Still no sheet, bruh.
[Last Updated: February 1, 2025]
<Snipped quote by Spoopy Scary>
It's a good thing my character can and will become ugly when your character is around.
<Snipped quote by Spoopy Scary>
Alright then we're good. My character has a lava lamp for a head.
<Snipped quote by Spoopy Scary>
That's good, because you wouldn't know what a "good idea" is if it smacked you across the face.
( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)
<Snipped quote by Mr Allen J>
How low. That's plural. The only one who really gave you any grief was me, and I'd say "asshole" would be the closest thing to an accurate insult you should be throwing my way. Nobody else did anything to you. They politely backed out, maybe leaving a single comment but it's pretty petty to just call everyone idiots. Besides, you wronged me first.
But that's not even the worst part. Don't imply I'm a casual. You seem to think that you're any better off leaving the Casual section. How so very wrong. I look at both the Casual and Advanced sections when searching for some entertainment. I doubt that very many people restrict themselves to one section. I really doubt it matters.
Honestly I had a very specific reason for looking over this RP again and wasn't going to leave a comment. But come on, at least stick to Skype or a different website when you're talking shit. :^)
“Well, here it goes. The beginning of an amazing tale – or something. I've written medical journals before. Biographies. Textbooks. Medical documents, obituaries, I've forged letters (perhaps an admission of guilt, but the fact I'm writing this feels like a coming-to-God moment), lessons, so on and so forth. But a personal journal, for all of my taste in vintage culture, is something I've rarely considered. I guess I should start by introducing myself. I wouldn't know to whom, if any other than to just myself. It's a personal journal after all. Daniel insists on calling it a diary.
I am Baron Moreau. Pardon my French, but I'm in shit way over my head (that isn't French). Or as they say it in actual French, je suis en chemin de la merde sur ma tête (actual French). At least, as close together as the two languages come to one another. I digress. In reference to my situation – I want you, myself, whomever, to understand my full meaning. Perhaps my life or career shall forever come to an end if this gets into the hands of another, but I suppose if that time should I come, I would submit willingly.
I don't flatter myself by stating I am a genius. As a scientist, and doctor, I state so with every objective intention and perspective in my bones. I began my path early in high school, and had the highes GPA in my grade. I earned by doctorates in clinical psychology in five years through hard work, intuition, and passion. Alongside the path of my education in clinical psychology, I achieved other, minor degrees in relating fields. An Associates in neuroscience. A Masters in psychiatry. I received additional training in the specialized, experimental field of neuropsychology, studying psychology and that links and patterns and connections it has with the physiology of our brains. Additionally, I've led careers in criminal psychology and even detective work. I've become a leading force in the psychological field. I've taken a job with a private military company called the Dreadnaughts. They've conjured a custom position for me to fill as a Chief Psychology Officer (CPO), or was otherwise known as a Chief Internal Communications Officers, but didn't quite ring as well. During my time, I've even played a spook, gathering private intelligence with efficiency. I've withstood torture that'd drive many men to insanity.
Yet, despite all of what's been described, this literal hell on earth has gotten my bearings off tilt. Seen things once thought of as fantasy or horror. Unnatural powers, unnatural monsters, men who've become monsters, and men who've been turned into weapons.
Yet, despite all of what's been described, the delusioned who still remain here insist on calling this place what it's not. Not hell, but a desolate city called Verthaven. I do not know where they've mustered the false hope they're clinging to as though it's some small sliver of light that remains; clinging to the belief that this place can actually return to becoming a haven.'"
“I guess we're bleeding hearts. We did the unimaginable after leaving Verthaven as per our given orders. We were so close to dismantling the vital organs of the Hands of Science – how foolish were we to think they were the greatest threat – but we received word from Belroth himself. That 'the terms of our contract has deviated to unprecedented extremes.' The argument was that events which later unfolded was not within the arrangement and placed his agents in unexpected danger. It wasn't a matter that was supposed to concern us any longer and was outside of our control. We were forced to fall back to our base without word of warning. They must have been wondering where we were when everything had gone to hell. I know I couldn't justify myself. I've been thinking of what I would say over and over – I'm a wordsmith, but all I could think of bringing myself to say is that we all have our orders. Some matters are out of our hands.
This isn't the case any longer. The unimaginable was the end of our careers. The three of us were unable to detach ourselves from the mission. We regularly monitored the situation despite orders otherwise. We requested honorable discharge, but given transportation to fulfill the job ourselves. He obliged, but told us to proceed without his blessing. Belroth probably expected such from me. My colleagues in the Dreadnaughts have always suspected my motives were ulterior. I was hiding something. Maybe I was in it for myself. Or my allegiance was never to the Dreadnaughts. It truly broke my hearts all those years to hear them think those things of me, after all I've done for them. For the sweat I've poured over their well being. I never showed it, though. I don't think he expected it of Isaiah. I don't actually know why Isaiah chose to turn down his position. I don't think he's as cold and hardened as he wants the rest of us to believe. I've long suspected that. But the man has always had an honorable work ethic. Maybe he just doesn't want to leave a job unfinished, and would strip himself of all resources if that was the only way to get it done. When I asked himself, he just said 'because there's a cataclysmic shitstorm coming our way and I'm the angel chosen by God to give them a proper ass kicking.' The man is crude, but he warms my heart.
We expected Daniel to follow least of all. He was so proud to be celebrated as an official Dreadnaught on his first day, and my heart aches for him. I'm not sure if he's just trying to follow Isaiah and make him proud – that was one of his core motivations – or if that truly noble core of his is what led him here. I think he's still struggling to figure out why he made that decision, himself. He's still coming to terms that he just decided his fate. I expected Isaiah to come down hard on him, but it wasn't so. He was steaming at first, I never seen the man as rage-filled as he was then, and I've seen him at his worst. But he simmered down, and I think their relationship is improving. I think he's beginning to realize what kind of young man Daniel is developing into, and I don't think he could be prouder. I hope Daniel knows that.
We've come back to settle a score. To finish what we started, and with less cards in our hand than before. I... personally, have come to settle other scores in addition. I have loose ends I hope to cut off. If that means helping others along the way, well... I guess that'd just be a token to remember in my last moments.”
“Taking everything so far into consideration has given me recurring bad dreams, restless evenings, and night terrors. A curious phenomenon, this one. People think of psychologists as initiates to the discipline of self-mastery. I was once under this impression, too, many years ago. Maybe to some extent I still am. Despite no longer believing in my own self-mastery, I clung desperately to this idea. I thought if I could acknowledge the logic of my situation, the inconsistencies in my own thoughts, that I could control the situation around me and thereby control my feelings. It is a moot effort, I've known this all along. Feelings are caused by chemical balances in the brain. Dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, endorphins – cortisol. A particular elevation in the latter-most mentioned chemical. It's against my training and education to prescribe myself, or even diagnose myself properly, as I am too prone to bias or influence. The others are not qualified. We do not have funding for another doctor, but I believe I wouldn't have it anyway. I am very proud of my work and my career. I am confident in my own value. This chance that I would be influenced by bias may interfere with a colleague's diagnosis. I suppose one could say I am conceited. I am not so proud that I think I wouldn't concede to that point.
The others have suggested I write my own personal diary. They are convinced by the idea that writing my feelings down on paper may help to ~express~ myself. Perhaps on a few occasions I have suggested this to patients, but they were in a significantly different situation with a different diagnosis. Often used to help manage confusion, sense of feeling lost, chaotic feelings, and such that would disorient a patient's emotional or mental direction. My chaos is of a different sort. My chaos is of fear and uncertainty. Any measure of suggestion, proposal, idea, may only mislead and lead to greater chaos and confusion. But most importantly, writing and documentation of feelings such as mine brings greater harm by granting them validity. Much like the phrase, “I won't even dignify it/that/they/them with a response”, I dared not to pave conceptual concrete for a tainted image of my health. I didn't want what may have been mere ideas and fears to be supplanted by a manifestation of lasting terrors.
How the mighty have fallen!
I suppose I had no other place to turn to. Such as what's been written previously, I suppose this may be nothing more than an admission to myself. To put to rest what was or what may have been, my sins, and my virtues. I might have acted to be above the rest to others, before. That I may be a higher power, or that I may be the very devil, or the gray chaotic uncertainty – a walking mystery. I want to be rid of all of that. I am a man. I've never been anything more, and if I've ever convinced myself otherwise, I was deluded. Now I simply want nothing more than a simple life.
I can't say for certain if I believe I deserve even that.”
“I'm asked if I have regrets. I say no. I'm a spook. Nobody comes into my life. There's no room for love or commitment – not to another. No room for selfish choices. This selfless devotion doesn't even come as admirable as service to country. A sort of nationalism I haven't felt in decades. It's fed straight to a PMC. I will be honest and say that the PMC is like family, and I will continue to think of them in such a way, but in the broader scheme, we're scraping the bottom of the barrel for respect. This respect is derived from our aptitude, but not us. Nobody hears “mercenaries” and thinks “honor”. If we were to dissolve, the civilized world would hear that and think nothing of it. No room for honorless, greedy, and heartless scum bags. I would get angry, but not show it, because they don't know all the amazing men and women that has done countless, great things for the world in the darkness. The hell they've been spared. We, and I especially, bear the darkness on our shoulders. Doing the things we don't want to do, but know what must be done, to ensure a lasting peace.
I have my regrets. I am proud of my service. I also regret it. I suspect if I had to choose again, and picked not to, I would also regret not taking the opportunity, even if I had known everything I had to do and suffer and give up. I'm a man. I'm indecisive like the rest. The only difference is that I pretend to understand it better than most, but the funny thing about psychology is that it's a science. It's logical and factual. Humans are not so. Learning neuropsychology was more logical to me, since brain patterns can better predict this chaos – but sometimes I wonder if it's really possible to *measure* chaos. That sounds like an oxymoron to me.
I mentioned loose ends once before. I just think it's time to get everything off of my chest. If the first actions in the last segment of my final job should set the pace for how the future goes, it should be something that can benefit the future. I want to look through whatever rubble remains and procure the remaining research papers of the late Dr. Peter Brooke. He was an individual even I wouldn't be able to help. He was in the center of the chaotic throes of life, and he took it on. Whatever monstrous acts he committed with one hand and benevolence he performed with the other... well, metaphorically speaking – his first acts of the last segment of his final hours set the standard of what kind of person he really was. When push came to shove, he put humanity first before himself. That shines all the light on him that I need.
The middling is selfish. I don't think I've the right to be, but so many years have left me apathetic to whatever conclusion that may arise to answer, I think it's time I made a decision to be selfish. I'll probably ask Lihua on another date. You know, in the middle of the apocalypse. Except after the apocalypse. Post-apocalypse dinner or breakfast or something. The first wasn't genuine at all. I was feeding on the information she provided. I want to say she deserves better, but again, selfishness. Besides, the point of this is to turn over a new leaf. Maybe I'll be a college professor.
The last is the dirty deeds. The last few terrible things I'll commit as the old Dr. Moreau, before the renewal, and assuming I survive. The Changelings. I know I can talk my way in there. Might be the hardest job yet, but even my hardest job so far has only left me feeling a little moist in the pits. I'm good at this. The one with the alias of Bloodsucker is the worst. Word is he can't die. I know that doesn't matter to me. Nobody can get close to him, nobody but me. I know secrets he doesn't. I could literally topple nine different governments, black mail dozens of others. I'm limitlessly beneficial. Nobody should have to risk themselves dealing with this trash. I don't use this term lightly. I believe most people are capable of redemption.
Most.
This is just another assassination. This is within my reach. What comes after is unsure to me. Disheartening. I've always had a good measure of foresight.
Remain vigilant until then. Wait for me.”