Atrophy
Zombiedude101
NoriWasHere
Mixtape Ghost N
Estylwen
Blizz
AtomicEmperor
Silly
Snowdrops
BlazingBark
The night went on, and eventually Leon and Cass left to go back downstairs for their own… evening activities. All of the food was cleared up, with Trisha’s leftover chicken put in the fridge for tomorrow, and the house returned to its normal peaceful atmosphere. Just the two of them.
Trisha naturally gravitated towards Casey once they were finished tidying up. Her arms came up to slip under his and wrap around him. She pressed her face into his chest, rubbing against it for a moment before tilting her head up to look at him with a soft smile.
“Den or upstairs? I'm not ready to sleep yet… but I want to cuddle and talk somewhere comfortable." Trisha's gaze up at him was warm and gentle. Filled with love. She was tired after the day they’d had but not to the point of wanting to sleep. What she really needed to recharge was Casey’s company…
“I’ll probably still change into something for sleeping- Oh, since you've got new clothes, can I steal one of your old t-shirts?"
Casey, social battery strangely neutral after having to use so much of it, was more happy to hand over the shirt on his back right now. His hands slid up to grip hers, tucking them into the shirt so she was gripping the cloth before wiggling slightly to bring it loose. Still in a tank top, he spun between her arms as he let his slip out, eventually coming totally out of the shirt to face Trisha.
He was smiling, and as she still clung to the shirt, he pulled it over her head loosely to block her from seeing.
”Babydoll, you can wear whatever you want. New shirt, old shirt, two shirts, no shirt… Be comfortable in your own house. I promise, you don’t have to ask to steal my clothes; we’ll just get more.”
He pulled the upper part of the shirt away from her face so she could see his smile, and his forehead pressed against hers.
Trisha's smile was bright in response, lighting up her whole face before she giggled. She just wasn't used to it. Sure, maybe the comfort she got from wearing partner's clothes to sleep came from her anxiety over them leaving… but almost everyone else, Reyna aside, had made it a big thing. But he just didn't… even though it was one of his new goofy shirts.
“If I do that you'll have no clothes left," she teased, rubbing her nose against his.
She then stepped back, wriggling his shirt back up over her head so she could take her sweater off. It was thrown relatively accurately onto one of the couches out her and she pulled the shirt back on over her tank top. Then her arms disappeared inside both as she removed her bra in some miraculous action without having to take anything else off. That was also discarded before she moved right back to Casey.
“Now I don't have to speak if anything goes wrong, I can just point," she laughed, leaning back to point to the deer on the t-shirt. Her eyes narrowed contentedly.
“You didn't answer the other question… Den or bed?"
Casey let his face look like he was trying to think, but his decision was already made. While he didn’t want her to think he was ignoring her, he felt a lack of sleep was going to be a problem today and he didn’t want her thinking about it… Because he’d already seen her stay up way too late… If he could convince her to sleep, then he could at least head downstairs-
”Y’know… I’m probably gonna end up heading downstairs to do some work.-”
He couldn’t lie to her. He couldn’t muster duplicity in the circumstance. He could only be honest.
”-So, lets go lay on the couch. That way, when you fall asleep, I can carry you upstairs before I head down. But there’s no rush, right? Like… The point of hanging out on the couch is so you don’t fall asleep too soon. Does that make sense?”
She wasn't exactly happy that he was planning to go work… even though it was expected after spending the whole day together. It was normal, and it wasn't normal to expect your partner to always be there. And as long as he really did stay until she fell asleep it should be fine. Waking up during the night normally wasn't the problem.
“It does. I probably won't fall asleep for a while… so long as you're okay to stay till then? Otherwise it'll take even longer." She smiled softly, hiding the hint of upset that came from his work plans. She'd be asleep, it was really fine. She shouldn't be so clingy.
“We need to make the most of the couch… Leon said he was jealous of it, which only made me like it even more." She giggled again, taking Casey's hand and entwining their fingers. Then she led him to their den - careful not to tug, just a relaxed little walk to the next room. When they were inside she hovered in front of that large, green couch. She looked at him, then at the couch. What she wanted was for him to get comfortable first so she could slot herself in around him… that probably made more sense.
Casey didn’t wait. He scooped under her legs as soon as she stopped, pulling her up as a single long leg stepped from the floor into the center of the couch. The second foot found purchase on one of the support beams under the cushions, striding toward the very back where they’d been previously.
For his back, and the various other injuries he’d suffered, it was best to have the tall back with plenty of space to stretch his legs.
Holding Trisha like she was a baby, he was already cuddling into her and placing gentle kisses.
”I’m happy Leon’s jealous… He could buy his own, so if he really feels that way he won’t be jealous for long.”
With most of their bedding still pushed to one side of the couch, Casey let her go enough for her to readjust while he grabbed the blanket and pillow for her to use.
”Let's get you comfy, my Girl… You did great today, by the way. From morning to night, you did so good just dealing with people and shit.” he cooed, encouraging her gently.
“It was a long day," Trisha admitted softly, nodding a little. She didn't bother with the pillow - she already had the best pillow, her head gently nuzzling against his chest as she turned in towards him. But she took the blanket and draped it around herself. She ended up with her legs swung up over his and her arms wrapped loosely around his waist, with most of her body leaning into him even though she wasn't actually quite sitting on him.
“One full of surprises. I didn't expect to see Cass… I'm honestly a bit surprised she liked Leon enough to spend so many days with him. That's what we went to talk about… him and Cass. All our other friends were worried. It wasn't about last night or anything." She was happy to talk about it because she didn't want Casey worrying or anything. Especially since they'd just talked about not making decisions for each other, and they had happened the last time her and Leon talked here…
“Though he did apologise for being an asshole."
Casey’s free hand had pulled the remote for the television out, fiddling with it in the dark until it came alive with a deep blue and white light of the television’s booting screen. It was quiet once some programming came on, and he quickly muted it fully. It was clear he wasn’t paying attention to it, rather using it as a big bright light to see Trisha’s beautiful little face. His smile was still plastered across his face, and he leaned slightly to get their faces closer.
”Well that’s good… It’s worth being careful, so… You guys are good friends. He’s rich and famous, and she’s a big fan. The dynamic doesn’t look very good on paper, huh?” he asked her with a joking giggle.
“It really doesn't… Not that Cass would stick around if he tried anything. But Reyna and Nadiyah were especially worried so… we talked about it," Trisha smiled back at him, tilting her head towards him. She was incredibly comfortable and content. It was easy to just talk when like this.
“He was pretty reassuring about it… and seemed to be thinking about it too. He even asked me if I thought he should cut it off. That was pretty surprising… I didn't expect him to be so open to me about it, after y'know… everything else…" She wriggled a bit, face turning to press into his chest for a moment before she said something else in a much quieter voice.
“I’m not used to people caring about my opinions at all."
Casey sighed a deep sigh, frowning a little bit.
”The whole dynamic over there is… Not great. I mean with Leon and the other Abs. I think Ed and I both knew, if we mentioned it you probably wouldn’t want to go. Point being, I’m still proud of you for going and seeing what’s going on. And dealing with him like you did. And I know you helped Ed too. In ways she probably won’t express.”
He didn’t want to bring up what’d happened too loudly, not wanting to get her riled up about the situation.
”But he’s actually been trying. Really trying, which is hard for him. Babysitting, having the responsibilities he has thrust upon him, all that? He’s got no fucking clue how to be a leader. He’s a bad follower on his best days, so being a leader is… It’s not natural. He thinks he can make all sides happy. And he gets into trouble for it.”
Holding Trisha a little tighter, Casey got conspiratorially close.
”I don’t want you to feel bad for him. I want you to understand that he’s a moron, and interact accordingly. Gently, but firmly. And hopefully, Cass makes it all a little easier still. Though, I mean… Were you really surprised that those two horndogs would get along like peas? I knew the first time they disappeared together at the arcade…” he giggled to himself.
“I’m not surprised about that side, just that Cass doesn’t just like having sex with him. She actually enjoys his company… She’s friendly but she doesn’t tend to hang around people she just wants to bang outside of doing it,” Trisha explained her reason, shifting herself so she was lying on top of him a bit more.
“I guess she likes morons. I really… struggle with people like Leon. He just reminds me of a lot of some of my siblings. They were morons and always thought they were right. Then they’d get all judgmental of me so… it really rubs me the wrong way. But I’m trying not to react as badly. It's definitely easier when you and Cass are around.”
Even though tonight had been relatively calm, there were moments when it could’ve happened. But she’d tried… because she loved Casey and she loved Cass.
“I don’t want to be getting upset all the time. He’s going to be around- especially if Cass is more. But it is nice to know that Sycamore isn’t all it used to be… because then I don’t feel as bad about wanting him to prioritise us, and about not going back.”
”He is definitely not-so judgemental these days… He was a little moral crusader when we were kids. That definitely peaked around the time you guys were… Y’know, fighting. Like, I remember that’s when I first expressed interest in the military. Joining the FFL. Dad had said something disparaging about people in the armed service, and Leon took that as his queue to basically browbeat me out of joining. Because he felt like he was doing what Dad would want, since he wasn’t around by that point.”
Casey thought about those days, and about Leon being confused and scared that their Dad wasn’t in the picture anymore. He cried a lot, alone. Not that Casey wanted to tell Trisha that, but he was confident that by the time Leon came into his own that he realized he didn’t need to be everyone’s moral compass. It was enough that by the time he made it home on his first leave, it was super noticeable.
But he didn’t want to spend time with Trisha thinking about his older brother.
”Speaking of service and shit, though… Are you still gonna be okay to come with me this weekend?”
“Of course… Do you think I’d rather spend all that time alone?” Trisha raised an eyebrow, easily following along with the subject change. She was happy to not talk about Leon anymore now that she’d said what she really wanted to.
Of course, she was a little nervous about going with him. It meant meeting new people - some that didn’t matter, but some that Casey liked enough to share farewells with. More people to possibly dislike her. She didn’t really know what to expect, because Casey was the only person she’d ever been around that served in the military… But she didn’t really want him to know she was nervous, so she went straight for the practical questions.
“What day do we actually go? Is it just a day trip sort of thing, or will we be staying the night?”
Casey thought about it. There wasn’t really anywhere to spend the night besides going into the city… But up North wasn’t much different than down here anyway. Not like you could get something in Portland or Seattle that you couldn’t get in the good ol’ Saint.
”Y’know, unless you wanted to spend the night? Probably just gonna be a day thing. I don’t really love the idea of being gone from the city for too long, otherwise the chances of someone checking up on us gets higher. Not that I’m being manipulative, just… That’s how it is, and I know you’re not gonna love that.” he sighed, shaking his head.
Trisha nodded, her face rubbing up and down against him. She really didn’t want to deal with that.
“Just the day is fine. I like our home anyway… I just wasn’t sure if it was too far to drive there and back. I’ve never really been fussed about stuff like that. Going away somewhere different is nice, but I don’t get the short stays in similar cities.”
She brought one leg up to be bent against her chest, shifting herself to lie a bit more sideways against him.
“I want to be with you more than anything. Location doesn’t really matter… though going on dates is always nice, like tomorrow. I’m really glad you’re not joining Sycamore’s… assault.”
Casey nodded, smiled, and giggled a little bit.
”Can I… Admit something to you?” he asked ominously.
Trisha stiffened up a little bit, not sure what he wanted to say, but…
“Yeah, of course.”
Taking a gentle breath, he almost looked ashamed.
”When it’s uh… People who deserve it? I… I enjoy what I do. The blood pumping, the screaming. Even the pain. I… I do wish I could participate. But, I also know that you’re the most important thing that’s ever been placed into my life. You mean a lot more to me than hurting someone who I feel deserves being hurt. I know the first part probably makes me sound like a bloodthirsty freak, but…”
His voice faded off, taking a moment to look at Trisha fully. He even pulled the bit of hair in front of his face away.
”You said it today. So, I… We can be honest. With our feelings, and our thoughts. Right?”
“Right…” One of Trisha’s hands moved up to cup his face, thumb gently stroking his cheek. She wasn’t entirely sure that she could be. Not all the time. Even if she had been earlier today… even if she loved him… it was still difficult. Not so much for this conversation, though.
“It doesn’t change how I feel about you. There’s not much that would. Everyone has… not entirely acceptable things about them, right? And it’s not like you want to hurt… innocent people. It’s different when it's not. I’ve hurt people too, but… I’m glad I matter more. Really glad. Is that selfish?”
Casey giggled at the question. For a split second, he considered a watery answer as opposed to the truth.
”It sure does… But selfish isn’t always bad. Contextually, this is good! You don’t want your boyfriend, who you love, going out and doing dumb things and putting himself in harm’s way! I don’t think there’s anything negative about that, even if I did express that it was something that brings me joy. I know it shouldn’t, and it only does because… Well… My brain’s broken. And rather than go get it juiced by some equally fucked up wizard, I just live with it. Try to make my own situation better. And doing it with you? Way better…”
He cuddled her, wriggling her around slightly.
”Thank you… For not hating me after I hurt your babies. And for… The pillow, and the pancakes… Tomorrow when you get up, we’ll make them together.” he rubbed her chin and cheek gently.
“You’re welcome… I’ll keep doing the little things for you. And that sounds like the perfect morning,” Trisha smiled warmly. She shuffled herself up a bit, so that she could softly kiss him. It lingered, shallow but sweet. She really did love him. She loved being with him, hugging him, kissing him… just existing together. He made her feel safe in a way nobody else had.
Safe enough to not just ignore the niggling little worry… to actually ask. She lightly pecked his lips again before wriggling back down to curl her head in against his neck.
“How do you… decide it’s people who deserve it? Like, with the Elite. I don’t know much, just that it’s Blake’s little power seeking project with some other rich people. I don’t know exactly who’s part of it… do you? Do they all deserve it?”
He shrugged at first. She was making him think about it?
”Uh… Well… Usually it’s… Orders. Someone else determines it. You tell me someone’s a badguy, I go and I get them. Puts a separation between me and the decision. But in this case, I mean… Everything seems to be connected to Sycamore, right? But I know you aren’t badguys. Maybe uh… Devola. But, even then, he’s never struck me as a threatening kind of evil. More like a bad rash than radiation burns. But if the Temple’s intel pipeline has anything to say about determining factors…-”
He frowned. Looked at her squarely, he closed his eyes.
”Uh… Listen, if we’re being honest, I’ll be honest. Your name comes up in more than a couple reports. I don’t care; I know you. I love you. I’ll bend and break any rule I’ve ever made for myself if it makes you happy. But, if you’re… Worried? About some sort of connection to you? That’s not how it’s gonna go down.”
Trisha’s eyes widened slightly, reactively shuddering. Her name… in more than a couple of reports… about the Elite? Obviously it was about the Elite. That was what they were talking about. Of course it was in Temple intel. She’d been stupid to think otherwise.
“I was just bored,” she whispered, even though he said he didn’t care. But there was still that need to explain herself… the stupid reason for joining a disorganised group. Boredom, and just a little hope there’d be some company. She’d very quickly realised that wouldn’t be happening… So she only attended meetings when she wanted entertainment. Never participated in the other shit. Though she often ended up being dragged into making decisions because the Vanburen members seemed to follow a rule that only one of them would ever show up. Not on purpose, it just happened.
“My sisters. Two of sisters I used to live with, they’re al- they’re part of it. They’re not really bad people. We’re not especially close but we… get on enough. I wouldn’t want them killed or anything. And I-” She frowned, body curling up a bit as she hid her face against him. It wasn’t worry, so much as it was…
“I didn’t mean to put you in this position. I’ll leave at the next meeting.”
Seeing her reaction made him extremely hesitant to bring up the second portion of this… But he could understand her worry. Clearly she didn’t bring him up, because he was probably a bit more dangerous than the average Elite.
”It’s not you… It’s not your problem. If your sisters are anything like Tansy, then I doubt I’d even really know their names.”
Brooke and Isabella Vanburen. He wasn’t fucking stupid. But he could be for her safety and security. They weren’t big names on the list; ranked the same as Trisha. Bystanders, practically. Hardly worth-
”It’s people like Valos. Jason and Gabriella, and then Schmidt. They’re into worse things than you think they are, Trisha. Things that are reprehensible to me. Regardless of anything else, the vast hoarding of wealth and unwillingness to-” Play ball in Temple businesses “-donate to charitable causes, things that just make them… Badguys. Maybe not all of them are bad guys.”
If wealth hoarding was enough, then every Elite member counted for that. Maybe her family got away with it because her father had always been good at pretending to be magnanimous. Ezra helped small businesses succeed, which could be viewed as a charity. But he wasn’t part of the Elite because he didn’t have magic…
“Oh. You’re right, they are bad people. I know a lot of what goes on… The Valos have something against us too- with some of the things Jason’s said to my face.” Trisha grimaced. He was an asshole. But if it really wasn’t her or her sisters… She unfurled, looking at Casey again.
“Blake’s stupid- but a lot of them don’t understand. Especially the ones my age. My family’s situation is… unique, because dad’s dead. The rest are just rich kids following what their parents want. Not that I really… am friendly with them at all.” She shrugged one shoulder.
“I’ll still leave. I don’t want to be part of something led by people you find reprehensible. And I only ever joined because I hoped I’d find… well… it was mostly the boredom…”
Casey nodded and understood where she was coming from. Even if he said he had problems, he was mostly grasping at straws. Weak reasons that weren’t “Because our belief systems fall on an opposite end of the spectrum, and I don’t look at them as human.”
His psychologist told him that his mind was dangerous. That he shouldn’t think like that, and that he had to find reasons to humanize the amorphous entities in his head that he saw as “wrong” or “bad.” That things weren’t black and white, and that for every story, there was an author with the whole truth. It never made him feel much better, but fuck if he wasn’t trying now.
But she was saying she’d make changes for him, even if he didn’t care if she did or not. Hadn’t made her far more human in his head. He wondered if they’d have fought if she hadn’t gotten into that fight with Adora those couple of weeks ago…
”I appreciate your willingness to make changes for me. The common courtesy we get to share… It’s not something I’ve experienced outside the military. We really must mean a lot to one another to go on making all these concessions, huh?”
He smiled, giggled warmly, and pressed their noses against one another to rub together playfully.
”I love you, Trisha…”
“I love you too,” Trisha said softly, smile incredibly sweet. This hardly felt like a concession to her. She wasn’t attached to her Elite membership. It brought entertainment sometimes… But she wasn’t going to correct him.
“Isn’t that what love is? Making concessions. At least I think so, I’ve never… really experienced it before. But you do mean a lot to me, so I want to do things like that for you.”
If she was honest to herself, that was part of what had pushed her to realise that she loved him. She was willing to do things that she found uncomfortable. Normally she wouldn’t make concessions at all. But she was able to for him- she wanted to. And it wasn’t just the anxiety.
“There’s some things I won’t make concessions on. Like kids… we were interrupted by Andrade earlier, but you said about the bees meaning we don’t really need them. I… want to have kids. With you. One day.” Maybe it was a strange shift, but it was just thinking about loving him and the things they’d talked about that day… actually feeling like maybe thinking about a future wasn’t so scary. Maybe it would really happen.
Casey was trying to remember the morning. No, he was trying to remember the context… No, just react genuinely…
”Really? That’s… Honestly not something I expected to hear you say. I mean, I was joking a little bit I think, if I remember correctly, but… I mean, I love you! And if we love each other, then we can be better parents than ours were. We can be good parents! Like, if what you said about your Mom really was all true? Which I mean obviously it is, you wouldn’t be hurt like that if it wasn’t, but… Don’t you think that’d be special? To be everything she wasn’t and more?”
He smiled down at her, nodding his head.
”Obviously we’re uh… Y’know, taking things slow. But… Did you have any names?”
Trisha laughed, smiling warmly back at him. Taking things slow… obviously they weren't, aside from in the physical sense. They lived together, they loved each other… though this wasn't something she wanted to do in the immediate future. It just felt right to actually talk about it.
“It would be special… I had a whole list when I was younger. I think my favourite was Charlotte for a girl, and Francis for a boy but… that's the kind of thing you decide together, right? Not that there's a rush… I don't want kids for a while. I just wouldn't want it to become a thing in a year or two."
Her head tilted slightly as she thought about it. Being a good parent. Better than her Mom. Would she be? With Casey, probably…
“I always wanted a family. A proper family that loved each other so… I always wanted kids. So I could give them what I didn't have- like you said, be everything my Mom wasn't. Then I'd-" have people that wouldn't leave me. Trisha frowned slightly. That… didn't seem right. Or at least, it wasn't the right thing to say. Was it how she felt? Yes… because her future children would love her, just like she loved her Mom. But that wasn't… no, she wasn't going to think too hard about it right now.
“I’d feel happy about doing better than I was taught. But is it really a surprise I want to have kids with you? Do I not seem like… the type?" The question seemed to come out of curiosity rather than any upset that he hadn't expected to hear her say something like that… even if there was a hint of anxiety that drove her to ask her even after everything he said about loving each other and being good parents, and what she said too.
”I just feel like there's a lot more baggage having my family behind me. Between all the crazy relatives close and far, all the hangers who orbit my life, y'know? Though, honestly, I'm more surprised you were willing to agree.”
As he explained himself, Casey let his hands brush down Trisha's arms, taking hers in between them and holding them tightly. It was tender, and he couldn't help but try to get her just that little bit closer.
”I like the name Charlotte… And I’d hope for a girl first. Would you let magic have any part in their births? Y’know they’d be predisposed to Kindling because of me, right?” he asked gently.
“I know… Magic itself isn’t a problem. Any child of ours would grow up around it, I just wouldn’t want there to be any… pressure for them to Kindle. But if they know, it would be easier for them. My dad never taught us so I had to learn it all from a lazy ghost.” Trisha let out a light laugh, looking at him with a fond smile and open gaze. She wasn’t purposefully avoiding the first question, she was just trying to think what it meant… but she didn’t know. Her fingers wriggled a bit between his before she decided to just ask.
“What do you mean by magic having a part in their births? Magical healing, or… ceremonial?”
Casey couldn’t help but laugh at what he was thinking about. She went to a different level.
”Mom didn’t really give birth to us. Well, I think Leon? But, uh… The Doc just…-” he moved his hands to her belly, making a scooping motion. ”-Took us out. Green magic. Cesarean, no scars, no sign of pregnancy, choose when the baby comes out instead of experiencing labor… Or even uh, like… I’m sure She, the Doc, has some localized anaesthesia spell…” he explained.
Of course, he was almost certain she wouldn’t want anything like that… At least not for the first one. As far as he was aware, Lynette felt the same way until Leon was an absolutely massive fifteen pound baby. A memory that wasn’t his flashed through his head- A result of the transfer -of pained screaming. Of his Father’s half-masked face, eyes wide in terror as Lynette’s hand wrapped so far into his hair that she was ripping chunks bald.
”We make big kids, I’m told. Partly the diet, partly, yeah… Some ritual stuff. I don’t think there was anything normal about our time in the womb… You don’t make people who grow to this size without some sort of outside influence.”
Trisha’s brow furrowed. They were just taken out. A completely magical birth… as much as the idea of no pain was appealing, she didn’t want that. At all. There was something she just didn’t like about it. It felt… kind of cold.
“Well we make small kids- at least on mom’s side. Maybe it’ll balance out? I don’t mind anaesthesia spells, or magic like that to help, but I don’t want the… magical, whenever you want caesarean. Or any magical pregnancy rituals. Our kids will already be born with more of a magical connection than most. I don’t want them magically growing too.”
She shuddered a little bit at the thought, looking down at her t-shirt covered stomach. A deer just stared back.
“I would like it to be as normal as possible, unless there’s some… danger, you know? Which can happen, magical influence or not. I just don’t really like the idea of someone messing with my body normally, nevermind when there’s also… a child… in there…”
”Oh, right! I mean, of course; I wouldn’t expect you to or anything. Obviously… But I am curious to see what sort of lasting effects are in my blood, because, y’know, we’re genetic freaks. Could be anything, and I wouldn’t want it to hurt you. Or a baby…”
Playfully, Casey began to gently massage Trisha’s belly, fingers pressing lightly to make a gentle wave across her abdomen.
”At least by then, we’ll most likely be out from under this shit. We can live somewhere quiet. Middle of the country, nobody to hurt us or threaten our wellbeing. Homeschool the babies, teach them what they really need to know. Does that sound like something you’d go for?”
While she tried to hold it back, Trisha ended up breathlessly giggling, her hand moving over Casey’s to try to stop his fingers from moving. The light pressure was perfect… for being ticklish. Even as she squirmed a little bit, she still smiled softly at Casey. Her hand curled over his, keeping it where it rested.
“Somewhere quiet and with loads of space would be nice. Then the kids can freely run around- which we’ll probably need if they turn out to be as big as you. Energetic too, I imagine. Loads of space for the bees too… I’m not so sure about homeschooling? They’d end up experts at shooting and beekeeping, but I think there might be a lot… we’re missing. Or maybe that I’m missing. I learnt everything from books, I don’t know how I’d teach any of that.”
She chewed on her bottom lip a little bit, thinking about it seriously. Could she homeschool her children- have an active part in teaching them? What if she lost patience. Or ruined whatever relationship they had.
“And socially… I know school was where I thrived socially. Not that I’m completely against it! Just… thinking. I’d really like to live rural like that, I think. With you.”
Casey wanted to grab her hands and stop her from moving his. To keep tickling her. She was so cute, and the feeling of her wriggling around in his arms, squirming, was… He just wanted to squash her. Not in a violent way, just that he wanted to keep her tight. He wanted her close. So close. So warm.
”I just… Don’t think I’d want them going to school in the middle of nowhere. There’s a lot of people I met in the service who grew up in the middle of the country, the middle of nowhere… Nice people. Kind, generous, uh… Good people. But no brains. And definitely no social skills. Those are the kinds of guys who die, because you told them to flank a position and they can’t visualize a route to the point they need to be at. Maybe, uh… Maybe I’m a bit prejudiced, I don’t know.”
And he was, of course. You didn’t say something like that as a generality without it coming from a place of bias. Personal experience. He was trying not to use the language they used in the service. Lead-heads, bottom-brains, fucking re-
”Obviously, I could be proven wrong. We’d need to go through it before it’d ever actually be something to deal with.” he spoke calmly, clearing his throat slightly.
Trisha nodded as Casey talked, looking genuinely thoughtful. She’d not really met anyone who was properly from the countryside. Everyone at University was from cities - the majority from cities in Illinois. Maybe there were a few from rural areas… but if they were at University they were different from what Casey was saying. But it might be because they were people he met in service- no, she couldn’t think that. Shouldn’t.
“I definitely don’t want our children turning out like that if we can help it… I don’t really know anyone from the middle of the country, so you probably know best. There must be some rural areas that have good schools? Not that I’d want to choose where to move because of just one factor… I’d rather homeschool if it really is like that. We’d do proper research. Not that academics are everything. It’s more important that they’re happy and healthy. I, uh-” Trisha frowned a little bit, body swaying from side to side for just a moment. All the talk of schools… schools for their future children, making sure they had a good education… Trying not to think about the standards she held for herself that directly clashed with what she was saying.
“I wouldn’t want them to grow up thinking how they do in school is everything, anyway. My… My mom was like that. Barely around, but she always made sure to monitor my schooling. She was all about studying. I wasn’t-” Trisha frowned. Did she want to go into that, when everything was so comfortable right now?
“It was stressful.”
Casey reactively aw’d at Trisha, clicking his tongue between his teeth.
”Baaaabe… School will never be like that for them. Not our kids. They’re gonna learn, and we’re gonna encourage them to do well, but… Well, like, I think you and I will both know how to make them feel good about what they’re doing. And we’ll fucking love them no matter what. Dumb, smart, uh… Y’know, whatever! Cuz they’re the sum of us. Dad always used to say that.”
He cleared his throat, making his voice so much deeper than it already was.
”You’re my blood and bone, Caseau! You children are everything your mother and I have worked hard for! Our sum!”
He laughed, waving his hand away gently.
”I get what he was saying, but it’s just like… It never made sense to me. Now it kind of does, though!”
Trisha knew that she would love any child she had irrespective of their shortcomings but… Would it be because of what Casey said, that they were the ‘sum of them.’ Technically it was true, but if that was the case why did neither of hers…
“So just thinking about our future children helps you understand? You’re practically a parent already.” Trisha managed to smile.
“The sum of us… I think I understand it. Hopefully they’ll get the best bits of you, and the best bits of me.”
Her smile was brighter at the thought of that. It didn’t matter even if they didn’t get the best, but… that would be nice.
“My mom obviously didn’t think like that. She always said I was just like my dad… but with our kids it would be a compliment if I said they were like their dad, because that would be you.”
Casey grinned a big, wide grin.
”Damn, girl… Flattery? Before bed like this? You’ll get a stomach ache from all the sweetness…” he giggled, pulling her tight and close again.
If he didn’t know better, this is where the thing would happen. But he was so content to just have her in his arms that anything else seemed practically blasphemous. To sully the moment, to… Well, shame was very much a part of the vague Catholic nature of his time in an actual church. It was so small, and only when he was with his grandparents, but… He could hear his Nana talking about the Garden of Eden, and about how Eve ate the fruit and corrupted Adam to do the same.
About how the knowledge they gained caused them to understand shame; the fact that they knew what they did was wrong. It made everything carnal. He’d read Paradise Lost, the Divine Comedy, practically everything his Nan had told him to in order to understand where their faith came from. The actual biblical roots of the New Dawn.
He could only giggle with Trisha, softly breathing in the dim blue light of the television.
”I just… Want to keep telling you that I love you. It’s not good, right? It’ll lose its meaning. It kind of stinks? So, I’ll… I’m gonna find better ways to be mushy, and embarrass you with how much I love you. And I kind of can’t wait to meet your Mom one day, so I can… Show her what she’s missed in her life. Make sure she knows that you’re more than a prize. You’re a whole new world to me.”
Was it really possible to tell someone you loved them so much it lost its meaning? Trisha couldn’t see that happening… but then again, she’d rarely been told it until Casey. The actions behind it hit just as hard as the words. She didn’t really know what more he could do. She already felt more loved than she ever had.
“That’s really… sweet. Nobody’s made me feel like you have before. I’ve never been able to really believe in… a future… nevermind talk about it.” Trisha’s voice got softer, quieter, and she curled in towards him. Like she was trying to be completely enveloped by him.
“If you do meet my mom- we haven’t been in touch for a while-” massive understatement, “- you’d need to learn Tagalog first. And be prepared for a lot of snide comments. I honestly don’t know if you could… really show her that. She only ever cared about my grades, nothing else. She’s quite harsh. She doesn’t even try to hide the jabs like your mom does?“ For a moment she lost what she was actually trying to say, face pressing against Casey as she took a deep breath. It was like telling him about her mom in the first place opened the floodgates, and all the little things just kept wanting to come out… It was scary. And she was scared to hope that he could do something like that. She’d already given up on getting any sliver of love from her mom…
“I’d like to see that. I think you could handle her- I know you can. If you ever meet her.”
Casey gave a devilish grin at the concept of Tagalog being a prerequisite. Not like he didn’t end up in the Philippines or anything…
”Pwede niya akong sampalin kahit ilang beses niya gusto…” She can hit me all she wants…
He spoke quietly, almost seductively. Tagalog was a foggy language, buried under six years of warfighting… But he could still pull out a little bit. Enough that she wouldn’t just talk shit about him behind his back.
Still smugly grinning, he waggled his eyebrows.
”I suppose I can go to get it refreshed. This weekend, before we leave the Base. Unless you want me to do it manually?”
Trisha pulled her head back a little bit just to stare at him, eyes wide in shock. He knew Tagalog. She was surprised, and she was pleased. She'd always done her best to keep in touch with her Filipino side where she could so… having her boyfriend speak the language as well… It was nice. Attractive.
“Magically is fine. Then I don't have to teach you all the insults I might use against other people in the future."
Her eyes squinted contentedly, her whole expression gentle and pleased. She couldn't help but lean forward, pressing her lips against his to kiss away that cute smug grin. She deepened it slightly, lips parting as she twisted her body around to fully face him rather than sitting sideways in his lap. When she pulled back, just slightly, she rested her forehead against his.
“Do you know how hot it is to hear you speak my other language? How many others do you secretly speak? Or do I have to keep getting surprised- not that I know anymore."
Casey sheepishly smiled and giggled to himself, trying to recall the languages all crammed into his head.
”Uhh… Dad taught us all naturalized French. Spoke enough of it that we all pretty much picked it up… Except Mimi, she had it implanted like I've had most of my languages. Otherwise, uh… Spanish, Italian, Arabic, Tagalog, Mandarin and Japanese. Add the French, and you realize I ate some World War soup.”
Fond memories of the Logistical Corps, their funny artisanal war maps with moving doll troop markers. The black bands they wore around their arms with the Chimera, the symbol of their unit, emblazoned upon the fabric. Waiting in line for Captain Halloway to cool off before she could cram another soldier's willing head full of knowledge they gleamed about the local area.
”Squad leads got the languages of the areas we were serving in imprinted onto us. Captain Halloway would take like… Ten or fifteen friendly locals and drain their brains of whatever she could, then she'd pump it all back into us. Language, topographical understanding, anything the locals knew that she deemed useful.”
He let the thought linger for a moment before laughing.
”I feel like Pink Lux has the highest ratio of evil Adepts among all magic…”
It was a lot of languages. Trisha knew about magical language implanting, because there'd been people in the coven who got it done… but it had always seemed a little like cheating to her. For her. Higher standards for others than herself, so she still struggled away with her rudimentary Arabic with more fluency in the areas her and Nadiyah would normally talk about. But that little easily jealous part of her was glad most of the languages were implanted into Casey's head, rather than properly learnt… and she hated that she felt that way.
“The whole knowledge draining thing… just getting into people's minds without their consent is pretty creepy. Once they're in, they can do anything. It's why I never let them in. I don't like getting messed with magically at all." Trisha shook her head. She could see how useful it would be during the War - and the pink luxers they had had been useful against the snake. But that didn't mean she liked working with them… or having memories dragged out of her head at the end.
“I only really know three Pink Adepts - two pretty awful, one not. Reyna kind of makes up for Greyson and Anya I think… though she can be nosey with it. The only pure Pink one is Greyson anyway, and he's… scum." Trisha wrinkled her nose.
“As soon as you start willingly messing with minds… I don't know. Maybe it's hypocritical, because I can influence people with my pheromones. But it's not really the same, is it? It's just emotions." And manipulating people to be incredibly attracted to her… but it wasn't permanent… it wasn't like she controlled people.
Devola…
”Does it make you nervous that we work with him? Edict, I mean? You know I'd squash him like a bug if he actually tried to hurt you, right?” he asked genuinely, harkening back to the chance meeting at the pizza shop.
”Honestly, like… I'd only met him a couple of times over telecom, but seeing him in the flesh and hearing him talk to you like that really did make me think a little less of him.”
“A little bit nervous, yeah. I know he can’t get into my head if I don’t let him, but technically we all did… I don’t know if he can just do it again. I do know you wouldn’t let him hurt me, but…" She chewed on her lips a little bit.
“He always talked to me like that. Like he wouldn’t sleep with half the coven if they’d let him- but I wasn’t scared of him then. He was a dick but I don’t think he outright hated me. Now, I don’t know. I was one of the people that voted him out. If I wasn’t with you… he wouldn’t have stopped. What he said wasn’t the worst he could’ve. I don’t know what he knows, if he took something out of my brain when he erased our memories? I’m more nervous about that than him trying to hurt me physically.”
His eyes narrowed as he tried to think about what she meant. She was… More worried about…
”People knowing things about you really scares you, huh?” he asked quietly, taking a small breath.
He had a question that formed in his head which he knew he couldn’t ask. Or, maybe he could, but her reaction to it was totally unclear. She’d surprised him with her introspective thoughtfulness before…
”Uh… You’re special to me, right? I can convey that, and tell you all about how I feel, but… Other people? What makes you think that you inhabit any bit of their day-to-day mind? Like him, for instance. Yeah he’d have a reason to hold some kind of grudge, but like… D’you think he’d have some sort of weird fixation on you? Out of everyone in the Sycamore Tree who outed him?”
Trisha pursed her lips, moving to curl back into herself. She was still pressed up against him, hugging him, just… tenser. Like a coiled snake trying to stop herself from striking. It wasn’t like she wanted to get upset…
“Because it would be worse if they never thought about me at all,” she admitted quietly. There was that conflict that she knew made her so difficult to deal with - not wanting people to know who she really was, but getting upset when they made assumptions… Hating the thought of people thinking negatively about her but preferring it to nobody caring at all. It made things more difficult.
“He probably doesn’t. He probably forgot I existed until we bumped into him. I bet they all did. But that- that means I might as well have not existed. I don’t know. He clearly remembers enough. It’s like… They don’t have to be thinking about me daily to still know and remember things. Or to have bad intentions. Like-” She frowned, grasping at straws as she tried to explain what she meant. What was she even trying to say?
“Like Tansy. I doubt she thinks of me day-to-day, but she still goes out of her way to torment me when she remembers. And she always knows exactly what to say.” Yet somehow, she preferred that to being treated like she didn’t even exist…
Casey didn’t want her in pain. He didn’t want her to think about shit like this when they were trying to relax. Trying to get her sleepy… Comfortable. She didn’t need to worry…
”You’ve got a Genie mentality… Like being forgotten means you die.”
Leaning into her, he took a deep breath and let his finger trace up to her chest between her breasts. Near her heart.
”Y’know, people who have never met you want to keep you safe. Has the Queen talked to you at all about… Your house guest?” he asked, on the clearly touchy subject of being affected by things she didn’t ask to be affected by.
His finger slowly but surely traced the symbol sitting across her Emotional Field, barely touching her actual flesh. He was trying to think of a way to explain to her that-
”You remember the day I had my ceremony? I was asking you if anything happened to you?” he asked gently, hanging it to give her the chance to answer.
“I remember.” She looked down at his finger. The traced symbol that the Queen had told her about… She knew he knew, because he’d sort of brought it up before. But not so explicitly. There was no point in hiding that she knew too.
“She told me. Sort of. About the drawing, at least.”
Still anxious, he took another moment before he actually explained.
”I… Think it’s my Dad. Maxwell… Knowing that you’re not one of us. He… It. It being the Apparition that makes up the last remaining bits of him in our world. It knew you were vulnerable somewhat. So, he did what Maxwell would’ve done. Protected you. Made a sigil with his energy and piggybacked it onto your Emotional Field. Made it stronger, so things can’t push through.”
He frowned slightly, knowing how he felt about it.
”He came to you. Not to me. Not to Leon, or June or Elise, not Mia… He came to you to protect you from us. I… I can only assume he somehow can read people in his domain. And he blesses the ones who he feels need it the most. Outsiders.”
He knew what he was trying to say, but it wasn’t coming out quite the way he wanted it to. It had to be completed in his head before he finished the thought.
”You… You mean something. Something he can see, and something I can see. Amorphous reasons to protect you, and love you and care for you. I promise you that you’ll never be nothing. There’s always going to be someone somewhere who loves you and cares about you. I promise, you’ll never fade away, Trisha Vanburen.”
It was really hard for her to fully believe that. If Casey… she didn’t want to think about it, but if he wasn’t there she couldn’t imagine someone else loving and caring for her like he did. Maybe he was right. She had him, her friends, and a couple of ghosts… But that didn’t mean it would last. Some good years versus the rest of her life with the opposite being proven true. She did want to believe it, even though it was so hard to.
“I don’t know, sometimes I feel like… No, I don’t want to keep being negative about it. I… I know that you really mean it. So I’ll try to believe it.” She spoke quietly, reaching up to rub her eyes. Not quite crying, but beginning to feel emotional enough to. Again. She did wish she could just agree… but she didn’t want to lie.
“He showed me you. When you were younger, then when you were an adult. I don’t know if any of it actually happened but… It was all about you. So I think he saw whatever he did because you see it. Because you love me. But maybe that’s what I needed…” Someone to love her so that she could become someone really deserving of that love.
“You know I spent a lot of my life pushing through because of spite. So it’s a little strange to think about not fading away because I’m loved.”
Casey sat with the thought for a moment before his hand came up under Trisha’s chin. Index finger and thumb both found gentle purchase on either side of her chin, and he slowly craned his neck down to properly kiss her. It went on for a moment before he pulled away, forehead resting against hers.
”One day, you’ll know how much you’re worth Trisha… I’m sorry that I’m the first person ready to teach you… But, I will. I promise you, I will.”
Trisha’s nose rubbed against his in a slight nodding motion. Her body unfurled against his, as she tried to relax again. Not think about all of that stuff… just do what she was best at and ignore it for now.
“Thank you. For seeing what nobody else has… Because I’m trying. I really am.” And she knew that she could be difficult, even though she wasn’t willing to say that outloud.
“You really do care so much, I… I really love that about you. I’m not just saying that to flatter you.” She managed to smile again, head tilting slightly upwards to quickly kiss him.
“I feel safe with you.”
Casey held her close, nodding and dipping for another slightly longer kiss. Holding her there, his hands rubbed at her back. The deep bass of his voice rumbled out from his throat as he cautiously hummed a tune. Some French lullaby that his Nana had sang a thousand times pulled straight from his childhood. As he did, so did the mark of Absolution resonate against the outer layers of her Emotional Field.
Coincidentally, it was a rather comforting feeling. Like one worker among a grand hive, totally surrounded on all sides by friendly faces, Trisha was blessed with security for the night. It siphoned of Casey's White Lux, nostalgia weaving a blanket of memories that weren't hers to lay atop her. Protection from strays and errant beasts from other worlds.
The cats would be warded fully, and Casey came to a vague understanding as he felt his energy slightly draining. Eventually, her breathing slowed to a crawl, and he knew for certain she'd sunken into the abyss of sleep.
At first, his attempts to slip away resulted in Trisha's automatic grip tightening, sticking to him as he tried to gain a little bit of distance each slide.
After six attempts, he'd finally wriggled from her arms and made purchase on his knees… But she quickly stirred, prompting Him to grab the second pillow to tuck into her cuddle trap. Like an Indiana Jones scene, the dummy replacement seemed to work, and he slipped from the room without waiting for the rolling boulder.
But he was leaving with a supreme sense of love and tenderness that could only come from those kinds of moments. He felt it was safe to say that this was the supreme gift… Love granted and love earned.
Ascending the stairs to the Loft he redressed in the typical evening fashion of dark sweats, the addition of a new shirt he'd gotten that day. Simply, a skeleton with both thumbs up, and the caption “Milk: Yes.” written across the bottom.
He'd gotten a nicer pair of slippers than he had previously, a pair of moccasins with seriously heavy duty soles that he could walk across the roof in without worrying about soakage. They felt nice and warm, and he proceeded down the stairs and out toward the-
The door was black. Not nighttime black, rather… Covered by something. Casey slipped a hand into his hoodie pocket to grip his channeler, White Lux rolling across the floor and walls to stop dead against a wall of bees trying to vibrate through the door…
At least it was them. Not…
Either way, he opened the door with great care, letting the small swarm feel the warmth of the room. They responded instantly, plucking themselves from the glass door and dispersing themselves across the house. Most elevated into the hanging garden, but a concerted force buzzed off into the den and out of his sight.
It reminded him of a security shift change, which made him smile as he closed and locked the door behind him.
The castle was secure, satisfying the King greatly. He was free to do what needed to be done.
Trisha naturally gravitated towards Casey once they were finished tidying up. Her arms came up to slip under his and wrap around him. She pressed her face into his chest, rubbing against it for a moment before tilting her head up to look at him with a soft smile.
“Den or upstairs? I'm not ready to sleep yet… but I want to cuddle and talk somewhere comfortable." Trisha's gaze up at him was warm and gentle. Filled with love. She was tired after the day they’d had but not to the point of wanting to sleep. What she really needed to recharge was Casey’s company…
“I’ll probably still change into something for sleeping- Oh, since you've got new clothes, can I steal one of your old t-shirts?"
Casey, social battery strangely neutral after having to use so much of it, was more happy to hand over the shirt on his back right now. His hands slid up to grip hers, tucking them into the shirt so she was gripping the cloth before wiggling slightly to bring it loose. Still in a tank top, he spun between her arms as he let his slip out, eventually coming totally out of the shirt to face Trisha.
He was smiling, and as she still clung to the shirt, he pulled it over her head loosely to block her from seeing.
”Babydoll, you can wear whatever you want. New shirt, old shirt, two shirts, no shirt… Be comfortable in your own house. I promise, you don’t have to ask to steal my clothes; we’ll just get more.”
He pulled the upper part of the shirt away from her face so she could see his smile, and his forehead pressed against hers.
Trisha's smile was bright in response, lighting up her whole face before she giggled. She just wasn't used to it. Sure, maybe the comfort she got from wearing partner's clothes to sleep came from her anxiety over them leaving… but almost everyone else, Reyna aside, had made it a big thing. But he just didn't… even though it was one of his new goofy shirts.
“If I do that you'll have no clothes left," she teased, rubbing her nose against his.
She then stepped back, wriggling his shirt back up over her head so she could take her sweater off. It was thrown relatively accurately onto one of the couches out her and she pulled the shirt back on over her tank top. Then her arms disappeared inside both as she removed her bra in some miraculous action without having to take anything else off. That was also discarded before she moved right back to Casey.
“Now I don't have to speak if anything goes wrong, I can just point," she laughed, leaning back to point to the deer on the t-shirt. Her eyes narrowed contentedly.
“You didn't answer the other question… Den or bed?"
Casey let his face look like he was trying to think, but his decision was already made. While he didn’t want her to think he was ignoring her, he felt a lack of sleep was going to be a problem today and he didn’t want her thinking about it… Because he’d already seen her stay up way too late… If he could convince her to sleep, then he could at least head downstairs-
”Y’know… I’m probably gonna end up heading downstairs to do some work.-”
He couldn’t lie to her. He couldn’t muster duplicity in the circumstance. He could only be honest.
”-So, lets go lay on the couch. That way, when you fall asleep, I can carry you upstairs before I head down. But there’s no rush, right? Like… The point of hanging out on the couch is so you don’t fall asleep too soon. Does that make sense?”
She wasn't exactly happy that he was planning to go work… even though it was expected after spending the whole day together. It was normal, and it wasn't normal to expect your partner to always be there. And as long as he really did stay until she fell asleep it should be fine. Waking up during the night normally wasn't the problem.
“It does. I probably won't fall asleep for a while… so long as you're okay to stay till then? Otherwise it'll take even longer." She smiled softly, hiding the hint of upset that came from his work plans. She'd be asleep, it was really fine. She shouldn't be so clingy.
“We need to make the most of the couch… Leon said he was jealous of it, which only made me like it even more." She giggled again, taking Casey's hand and entwining their fingers. Then she led him to their den - careful not to tug, just a relaxed little walk to the next room. When they were inside she hovered in front of that large, green couch. She looked at him, then at the couch. What she wanted was for him to get comfortable first so she could slot herself in around him… that probably made more sense.
Casey didn’t wait. He scooped under her legs as soon as she stopped, pulling her up as a single long leg stepped from the floor into the center of the couch. The second foot found purchase on one of the support beams under the cushions, striding toward the very back where they’d been previously.
For his back, and the various other injuries he’d suffered, it was best to have the tall back with plenty of space to stretch his legs.
Holding Trisha like she was a baby, he was already cuddling into her and placing gentle kisses.
”I’m happy Leon’s jealous… He could buy his own, so if he really feels that way he won’t be jealous for long.”
With most of their bedding still pushed to one side of the couch, Casey let her go enough for her to readjust while he grabbed the blanket and pillow for her to use.
”Let's get you comfy, my Girl… You did great today, by the way. From morning to night, you did so good just dealing with people and shit.” he cooed, encouraging her gently.
“It was a long day," Trisha admitted softly, nodding a little. She didn't bother with the pillow - she already had the best pillow, her head gently nuzzling against his chest as she turned in towards him. But she took the blanket and draped it around herself. She ended up with her legs swung up over his and her arms wrapped loosely around his waist, with most of her body leaning into him even though she wasn't actually quite sitting on him.
“One full of surprises. I didn't expect to see Cass… I'm honestly a bit surprised she liked Leon enough to spend so many days with him. That's what we went to talk about… him and Cass. All our other friends were worried. It wasn't about last night or anything." She was happy to talk about it because she didn't want Casey worrying or anything. Especially since they'd just talked about not making decisions for each other, and they had happened the last time her and Leon talked here…
“Though he did apologise for being an asshole."
Casey’s free hand had pulled the remote for the television out, fiddling with it in the dark until it came alive with a deep blue and white light of the television’s booting screen. It was quiet once some programming came on, and he quickly muted it fully. It was clear he wasn’t paying attention to it, rather using it as a big bright light to see Trisha’s beautiful little face. His smile was still plastered across his face, and he leaned slightly to get their faces closer.
”Well that’s good… It’s worth being careful, so… You guys are good friends. He’s rich and famous, and she’s a big fan. The dynamic doesn’t look very good on paper, huh?” he asked her with a joking giggle.
“It really doesn't… Not that Cass would stick around if he tried anything. But Reyna and Nadiyah were especially worried so… we talked about it," Trisha smiled back at him, tilting her head towards him. She was incredibly comfortable and content. It was easy to just talk when like this.
“He was pretty reassuring about it… and seemed to be thinking about it too. He even asked me if I thought he should cut it off. That was pretty surprising… I didn't expect him to be so open to me about it, after y'know… everything else…" She wriggled a bit, face turning to press into his chest for a moment before she said something else in a much quieter voice.
“I’m not used to people caring about my opinions at all."
Casey sighed a deep sigh, frowning a little bit.
”The whole dynamic over there is… Not great. I mean with Leon and the other Abs. I think Ed and I both knew, if we mentioned it you probably wouldn’t want to go. Point being, I’m still proud of you for going and seeing what’s going on. And dealing with him like you did. And I know you helped Ed too. In ways she probably won’t express.”
He didn’t want to bring up what’d happened too loudly, not wanting to get her riled up about the situation.
”But he’s actually been trying. Really trying, which is hard for him. Babysitting, having the responsibilities he has thrust upon him, all that? He’s got no fucking clue how to be a leader. He’s a bad follower on his best days, so being a leader is… It’s not natural. He thinks he can make all sides happy. And he gets into trouble for it.”
Holding Trisha a little tighter, Casey got conspiratorially close.
”I don’t want you to feel bad for him. I want you to understand that he’s a moron, and interact accordingly. Gently, but firmly. And hopefully, Cass makes it all a little easier still. Though, I mean… Were you really surprised that those two horndogs would get along like peas? I knew the first time they disappeared together at the arcade…” he giggled to himself.
“I’m not surprised about that side, just that Cass doesn’t just like having sex with him. She actually enjoys his company… She’s friendly but she doesn’t tend to hang around people she just wants to bang outside of doing it,” Trisha explained her reason, shifting herself so she was lying on top of him a bit more.
“I guess she likes morons. I really… struggle with people like Leon. He just reminds me of a lot of some of my siblings. They were morons and always thought they were right. Then they’d get all judgmental of me so… it really rubs me the wrong way. But I’m trying not to react as badly. It's definitely easier when you and Cass are around.”
Even though tonight had been relatively calm, there were moments when it could’ve happened. But she’d tried… because she loved Casey and she loved Cass.
“I don’t want to be getting upset all the time. He’s going to be around- especially if Cass is more. But it is nice to know that Sycamore isn’t all it used to be… because then I don’t feel as bad about wanting him to prioritise us, and about not going back.”
”He is definitely not-so judgemental these days… He was a little moral crusader when we were kids. That definitely peaked around the time you guys were… Y’know, fighting. Like, I remember that’s when I first expressed interest in the military. Joining the FFL. Dad had said something disparaging about people in the armed service, and Leon took that as his queue to basically browbeat me out of joining. Because he felt like he was doing what Dad would want, since he wasn’t around by that point.”
Casey thought about those days, and about Leon being confused and scared that their Dad wasn’t in the picture anymore. He cried a lot, alone. Not that Casey wanted to tell Trisha that, but he was confident that by the time Leon came into his own that he realized he didn’t need to be everyone’s moral compass. It was enough that by the time he made it home on his first leave, it was super noticeable.
But he didn’t want to spend time with Trisha thinking about his older brother.
”Speaking of service and shit, though… Are you still gonna be okay to come with me this weekend?”
“Of course… Do you think I’d rather spend all that time alone?” Trisha raised an eyebrow, easily following along with the subject change. She was happy to not talk about Leon anymore now that she’d said what she really wanted to.
Of course, she was a little nervous about going with him. It meant meeting new people - some that didn’t matter, but some that Casey liked enough to share farewells with. More people to possibly dislike her. She didn’t really know what to expect, because Casey was the only person she’d ever been around that served in the military… But she didn’t really want him to know she was nervous, so she went straight for the practical questions.
“What day do we actually go? Is it just a day trip sort of thing, or will we be staying the night?”
Casey thought about it. There wasn’t really anywhere to spend the night besides going into the city… But up North wasn’t much different than down here anyway. Not like you could get something in Portland or Seattle that you couldn’t get in the good ol’ Saint.
”Y’know, unless you wanted to spend the night? Probably just gonna be a day thing. I don’t really love the idea of being gone from the city for too long, otherwise the chances of someone checking up on us gets higher. Not that I’m being manipulative, just… That’s how it is, and I know you’re not gonna love that.” he sighed, shaking his head.
Trisha nodded, her face rubbing up and down against him. She really didn’t want to deal with that.
“Just the day is fine. I like our home anyway… I just wasn’t sure if it was too far to drive there and back. I’ve never really been fussed about stuff like that. Going away somewhere different is nice, but I don’t get the short stays in similar cities.”
She brought one leg up to be bent against her chest, shifting herself to lie a bit more sideways against him.
“I want to be with you more than anything. Location doesn’t really matter… though going on dates is always nice, like tomorrow. I’m really glad you’re not joining Sycamore’s… assault.”
Casey nodded, smiled, and giggled a little bit.
”Can I… Admit something to you?” he asked ominously.
Trisha stiffened up a little bit, not sure what he wanted to say, but…
“Yeah, of course.”
Taking a gentle breath, he almost looked ashamed.
”When it’s uh… People who deserve it? I… I enjoy what I do. The blood pumping, the screaming. Even the pain. I… I do wish I could participate. But, I also know that you’re the most important thing that’s ever been placed into my life. You mean a lot more to me than hurting someone who I feel deserves being hurt. I know the first part probably makes me sound like a bloodthirsty freak, but…”
His voice faded off, taking a moment to look at Trisha fully. He even pulled the bit of hair in front of his face away.
”You said it today. So, I… We can be honest. With our feelings, and our thoughts. Right?”
“Right…” One of Trisha’s hands moved up to cup his face, thumb gently stroking his cheek. She wasn’t entirely sure that she could be. Not all the time. Even if she had been earlier today… even if she loved him… it was still difficult. Not so much for this conversation, though.
“It doesn’t change how I feel about you. There’s not much that would. Everyone has… not entirely acceptable things about them, right? And it’s not like you want to hurt… innocent people. It’s different when it's not. I’ve hurt people too, but… I’m glad I matter more. Really glad. Is that selfish?”
Casey giggled at the question. For a split second, he considered a watery answer as opposed to the truth.
”It sure does… But selfish isn’t always bad. Contextually, this is good! You don’t want your boyfriend, who you love, going out and doing dumb things and putting himself in harm’s way! I don’t think there’s anything negative about that, even if I did express that it was something that brings me joy. I know it shouldn’t, and it only does because… Well… My brain’s broken. And rather than go get it juiced by some equally fucked up wizard, I just live with it. Try to make my own situation better. And doing it with you? Way better…”
He cuddled her, wriggling her around slightly.
”Thank you… For not hating me after I hurt your babies. And for… The pillow, and the pancakes… Tomorrow when you get up, we’ll make them together.” he rubbed her chin and cheek gently.
“You’re welcome… I’ll keep doing the little things for you. And that sounds like the perfect morning,” Trisha smiled warmly. She shuffled herself up a bit, so that she could softly kiss him. It lingered, shallow but sweet. She really did love him. She loved being with him, hugging him, kissing him… just existing together. He made her feel safe in a way nobody else had.
Safe enough to not just ignore the niggling little worry… to actually ask. She lightly pecked his lips again before wriggling back down to curl her head in against his neck.
“How do you… decide it’s people who deserve it? Like, with the Elite. I don’t know much, just that it’s Blake’s little power seeking project with some other rich people. I don’t know exactly who’s part of it… do you? Do they all deserve it?”
He shrugged at first. She was making him think about it?
”Uh… Well… Usually it’s… Orders. Someone else determines it. You tell me someone’s a badguy, I go and I get them. Puts a separation between me and the decision. But in this case, I mean… Everything seems to be connected to Sycamore, right? But I know you aren’t badguys. Maybe uh… Devola. But, even then, he’s never struck me as a threatening kind of evil. More like a bad rash than radiation burns. But if the Temple’s intel pipeline has anything to say about determining factors…-”
He frowned. Looked at her squarely, he closed his eyes.
”Uh… Listen, if we’re being honest, I’ll be honest. Your name comes up in more than a couple reports. I don’t care; I know you. I love you. I’ll bend and break any rule I’ve ever made for myself if it makes you happy. But, if you’re… Worried? About some sort of connection to you? That’s not how it’s gonna go down.”
Trisha’s eyes widened slightly, reactively shuddering. Her name… in more than a couple of reports… about the Elite? Obviously it was about the Elite. That was what they were talking about. Of course it was in Temple intel. She’d been stupid to think otherwise.
“I was just bored,” she whispered, even though he said he didn’t care. But there was still that need to explain herself… the stupid reason for joining a disorganised group. Boredom, and just a little hope there’d be some company. She’d very quickly realised that wouldn’t be happening… So she only attended meetings when she wanted entertainment. Never participated in the other shit. Though she often ended up being dragged into making decisions because the Vanburen members seemed to follow a rule that only one of them would ever show up. Not on purpose, it just happened.
“My sisters. Two of sisters I used to live with, they’re al- they’re part of it. They’re not really bad people. We’re not especially close but we… get on enough. I wouldn’t want them killed or anything. And I-” She frowned, body curling up a bit as she hid her face against him. It wasn’t worry, so much as it was…
“I didn’t mean to put you in this position. I’ll leave at the next meeting.”
Seeing her reaction made him extremely hesitant to bring up the second portion of this… But he could understand her worry. Clearly she didn’t bring him up, because he was probably a bit more dangerous than the average Elite.
”It’s not you… It’s not your problem. If your sisters are anything like Tansy, then I doubt I’d even really know their names.”
Brooke and Isabella Vanburen. He wasn’t fucking stupid. But he could be for her safety and security. They weren’t big names on the list; ranked the same as Trisha. Bystanders, practically. Hardly worth-
”It’s people like Valos. Jason and Gabriella, and then Schmidt. They’re into worse things than you think they are, Trisha. Things that are reprehensible to me. Regardless of anything else, the vast hoarding of wealth and unwillingness to-” Play ball in Temple businesses “-donate to charitable causes, things that just make them… Badguys. Maybe not all of them are bad guys.”
If wealth hoarding was enough, then every Elite member counted for that. Maybe her family got away with it because her father had always been good at pretending to be magnanimous. Ezra helped small businesses succeed, which could be viewed as a charity. But he wasn’t part of the Elite because he didn’t have magic…
“Oh. You’re right, they are bad people. I know a lot of what goes on… The Valos have something against us too- with some of the things Jason’s said to my face.” Trisha grimaced. He was an asshole. But if it really wasn’t her or her sisters… She unfurled, looking at Casey again.
“Blake’s stupid- but a lot of them don’t understand. Especially the ones my age. My family’s situation is… unique, because dad’s dead. The rest are just rich kids following what their parents want. Not that I really… am friendly with them at all.” She shrugged one shoulder.
“I’ll still leave. I don’t want to be part of something led by people you find reprehensible. And I only ever joined because I hoped I’d find… well… it was mostly the boredom…”
Casey nodded and understood where she was coming from. Even if he said he had problems, he was mostly grasping at straws. Weak reasons that weren’t “Because our belief systems fall on an opposite end of the spectrum, and I don’t look at them as human.”
His psychologist told him that his mind was dangerous. That he shouldn’t think like that, and that he had to find reasons to humanize the amorphous entities in his head that he saw as “wrong” or “bad.” That things weren’t black and white, and that for every story, there was an author with the whole truth. It never made him feel much better, but fuck if he wasn’t trying now.
But she was saying she’d make changes for him, even if he didn’t care if she did or not. Hadn’t made her far more human in his head. He wondered if they’d have fought if she hadn’t gotten into that fight with Adora those couple of weeks ago…
”I appreciate your willingness to make changes for me. The common courtesy we get to share… It’s not something I’ve experienced outside the military. We really must mean a lot to one another to go on making all these concessions, huh?”
He smiled, giggled warmly, and pressed their noses against one another to rub together playfully.
”I love you, Trisha…”
“I love you too,” Trisha said softly, smile incredibly sweet. This hardly felt like a concession to her. She wasn’t attached to her Elite membership. It brought entertainment sometimes… But she wasn’t going to correct him.
“Isn’t that what love is? Making concessions. At least I think so, I’ve never… really experienced it before. But you do mean a lot to me, so I want to do things like that for you.”
If she was honest to herself, that was part of what had pushed her to realise that she loved him. She was willing to do things that she found uncomfortable. Normally she wouldn’t make concessions at all. But she was able to for him- she wanted to. And it wasn’t just the anxiety.
“There’s some things I won’t make concessions on. Like kids… we were interrupted by Andrade earlier, but you said about the bees meaning we don’t really need them. I… want to have kids. With you. One day.” Maybe it was a strange shift, but it was just thinking about loving him and the things they’d talked about that day… actually feeling like maybe thinking about a future wasn’t so scary. Maybe it would really happen.
Casey was trying to remember the morning. No, he was trying to remember the context… No, just react genuinely…
”Really? That’s… Honestly not something I expected to hear you say. I mean, I was joking a little bit I think, if I remember correctly, but… I mean, I love you! And if we love each other, then we can be better parents than ours were. We can be good parents! Like, if what you said about your Mom really was all true? Which I mean obviously it is, you wouldn’t be hurt like that if it wasn’t, but… Don’t you think that’d be special? To be everything she wasn’t and more?”
He smiled down at her, nodding his head.
”Obviously we’re uh… Y’know, taking things slow. But… Did you have any names?”
Trisha laughed, smiling warmly back at him. Taking things slow… obviously they weren't, aside from in the physical sense. They lived together, they loved each other… though this wasn't something she wanted to do in the immediate future. It just felt right to actually talk about it.
“It would be special… I had a whole list when I was younger. I think my favourite was Charlotte for a girl, and Francis for a boy but… that's the kind of thing you decide together, right? Not that there's a rush… I don't want kids for a while. I just wouldn't want it to become a thing in a year or two."
Her head tilted slightly as she thought about it. Being a good parent. Better than her Mom. Would she be? With Casey, probably…
“I always wanted a family. A proper family that loved each other so… I always wanted kids. So I could give them what I didn't have- like you said, be everything my Mom wasn't. Then I'd-" have people that wouldn't leave me. Trisha frowned slightly. That… didn't seem right. Or at least, it wasn't the right thing to say. Was it how she felt? Yes… because her future children would love her, just like she loved her Mom. But that wasn't… no, she wasn't going to think too hard about it right now.
“I’d feel happy about doing better than I was taught. But is it really a surprise I want to have kids with you? Do I not seem like… the type?" The question seemed to come out of curiosity rather than any upset that he hadn't expected to hear her say something like that… even if there was a hint of anxiety that drove her to ask her even after everything he said about loving each other and being good parents, and what she said too.
”I just feel like there's a lot more baggage having my family behind me. Between all the crazy relatives close and far, all the hangers who orbit my life, y'know? Though, honestly, I'm more surprised you were willing to agree.”
As he explained himself, Casey let his hands brush down Trisha's arms, taking hers in between them and holding them tightly. It was tender, and he couldn't help but try to get her just that little bit closer.
”I like the name Charlotte… And I’d hope for a girl first. Would you let magic have any part in their births? Y’know they’d be predisposed to Kindling because of me, right?” he asked gently.
“I know… Magic itself isn’t a problem. Any child of ours would grow up around it, I just wouldn’t want there to be any… pressure for them to Kindle. But if they know, it would be easier for them. My dad never taught us so I had to learn it all from a lazy ghost.” Trisha let out a light laugh, looking at him with a fond smile and open gaze. She wasn’t purposefully avoiding the first question, she was just trying to think what it meant… but she didn’t know. Her fingers wriggled a bit between his before she decided to just ask.
“What do you mean by magic having a part in their births? Magical healing, or… ceremonial?”
Casey couldn’t help but laugh at what he was thinking about. She went to a different level.
”Mom didn’t really give birth to us. Well, I think Leon? But, uh… The Doc just…-” he moved his hands to her belly, making a scooping motion. ”-Took us out. Green magic. Cesarean, no scars, no sign of pregnancy, choose when the baby comes out instead of experiencing labor… Or even uh, like… I’m sure She, the Doc, has some localized anaesthesia spell…” he explained.
Of course, he was almost certain she wouldn’t want anything like that… At least not for the first one. As far as he was aware, Lynette felt the same way until Leon was an absolutely massive fifteen pound baby. A memory that wasn’t his flashed through his head- A result of the transfer -of pained screaming. Of his Father’s half-masked face, eyes wide in terror as Lynette’s hand wrapped so far into his hair that she was ripping chunks bald.
”We make big kids, I’m told. Partly the diet, partly, yeah… Some ritual stuff. I don’t think there was anything normal about our time in the womb… You don’t make people who grow to this size without some sort of outside influence.”
Trisha’s brow furrowed. They were just taken out. A completely magical birth… as much as the idea of no pain was appealing, she didn’t want that. At all. There was something she just didn’t like about it. It felt… kind of cold.
“Well we make small kids- at least on mom’s side. Maybe it’ll balance out? I don’t mind anaesthesia spells, or magic like that to help, but I don’t want the… magical, whenever you want caesarean. Or any magical pregnancy rituals. Our kids will already be born with more of a magical connection than most. I don’t want them magically growing too.”
She shuddered a little bit at the thought, looking down at her t-shirt covered stomach. A deer just stared back.
“I would like it to be as normal as possible, unless there’s some… danger, you know? Which can happen, magical influence or not. I just don’t really like the idea of someone messing with my body normally, nevermind when there’s also… a child… in there…”
”Oh, right! I mean, of course; I wouldn’t expect you to or anything. Obviously… But I am curious to see what sort of lasting effects are in my blood, because, y’know, we’re genetic freaks. Could be anything, and I wouldn’t want it to hurt you. Or a baby…”
Playfully, Casey began to gently massage Trisha’s belly, fingers pressing lightly to make a gentle wave across her abdomen.
”At least by then, we’ll most likely be out from under this shit. We can live somewhere quiet. Middle of the country, nobody to hurt us or threaten our wellbeing. Homeschool the babies, teach them what they really need to know. Does that sound like something you’d go for?”
While she tried to hold it back, Trisha ended up breathlessly giggling, her hand moving over Casey’s to try to stop his fingers from moving. The light pressure was perfect… for being ticklish. Even as she squirmed a little bit, she still smiled softly at Casey. Her hand curled over his, keeping it where it rested.
“Somewhere quiet and with loads of space would be nice. Then the kids can freely run around- which we’ll probably need if they turn out to be as big as you. Energetic too, I imagine. Loads of space for the bees too… I’m not so sure about homeschooling? They’d end up experts at shooting and beekeeping, but I think there might be a lot… we’re missing. Or maybe that I’m missing. I learnt everything from books, I don’t know how I’d teach any of that.”
She chewed on her bottom lip a little bit, thinking about it seriously. Could she homeschool her children- have an active part in teaching them? What if she lost patience. Or ruined whatever relationship they had.
“And socially… I know school was where I thrived socially. Not that I’m completely against it! Just… thinking. I’d really like to live rural like that, I think. With you.”
Casey wanted to grab her hands and stop her from moving his. To keep tickling her. She was so cute, and the feeling of her wriggling around in his arms, squirming, was… He just wanted to squash her. Not in a violent way, just that he wanted to keep her tight. He wanted her close. So close. So warm.
”I just… Don’t think I’d want them going to school in the middle of nowhere. There’s a lot of people I met in the service who grew up in the middle of the country, the middle of nowhere… Nice people. Kind, generous, uh… Good people. But no brains. And definitely no social skills. Those are the kinds of guys who die, because you told them to flank a position and they can’t visualize a route to the point they need to be at. Maybe, uh… Maybe I’m a bit prejudiced, I don’t know.”
And he was, of course. You didn’t say something like that as a generality without it coming from a place of bias. Personal experience. He was trying not to use the language they used in the service. Lead-heads, bottom-brains, fucking re-
”Obviously, I could be proven wrong. We’d need to go through it before it’d ever actually be something to deal with.” he spoke calmly, clearing his throat slightly.
Trisha nodded as Casey talked, looking genuinely thoughtful. She’d not really met anyone who was properly from the countryside. Everyone at University was from cities - the majority from cities in Illinois. Maybe there were a few from rural areas… but if they were at University they were different from what Casey was saying. But it might be because they were people he met in service- no, she couldn’t think that. Shouldn’t.
“I definitely don’t want our children turning out like that if we can help it… I don’t really know anyone from the middle of the country, so you probably know best. There must be some rural areas that have good schools? Not that I’d want to choose where to move because of just one factor… I’d rather homeschool if it really is like that. We’d do proper research. Not that academics are everything. It’s more important that they’re happy and healthy. I, uh-” Trisha frowned a little bit, body swaying from side to side for just a moment. All the talk of schools… schools for their future children, making sure they had a good education… Trying not to think about the standards she held for herself that directly clashed with what she was saying.
“I wouldn’t want them to grow up thinking how they do in school is everything, anyway. My… My mom was like that. Barely around, but she always made sure to monitor my schooling. She was all about studying. I wasn’t-” Trisha frowned. Did she want to go into that, when everything was so comfortable right now?
“It was stressful.”
Casey reactively aw’d at Trisha, clicking his tongue between his teeth.
”Baaaabe… School will never be like that for them. Not our kids. They’re gonna learn, and we’re gonna encourage them to do well, but… Well, like, I think you and I will both know how to make them feel good about what they’re doing. And we’ll fucking love them no matter what. Dumb, smart, uh… Y’know, whatever! Cuz they’re the sum of us. Dad always used to say that.”
He cleared his throat, making his voice so much deeper than it already was.
”You’re my blood and bone, Caseau! You children are everything your mother and I have worked hard for! Our sum!”
He laughed, waving his hand away gently.
”I get what he was saying, but it’s just like… It never made sense to me. Now it kind of does, though!”
Trisha knew that she would love any child she had irrespective of their shortcomings but… Would it be because of what Casey said, that they were the ‘sum of them.’ Technically it was true, but if that was the case why did neither of hers…
“So just thinking about our future children helps you understand? You’re practically a parent already.” Trisha managed to smile.
“The sum of us… I think I understand it. Hopefully they’ll get the best bits of you, and the best bits of me.”
Her smile was brighter at the thought of that. It didn’t matter even if they didn’t get the best, but… that would be nice.
“My mom obviously didn’t think like that. She always said I was just like my dad… but with our kids it would be a compliment if I said they were like their dad, because that would be you.”
Casey grinned a big, wide grin.
”Damn, girl… Flattery? Before bed like this? You’ll get a stomach ache from all the sweetness…” he giggled, pulling her tight and close again.
If he didn’t know better, this is where the thing would happen. But he was so content to just have her in his arms that anything else seemed practically blasphemous. To sully the moment, to… Well, shame was very much a part of the vague Catholic nature of his time in an actual church. It was so small, and only when he was with his grandparents, but… He could hear his Nana talking about the Garden of Eden, and about how Eve ate the fruit and corrupted Adam to do the same.
About how the knowledge they gained caused them to understand shame; the fact that they knew what they did was wrong. It made everything carnal. He’d read Paradise Lost, the Divine Comedy, practically everything his Nan had told him to in order to understand where their faith came from. The actual biblical roots of the New Dawn.
He could only giggle with Trisha, softly breathing in the dim blue light of the television.
”I just… Want to keep telling you that I love you. It’s not good, right? It’ll lose its meaning. It kind of stinks? So, I’ll… I’m gonna find better ways to be mushy, and embarrass you with how much I love you. And I kind of can’t wait to meet your Mom one day, so I can… Show her what she’s missed in her life. Make sure she knows that you’re more than a prize. You’re a whole new world to me.”
Was it really possible to tell someone you loved them so much it lost its meaning? Trisha couldn’t see that happening… but then again, she’d rarely been told it until Casey. The actions behind it hit just as hard as the words. She didn’t really know what more he could do. She already felt more loved than she ever had.
“That’s really… sweet. Nobody’s made me feel like you have before. I’ve never been able to really believe in… a future… nevermind talk about it.” Trisha’s voice got softer, quieter, and she curled in towards him. Like she was trying to be completely enveloped by him.
“If you do meet my mom- we haven’t been in touch for a while-” massive understatement, “- you’d need to learn Tagalog first. And be prepared for a lot of snide comments. I honestly don’t know if you could… really show her that. She only ever cared about my grades, nothing else. She’s quite harsh. She doesn’t even try to hide the jabs like your mom does?“ For a moment she lost what she was actually trying to say, face pressing against Casey as she took a deep breath. It was like telling him about her mom in the first place opened the floodgates, and all the little things just kept wanting to come out… It was scary. And she was scared to hope that he could do something like that. She’d already given up on getting any sliver of love from her mom…
“I’d like to see that. I think you could handle her- I know you can. If you ever meet her.”
Casey gave a devilish grin at the concept of Tagalog being a prerequisite. Not like he didn’t end up in the Philippines or anything…
”Pwede niya akong sampalin kahit ilang beses niya gusto…” She can hit me all she wants…
He spoke quietly, almost seductively. Tagalog was a foggy language, buried under six years of warfighting… But he could still pull out a little bit. Enough that she wouldn’t just talk shit about him behind his back.
Still smugly grinning, he waggled his eyebrows.
”I suppose I can go to get it refreshed. This weekend, before we leave the Base. Unless you want me to do it manually?”
Trisha pulled her head back a little bit just to stare at him, eyes wide in shock. He knew Tagalog. She was surprised, and she was pleased. She'd always done her best to keep in touch with her Filipino side where she could so… having her boyfriend speak the language as well… It was nice. Attractive.
“Magically is fine. Then I don't have to teach you all the insults I might use against other people in the future."
Her eyes squinted contentedly, her whole expression gentle and pleased. She couldn't help but lean forward, pressing her lips against his to kiss away that cute smug grin. She deepened it slightly, lips parting as she twisted her body around to fully face him rather than sitting sideways in his lap. When she pulled back, just slightly, she rested her forehead against his.
“Do you know how hot it is to hear you speak my other language? How many others do you secretly speak? Or do I have to keep getting surprised- not that I know anymore."
Casey sheepishly smiled and giggled to himself, trying to recall the languages all crammed into his head.
”Uhh… Dad taught us all naturalized French. Spoke enough of it that we all pretty much picked it up… Except Mimi, she had it implanted like I've had most of my languages. Otherwise, uh… Spanish, Italian, Arabic, Tagalog, Mandarin and Japanese. Add the French, and you realize I ate some World War soup.”
Fond memories of the Logistical Corps, their funny artisanal war maps with moving doll troop markers. The black bands they wore around their arms with the Chimera, the symbol of their unit, emblazoned upon the fabric. Waiting in line for Captain Halloway to cool off before she could cram another soldier's willing head full of knowledge they gleamed about the local area.
”Squad leads got the languages of the areas we were serving in imprinted onto us. Captain Halloway would take like… Ten or fifteen friendly locals and drain their brains of whatever she could, then she'd pump it all back into us. Language, topographical understanding, anything the locals knew that she deemed useful.”
He let the thought linger for a moment before laughing.
”I feel like Pink Lux has the highest ratio of evil Adepts among all magic…”
It was a lot of languages. Trisha knew about magical language implanting, because there'd been people in the coven who got it done… but it had always seemed a little like cheating to her. For her. Higher standards for others than herself, so she still struggled away with her rudimentary Arabic with more fluency in the areas her and Nadiyah would normally talk about. But that little easily jealous part of her was glad most of the languages were implanted into Casey's head, rather than properly learnt… and she hated that she felt that way.
“The whole knowledge draining thing… just getting into people's minds without their consent is pretty creepy. Once they're in, they can do anything. It's why I never let them in. I don't like getting messed with magically at all." Trisha shook her head. She could see how useful it would be during the War - and the pink luxers they had had been useful against the snake. But that didn't mean she liked working with them… or having memories dragged out of her head at the end.
“I only really know three Pink Adepts - two pretty awful, one not. Reyna kind of makes up for Greyson and Anya I think… though she can be nosey with it. The only pure Pink one is Greyson anyway, and he's… scum." Trisha wrinkled her nose.
“As soon as you start willingly messing with minds… I don't know. Maybe it's hypocritical, because I can influence people with my pheromones. But it's not really the same, is it? It's just emotions." And manipulating people to be incredibly attracted to her… but it wasn't permanent… it wasn't like she controlled people.
Devola…
”Does it make you nervous that we work with him? Edict, I mean? You know I'd squash him like a bug if he actually tried to hurt you, right?” he asked genuinely, harkening back to the chance meeting at the pizza shop.
”Honestly, like… I'd only met him a couple of times over telecom, but seeing him in the flesh and hearing him talk to you like that really did make me think a little less of him.”
“A little bit nervous, yeah. I know he can’t get into my head if I don’t let him, but technically we all did… I don’t know if he can just do it again. I do know you wouldn’t let him hurt me, but…" She chewed on her lips a little bit.
“He always talked to me like that. Like he wouldn’t sleep with half the coven if they’d let him- but I wasn’t scared of him then. He was a dick but I don’t think he outright hated me. Now, I don’t know. I was one of the people that voted him out. If I wasn’t with you… he wouldn’t have stopped. What he said wasn’t the worst he could’ve. I don’t know what he knows, if he took something out of my brain when he erased our memories? I’m more nervous about that than him trying to hurt me physically.”
His eyes narrowed as he tried to think about what she meant. She was… More worried about…
”People knowing things about you really scares you, huh?” he asked quietly, taking a small breath.
He had a question that formed in his head which he knew he couldn’t ask. Or, maybe he could, but her reaction to it was totally unclear. She’d surprised him with her introspective thoughtfulness before…
”Uh… You’re special to me, right? I can convey that, and tell you all about how I feel, but… Other people? What makes you think that you inhabit any bit of their day-to-day mind? Like him, for instance. Yeah he’d have a reason to hold some kind of grudge, but like… D’you think he’d have some sort of weird fixation on you? Out of everyone in the Sycamore Tree who outed him?”
Trisha pursed her lips, moving to curl back into herself. She was still pressed up against him, hugging him, just… tenser. Like a coiled snake trying to stop herself from striking. It wasn’t like she wanted to get upset…
“Because it would be worse if they never thought about me at all,” she admitted quietly. There was that conflict that she knew made her so difficult to deal with - not wanting people to know who she really was, but getting upset when they made assumptions… Hating the thought of people thinking negatively about her but preferring it to nobody caring at all. It made things more difficult.
“He probably doesn’t. He probably forgot I existed until we bumped into him. I bet they all did. But that- that means I might as well have not existed. I don’t know. He clearly remembers enough. It’s like… They don’t have to be thinking about me daily to still know and remember things. Or to have bad intentions. Like-” She frowned, grasping at straws as she tried to explain what she meant. What was she even trying to say?
“Like Tansy. I doubt she thinks of me day-to-day, but she still goes out of her way to torment me when she remembers. And she always knows exactly what to say.” Yet somehow, she preferred that to being treated like she didn’t even exist…
Casey didn’t want her in pain. He didn’t want her to think about shit like this when they were trying to relax. Trying to get her sleepy… Comfortable. She didn’t need to worry…
”You’ve got a Genie mentality… Like being forgotten means you die.”
Leaning into her, he took a deep breath and let his finger trace up to her chest between her breasts. Near her heart.
”Y’know, people who have never met you want to keep you safe. Has the Queen talked to you at all about… Your house guest?” he asked, on the clearly touchy subject of being affected by things she didn’t ask to be affected by.
His finger slowly but surely traced the symbol sitting across her Emotional Field, barely touching her actual flesh. He was trying to think of a way to explain to her that-
”You remember the day I had my ceremony? I was asking you if anything happened to you?” he asked gently, hanging it to give her the chance to answer.
“I remember.” She looked down at his finger. The traced symbol that the Queen had told her about… She knew he knew, because he’d sort of brought it up before. But not so explicitly. There was no point in hiding that she knew too.
“She told me. Sort of. About the drawing, at least.”
Still anxious, he took another moment before he actually explained.
”I… Think it’s my Dad. Maxwell… Knowing that you’re not one of us. He… It. It being the Apparition that makes up the last remaining bits of him in our world. It knew you were vulnerable somewhat. So, he did what Maxwell would’ve done. Protected you. Made a sigil with his energy and piggybacked it onto your Emotional Field. Made it stronger, so things can’t push through.”
He frowned slightly, knowing how he felt about it.
”He came to you. Not to me. Not to Leon, or June or Elise, not Mia… He came to you to protect you from us. I… I can only assume he somehow can read people in his domain. And he blesses the ones who he feels need it the most. Outsiders.”
He knew what he was trying to say, but it wasn’t coming out quite the way he wanted it to. It had to be completed in his head before he finished the thought.
”You… You mean something. Something he can see, and something I can see. Amorphous reasons to protect you, and love you and care for you. I promise you that you’ll never be nothing. There’s always going to be someone somewhere who loves you and cares about you. I promise, you’ll never fade away, Trisha Vanburen.”
It was really hard for her to fully believe that. If Casey… she didn’t want to think about it, but if he wasn’t there she couldn’t imagine someone else loving and caring for her like he did. Maybe he was right. She had him, her friends, and a couple of ghosts… But that didn’t mean it would last. Some good years versus the rest of her life with the opposite being proven true. She did want to believe it, even though it was so hard to.
“I don’t know, sometimes I feel like… No, I don’t want to keep being negative about it. I… I know that you really mean it. So I’ll try to believe it.” She spoke quietly, reaching up to rub her eyes. Not quite crying, but beginning to feel emotional enough to. Again. She did wish she could just agree… but she didn’t want to lie.
“He showed me you. When you were younger, then when you were an adult. I don’t know if any of it actually happened but… It was all about you. So I think he saw whatever he did because you see it. Because you love me. But maybe that’s what I needed…” Someone to love her so that she could become someone really deserving of that love.
“You know I spent a lot of my life pushing through because of spite. So it’s a little strange to think about not fading away because I’m loved.”
Casey sat with the thought for a moment before his hand came up under Trisha’s chin. Index finger and thumb both found gentle purchase on either side of her chin, and he slowly craned his neck down to properly kiss her. It went on for a moment before he pulled away, forehead resting against hers.
”One day, you’ll know how much you’re worth Trisha… I’m sorry that I’m the first person ready to teach you… But, I will. I promise you, I will.”
Trisha’s nose rubbed against his in a slight nodding motion. Her body unfurled against his, as she tried to relax again. Not think about all of that stuff… just do what she was best at and ignore it for now.
“Thank you. For seeing what nobody else has… Because I’m trying. I really am.” And she knew that she could be difficult, even though she wasn’t willing to say that outloud.
“You really do care so much, I… I really love that about you. I’m not just saying that to flatter you.” She managed to smile again, head tilting slightly upwards to quickly kiss him.
“I feel safe with you.”
Casey held her close, nodding and dipping for another slightly longer kiss. Holding her there, his hands rubbed at her back. The deep bass of his voice rumbled out from his throat as he cautiously hummed a tune. Some French lullaby that his Nana had sang a thousand times pulled straight from his childhood. As he did, so did the mark of Absolution resonate against the outer layers of her Emotional Field.
Coincidentally, it was a rather comforting feeling. Like one worker among a grand hive, totally surrounded on all sides by friendly faces, Trisha was blessed with security for the night. It siphoned of Casey's White Lux, nostalgia weaving a blanket of memories that weren't hers to lay atop her. Protection from strays and errant beasts from other worlds.
The cats would be warded fully, and Casey came to a vague understanding as he felt his energy slightly draining. Eventually, her breathing slowed to a crawl, and he knew for certain she'd sunken into the abyss of sleep.
At first, his attempts to slip away resulted in Trisha's automatic grip tightening, sticking to him as he tried to gain a little bit of distance each slide.
After six attempts, he'd finally wriggled from her arms and made purchase on his knees… But she quickly stirred, prompting Him to grab the second pillow to tuck into her cuddle trap. Like an Indiana Jones scene, the dummy replacement seemed to work, and he slipped from the room without waiting for the rolling boulder.
But he was leaving with a supreme sense of love and tenderness that could only come from those kinds of moments. He felt it was safe to say that this was the supreme gift… Love granted and love earned.
Ascending the stairs to the Loft he redressed in the typical evening fashion of dark sweats, the addition of a new shirt he'd gotten that day. Simply, a skeleton with both thumbs up, and the caption “Milk: Yes.” written across the bottom.
He'd gotten a nicer pair of slippers than he had previously, a pair of moccasins with seriously heavy duty soles that he could walk across the roof in without worrying about soakage. They felt nice and warm, and he proceeded down the stairs and out toward the-
The door was black. Not nighttime black, rather… Covered by something. Casey slipped a hand into his hoodie pocket to grip his channeler, White Lux rolling across the floor and walls to stop dead against a wall of bees trying to vibrate through the door…
At least it was them. Not…
Either way, he opened the door with great care, letting the small swarm feel the warmth of the room. They responded instantly, plucking themselves from the glass door and dispersing themselves across the house. Most elevated into the hanging garden, but a concerted force buzzed off into the den and out of his sight.
It reminded him of a security shift change, which made him smile as he closed and locked the door behind him.
The castle was secure, satisfying the King greatly. He was free to do what needed to be done.
