heart rate reached a crescendo. Alarms blared from behind her that made her flinch and cover her ringing ears.
Only then did she feel the pressure of the blanket against her bare back. The place where feathers would have kissed her skin and kept it warm. The space where her wings should have been. Where they had graced her form ever since she was young. She still felt them, but they weren’t really there, were they?
A wave of misery and loss then consumed her as she relived the agony of her last conscious moment. The terror she felt as the monster held her in its arms. As it cradled her face like something precious before it inflicted the worst cruelty she had ever known upon her. Tears welled in her eyes and spilled over.
It took her wings.
Clamped down on them with enough strength to fracture her bones, pulled them in opposite directions, luxated her joints, ripped flesh and cartilage and sinew, and took a piece of her soul with them. She had felt all of it all at once.
It took her wings. It took herwings.Ittookherwings. Her wings. Her wings. Her wings.
Broken. Destroyed.
She sat up in the bed hyperventilating. Disbelief crossed her features as she tore the wires and IV from her arms and chest in a frenzy and twisted her arms behind her back to feel them. They were still there in her heart and mind, and yet her fingertips brushed against smooth skin until they met the nubs that remained and the patch of feathers between them. The place where a gaping wound should have been was now covered in new, healed flesh. Tiny pin feathers already dotted them like new growth in a forest that had burned to the ground.
Gone.
A sorrowful wail filled the room then, leaking into the halls and scaring the other residents. Haven pulled her knees to her chest, her arms wrapping around them tightly. Anything to comfort her grief. She buried her face into the stiff blanket over them to block out the world, and began to mourn her beautiful wings for all that they meant to her...
...and for what little she was without them.
…
She stood in a long, narrow hallway, the walls suffocating her with dense, choking smoke that stung her eyes. Every blink sent wet, slick tears burning down her cheeks, relentless and hot. She tried to wipe them away, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand, but it was useless. The more she tried, the more they poured, like a faucet that couldn’t be turned off. They carved down her neck, soaking into her collar, and she could feel the wetness pooling around her bare feet, like she was sinking into it.
Drip.
The sound was too loud in the thick silence, the only noise in a world that felt like it had shrunk to just this hallway. It stretched on forever, its oppressive quiet broken only by the squeak of her feet against the slick floorboards. Ahead, there was nothing but smoke and that faint glow of orange light spilling from beneath a door at the far end. It danced through the fog, beckoning her forward like a promise of escape, but something about it felt wrong—too bright, too unreachable. Still, she moved toward it, each step slow, dragging, her legs heavy as though the air itself resisted her.
Her breaths came in shallow, laboured gasps, the smoke filling her lungs like fire. Each inhale burned, her chest tightening with every second as the air thinned, constricting her throat, making it harder to breathe. She squinted through the blur, straining to make out the walls that lined the hallway, but all she saw were vague shapes lost in the murky gray. Picture frames hung along the walls—she knew they were important, memories maybe—but the details were lost, swallowed by the smoke. They were just dark patches now, filled with expressionless faces she couldn’t recognize.
The heat grew more intense the closer she got to the door. It wasn’t just hot—it was suffocating. The air thickened, pressing down on her from all sides. The liquid streaming from her eyes also slowed, becoming heavier, dragging down her cheeks with sluggish finality as it dripped off her chin and onto her chest.
Drop.
She reached out, her hand shaking somewhat as she brushed against the wall for support, but it was slick—wet with something that sent a shudder through her. She jerked her hand back, nausea twisting in her stomach, bile rising in her throat. She didn’t need to look. She knew what it was. She didn’t want to confirm it.
Just get to the door. Just get to the door.
Her steps faltered as the air became too clotted to pull into her lungs. Each movement felt like dragging herself through quicksand, her legs weak and trembling. The hallway seemed to stretch with every stride, the door at the end always just out of reach. By the time she got to it, her throat burned, her breath shallow and ragged, and the tears were unstoppable now, her vision little more than blurry shapes and flickering shadows. Desperate, she reached out, her fingers fumbling for the doorknob.
The instant her palm touched it, pain shot through her like lightning.
She gasped, yanking her hand back as if it had been scalded. The doorknob radiated heat, the door itself searing like an oven left on for too long. Her skin throbbed, but she pressed her hand against it again, forcing herself to turn the knob. It wouldn’t move. It was locked.
No, that’s what she told herself. Locked. Or maybe… maybe she wasn’t trying hard enough. What if the door wasn’t locked at all? What if she just didn’t have the strength to open it? Panic welled in her chest, icy fear flooding her veins. What if it wasn’t the door? What if it wasn’t the door?
Her throat constricted. She clawed at it, hands tearing at her own skin as invisible fingers wrapped around her windpipe. Her nails scraped at the hot wood of the door, then back to her neck, trying desperately to free herself. Her lungs screamed, each breath a painful gasp that never quite filled her, the smoke pressing in on all sides, swallowing her whole.
She couldn’t breathe.
She couldn’t breathe.
The world collapsed around her, swirling into a whirlpool of heat and suffocating smoke, and Harper screamed—a raw, desperate sound torn from the deepest part of her soul.
And then she woke with a start.
The scream echoed around her, closer, more distinct. A wailing so harsh, so painful to her ears that her hands instinctively reached out until her fingers brushed against something warm. She wrapped her arms around its form, feeling the tremors in her sister’s body as she sobbed. She pressed her cheek against Haven’s hair, her world still a blur with the dream fading into nothing.
Haven didn’t even flinch. She hardly felt the touch of another through the overwhelming loss that wracked her body and soul. Not until she felt the weight of her sister’s head against hers. That small gesture of comfort, like a silent way of telling her that she wasn’t alone, kept her from falling apart. It wasn’t Rory; it wasn’t home. Yet it felt like a place where Haven could seek shelter when she was far from him.
Any doubts Haven may have had about Harper’s feelings towards her blew away with the wind. She felt wanted. She felt loved. It was the family she could have had, what she deserved all along, and now that family was here to help her with her pain.
So the floodgates opened wide, and Haven leaned into the embrace. Her head turned to bury itself in Harper’s shoulder. Her hands clutched the arm across her chest and pulled it closer to her. She felt the other wrap tighter against her back, and her sobs grew louder as she thought about how it would have felt to be held like this with her wings still attached.
“My wings.” The pitiful words spilled out of her in a whine. “My wings.”
Harper couldn’t find the words to respond to Haven’s lament, no matter how hard she tried. It felt like the guilt had lodged itself in her throat, a burden she hadn’t been able to shake since the moment the Chernobog tore Haven’s wings away. She swallowed, her throat burning with the effort, and winced as the pain flared up, a searing ache spreading down into her chest. Amma’s hands had left their mark on her during the dance, the bruises still fresh and tender. But she’d waved off any offers of help, as if by ignoring the injury, she could pretend the pain didn’t exist.
There had been worse wounds, anyway—ones that had demanded more attention than a bruised throat or the blindness that came and went with her fractured emotions. She’d grown used to the unpredictability of the latter over time, accepting it as another part of her that was broken and in need of fixing. But Haven’s loss… that was different. It wasn’t something time could heal, at least not in a short amount of it, nor was it something Harper could simply adapt to.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice barely audible as it scraped against the rawness in her throat. The words felt pitiful, as fragile as they sounded, but what else could she offer? She couldn’t bring Haven’s wings back, couldn’t rewind time and stop the Chernobog from taking what was treasured. All Harper had was the empty comfort of her presence, her arms wrapped around Haven like she could somehow protect her from any more pain.
It wasn’t enough. And she hated herself for that.
The apology was heard clearly, yet it didn't ease Haven's sorrow. She could only cry, and cry, and think about the last time she'd been able to fly over the island. The last time she'd touched a cloud. The view of Glacier National Park from above, and how colorful and serene it had been to soar over it's mountains during her summer break. She'd never see the world from her own unique point of view ever again.
Regret sat in her stomach like an anvil for things she hadn't done while she had them. Like how she'd never feel another's touch against her feathers again--
“Where’s Rory?” Haven suddenly gasped out as a moment of panic made her body tense in Harper’s arms. She would have thrown herself out of the bed, if she didn't feel so weak. “Is he-? Is he okay?”
“He’s... stable. Recovering, from what I’ve heard,” Harper replied tenderly, trying to ease Haven’s fears without feeding her panic with a reassuring tone.
The tension melted out of Haven's body with the words. Stable... recovering... at least she didn't lose him too. She wanted to know what happened with the monster, if she needed to mourn any other losses-- Gil, Luce, Alyssa, Torres, Amma, or any of the students that had been crushed by debris or frozen in ice-- but it was too much. There were too many questions, and she didn't think her heart could hold any more space for the grief that would come with the answers. It sent her into a fresh fit of weeping. A miserable feeling spreading through her body and taking hold of her just like the Chernobog had.
For a long moment, silence settled between them, broken only by the sound of Haven’s sobs. The cries that had once been loud and heart-wrenching softened, dwindling into quiet sniffles against Harper’s shoulder. Harper could feel the dampness of Haven’s tears soaking through her shirt, the warmth of her sister’s body pressed so closely against her own. It was then, in the quiet aftermath of Haven’s grief, that she let herself speak the words she’d been choking down since she’d taken up temporary residence beside her sister’s bed.
”I... should’ve done more. And before you say there was nothing I could’ve done…don’t.” It didn’t matter that the Chernobog had been near unstoppable. It wasn’t enough for her. Because, once again, she’d survived while those she cared for had suffered...or worse.
Harper’s words only made the aching in Haven’s chest worsen. She swallowed against her own sore throat, and drew a shaky breath before her soft words filled the silence.
“I’m glad you didn’t... It would have hurt you, too.” It was an oversimplification of everything Haven wanted to admit. Like how she knew the monster would have shattered or shredded Harper’s body and made her watch as it happened. How she’d seen Harper trying to separate the Amma they knew apart from her other selves. The image of Amma’s pale, inked hand wrapped around Harper’s throat was burned into Haven’s mind amidst the chaos of the dance. Even how much more miserable she would feel if she didn’t have Harper here to comfort her in her grief.
“Harps,” she whispered, “I know you’re my sister.”
Location: PRCU? - Dundas Island Human: #5.005 Mourning Dove
Interaction(s): Blackjack & EclipsePreviously: Dive For You
There was so much Haven could say to her teammates, her friends, her found family, and those of Eclipse that had been fated to join them had the school not been shut down.
She could tell them that she was grateful they’d gathered on the beach one last time. One more night to spend together until their flock would part ways in the morning. She could tell Gil how relieved she was to see him here, breathing through the misery, and how much it hurt that Amma wasn’t. She could let them know the plans that had been made for herself and Rory; how the couple agreed to take the leap of faith into the unknown together.
She should ask the others about their plans, how they’d come to that decision, or why they chose to go that way. She should let them know that she would try to stay in contact as much as possible, despite the fact that neither herself nor Rory had a working phone. She didn’t know when she’d find the money or time to get another for herself.
She had many questions, as always, but she also had so many apologies to say to them for the risk to their lives that the words formed into a lump in her throat.
So, she didn’t say anything at all.
She sat there by the fire with her eyes on the flames, on the waves lapping at the shore, or on the colors on the horizon as the sun dipped below it. She watched the seagull enjoying its hunt, how it maneuvered around the drone with grace, until its gift of flight made her sick to her stomach with envy and grief.
Her eyes moved back to the fire, blinking back the tears that she no longer had the energy to shed. She rested her head on Rory’s arm where it sat on the armrest of his wheelchair. It had been so strange to walk down to the beach with the others while Aurora ported him there. Strange that he hadn’t been walking beside her. Strange and awful that she’d been walking instead of flying.
One would think that her feet would hurt by now, for all of the walking that she’d done in the last week.
The nubs that remained on her back hurt, though. She wasn’t sure if it was an aftershock of what she’d been through, or just a symptom of her trauma. She could still feel her wings, as if they were still shifting behind her and tucking themselves in to avoid dragging in the sand. Yet she couldn’t feel the warmth of the fire on her feathers. She couldn’t feel the breeze coming off of the Pacific ruffling them. Her wings were ghosts upon her back, still heavy with the weight of the blood that had been shed at the dance.
One of Eclipse was the first to speak up, but something along the beach behind her caught her attention before his words had any effect on the group. She felt fear crawling up her spine with each heavy footstep taken on the sand, until they paused and the voice that followed calmed her racing heart.
Katja?
She was glad to know that their missing teammate was okay, but an uneasy feeling still spread over her. Rory had told her about his suspicions… and Haven had reason to believe he was right. She’d remembered how Hyperion had hit a soft spot within Katja all those years ago. Hyperion had hit a soft spot within herself, even, but she’d been wise to ignore the call of a world in which hyperhuman’s played dirty to get what they wanted.
She just didn’t know how she would feel if Katja had known about what awaited them in the trials. She wanted to believe that Katja didn’t have a clue. That it had been as much a betrayal to the blonde as it was for the rest of them. So many questions, and yet the weight of her grief had kept her from seeking Katja out herself in the past week.
Her head lifted from Rory’s arm as the footsteps drew nearer. She turned it to look up at him, a hint of apprehension shining in her hazel eyes as she whispered to him.
“Katja’s coming this way.”