[OOC] Heroes of Beacon - the Next Chapter

[Jangel13]

just wanted to know in case I could bring someone else help or if I could just run and end up bumping into someone else. thought it would be more entertaining then fighting the thing by myself

[Guess Who]

I think we're only waiting on @SevenStormStyle and @Psyrencalling in Practice so should we move on without them or wait a bit longer?

[Scarifar]

Phew, finally got that contest out of the way.

[Lugubrious]

Psyrencalling is no longer with us.

We're also waiting for @Tenoren to get involved.

Jangel, the Ankou is dead and has been dealt with. I implore you to read the posts of others.

[Guess Who]

Psyrencalling is no longer with us.

We're also waiting for @Tenoren to get involved.

Jangel, the Ankou is dead and has been dealt with. I implore you to read the posts of others.

@Lugubrious

Actually, in one of Jangel's previous posts, Greyson ran into another Ankou.

[Scarifar]

Perhaps if Jangel used proper grammar and split his post into paragraphs we wouldn't be so confused as to what he was trying to post.

Sorry Jangel but we keep telling you this and you don't seem to change that.

[Lady Seraphina]

Greyson Groaned as he was faced against the ankou knowing this Grim was about to call out and get back up which Greyson didn't have that certain luxury at the moment knowing his other classmates were in similar situations so Greyson was on his own as he charged at the Grimm and quickly used his semblance to make the ankou freeze for a moment when it tried to hit Greyson and Greyson was about to attack but Greyson misjudged the Ankou's speed of recovery and Greyson was barley able to block its strike but he still got a cut on his leg as a result which just made this that much harder.

Greyson needed to take it down fast so Greyson loaded his sword and got ready using his semblance one more time when it strike but this time Greyson didn't try to outmaneuver it to try and flank it Greyson took it head on.

Greyson use his shotgun and got it right in the face which unfortunately made it screech and now Greyson needed to kill it quickly before its help arrived.

God if Greyson gets out of this he will make sure not to venture into territory like this alone again...

@Jangel13

Okay I'm not trying to be mean I'm really not but seriously dude, step it up. I accept that not everybody is a Hemingway or CS Lewis but this is just sloppy. It could be English is not your first language and I get that, it's hard writing in another language. That can excuse a lot but not everything.

This isn't meant to just be putting you down, I want to make that clear. I'm gonna try and give you some pointers.

Firstly when I read this I had very little idea what was actually going on, how Greyson got where he was or really well anything. First thing that would be a good idea would to not assume that everyone else has been following your character closely. A good portion of the time unless your character is directly interacting with theirs then they'll just skim your posts and some of the content will likely be forgotten or not read in the first place. Make it perfectly clear where you are and what you are doing cause I was really confused about that in your post, I had to look up your previous IC post to figure it out.

The second thing and this will basically solve all of your problems, post with proper grammar and clearly defined sentences and paragraphs. On the quote the words in red represent words that join two sentences that really shouldn't have been there, use a period instead. Periods are your friends, don't be afraid to use them.

Also the use of your characters name or not in a post is very important. It's important that you use the name of your character enough that we know who is posting (and this isn't just him, some of you represent your character with the word he or she all of the time and I have to reference the character tab to figure out who is posting). However your don't want to use it so much that we get sick of hearing the name. Words in blue above represent instances of Greyson's name that either should be replaced with some variation of 'he' or just removed period.

Lastly keep your tenses consistent. If you want to write on third person do so, if you want to write in first person do so, but make a definitive choice and stick to it. There is nothing more distracting than a post that constantly swaps between first and third person. You didn't do it so much in this post as in previous ones but it's still not great. Green represents the places where it happens.

There are a couple other minor grammatical issues to do with capitalization and such but those aren't really as much of a big deal.

I just want you to know that I am writing this not to be mean but to help you improve. Everyone no matter who they are need a kick in the pants once awhile. Following some of this advice would greatly increase the legibility of your posts, we'd all appreciate it.

[Forsythe]

My reaction was this But Prince did it better xD

[Jangel13]

@Prince of Seraphs thanks I appreciate the help and I'll edit it when I get back on my laptop, I appreciate the constructive criticism

[Sho Minazuki]

I should just kill some Itzanmas and get Survival over and done with huh?

[SevenStormStyle]

I'm working on a post at the moment, but move on if you want to.

[Lugubrious]

Survival is going to move on after a few more fighting posts. I'd appreciate somebody doing something with the PE thing I instigated before we move all classes on, though. At this point it's probably a good idea to just skip sixth hour altogether.

[Guess Who]

Hey @Prince of Seraphs, is it possible if we could write in 1st person for the contest? I promise you won't be disappointed.

[Jangel13]

I don't know about the contest but I would like to write in first person.

also I just edited the post hopefully its better now

[Scarifar]

Good luck in the contest. I sure as heck ain't participating in this one. Can't think of any reason why Daniel would be involved in that crap.

[Lady Seraphina]

Hey @Prince of Seraphs, is it possible if we could write in 1st person for the contest? I promise you won't be disappointed.

@Guess Who

Knock yourself out, though just remember if the story suffers because of it you may lose points.

Good luck in the contest. I sure as heck ain't participating in this one. Can't think of any reason why Daniel would be involved in that crap.

@Scarifar

Generally it would be because the victim was someone close to you or else the person the police suspect is someone you care about and want to prove innocent.

[Guess Who]

Spends all night working on post for contest. Post nearing completion. Really proud of how it had turned out. Internet poops out on me as it usually does. "Haha! I prepared for this exact moment!" I yell triumphantly for I had copied my entire post just one sentence ago. Waits for page to reload. Hits control+v on keyboard. Nothing happens. Presses control+v again. Nothing. Continually slams control+v key. Still nothing. Right clicks to find "paste" button is grayed out. Falls to the ground defeated. Shitty Internet: 99 Me: 0.

I have finally learned that in the war between man and shitty internet, shitty internet always wins. Always.

[Lady Seraphina]

Have you closed the tab yet!? There is a chance that if it's still open and you press the back button you'll reload the previous page with your post intact. It's happened to me a couple of times and this usually works.

[Lugubrious]

Spends all night working on post for contest. Post nearing completion. Really proud of how it had turned out. Internet poops out on me as it usually does. "Haha! I prepared for this exact moment!" I yell triumphantly for I had copied my entire post just one sentence ago. Waits for page to reload. Hits control+v on keyboard. Nothing happens. Presses control+v again. Nothing. Continually slams control+v key. Still nothing. Right clicks to find "paste" button is grayed out. Falls to the ground defeated. Shitty Internet: 99 Me: 0.

I have finally learned that in the war between man and shitty internet, shitty internet always wins. Always.

@Guess Who

Thant seriously stinks man, I'm sorry. All I can recommend is writing posts in an openoffice or word document, as I do, and saving periodically.

[NaraK]

Spends all night working on post for contest. Post nearing completion. Really proud of how it had turned out. Internet poops out on me as it usually does. "Haha! I prepared for this exact moment!" I yell triumphantly for I had copied my entire post just one sentence ago. Waits for page to reload. Hits control+v on keyboard. Nothing happens. Presses control+v again. Nothing. Continually slams control+v key. Still nothing. Right clicks to find "paste" button is grayed out. Falls to the ground defeated. Shitty Internet: 99 Me: 0.

I have finally learned that in the war between man and shitty internet, shitty internet always wins. Always.

@Guess Who

:(