"Alice. I understand you are exhausted and anxious. We all are. However, I believe your reaction was a bit much…"
Alice shifted her focus, extending her right arm; a simple, yet dangerous kitchen knife unfolding from her palm. "
Ask me, why I should care what your beliefs are, bandit?"
”I because I want you to understand that I care.” He replied blatantly.
”Paying attention to the way you’ve been acting, I get the feeling that you feel like you have no friends or allies here. That’s not true, as one’s standing in front of you right now. I think he’d like it if you humored him for a little while and talked to him about your grievances.”"
My grievances,'' Alice asks, narrowing her eyes. "
Spare me! It's been NOTHING but annoying and annoying and ANNOYING! From the moment I arrived, I wasn't going to fit in, and then they attacked me with magic and surrounded me when I was down from the Vargin fight! Three-against-one! Injured! Weak! They pounced to cast "healing magic" - a distraction for the Orc to attack me while I was paralyzed!""
Shizuka could only look at Alice with somber eyes, seeing how distraught she’s truly been this whole time.
”You think they jumped you, and attacked you, and only saw you as a target? Is that what you truly think? Alice-san, the fact that they cast healing magic on you is only proof that they value you as a fellow sentient being. Gringor attacked you because he wanted to keep you from getting yourself killed. You said so yourself: you were already weary from your previous outing. Why push yourself more than necessary? If everyone sees you as a threat, then why have they done nothing but help you this whole time?!”"
You say these things, speak untruths as if they will become true by hoping!" Alice snarled, turning her full body to him, "
Liars put on airs, smile with knives behind their backs... Soft and kind approaches..." she narrowed her eyes to Shizuka, "
You know that well enough, bandit."
”They can’t be lies if they are the truth.” Said Shizuka
”My hand is not on my sword, and I’ve nothing up my sleeve, sorcerer though I am. I’ve saved your life, twice in fact, because it was the just thing to do. Even after I lost control of myself and attacked you. I’m the one you have a right to lash out at, if that is what it must come to. I know it must hurt, and no one can tell you how to feel. If you feel someone must pay, then I pray that it be me, Alice-san.”"
The payment I desire isn't blood..." Alice says, "
There's no apology that can solve this..." she frowned, eyes cast to the floor, "
Besides, bandit, you aren't trying to save me. You had sex with Carroll. Funny. My sword finds a Husband before I find a Wife," Alice laughed derisively, before whipping Carroll at Shizuka, "
She doesn't suit me anymore. I never held a sword. I was a hunter. Better with an axe than a longsword, or whatever you've made her. So, keep her..."
”Alice, the pain that blinds you must be staggering.” Shizuka said, his eyes
darkening bit by bit.
”What I want is for you to allow yourself to heal. As for what happened between Carroll and I, it was a spur of the moment, and at the time I felt it was the best way to heal her. Alice, how long do you intend to allow yourself to wallow in suffering?” Shizuka could already feel Carroll’s familiar presence coursing through his arm.
”If you allowed yourself to simply see, you’d understand that among us, you’ve no enemies. The Varjans and the unfortunate islanders who hold fast to tradition are your real enemies!”"
You are all my enemies. Enemies of my kingdom, because you will not submit!" Alice snapped. "
I'm tired of this realm. I want to go home. That screaming bug... that moronic swine... I see them... I hate them... Argumentative... Arrogant... I have survived too much! If I were in control... In command... To the sword..."
”Control? Is that what this is all about? You want control, to be in charge?” Shizuka shook his head.
”It’s not as if Kerry and Gringor have any actual authority over you. For one as long lived as you, is it truly so hard to brush off their lesser points as mere bilge? While Kyouko-sama chose me to act as a standing captain for the taskforce, and Takeshi-dono as the one we ultimately follow, I can’t always directly supervise their actions. That’s why trust is so strong amongst our ranks, we see each other as equals. If you seek to reclaim what is lost, why must it be won through subjugation and show of force. Perhaps that’s why it was ultimately lost in the first place. ””If you wish to lead, lead by example, not by vitriolic demand.”Alice gave Shizuka an almost defeated look, before spinning the kitchen knife. "
Five centuries. It means nothing to you. It's an inconceivable amount of time, but, to me, it was yesterday that Summerheld burned, that Falenhiem was immolated, that Garrenson was scorched... that I heard the screams of those that believed in me in the Grand Halls of Huul, the Rolling Fields of Boswen... that I smelled the ash of the Verdane Forest, and the boiling water of the Miroe Mountains..."
"
A thousand villages, some that grew to kingdom, some that lived as hamlets," Alice placed the blade of the kitchen in her right palm, and squeezed; green blood pouring to the floor. "
Don't preach loss to me, Shizuka! The Queen of Hearts has engraved the meaning of loss into me..." she looked at him, "
None of you are my equals. How could you ever hope to be?"
"
The only equal I have is the fire that is used to erase me from whenever I settle and grow..."
”Why allow your pain to isolate you in such a way? We are not lambs, scurrying aimlessly while hoping that a hand throws crumbs our way, we are here fighting alongside you. I don’t see why suffering must be waved around like a badge of honor, why it must be used to further segregate individuals from their would-be peers. Why is it so wrong for you to see us as comrades? People I love have died because of mine ineptitude or my lack of foresight, but I won’t use it to consider myself superior to those around me.”"
Superiority," Alice asks, before laughing the saddest laugh possible, as she had looked at her bleeding back. "
I bleed, just like you. I breathe, just like you. I sleep, drink, piss, and shit, just like you. I was Human once, just like you," she says, as red flowed into the green, "
Mamono are not superior. The difference between you and I, Shizuka, is that I am simply above you by the hierarchical society we live."
"
If you dashed me, right now, you would take my head off before I could parry you, because the nerves in my hand are separated by this knife embedded in my palm," Alice smirked, "
From where I am, you are superior to me."
"
My suffering isn't anything to be impressed by, at the end of the day, but simply to inform my character..." Alice stood, as her arm hung limp, "
I'm not Yurika. You can't save me," she says, before whipping her arm, and burying the knife in the side of her neck, "
I want to die like a Human should... and, I can't, because monsters never die..."
Alice ripped the blade out, and her wounds sealed up. Her expression was empty and sad, as she sat down. Mamono were usually carefree and jovial, even the Taskforce came off as without internal strife or personal baggage - save for the sisters. So, maybe, Alice's complicated past and lack of anyone to relate to in a fashion, as both a woman and a monster, was truly the crux of her issue?
”Alice, perhaps my need to be a hero is what led to my loss in the first place.” Shizuka responded morosely.
”It would be arrogant of me to always presume that I can save every single person I come across. But…if possible I would at least like to try for a person that I’ve come to know and respect..” He said, walking over to Alice.
”I certainly don’t know what it’s like living so many lifetimes, having to constantly be reminded of past tragedies for so long. I…imagine that it could drive any person insane. But, in your case Alice, I’d say you’re just as human as anyone else. There’s more to humanity than simple biology: you laugh, cry, feel happiness and sadness, and get angry just like anyone else. You linger on past regrets, and are still trying to find a way to make it all make sense. I feel like that’s the story of my so far short life. To be honest, a small part of me came here in the hopes that I might finally die of a noble cause, and give me life some semblance of meaning.”He sighed.
”Perhaps that’s the coward’s way out. Call it desperate, call it melancholic, but honesty when someone allows their despair to shallow them, it seems like the only path that makes sense. But Alice-san, perhaps there is something that can be found in all the madness. Instead of letting our pasts define us, let it allow us to seek a better future, one where death is not the only way to find salvation.”Alice looked off to the side, listlessly. "
I don't have a better future," she says, picking up the bloody knife, smeared with vicious, separated green and red blood.
”Alice-san, the future is stagnant, and therefore cannot be presumed so easily. You are a long-lived and cunning woman, I’m sure it isn’t too tall of an order for you to carve out your own path.” He said, placing Carroll on her lap.
”Carroll has done more for me than you could imagine. But, I think it’s best that she remains with you. I feel that you could use her at your side more than I, and I believe she feels the same.”Alice snorted, then huffed. "
I'm not apologizing for what I did, nor what I said," she says, "
Pretenses aside, I deserve a modicum of respect. Instead of asking where I've been, should have asked how I've been," she narrowed her eyes, "
...but, I'll think about what tomorrow holds, if it clears your mind."
Shizuka chuckled, his mood seemingly having improved.
”In the end, that’s all I can ask, and there’s nothing with that either. I’d say that it’d be best to turn in for the night, but I don’t know what Takeshi-dono’s plans are. Either way, we can’t stay here anymore, so I’m not sure if we’re leaving now or first thing at dawn. But, I think you’ve earned yourself some R&R. Good job on the mission, and good night to both you and Carroll.”With that, the rorouni got up and made his way back toward the main part of the camp to further hear out Takeshi and the others, concerned with what the immediate future holds.
Alice nodded, before standing up. "
We can't stay here... that much is true..." she says. "
You're awful quiet, Carroll."
"
That Rainbow Knight... what he offered..." Carroll said, "
If there was never a brighter sign than now... This village is in shambles... This sham of a force is in ruins... Let's just cut out losses and take his offer," she says, "
We have a shot to return to Wonderland and take her down once and for all."
Alice sighed, and stretched her back. "
That we do..." she says, "
I can't let go of our past, the demons call me home."
"
One last chance," Carroll says, "
I can sense my sisters, now that they aren't hidden. So, let's go before someone else visits."
"
O' frabjous day," Alice says, before disappearing out the window, and tracking down Ian.
As Shizuka walked off toward the main grounds, he slowed his pace for a moment, having already sensed that Alice’s and Carroll’s chi signatures were drifting further and further away. It seemed that instead of waiting until dawn as she previously said, the pair had already made their decision right then and there.
”Farewell, Alice and Carroll, Wayward Queen and Cursed Blade of Wonderland. ”With that, he returned to the others. All he could do was wish them luck on the path they had chosen to take, but part of him wished that he could’ve at least said goodbye.
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