We all have little things that drive us up the wall. Or maybe they're not so little. But one thing's for certain is that it bugs the crap out of you. Do you have any pet peeves when it comes to role playing? And would you be willing to explain why?

This has serious “Bitching Thread V3.0” energy, but if we all act like adults maybe it won’t get locked.

For the time I’ve been roleplaying, many of my pet peeves have come and gone. I’ll often move past some only for others to spring up in their place. But the one thing that consistently bugs me is people who publicly complain. We all talk about our grievances from time to time, but I feel that is best done as privately as possible. If a player or GM has an issue with a post, it should be a matter addressed between those people in PM/DMs. If you just want to vent, one on one with a friend or group is fine for that. Matters involving an entire RP (which rarely happens) could be hashed out in the OOC, or preferably over an IM service like Discord. But I see little reason to vent one’s grievances to everyone.

The status bar is probably the most egregious example of this. You have people taking to the status bar to overshare family drama report every time their writing partner does something annoying. Why are you trying to put this in front of a stranger’s eyeballs? Are you trying to validate your position by fishing for a few likes? Do you hope that your writing partner will see you complain and change because you can’t talk to them directly? I have a hard time finding flattering reasons for people to vent in this way even if they have a good reason to do so.

Another problem with complaining, and especially chronic complaining, is that everyone has learned to read between the lines. Complaining about ghosting creates the perception that you are impatient and/or not worth playing with. Rushing to the status bar to mention icky writing practices makes you come off as a Mark Twain wannabe that can’t write to your own standards. Complaining about the size of a long post can oust you as someone who finds it painful to read. Your complaining might resonate with a few, but every time you do so you alienate a group of potential writing pals. It’s the same reason most people won’t join RPs where there are 20+ rules. Even if half of the rules seem reasonable, it starts to feel strict and controlling when taken too far.

If a status bar complainer saw this post, do you think they’d change their ways or just write me off as a jerk?

If a status bar complainer saw this post, do you think they’d change their ways or just write me off as a jerk?

Sorry for the ping, but what about using the Status Bar to plug your RPs? Is that annoying?

@Letter Bee I do not find that annoying. Maybe if it's done excessively, but anyone can get annoyed with anything.

@Letter Bee I do not find that annoying. Maybe if it's done excessively, but anyone can get annoyed with anything.

Honestly, it's no different than someone bumping a thread. Just follow the same rules (that is, bumping once a day) and it should be fine IMO.

The status bar is probably the most egregious example of this. You have people taking to the status bar to overshare family drama report every time their writing partner does something annoying. Why are you trying to put this in front of a stranger’s eyeballs? Are you trying to validate your position by fishing for a few likes? Do you hope that your writing partner will see you complain and change because you can’t talk to them directly? I have a hard time finding flattering reasons for people to vent in this way even if they have a good reason to do so.

It seems to me that this has become a lot more common than it used to be, to boot. Maybe I just never paid that much attention to the Status Bar until recently, but I feel like in the last year or so there's been some real hum-dingers that have even necessitated mods getting involved for mere nothing-burgers.

As for my own personal peeve, I now avoid any RP that includes "sexuality" in its CS like the plague. You can't ERP on the public forum in the first place, you already probably have a personality section that gives actual USEFUL information about how to interact with the character---what's the point of it, except to inevitably cause some creepy shit with that one character who's gonna hit on someone regardless of preference, and not play it for comic relief? Or to start drama when the inevitably attached politics/ideologies connected to that kind of thing rears up? Hell, I see some of it in settings where sexuality has no business even being mentioned; anime high school RPs where everyone's 14 years old, for instance.

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It seems to me that this has become a lot more common than it used to be, to boot. Maybe I just never paid that much attention to the Status Bar until recently, but I feel like in the last year or so there's been some real hum-dingers that have even necessitated mods getting involved for mere nothing-burgers.

As for my own personal peeve, I now avoid any RP that includes "sexuality" in its CS like the plague. You can't ERP on the public forum in the first place, you already probably have a personality section that gives actual USEFUL information about how to interact with the character---what's the point of it, except to inevitably cause some creepy shit with that one character who's gonna hit on someone regardless of preference, and not play it for comic relief? Or to start drama when the inevitably attached politics/ideologies connected to that kind of thing rears up? Hell, I see some of it in settings where sexuality has no business even being mentioned; anime high school RPs where everyone's 14 years old, for instance.

Defining a character's sexuality doesn't necessarily equate to an RP being erotic though. It's a legitimate element to include in environments wherein romance is likely to emerge at any degree; frankly, any brand of high school/college setting has a door open for that sort of stuff. I just view at as supplementary to the character's personality. Really just depends on how it's played out in practice.

Defining a character's sexuality doesn't necessarily equate to an RP being erotic though. It's a legitimate element to include in environments wherein romance is likely to emerge at any degree; frankly, any brand of high school/college setting has a door open for that sort of stuff. I just view at as supplementary to the character's personality. Really just depends on how it's played out in practice.

I disagree that it adds anything useful to supplement the character at all, because I see it as being like the corpo-pandering that says stuff like "Our game has a GAY character!" but then has no answer for "Okay, but what about this character makes them relatable, fun to play, or endearing to the audience?" In 90% of character interactions it's never going to be relevant, and it's the kind of thing that can be obvious without being stated---if a character's commentary or internal monologue notes their attraction to other characters, or two characters develop romantic chemistry through interaction, then their preferences are self-evident.

The only thing I can see it being useful for in a romance-focused RP (which is really rare outside of 1x1) is to tell people at a glance who they SHOULDN'T have their PCs develop relationships with because there will be no attraction present---which I would think would ruin half the premise of a "will they won't they" plot line because you already know the answer from the beginning of the game.

Having a bunch of goofy teens trip over themselves to blurt out their crushes, then get shot down because their crush isn't into them, is probably where at least 50% of the interesting character drama/development would come from in such a story. So plastering a label over everyone's head at the start to immediately take some of that "would he/she/etc accept me?" element away is probably why I've seen those RPs fall off even faster than the hordes of generic Medieval Anime Fantasy games.

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I disagree that it adds anything useful to supplement the character at all, because I see it as being like the corpo-pandering that says stuff like "Our game has a GAY character!" but then has no answer for "Okay, but what about this character makes them relatable, fun to play, or endearing to the audience?" In 90% of character interactions it's never going to be relevant, and it's the kind of thing that can be obvious without being stated---if a character's commentary or internal monologue notes their attraction to other characters, or two characters develop romantic chemistry through interaction, then their preferences are self-evident.

The only thing I can see it being useful for in a romance-focused RP (which is really rare outside of 1x1) is to tell people at a glance who they SHOULDN'T have their PCs develop relationships with because there will be no attraction present---which I would think would ruin half the premise of a "will they won't they" plot line because you already know the answer from the beginning of the game.

Having a bunch of goofy teens trip over themselves to blurt out their crushes, then get shot down because their crush isn't into them, is probably where at least 50% of the interesting character drama/development would come from in such a story. So plastering a label over everyone's head at the start to immediately take some of that "would he/she/etc accept me?" element away is probably why I've seen those RPs fall off even faster than the hordes of generic Medieval Anime Fantasy games.

Not sure about the "pandering" aspect. This is RPing. Not Hollywood. Openly allowing people to play a character of a specific orientatiom doesn't equate to "Hey we have a gay character" the way it migbt in a pre-scripted movie or show. Even if it was that way, by your outlook, wpuld it not be just as much of a pander to play a character as bi/gay or build up to a come out without explicitly mentioning it OOC?

Having it openly labeled doesn't change how well a person plays the character either, and just because the people in the RP are aware of it doesn't mean the characters need to be. Rarely am I venturing into an RP and looking to throw people for any kind of loop based off of undisclosed information; not in situations like that. In my personal experience, the RPs wherein sexuality has a spot on the CS, things like relationships are planned and plotted (mostly) ahead of time anyways. So the "will they, won't they" isn't a factor OOC... usually. So being open about which way one's character(s) swing(s) becomes useful in ironing those matters out.

I agree to the extent that a characters' personality should be able to stand without leaning on sexual orientation. But I don't think it inherently detracts from an RP if the option to specify it is present in the CS. I'm sure as Hell not gonna abandon an RP that I find appealing over such a minute detail of the process. But that's why it's your pet peeve and not mine.

Not sure about the "pandering" aspect. This is RPing. Not Hollywood. Openly allowing people to play a character of a specific orientatiom doesn't equate to "Hey we have a gay character" the way it migbt in a pre-scripted movie or show. Even if it was that way, by your outlook, wpuld it not be just as much of a pander to play a character as bi/gay or build up to a come out without explicitly mentioning it OOC?

I should clarify on that aspect, because you're right that in these RP scenarios it's not the same as advertising. I guess maybe a better way to say it would be that, in the same way the corpo-advertisement lacks depth, I've seen some examples where Players seem to overemphasize the parts about sexuality to the detriment of the parts about personality. I just see it as an inherently bad sign if the question "So what kind of character are you playing?" is answered with "I'm playing a gay/bi/super straight girl/boy/etc," instead of "I'm playing a nepo-baby college drop-out with a coke habit who is trying to avoid the mob," or "I'm playing a fallen noble scion who's entered a pact with a fae to save the village his family used to govern."

In my personal experience, the RPs wherein sexuality has a spot on the CS, things like relationships are planned and plotted (mostly) ahead of time anyways. So the "will they, won't they" isn't a factor OOC... usually. So being open about which way one's character(s) swing(s) becomes useful in ironing those matters out.

That does sound out like it would work better, but from my perspective also seems like it would take out the fun of character-self-discovery. My experience has been that RPs where a lot of stuff is planned out between characters ahead of time often suffer from a lack of motivation in players, because... well, they already know where the story's going to go, so why bother playing it out? Of course that won't be the same for every writer, so I'm sure it wouldn't be the same for every RP either.

I agree to the extent that a characters' personality should be able to stand without leaning on sexual orientation. But I don't think it inherently detracts from an RP if the option to specify it is present in the CS. I'm sure as Hell not gonna abandon an RP that I find appealing over such a minute detail of the process. But that's why it's your pet peeve and not mine.

Right. That first part is mostly what I'm trying to emphasize, my objections just come from my own experiences where that hasn't been the case. Or cases where it was on the sheet even though the RP didn't emphasize the pursuit of romance, but because it was there it attracted a Player(s) who maybe was more concerned with trying to bump uglies than, say, helping us abscond with ye olde ghost pirate's treasure horde before we're caught by cannibal natives.

I should also mention that I embellish examples for the sake of humor, I'm not really trying to factually debate anybody about the subject of Sexuality on character sheets.

I think doth protest too much.

One word, Retconning

"Can you change your character from a soft boy to a tough guy and make him 6 foot plus and muscular instead of 5'7" and skinny. Oh and can you change his name, his family, where he comes from oh and can you change this, this and this about the plot."

Someone messaged me asking to roleplay with them. Okay, cool.

But like they want me to change everything about my character. They want me to make him taller, and stronger, remove his disabilities, change him from a soft, artistic boy into a famous athletic bad boy, make him a different ethnicity etc.

I declined as I didn't feel like we could work together as writing partners and stated that I didn't feel like I could meet what she was asking, as it was nothing like the original concept/prompt I had in mind for James. I post prompt ideas looking for certain types to possibly play my boys against, but I am always willing to work with someone if they wanna play as someone else. I always specify that in my requests, and even state I am happy to come up with something together but I am *not* changing my character.

But to want me to change everything makes me feel like they'd be better suited to finding other partners, no? I just don't understand why you'd message people claiming to be interested when your "changes" make it something different alltogether.

And on that;

Why do people have an issue with a disabled person *playing* a disabled character? I always make people aware I have disabilites and how they can impact me in terms of reply times, needing reminding to respond, etc.

I get "yeah but playing as an autistic/deaf character is still wrong you're making the disabilities seem like fiction and making me feel uncomfortable playing against a disabled character/writer" as if I am doing it to be an arsehole.

One word, Retconning

A GM retconning their own RP? Or retconning an existing IP?

<Snipped quote by ChronicleMan>

A GM retconning their own RP? Or retconning an existing IP?

Both Because its Annoying but i would understand if a gm Can't rp Because of Life Issues

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Both Because its Annoying but i would understand if a gm Can't rp Because of Life Issues

Do you mean retcon or reboot?

<Snipped quote by ChronicleMan>

Do you mean retcon or reboot?

Retcon, Reboots are okayish.

"Can you change your character from a soft boy to a tough guy and make him 6 foot plus and muscular instead of 5'7" and skinny. Oh and can you change his name, his family, where he comes from oh and can you change this, this and this about the plot."

Someone messaged me asking to roleplay with them. Okay, cool.

But like they want me to change everything about my character. They want me to make him taller, and stronger, remove his disabilities, change him from a soft, artistic boy into a famous athletic bad boy, make him a different ethnicity etc.

I declined as I didn't feel like we could work together as writing partners and stated that I didn't feel like I could meet what she was asking, as it was nothing like the original concept/prompt I had in mind for James. I post prompt ideas looking for certain types to possibly play my boys against, but I am always willing to work with someone if they wanna play as someone else. I always specify that in my requests, and even state I am happy to come up with something together but I am *not* changing my character.

But to want me to change everything makes me feel like they'd be better suited to finding other partners, no? I just don't understand why you'd message people claiming to be interested when your "changes" make it something different alltogether.

And on that;

Why do people have an issue with a disabled person *playing* a disabled character? I always make people aware I have disabilites and how they can impact me in terms of reply times, needing reminding to respond, etc.

I get "yeah but playing as an autistic/deaf character is still wrong you're making the disabilities seem like fiction and making me feel uncomfortable playing against a disabled character/writer" as if I am doing it to be an arsehole.

I am autistic too. Also, I hope you find a better partner soon.

That said, for the longest time, I denied that my OCs were autistic too because that was... well, let's just say I was more selfish than I am now.

But yeah, my present OCs are autistic.

@SammyMcW Best response to that person would've been to tell them "Go write a book," since they apparently already know exactly what kinds of characters they want in the story, and likely have a concrete plot they don't want to deviate from either.

As for playing characters that may share certain challenges, issues, or mindsets that we as the writers have IRL, I think recent kerfuffles with WotC about changes they've been making to D&D have bled out into other role-playing spheres and put a sort of stigma on that kind of thing out of the mistaken beliefs that it's an issue related to "self insert Mary Sues," "some weirdo with a fetish," or that fiction always has to be completely escapist/idealistic in its presentation---because (keep in mind this is sarcasm) why would anyone ever want their character to be crippled in that way?

I mean, I'm not the type who would design the evil lich's ancient tomb dungeon to be wheel-chair accessible myself, but unfortunately the same way people walking on the street don't like to make eye contact with the homeless, those of severe deformity, and really ugly babies, some people in RP aren't going to be empathetic to our personal struggles. Just like they shouldn't try to make you change to suit them, them being "uncomfortable" with the idea may not be something they're ready to change about themselves---even if they SHOULD try to communicate it in a better way without being an asshole.

That said, for the longest time, I denied that my OCs were autistic too because that was... well, let's just say I was more selfish than I am now.

But yeah, my present OCs are autistic.

Don't feel like you have to pigeon-hole yourself just because other people insist that your characters "act that way." I think the nature of this hobby, just like video games, probably draws a lot of people who are somewhere on the spectrum. And we as writers will, of course, write more convincingly about things we're familiar with. But I've never been able to give any kind of independent psychiatric diagnosis to any character I've read in fiction outside of RPs or within them, and don't understand why other players would want to outside of a story specifically about dealing with those conditions. You write 'em the way you want.

My pet-peeve, every damn Elitist and "Star Scream" player who cause drama.