Ghosting is killing ideas..

[ThatLostDude]

Does everybody have that feeling, or is it just me?

After a month of being back, I remember very well why I left before. Even though everybody says ghosting sucks, yet so many people do it. I've had some RPs be dead for days and some for 3 weeks already without a word. While I've seen my co writers on site so many times since then. Hell, in some cases, making and bumping interest checks daily.

While I get sometimes the energy is out of a story, I get that as well, but maybe just send a message saying so.

I love roleplaying, and I love keeping a story moving. I check the site pretty much every hour if I can. But more often than not there is nothing.

I've started the same RP idea with several people all with little twists. But all just seem to ghost and die. It really sucks the energy out of me and the love for RP with that. There is just so many times I can set up a plot and make characters before everything dies off :/

Maybe I'm the problem though. I like to keep stories going and write multiple times a day. I'm not one to write half a book one time a week with little interaction.

I'm glad some writing partners still stuck around..

Main question is, how do you cope with ghosting and setting up plots several times over again just to be ghosted again?

[BrokenPromise]

@ThatLostDude The best antidote to 1x1 rejection woes is to join a group RP. Generally speaking, GMs are happy to take on several players and aren't going to be nearly as fussy as people in the 1x1 section. Best part is group RPs can survive if a few people flake off. Even the shortest lived RPs usually last a few months, so you can get some posting in even if you have an inexperienced GM. Though if you do your research you can pick a GM that knows what they're doing.

The second thing to realize is, as you mentioned, you might be the problem. Unfortunately you aren't going to get much feedback from 1x1 partners. A lot of people have "retaliation anxiety" and would rather just stop talking to you altogether than work through your problems. So you to look back through and really consider why you think this person stopped writing with you.

The third thing to realize is it could be them. Maybe they didn't have as much time to dedicate to an RP as they thought, maybe the idea wasn't as fun as they thought, or maybe they just can't stick with anything.

Fourthly... Aren't you being a little impatient? I don't know how long "a few days" is, but most people can't do daily posts, even if they say they can.

Just about every group RP I've decided to GM in recent memory has successfully come to an end. It might have taken a few years or as many as five, but it happened. Out of the several 1x1 RPs I've tried to get going, few of them start, and almost none of them made it past the first page. If rejection is an issue for you I would stay away from the 1x1 section.

[ThatLostDude]

@BrokenPromise Thanks for the reply, Group RP's are not really my thing, I tried them before but I find it really hard trying to make a story with a few different people. Plus I really like mature themes in my stories so that comes down to RPing in PMs anyway.

And yea I'm impatient but when the last time online is 15 days ago and the last time there was a reply on the RP was 19 days ago I call it dead xD.

Also my problem I know, but I don't like to have like 10+ RP's going at once. Then I can't even remember the character names or settings, but if all 10 just reply once a week I'm still getting bored. Maybe RPing isn't for me and I'm better off writing books again, but they take ages to write and I'm kinda over that as well haha.

[BrokenPromise]

Alternatively, pick up a few new hobbies. I use to try to fill my time with writing but I find that people can be kind of inconsistent and I end up not having enough time to write or having a lot of free time that I squander watching videos. I've since picked up miniature painting and occasionally playing videogames. The wonderful part about these hobbies is that because no partners are involved I can spend as much time on them as I want. Roleplaying doesn't have to be all or nothing.

[ThatLostDude]

I've picked up writing again because all other hobbies failed me haha. I'm not much into videogames any more, most bore me very fast. Though I'm looking forward to Diablo 4 xD

I do like to camp often, but thats also off the table for the next few months.

[Quartz]

It sounds like you may be implicitly putting too much pressure on your partners. It’s quite off-putting when you’re doing the best you can with the limited time you have, feeling like you’re putting out a good amount of material, while your partner is impatiently revving their engine as if they have infinite time on their hands and nothing else to spend it on. And you never need to voice that impatience for it to be obvious. When it takes you a day or two to get around to writing a post you’re happy with while your partner consistently responds within two hours, this recreational activity quickly turns into a job at which your performance will never be sufficient. People want a writing partner who is on their level, who will join them in the challenging task of writing as peers with equal amounts to contribute, not someone they’re constantly lagging behind like Gimli in the Two Towers.

[Carlyle]

I understand ghosting being a large factor when it comes to RP motivation. I too would be fed up if my partners keep vanishing for weeks at a time. But at the same time, it does sound like you're being impatient and pushy. Being excited for a RP is one thing, but rushing your partner(s) into posting is another (since you're considering a RP with no posts for a few days = dead). If you're someone who is frequently checking the forums and wanting to post multiple times to day, I would suggest finding a partner that can keep to that standard rather than continue to fault people who are unable to keep to your expectations.

[BangoSkank]

Ghosting sucks, buts it's 100% a part of RPing

Sometimes they got busy, sometimes they lost interest, like BrokenPromises said sometimes there's an issue and the other writer figures it's easier to ghost than to risk a confrontation.

I absolutely agree about group RPs though.

If you and I are in a 1x1 and I get busy I'll likely be too busy to tell you I'm busy and by the time I log back in I might feel bad about that and therefore just completely ghost the RP. It's a shitty thing to do but it's usually not malicious it's just kind of the way of things.

If we're in a group RP it means even if I drop out you can RP with the other members and then when I get back I can either rejoin or you all can carry on without me. Even in Group RPs though sometimes folks join just to RP with one poster and ghost when that person disappears.

[Dark Cloud]

I think Ghosting I'm a group setting is something the GM has to handle, since there is so many reasons their player might not be posting. Now handling it aggressively like someone has done to me before is by far unacceptable, now it should just be courtesy to say "yeah nah I'm just not feeling it so I gotta drop out" like I or anyone else should say if they just don't have the time of day or motivation to be in an rp. It just makes sense to say something rather than nothing but it isn't always as simple as that.

[BangoSkank]

The problem with that, not that it's not a good thing to do, is that a lot of folks will give you a

"Oh yeah, I've been super busy but I'm still definitely interested please don't drop me" response.

And then still just never ever post.

It's a good approach. Remind folks of it in case theyve just forgotten, but a lot of the time they'll give you a positive response without any actual intent of posting again.

[Mae]

If you're looking for more rapid fire posting you should look around the forum and find people who have similar expectations. Most people tend to fall into the few days/once a week mark, but there are people around who can match shorter or longer speeds. Discord RPs are also a good bet for that, you might find more luck in that kind of medium.

[Dark Cloud]

The problem with that, not that it's not a good thing to do, is that a lot of folks will give you a

"Oh yeah, I've been super busy but I'm still definitely interested please don't drop me" response.

And then still just never ever post.

It's a good approach. Remind folks of it in case theyve just forgotten, but a lot of the time they'll give you a positive response without any actual intent of posting again.

@BangoSkank

I still think it good to communicate but nobodies gonna be the same. Say someone doesn't post awhile and give a lackluster excuse that is pretty meh. If they don't have time or just aren't interested they should say so.

[Gareth]

Getting a good reputation on Guild for staying with a story does take time. Without that reputation any GM is taking you on, on blind trust. The ghosting thing is a major cause of many GMs creating smaller roleplays in the first place with less risk of players flaking and only inviting people they know and are reliable.

[Light the Dark]

I'm one of those slower posters; I can say 'I post once a week' but sometimes its longer. But that being said, if I know my partner is interested in the RP as well, I don't mind waiting. I have three long running RPs with two different partners that have been going on for years, and sometimes you gotta take a writing break. There have been times where it's been me waiting 2 or 3 months for a reply from them, or vice versa. I am fine with that.

This is very much opposite of what I used to do (when I was younger and had less hobbies and less work hours), which is reply in a couple hours/less than a day. I know a former partner admitted that they sometimes very much disliked how fast I replied - they would be getting out their set of replies, and *bam* here's a new reply they have to their pile. It could be overwhelming to them.

I... don't where I was going with this. I had a point when I started. ^^;

I think its mostly communication and making sure you know what sort of things to expect from your partner, and being very clear on how often you post.

[BangoSkank]

Getting a good reputation on Guild for staying with a story does take time. Without that reputation any GM is taking you on, on blind trust. The ghosting thing is a major cause of many GMs creating smaller roleplays in the first place with less risk of players flaking and only inviting people they know and are reliable.

@Gareth

I think writing quality/consistency is a good way to fairly quickly bypass that as a road block.

If someone is brand new but I read like three things of theirs I really liked I'd be inclined to either accept or invite them to an RP I'm hosting. You are right though. It definitely becomes easier to consistently have threads that go for a distance when you have a reliable roster of folks to RP with. It's fun getting new blood though.

[Loksfjoer]

Ghosting is a real part of roleplaying, and if there is no communication that says "hey, I don't like this RP anymore" I prefer to see it as an indefinite paused RP rather than a dead one. If someone doesn't like the RP anymore it would be nice to get a head's up, but I understand that usually doesn't happen for reasons.

I had a good RP going where my partner posted once a month. The posts were worth the wait, and in the meantime, I did some other RP's or wrote fiction for myself. She stopped visiting the website we RPed on years ago, but if she were to come back today and asked to continue where we were, I'd happily do that.

I myself am a "once a week" kind of RPer (although I have been slower, but I try not to be) and I make sure my partner is aware of this before we start, to avoid disappointment.

The way I cope with setting up plots that get ghosted: I write them as fiction for myself.

[BangoSkank]

Ghosting is a real part of roleplaying, and if there is no communication that says "hey, I don't like this RP anymore" I prefer to see it as an indefinite paused RP rather than a dead one. If someone doesn't like the RP anymore it would be nice to get a head's up, but I understand that usually doesn't happen for reasons.

I had a good RP going where my partner posted once a month. The posts were worth the wait, and in the meantime, I did some other RP's or wrote fiction for myself. She stopped visiting the website we RPed on years ago, but if she were to come back today and asked to continue where we were, I'd happily do that.

I myself am a "once a week" kind of RPer (although I have been slower, but I try not to be) and I make sure my partner is aware of this before we start, to avoid disappointment.

The way I cope with setting up plots that get ghosted: I write them as fiction for myself.

@Loksfjoer

I halfway wish there was a Fan Fiction section here, just for that. It's why I had that idea for a contest a few years back. If someone's got a good idea they want to build on FF is a fun way for them to just say Fuck It and go. If it takes off you get folks encouraging you to keep going, asking questions, asking if you're interested in starting an RP, or it's just advertising your own abilities so someone can say

"Goddamn that one story that Calle did was so good. This is kinda similar, I wonder if he'd be interested in joining."

[SoleAccord]

Ghosting doesn't kill ideas, ghosting kills vibes.

Regardless of a partner bailing or not, no one can take your ideas away from you. I've learned to cope by just accepting that it'll happen; I've done it, other people have done it, it's inevitable in this hobby where no one really has to write on a schedule or be expected to produce content regularly.

Make no mistake, it'll hurt when it happens sometimes. I've had a partner I interacted with frequently here do it to me a long, long time ago. Left without a word. Now? They're around. I'm glad they're alive and seem to be well even if they don't talk to me anymore. It is what it is. It hurt in the moment, but hey, their choice of ending stories is theirs and I just have to keep it pushing. Managed to find some serious talent in lieu of their vanishing, so it's not all bad!

Could just be they can't match your skill level, or you can't match theirs, and they'd rather peace out than address the difficulty they're facing. Honestly, there are a lot of unknowns. Someone could bail because of IRL drama, or because the chemistry between you is off. There's no universal reason why it happens, man. Just keep it pushing. Find people you vibe with, and don't be afraid to bond with new people who vibe with you in return. Have fun.

[IAmAugustReign]

I know I get busy, especially during the American end of year holidays and October (cuz Halloween is best) so I figure if anyone hasn't responded then they're busy or have a writing block, and I understand that, so any and all partners of mine are given basically an infinite time period of when they can reply back to me. I once waited 3 years for a reply before I messaged my partner about if they're still interested in the rp. I also saw on another social media site that they had medical problems and a wedding going on, so of course they're gonna be too busy to come onto the website to say "Hey I'm busy dunno when I'm gonna be back". With my own schedule having to be planned a year or two in advance (literally) I understand what it's like to be busy or overwhelmed by Life that there are more important things to focus on than the next post of a story being written with an internet person. I usually play my backlog of video games or clean when I have spare time in my life. Thinking about changing that though when I upgrade my craft station eventually.

[amorphical]

Not ghosting is my 2024 resolution. That being said I feel that while many on the site agree that writing is a collaborative effort there are those that ghost instead of just saying, "Hey could we rework this part?" or "I didn't really vibe with the way this was worded/made me uncomfortable." If there are moments where something posted didn't break any prior agreement yet didn't sit right in the story or from a personal level then collaborate! The last/most recent post can be edited or changed or at lest explain what about it didn't really work. I cant grow if I don't know. Ghosting kills the writer improvement/ development process.