Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Kyuki
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Kyuki

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Hey! So this is actually really hard to do. Partly because I know sometimes Spam can be the worst place to come to in your darkest times. But, with that said. It can also be one of the best places to come to.

Anyway, there is a lot people here don't know about me. But this particular thing I am so tired of holding it in. I just want to scream about it constantly... I am constantly feeling angry and I have no one to talk to about it for the most part. Because it is either too hard for my family to talk about or the fact that I am being forced to keep it somewhat a secret... So I'm telling you guys this because I am not okay right now.

Here goes....



Basically to finish this up quick... I started at another university and not two weeks into the year they found me. Then just the other night (All seven of them) proceeded to assault me until I was bleeding on the ground with no way to get help for myself. (Public safety discovered me on one of their "rounds") So I've decided to withdraw from school. And just today after waking up screaming for the millionth time from nightmares this morning I broke down. I called my mom and told her goodbye. Sent a text message out to several people and was almost 95% sure I was going to die today.. And honestly I think the only reason I didn't was because my mom somehow found me... So I know none of you probably care but I am coming here because I have nowhere else to vent. My family is angry with me and I have no friends because my only "friend" has decided she is better off being friends with the man who raped me. I don't know what I want out of posting this. Or if I even want anything... Nothing really matters to me that much right now.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by idlehands
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Jesus. Get away from all of them. Report it to the police. I know it's hard, especially if you feel alone and backed against the wall. There is help out there and it might not be much of a comfort but you are stronger than this and you will get past it. Your family should be ashamed of not taking your side but that is on their conscious. Please press charges against those that assaulted you.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by mdk
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I hope you've done this already, and I'm sure you don't need a stranger to nose in and tell you what to do, but on the off-chance it can help.... get help right the fuck now. I found a handful of numbers (2) (3) that offer actual professional personal help for people just like you. Because there are people just like you, and you're worth helping. I don't even want to hold you up with more text -- get in touch with somebody in a goddamn hurry.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Rare
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I agree with mdk and idlehands, get help right away and report to your local police right away. Press charges, give out names of the guys, anything that you know tell to the officers. Your family and friends should be ashamed of themselves and not help you at all. I just going to say this: I hope that you're going to be fine and please go to the police ASAP.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by TheMusketMan
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mdk said
I hope you've done this already, and I'm sure you don't need a stranger to nose in and tell you what to do, but on the off-chance it can help.... I found () () that offer actual professional personal help for people just like you. Because there are people just like you, and you're worth helping. I don't even want to hold you up with more text -- get in touch with somebody in a goddamn hurry.


[2]

I know we're just people on the internet that goof off most of the time, but if you need help, to talk to anyone, at all, we're here. I'm not even gonna pretend I know what you're going through, but please get help. There are amazing people here that I'm sure will be more than willing to talk to you. Like Idle said report it, don't stay quiet about it, if you don't fight back those fuckers are winning. It can be dangerous, but if you keep quiet, they win. And everyone here at spam, EVERYONE, has got your back.
Hidden 10 yrs ago 10 yrs ago Post by aza
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aza Artichokes

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Im quite literally stunned out of being able to form words that make the coherent sense things.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Cpt Toellner
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Cpt Toellner The Hero We Deserve

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Don't give them the satisfaction of knowing you died because of what they did, live a full, happy life and be better than them.

It's the greatest insult you could possibly make.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Kyuki
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Kyuki

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idlehands said
Jesus. Get away from all of them. Report it to the police. I know it's hard, especially if you feel alone and backed against the wall. There is help out there and it might not be much of a comfort but you are stronger than this and you will get past it. Your family should be ashamed of not taking your side but that is on their conscious. Please press charges against those that assaulted you.
My thing is... I am terrified of going to the police to report it because there is no telling what they would do at that point. (Which has been my constant fear in all of it) There is always a next with them. I /always/ have to wonder what is going to happen next.

mdk said
I hope you've done this already, and I'm sure you don't need a stranger to nose in and tell you what to do, but on the off-chance it can help.... I found () () that offer actual professional personal help for people just like you. Because there are people just like you, and you're worth helping. I don't even want to hold you up with more text -- get in touch with somebody in a goddamn hurry.
Thanks and please nose in all you want. You. A stranger. Has shown more support in this post than any of my supposed "friends" did while this was all occuring on campus. I went to the counseling center and res life before the assault occurred and told them I felt like I was being tortured... and nothing was ever done. My counselor told me I was overreacting and res life told me to commute. Meanwhile my "friends" were telling me to stop being a bitch and stop being so emotional, and etc.

Rare said
I agree with mdk and idlehands, get help right away and report to your local police right away. Press charges, give out names of the guys, anything that you know tell to the officers. Your family and friends should be ashamed of themselves and not help you at all. I just going to say this: I hope that you're going to be fine and please go to the police ASAP.
I wasn't going to press charges but I have been considering it more and more lately. Like I said before though... I'm afraid of the what-if

Azarthes said
I quite literally stunned out of being able to form words that make the coherent sense things.
:3

Cpt Toellner said
Don't give them the satisfaction of knowing you died because of what they did, live a full, happy life and be better than them.It's the greatest insult you could possibly make.
I just wish I could actually live a happy life. Seems like whenever I start to feel okay again I have days like this.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Walker of Darkness
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There is nothing I can say that has not already been said. I will spare you any empty repeats of condolences. I will simply say what I feel I should.

Lower your head, and charge forward. They have made themselves as less than human, and are not to be feared, but punished. Would it not make it worse for you, I would take their blood upon mine hands.

Bring them to task, and let them suffer your pain one thousand fold. In your defiance of their fear mongering you will find your courage, with each step of your charge becoming more sure. Do not falter, do not wain. Let them fear the reprisal the have brought to themselves, for you should not abide inaction.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by mdk
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Thanks and please nose in all you want. You. A stranger. Has shown more support in this post than any of my supposed "friends" did while this was all occuring on campus.


It's a shitty situation, and people don't handle such things well. This is a useless platitude but don't worry about what they think -- what they say, what they do, what they know, how they act, people are complicated and, right now, irrelevant. The only thing that matters is you. No matter what it takes, endure. You're allowed to be an emotional bitch :). Just don't give up. Ever. Take care of yourself..... weather changes, storms go away, and the sun is beautiful.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Derpestein
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My fucking word.
Just. Just.
._.
And I thought my faith in humanity couldn't be lower. Dickwads. The lot of them.

Where is my virtual hugs machine? I need to teleport and give you the biggest hug ever right now.

All this has probably been said before but:
Don't give them the satisfaction of knowing you took your own life, even if you're thinking about doing it. I don't know much about police stuff and the like, but talk to the police. Bring it up with whatever friends you can find when you think you're ready. Get support from the numbers MDK sent.

If all your friends deserted you, they're dicks and don't deserve you. ._.

Here is the biggest online hug I have ever given.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Halo
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Halo

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Kyuki, you have to continue reporting what's happening. If it has gone this far, it's unlikely to stop by itself. It's better to have the cops on your side, at least. If you don't report it at the time, there's no record of it and they literally cannot do anything. As hard as it is to open up to a complete stranger about everything that's happened to you, you need to report each new thing to them as soon as you can and thus keep an accurate, documented log of the awful shit that's been happening to you. And then, when the fucking bastards slip up, you'll have them, and all the evidence you could possibly have gathered. You can even carry a voice recorder on you, to capture any further incidents. In the meantime, you can get support from the places MDK mentioned. Again, I know it feels you're just going to antagonise these sick people by looking for help, but the exact same people you're going to have all the experience in the world in dealing with cases like this - and in the end, they're probably more powerful and influential than these cunts. They can support you and advise you; they will be on your side, and that's what you need. These people are trying to isolate you because you can't fight them alone. Don't let them.

Most importantly, please, do not end your life. There is an end to this. There's no knowing exactly when or on what terms that will be, but it will come. You're ridiculously smart, Kyuki, you could have gone to fucking Princeton when you were just seventeen. You will survive, you will heal, and you will live a good life, and you will contribute so much more to society and to the people around you, whoever is lucky enough to have you care for them, than these people ever will. Your future is bright enough to be worth tolerating this darkness. You're worth it; believe that, believe in yourself. Now I sound like a cheesy musical, but it's true.

And don't ever be afraid of talking to us. When we fight, it's about the stupidest shit and nobody really means it all that much. Anything serious, and we will all band together. You're one of us; we might not be able to do much practically, but we will always support our own if we can. I think I comfortably speak for almost everyone in saying that.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Gwazi Magnum
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I will be totally honest, those people seriously make me want to go over there and mercilessly beat them all to a pulp.

I also have to echo what everyone else is saying, get support from the numbers mdk provided. Call the police about this, the very reason those people are threatening you for calling the Police is because they know the Police can stop them from doing it. They're trying to scare you away from beating them, don't let them trick you. And above all else, do not kill yourself over this. Not only do you have a full life to live, not only would doing so be letting those people win, but you are better than them. Don't let them ruin your life, this may be the hardest fight in your life but it is a fight that you need to fight, it is a fight you cannot afford to lose, and I'm sure everyone here (me included) are here for you whenever you need it.

And also, if you ever need to talk or vent more about this my PM box is always open. And no this is not the typical "Here's my best hopes, talk to me if you need it" thing, if you need to talk or vent then by all means talk and vent as much you need to.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Antarctic Termite
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Azarthes said I quite literally stunned out of being able to form words that make the coherent sense things.

.
Halo said You will survive, you will heal, and you will live a good life, and you will contribute so much more to society and to the people around you, whoever is lucky enough to have you care for them, than these people ever will. Your future is bright enough to be worth tolerating this darkness. You're worth it; believe that, believe in yourself. Now I sound like a cheesy musical, but it's true.

!!
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Hank
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Are concealed carry permits a thing where you live?
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Beatrix
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Hank said
Are concealed carry permits a thing where you live?


[2]
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Aragorn
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I...uh...
*Throws microphone down on the ground in rage.*
There isn't much to say that hasn't already been said. Don't die. If you die, you won't get the satisfaction of watching those fucks get taken away in a cop car. Revenge will come. Trust me.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Dervish
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This was the last thing I expected to wake up to this morning. I wish I had words of wisdom or comfort, but I am coming up short, especially in light of what the others have said. You aren't alone here, in this community. We all stand with you, and I know we will all do whatever we can to support you in these dark days. We really do care, and while we may be far away and may never meet you, we stand with you and will be truer than the people who failed you. Stay strong.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Kyuki
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Kyuki

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Walker of Darkness said
There is nothing I can say that has not already been said. I will spare you any empty repeats of condolences. I will simply say what I feel I should. Lower your head, and charge forward. They have made themselves as less than human, and are not to be feared, but punished. Would it not make it worse for you, I would take their blood upon mine hands. Bring them to task, and let them suffer your pain one thousand fold. In your defiance of their fear mongering you will find your courage, with each step of your charge becoming more sure. Do not falter, do not wain. Let them fear the reprisal the have brought to themselves, for you should not abide inaction.

Thanks, Walker. Very poetic.
mdk said
It's a shitty situation, and people don't handle such things well. This is a useless platitude but don't worry about what they think -- what they say, what they do, what they know, how they act, people are complicated and, right now, irrelevant. The thing that matters is you. No matter what it takes, endure. You're allowed to be an emotional bitch :). Just don't give up. Ever. Take care of yourself..... weather changes, storms go away, and the sun is beautiful.

I'll try. I just hope they'll stop coming after me with stuff. I would think leaving me physically bruised, cut, and bleeding would be satisfying for them at this point... Although this morning I woke up to thirty five blocked calls.
Derpestein said
My fucking word.Just. Just.._.And I thought my faith in humanity couldn't be lower. Dickwads. The lot of them.Where is my virtual hugs machine? I need to teleport and give you the biggest hug ever right now.All this has probably been said before but:Don't give them the satisfaction of knowing you took your own life, even if you're thinking about doing it. I don't know much about police stuff and the like, but talk to the police. Bring it up with whatever friends you can find when you think you're ready. Get support from the numbers MDK sent.If all your friends deserted you, they're dicks and don't deserve you. ._.Here is the biggest online hug I have ever given.
I know I shouldn't give them the satisfaction of taking my life. But it hurts to live. I'm going to be 110 percent honest with everyone here... I blame myself for the rape. I know I'm probably a bitch and that's why they hate me so much. I'm a bad person. They have every reason to do all of this. And I don't want to live being a bad person.

Hank said
Are concealed carry permits a thing where you live?
Not until I turn 21.

Aragorn said
I...uh...*Throws microphone down on the ground in rage.*There isn't much to say that hasn't already been said. Don't die. If you die, you won't get the satisfaction of watching those fucks get taken away in a cop car. Revenge will come. Trust me.

I doubt they'll ever go to jail. The cops just keep saying they have no evidence. And as far as the last physical assault they said it could have been anyone. That I'm just being paranoid.
Dervish said
This was the last thing I expected to wake up to this morning. I wish I had words of wisdom or comfort, but I am coming up short, especially in light of what the others have said. You aren't alone here, in this community. We all stand with you, and I know we will all do whatever we can to support you in these dark days. We really do care, and while we may be far away and may never meet you, we stand with you and will be truer than the people who failed you. Stay strong.
I am realizing this though. Thank you.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Kyuki
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Kyuki

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Halo said
Kyuki, you have to continue reporting what's happening. If it has gone this far, it's unlikely to stop by itself. It's better to have the cops on your side, at least. If you don't report it at the time, there's no record of it and they literally cannot do anything. As hard as it is to open up to a complete stranger about everything that's happened to you, you need to report each new thing to them as soon as you can and thus keep an accurate, documented log of the awful shit that's been happening to you. And then, when the fucking bastards slip up, and all the evidence you could possibly have gathered. You can even carry a voice recorder on you, to capture any further incidents. In the meantime, you can get support from the places MDK mentioned. Again, I know it feels you're just going to antagonise these sick people by looking for help, but the exact same people you're going to have all the experience in the world in dealing with cases like this - and in the end, they're probably more powerful and influential than these cunts. They can support you and advise you; they will be on your side, and that's what you need. These people are trying to isolate you because you can't fight them alone. Don't let them. Most importantly, please, do not end your life. There is an end to this. There's no knowing exactly when or on what terms that will be, but it will come. You're ridiculously smart, Kyuki, you could have gone to fucking when you were just seventeen. You will survive, you will heal, and you will live a good life, and you will contribute so much more to society and to the people around you, whoever is lucky enough to have you care for them, than these people ever will. Your future is bright enough to be worth tolerating this darkness. You're worth it; believe that, believe in yourself. Now I sound like a cheesy musical, but it's true.And don't ever be afraid of talking to us. When we fight, it's about the stupidest shit and nobody really means it all that much. Anything serious, and we will all band together. You're one of us; we might not be able to do much practically, but we will always support our own if we can. I think I comfortably speak for almost everyone in saying that.
Yeah... I went from getting into Princeton to being a loser who dropped out of college all together.

Magic Magnum said
I will be totally honest, those people seriously make me want to go over there and mercilessly beat them all to a pulp.I also have to echo what everyone else is saying, get support from the numbers mdk provided. Call the police about this, the very reason those people are threatening you for calling the Police is because they know the Police can stop them from doing it. They're trying to scare you away from beating them, don't let them trick you. And above all else, do kill yourself over this. Not only do you have a full life to live, not only would doing so be letting those people win, but you are better than them. Don't let them ruin your life, this may be the hardest fight in your life but it is a fight that you need to fight, it is a fight you cannot afford to lose, and I'm sure everyone here (me included) are here for you whenever you need it.And also, if you need to talk or vent more about this my PM box is always open. And no this is not the typical "Here's my best hopes, talk to me if you need it" thing, if you need to talk or vent then

I have been in constant contact with the police. Reporting things but they keep telling me they don't have much evidence to make an arrest. Unless I pressed charges for the rape. They have a written statement from the guy that did it admitting to it.
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