@SimplyJohn Do keep in mind that I am abrasive-- I say things directly and without filter, I do not intend to be rude or dickish.

Now, lets begin.

Appearance



Gear


Abilities

@Aeonumbra

I don't want to be the asshole that butts into every discussion, but I'd like to point out the disconnect between @SimplyJohn's character's face claim and the nature of the setting. The image is vaguely reminiscent of a high fantasy battlemage, and I find it difficult to believe we'd find someone gallivanting about a post-apocalyptic wasteland in what resembles Daedric plate armor.

Just my two cents. Not trying to instigate trouble, of course; I'm telling it how I see it.

The images are meant to go hand in hand with the bio, being that I drew them. I'm aware of the taboo and if you'd done a closer reading of the Appearance section, I think you'll find that it's part of her personality.

"Her taste in clothing is more due to necessity than it is personal taste"

I did. A part yes, but justified by necessity. Is the picture great? Yes. Is it practical and reasonable for this setting? Absolutely Not.

As for the great attractor ... lets just pose a newer, direct question. Are you intending for her to be able to manipulate gases, and solidify them? Can you justify how to use magnetism and magnetic fields to interact with them? I'm already inclined to say this doesn't quite fit in her power kit.

I'm not even sure how to apply bio-/magnetism to the spectral ness of the Spark, I would just say a small amendment to that part. Maybe while she was comatose a doctor set her bones?

That explanation pleases me, I feel creatively justified- she can keep it. I would even be inclined to allow this "magnetic pattern" state to work with her bones too, like.. maybe setting them perhaps-- still broken, but not horribly skewed or fragmented in odd places. Though in the abilities you should probably add something like "Magnetic Pattern" (since that's how we justify it) and use that explanation you just gave me.

Ah. K. Scarf is scarfy, got it. =3

I did emphasize 'creative freedom' in my interest check, but as with all things there are certain degrees of this. There is a degree of realism and believability you as a writer must convey. I can't even really justify a reason why the sun would affect her less. I do let characters slide with clothes in general, as I said, instead of being swaddled constantly. However, I can't justify lewdness for lewdness sake. We can compromise at a pair of pants, it'll let the upper half go without horribly burning her flesh with the mighty prowess of the sun.

Right, there's that no moon thing. That argument has been used against me before. You literally do not have the full picture, or scope, or plan of my world, so really, don't use my own lore against me. I am nice, I try to be lax in some areas, but my lore is my lore, and there are many things you do not know.

The hammer- still needs an apt description rather than a grocery list. Also, will all those pieces, I would be amazed if she could wield it effectively, also, rockets? I thought rockets explode around her?

Which brings up the question-- how do you intend to keep her from attracting every scrap of metal in <insert distance here>?

@Aeonumbra

I don't want to be the asshole that butts into every discussion, but I'd like to point out the disconnect between @SimplyJohn's character's face claim and the nature of the setting. The image is vaguely reminiscent of a high fantasy battlemage, and I find it difficult to believe we'd find someone gallivanting about a post-apocalyptic wasteland in what resembles Daedric plate armor.

Just my two cents. Not trying to instigate trouble, of course; I'm telling it how I see it.

Even though technically my word is the final judgement, player vs. player critiquing is perfectly fine as long as it's civil. If it boils down into a hate fueled internet pissing contest argument, well, that's a problem.




Not quite seeing the resemblance there, which is why I asked for a written description. Reference pictures are really to help paint the picture with the words, it doesn't quite have to be an exact fit. I understand that concern of how out of place it would seem, but it's not exactly high battlemage armor. It was stated somewhere that it was leather, and honestly the styled crafting of it isn't an issue. For example, I have a reference picture for my character's awakened state- which is technically a transformer, literally, from the movie. I'm just a little dandy at photo manipulation.

tl;dr I realize the ref. picture may not seem to aptly fit this setting, but honestly it's about the written description, which is why I asked for one, rather than the reference picture. As long as there is a semblance I can paint a proper picture with the two, in my own mind.

<Spongebob_Imagination.Gif> ... *lazy*

@Darcs@Monochromatic Rainbow@bobert778@TheMadAsshatter@shotgun bear@clericbeast@sirbeowulf@lightning fast@Arcanaut@februari

I do take graphic manipulation requests. I'm kinda handy at editing hair color, eyes, adding objects, back grounds, etc. Really I'm willing to try any request you have, though it may not be immediately. It's kind of a past time hobby I do at times, which I'm about to do right now. Let's see.. whose CS can I do a graphic for.. hm... (also yes I am aware some of you know this already, but I told myself "tag everyone" and I had committed already.)

@Aeonumbra

. . . That does not at all match my memory of Daedric armor, so I'll concede this round - must have mixed something up somewhere along the line. Regardless, I'm curious where the character might have acquired that sort of attire. Unless it's a relic of a time long past, or something, (which I could probably accept) I don't quite feel the design suits what you've implied is the tone of the setting.

That's just my opinion, however - if you've decided to let them keep it, then I'll defer to that judgment.

I'm choosing to interpret your first two sentences as a general statement instead of an accusation.

@Aeonumbra

Again, oh well. It wasn't intended to be practical. It was never intended to be practical. It was a facet of her character. Schatz is lewd. She's a lewd person. The first line in her bio sums up her loves in life and one of them is sex, so yeah, she's gonna look like that. That's not saying she'll be super lewd or that sex'll even happen just because she's there, but she's certainly a lot more sexually liberal. Treading the line of 'dangerous' is her thing.

Great Attractor is totally removed from actual magnetism and is far more facile than I think you're reading it. The 'field' of applied magnetism is entirely different from a magnetic field; it's an area around an object where the effect of Great Attractor can come into play. Within that field, objects become magnetic.

I'll throw the explanation into a subset of Ohmosexual.

Rocket as in the back end, not the full thing. They're not magnetic on their own, but the casing sometimes is. I will, however, provide a full summation of what Chutney is.

There is no 'must' with writing. Writing is not made of quantifications. Your setting, however, does have a realistic limit and I don't have enough lore nor a broad understanding of where that limit lies. You've even stated that I don't have the knowledge necessary to suggest the level of realism.

The magnetic field itself is pretty small and can be nullified through conscious effort, given Schatz's abilities center around magnetism.

Way to strip context from what I was saying with those selective quotes, though. That's a rhetorical fallacy. It's more necessity than it is personal taste, but personal taste still plays a big part. I say a lot of things similar to this in the bio, like why she doesn't opt for at least a skirt. She's gonna push the envelope, again. It's who she is.

I don't design things for the sake of design. I design them because it's in line with the character.

@Aeonumbra

The CS is a WIP designed to check the validity of the powerset before fleshing out other, less important sections, such as the character description, but I fully intend to give more details once the technical issues have been established.

The cloth and leather are all procured by hunting land animals from the island's interior, although they have been treated with Nomad's water skills in order to toughen them to the point of being comparable to kevlar or other bullet-resistant materials. In cases of extreme danger Nomad can also use her abilities to form water armour around herself in order to prevent damage, although this usually causes a great deal of strain on her heart and limits her ability to maintain weapons at the same time.

The water containers were included as a way to give Nomad immediate access to a large amount of water in a hurry, as the description of the environment implied that water would be a scarce commodity and so her ability would be slower at manifesting water than simply waving her hand and creating a lake. generally she would have enough water at one time to produce two full sized blade and about a dozen flechettes to be used as ranged weapons.

If you feel this limitation to the 'flow' of her water manifestation is unreasonable then I'm more than happy to ramp it up, doing away with the containers in the process.


Better?

My comment on "Able to draw water out of-" was only fluff to explain exactly where the water was being manifested from, such as atmospheric moisture and water particles in the soil around her, and was not meant as a direct source for her abilities.

. . . That does not at all match my memory of Daedric armor, so I'll concede this round - must have mixed something up somewhere along the line. Regardless, I'm curious where the character might have acquired that sort of attire. Unless it's a relic of a time long past, or something, (which I could probably accept) I don't quite feel the design suits what you've implied is the tone of the setting.

Nomad grew up in the wilds and crafted the armour herself to suit her own tastes and needs. I'm aiming for a stealth character who uses terrain and cover to close with an enemy before killing them at close range, so I thought a Ludditic personality to couldn't/wouldn't use guns and made use of 'backwards' technologies would be appropriate.

@Shotgun Bear

Poor Schatz, perhaps if Nomad doused her in some nice refreshing water that would make her skin feel a little better? And after that she could read some choice selections from her favourite book, the one she keeps in her backpack...

@clericbeast Interpretation, yes. Also, I understand the confliction with the "tone". We'll see how it plays out in the written portion.

@Shotgun Bear

I didn't strip context from anything, that was a direct quote. Also, I did state that I understood personal style was a part, yes, but that is what you wrote, and I merely quoted it. Moving on. The fact that it was never intended to be practical really just tells me it's lewdness for lewdness sake because the character is kinky naughty hyper anime girl and we don't have to follow the laws of the world because there are things we don't understand like no moon and Aeon is sometimes lax on certain things.

[Post-pre edit] I apologize, that probably came off really rude, but really that's just me explaining how I feel and not mocking you, I promise.

So it's a hammer, with a road tire for the blunt end, riddled with road spikes, an engine and a fuel contraption, rocket (propulsion?) , with a car battery, with a convenient chainsaw ignition pull system.... ufukinwotm8? That's kind of excessively over the top and I still wonder how such a thing is effectively wielded, it feels very "anime". Your entire character feels very "Anime".

"...Beyond all rational probability..."

No, I did not say you did not have enough lore to suggest the level of realism-- That's incredibly blind of you. You have six characters you could read up on for reference and six pieces of history to read. If that does NOT convey the sense of realism that this setting it built around then you are probably in the wrong place. No, what I said was you Do not understand enough about my world to criticize my lore in an attempt to assuage my thoughts on your character, that is the sense I was conveying. The, "but Aeon there's no moon, so why can't I-"

Do not try to use unexplained lore against me, you are likely to lose every time. I don't always do things because they are "cool", most of the time there is a deeper reason & meaning, or perhaps something personal for me in it. There is a 'must' with writing, especially with other people, for me-- we can agree to disagree on that.



Now are you telling me to ignore the true complexities of it? Or that it is easily achieved. The latter doesn't quite fit, so I'm going to assume the former. However, it would have been much easier to simply explain it, because I admit I did not quite understand it, rather than word it the way you did, albeit I do not know your natural speech, so I am not accusing you of anything. What that really boils down into is "using magnetic objects to define the borders of a magnetic field in which anything inside is magnetized-- such as gas vapors".

Is my loose, simple interpretation of that correct?

@SimplyJohn That is much better John, thank you for your speedy reply and pleasantness against my rougher nature of critiquing, I'm a much fun person when I'm not "business" seriously.

Two things really-

One: Reusable Resource, yes, just keep in mind this is a desert environment, it won't take that long for it the water to fizzle out or soak in, but, circumstance always. Like the salt flats, probably would eat spilled water faster than a starving child with a bunny.

Two: There is a 2:1 ratio that you must adhere to, unless something is won in the little contests I do (riddles, clues, prizes.) That is: Strengths/Abilities to Weaknesses. You're weaknesses can exceed your Str/Abil ratio, but not vice versa. This prevents too many "perks", granting overly absurd powers and prowess, which is why many of our character have simple-focused skills sets.

Example Ability: "Huntress" could combine her keen eye for "natural detail", like spotting something out of place, with her ability to accurately gauge the lay of the land to stalk and hunt her prey.

@Lightning Fast Take your character out of the hider in the characters tab please. Thank you =)

I'm out. This isn't worth getting insulted over. Schatz is a fun character and all, but I certainly wasn't expecting the condescension. I came here so I didn't have to impress and I could just characterize and interact with something a little different and fun. If I wanted to vastly overwrite a simple character, I'd be a comic book author. Peace.

No, what I said was you Do not understand enough about my world to criticize my lore in an attempt to assuage my thoughts on your character, that is the sense I was conveying.

Do not try to use unexplained lore against me, you are likely to lose every time.

Considering you've barely imparted more than the absolute necessities, no, I'd wager it'd be impossible to win that argument. You'd be able to whip out previously-unknown tidbits as you saw fit.

Also, the reason behind [@ShotgunBear] 's alleged lack of understanding could have something to do with the lack of material to begin with. I don't mean to sound abrasive, but here's a tip: if your entire role play centers around the Immortals, and only those returning from the first campaign have even the slightest understanding of what does and does not constitute a proper, lore-compliant Immortal, then there's a bit of an issue.

I would recommend revising the manner in which you present the lore in the OOC; while the medical files are cute, and an interesting read, they don't hold a candle to proper exposition.

I would also recommend minding the condescension. I know sounding rude is not your intention, but when we start waving around the boldface with reckless abandon, the message gets lost within the tone in which it's delivered.

One: Reusable Resource, yes, just keep in mind this is a desert environment, it won't take that long for it the water to fizzle out or soak in, but, circumstance always. Like the salt flats, probably would eat spilled water faster than a starving child with a bunny.

Hence the need for the water containers mentioned earlier. :)

Two: There is a 2:1 ratio that you must adhere to, unless something is won in the little contests I do (riddles, clues, prizes.) That is: Strengths/Abilities to Weaknesses. You're weaknesses can exceed your Str/Abil ratio, but not vice versa. This prevents too many "perks", granting overly absurd powers and prowess, which is why many of our character have simple-focused skills sets.

Water Solidification, Hydrokinetic Constructs, Water Walking and Adaptive Combat Style are all aspects of the same skill, the solidification and shaping of water. Would it be better to simply merge them all together into one skill, rather than defining their specific details as separate abilities?

Example Ability: "Huntress" could combine her keen eye for "natural detail", like spotting something out of place, with her ability to accurately gauge the lay of the land to stalk and hunt her prey.

I'm not sure I understand the example here. Although both her ability to read the environment and her skill at navigation terrain were products of her childhood raised in the wilderness they are specific skills which aren't directly related. Wouldn't it be better to keep them separately defined?

@Shotgun Bear I appreciate your time and consideration, may you find luck in your future endeavors. Ciao.

@clericbeast
I have much more than the bare necessities. Many, many hours and thousands of words have gone into this-- and more will come. The tidbits that are unknown, are unknown for a reason. My personal style is to provide a world with some things still left to explore. These "returning" characters started out just the way both of you did, but better accepting of my criticism. Abrasiveness is a part of who I am, I think faster than I type, and I do apologize for this on the constant, because people have feelings and I step on them sometimes. My use of bold, and underline, was to ensure my point got across with absolute certainty so that I did not have to repeat myself a third time. If that is taken offensively, then so be it.

You however, are coming off highly unappreciative.

"... barely imparted more than the absolute necessities..."

Six pieces of lore, done in a data email format. And yes, they are cute.
A "Key Points" resource, explaining the key elements of Immortals, Spark, the Awakening, AND the Hollow
A FAQ.
And the most important resource, a GM to ask questions and have your work critiqued by. If you decide to "gung-ho" a CS don't expect it to be perfect, there is only one person who has ever accomplished that.

I would recommend when butting into a conversation you try not to piss of the GM. Telling somebody their hard work is "cute" is condescending, especially in the first statement where you are inserting yourself into something willingly. This conveys a sense of irritation that you don't have a right to feel, unlike myself with my excessive bold fonts and underlines.

For the sake of the peace, Shotgun Bear is opting out and there is no reason to further continue this. You stated something, I replied, if you feel the need to further argue this, PM me, this is no longer appropriate for the OOC because it's going to boil down into irritation and snide remarks.

Hence the need for the water containers mentioned earlier. :)

I meant to say, I will approve your character for manipulation, rather than manifestation but under a few circumstances: The island is a very arid place in general, though plants do have moisture in them. And you have to promise never to attempt destruction of the "main water line" without talking to me first-- otherwise you'll kill the entire island. and gg rp.

Water Solidification, Hydrokinetic Constructs, Water Walking and Adaptive Combat Style are all aspects of the same skill, the solidification and shaping of water. Would it be better to simply merge them all together into one skill, rather than defining their specific details as separate abilities?

Everything in the abilities section is an aspect of the primary ability-- these are supposed to define the uniqueness of your character. Maybe not all hydrokinetics can water walk? Make constructs, etc. They are all independent clauses relating to the primary "topic" of hydrokinesis.

I'm not sure I understand the example here. Although both her ability to read the environment and her skill at navigation terrain were products of her childhood raised in the wilderness they are specific skills which aren't directly related. Wouldn't it be better to keep them separately defined?

You could merge them. I mean you say they were results of her upbringing, while technically should be listed as different skills-- Alex's Agility doesn't necessarily give her parkour, it's kind of a subset, and I approve the merger of environment reading and terrain navigation, as they are definitely skills where you can't have one without the other (I mean, reasonably)

@Aeonumbra

If the most integral part of the role play - the facet the player would need the most information on in order to design a character - is also the most cryptic, there's bound to be misunderstandings. That's all I was trying to say.

I do want to apologize for the "cute" remark, however; I lost my temper, and I didn't mean to undermine your effort.

I don't want to cause any more of a scene, so I'll leave it at this.

@clericbeast I appreciate your civility. I admit I was getting kind of irritated at Shotgun, I feel like he/she was choosing to interpret things and ignore things in every way to assuage my distaste for his/her character. But that's over with, can't handle my fire stay out of my kitchen I guess.

But there are multiple ways to go about it, most importantly asking me. The lore is written in a style I liked, to tell a story, and for the player to pick out the important parts, this shows focus and attention to detail.

A bit cryptic, yes, but that's how I like it. I don't write all of that information for myself, otherwise I'd just go make a book or something.

To anyone still working on your app; trust if you stay with it things will get pretty rad. Aeo likes to iron things out a lot, and my understanding of it is because he has some very deeply constructed lore we're all kinda gonna be treading on. That, and there some things that just don't really fit; the planet of the apes ape people being a good, and simple example.

I still wish you all the best of luck in completely fleshing out your apps, and I'm excited to RP with you all :)