James expected that someone would ask him that question, eventually. Most people just nodded knowingly when they found out what he did, but this was the eleventh hour, the last minute, and the only remaining chance anyone might have to do more than speculate as to his motivations. Maybe Tatiana wasn't present when he explained it to Ash. Hell, maybe he was a touch suicidal in exactly that second, and the little lady wanted to ask again now that things had cooled down some. The least he could do was oblige.
"Maybe Sana killin' herself wasn't 100% on him, Tati, but he was part of it. Didn't care a fuzzy shit 'bout that girl. Took advantage of her though, after losin' her brother, just 'cause she reminded him of Miss Zoie." he shook his head, tears starting to form in his big, brown eyes. James wasn't finished talking yet.
"Then Sana picked her dead ass up an ate Bryn. That girl... not a lot of folks knew her good, but I did. She was sad sometimes, but kind, and had a smile she didn't show people. We was friends." James's face turned from sorrow to hate, shifting with seamless ease. He was definitely flipping through stages of grief like a champ.
"A good woman lost her life to save him, out there." he pointed away from Newnan, out into the corpse-infested badlands that were once Georgia.
I honored her, and hauled that worthless ass back home where he didn't give two shits past fillin' his own belly and fuckin' whatever said yes, all while makin' problems for the rest of us. Dick wasn't worth anyone's life, hell sho' not Alicia's." Tatiana sat there listening to what James had to say. She could understand his logic in the situation, well what logic he was able to put together right then considering just how emotional he seemed to be. He was shifting from sadness to anger quickly. It was a large change from the usual happy James but it wasn't surprising considering everything that had happened that morning. It seemed like it was a long time coming in James mind and this worried Tatiana. She had missed the signs of Sana and obviously had missed the growing rage in James.
"That man's a cancer. An' if I had to die to cut him outta Newnan, still worth it. Dick ain't hurtin' nobody else no more - my family's safe from that sumbitch." "Maybe safe from him but are ve safer now over all because of vhat you have done? Ve are losing you, a protector, hunter, main person that grows our crops. Ve are losing Ryan, vho has been taking care of medical garden and helping with creating medications, not to mention trainer and knov Eden. Ve are losing Beatrice, hunter and trainer," she said as she sat there.
"Ve lost tvo last night because of various reasons. One in vhich includes me not seeing vhat Sana vas going through. Nov Richard dead because I no see groving hate in you." Tatiana sighed a bit as she pushed her hair back out of her face. It was not like the little ballerina to see so serious.
"I didn't ask nobody come with me, Tati. You gotta know that. I don't know why anyone'd wanna leave this place, world bein' what it is. Hell, Imma have to ask 'em, once we out there a ways." His face had notes of actual disbelief. He wanted to tell Tatiana that he and Gavin would try to do something about Eden, at least enough to even out their sudden loss in manpower that day. When the others in his group found out about it, they might even decide to come back to Newnan, anyway. James wanted to tell her that he protected Newnan still, even if he wasn't welcome there anymore. That he would try to protect them for as long as he could. But he just couldn't come out and tell her that he planned to go full Blackneck Beast Mode upside the collective heads of Eden; that he meant to light up Peachtree City with fires fueled by their home and their corpses, if he had his way.
"Ain't no hate been growin' in me, Tati. I never trusted Dick. Sittin' with them two dead girls, rememberin' how he treated Miss Zoie, seein' him eyeball Miss Thana like he was? More people was gonna die, Tati, an' that's a fact. I had to do somethin'." Tatiana eyed James, she knew he was holding back something. It was written all over his face.
"Vhy you kill Richard, vhy you? Vhy not talk Ash? All people, Ash listen to you most. Vhy take lav into ovn hands?" she asked as she sat there looking at him. He had given his reasons to why Richard needed to die in his eyes but she wanted to know why he had to be the one to do it personally.
"I brought him in." There was crushing responsibility in his voice. There wasn't a lot of time that they could talk, really; not as much as either of them would have liked. So James kept up with the soul liberating honesty. Call it a full confession, one big, greasy chunk at a time.
"Me an' Alicia took Ash's Buster without askin'. Had a big ol' time with that truck. She saved him, died for it, too. I took him outta the shit and into our home, Tati. Our home. Everything he done past that, all that hurt? Some of that's on me." "Even if some is on you, some is on me. Some is on Ash. Some is on Alicia even for saving him. Means none is on us. Vhat happen because of him is on him. Maybe not even then. Maybe on his parents, maybe on Zoie. Ve could say all day vho is blame but that doesn't ansver question. Vhy no go to Ash? Not trust him? Or you vant revenge?" she asked bluntly as she watched him.
The little Russian girl was going for the meat of it. James knew her well enough not to underestimate her tenacity, but even in this, he blinked.
"I don't not trust Ash. Now, if you're needin' to label me with only one of those, it's closest on revenge. But it ain't all about needin' to make that fucker pay, neither. What was Ash gonna do? Lock him up 'cause Sana offed herself? Kick him out 'cause of somethin' he might do? Death and other bad shit followed him 'round, and he's keepin' his hands just clean enough so's Law couldn't touch him. Ash gotta be fair to folks." That's what it meant to be a leader, in James's mind. Fairness, and making the hard choices for the good of your people.
"I kill him. Turn myself in, tell why. Only one more person gotta go, then. Everybody else's safe from him, Tati, all it cost was a bullet." "No, cost more than bullet," she said as she leaned closer and rested her hands in her lap.
"Cost your home. Cost friends. Cost part of soul. For vhat? To kill man vho didn't kill anyone? Dah, he influence lives around him but he not kill." Shaking her head a bit she leaned in even closer.
"Sana could have valked avay, she let him treat her dat vay. Alicia made the choice to pull trigger to save him, and you both made choice to take truck vithout Ash permission," she said rather bluntly. She had been told the story time and time again from various people who had heard it, who had been part of it in town at the time, even from Richard.
"Vhat fair in life? Outbreak not fair, var vas not fair before that. Nothing fair. Cost far more than bullet. You lose yourself. Perhaps bullet better than monster one can become? Deaths that happened because you place blame on Richard is blame of many of us. You kill Richard, dat on you. Make you vorse than vhat you kill. Cost more than bullet." Solid tears flowed from James, the more Tatiana hammered into him. His voice remained relatively unmarked from the experience, at least enough that he was understandable.
"We all made choices, girl. I made a choice and put an axe in somebody. I saw Sana an' ..." His voice choked out a sob, but he fought hard to continue,
"Sana an' Bryn lyin' there... after I put 'em both down. Hells naw it ain't fair. I lost my shit and it felt like justice, Tati. Simple as that. I thought I was gonna pay for it, too." He stared at his hands for a few seconds, rocking back and forth a little in his seat.
"Sana, me, even Dick, there - Outbreak changed us all, girl. You didn't know me, couple years back. I was a goddamn monster. A man don't just shake that..." His voice trailed off.
"...a man don't shake that. Not all the way. Me leavin's for the best." James took in a shuddering breath.
"I don't wanna be that guy no more." "You don't have to be," the little bird said sympathetically as she watched him break down. Sighing slightly she handed him a handkerchief from her pocket.
"Each of us have volf inside, fighting constantly. One good, one bad. Vho vin? One ve feed," Tatiana said as she slipped over to James and wrapped her arms around him. Pulling him close and hugging him tight.
"Feed right one." James didn't relax into the hug for a few seconds. He felt that he didn't deserve it in the least. But deserve or not, this was the last time he was going to see Tatiana again. He wasn't going to go off, letting her think he was angry at her. The angle was bad for a full hug, but James leaned his head into her and brought one arm up, his hand finding the warmth of her strong but delicate limbs. He allowed himself the tiniest of comfort from her. And then he began to weep. Openly and hard, an ugly sort of cry that spilled his emotions shamelessly out into the open.
Hugging him a bit tighter, Tatiana let him get it out. Just sitting there, hugging the man she considered an uncle.
"You have people vho care. They vouldn't go vith you if they didn't," she said in a quiet voice. She didn't know this Gavin fellow and she wasn't close to Beatrice or Ryan but she knew those two well enough to know they wouldn't do anything in this life if it didn't matter to them. They weren't ones to mince words or actions.
James had fed a wolf today. He fed it with love, and he fed it with violence. James had an abundance of both in his heart, almost to exclusion. The problem was, he had no idea which one he fed that morning. Pulling back slightly, Tatiana gave James the brightest smile she could.
"Feed right one. For family, for you." Slipping back she pulled the handle of the door and swung it open as she started to slide out.
"Vill see you again, I knov it." "I hope you right..." It was all he could think to say just then.
"I really do. Love you, Tatiana. Stay safe." The last of his tears were receding, which he hastily wiped away with his shirt sleeve. He looked to his axe that Ash had given back to him and methodically reassembled his gun. James still didn't know which wolf he fed within himself, the good or the bad, but his work wasn't finished yet. Love might still motivate the man to help Gavin attempt to destroy the single greatest threat to his former community, but he wasn't sure which canine was getting the steak that day.
All he knew was that at least one of them was going to get nice and fat.
Ash Holloway
Location: Outer Gate
The gate closed behind James's truck, finalizing within Ash his own sense of ethical obligation. It still didn't make him hate himself any less. And though his friend was only just outside of the Outer Gate, the sense of distance between the two seemed palpable. James was officially gone now, whatever else happened in that moment. A passed sentence, act of violence, and a huge metal wall symbolically and physically separated them, and his absence left a hole in the heart of Newnan.
His absence also left a hole in the administration of the Newnan Community. It is precisely this issue to which Ash gave attention.
Before people began to wander back off to their begin or continue their perspective duties, Ash cleared his throat loudly and demanded that attention of the citizenry of Newnan.
"...AHEM... As long as I have you all out here, there is another piece of business that needs to be addressed." He gave them a few seconds to quiet whatever murmuring was going on before he proceeded.
"For those of you who have not formally met her," began Ash, motioning to Thana,
"This is Dr. Thana Martin, Lieutenant Commander, United States Navy. Her Ph.D. is in Botany, and she has extensive working experience maximizing Agricultural resources with the United Nations. Plus, she comes with a hell of a character reference." "I have officially appointed Dr. Martin as our new Agricultural Lead. The other leads will give her their support, and the Agricultural staff will show her the same amount of respect and consideration that they showed Mr. Grady during his tenure." He looked to Thana, nodding his certainty and approval at the decision.
"She will undoubtedly have different ideas on managing the land and the staff than to which you are all accustomed. Dr. Martin has my full support. She will also have yours. Is that clear?" Ashton waved noticed looks from among the crowd gathered, heard whispers, and even caught the raised hand or two.
"Please hold any questions or comments for now. You'll have an opportunity after I'm done with announcements. Yes, there is more." "Dr. Bonheur - You have an amazingly full plate. Your duties have tremendous demands on your time, and each one is vital to the success of our community. You have served valiantly a our Medical Lead since your arrival, and have basically founded a school of Applied Medicine out of our main building. Sir, you have contributed much to Newnan, at expense to yourself. It is for these reasons that I relieve you of your position as my Second. Your professional time is better spent with the Hospital and your School. No shame, Froggy. None. As for your personal time: You need to actually have some. Concentrate on medicine, concentrate on teaching." Ash looked over the crowd of Newnanites, seeking one person in particular.
"Jack!" he called. Ash wasn't sure whether to refer to him as Jack Hudson or Newnan, thinking back to their conversation the previous night, so he opted to go for the less formal recitation of his first name only, hoping to catch in later discussion his preference, and if it was situational.
"As Security Lead, the safety of our community and the patrol of our walls and grounds are under our direct supervision. Our Security staff is at your command. You would benefit with increased autonomy of action when needed, and the authority to execute any order I pass down the chain. I hereby appoint you as my Second, in addition to your duties as our Security Lead. You now have the authority to make decisions for the community in my absence, and I will rely upon you as my Executive Officer." Not to mention the fact that, as his Second
and Security Lead, his combined duties would keep him busier inside of the walls more often than out, providing a more stable family life for his young wife and their coming child. Unless he personally volunteered to do so, his job would keep him close to home.
"I believe that completes new business. Unless there are any relevant questions or comments, please return to your duties."
Location: North Of Newnan (Veterans Memorial Park - Corner of Temple Ave. & Jackson St.)
Laying her spear across her lap as she sipped her bitter, black liquid, Thalia gave another look around them. At the corner of an intersection in what used to be a residential area, right up next to a small, neighborhood park. This place must have been the very image of Southern Charm back in its day. Now, the scape was bleak with snow drifts and neglect, possibly recoverable if a dedicated group of survivors were to out in the TLC necessary to make them into homes again. But it wouldn't be her. Thalia had her own plans. Right then, her own plans involved sipping coffee.
Instant coffee wasn't one of the things that would have appealed to Thalia before the world started to eat itself. She was more accustomed to hot and rich arabica blends, expertly brewed and occasionally with a pinch of cinnamon or flavored with dark chocolate. Mostly, she took it black. Or she used to, before. Now, instant coffee crystals were a dream.
God, she was thinking a
lot about coffee this morning. It was distracting.
Their guest seemed to be grating against her host, Lola. Not in any huge way, but there was a hint of tension. Thalia herself had her usual suspicions, which given her background, already made her wary of new people. This guy seemed harmless enough, and if he had been on his own for an extended period of time, it would be normal for his social skills to take a little while to reacclimate.
"Look guy, you don't know us, we don't know you, and the best we're probably going to do is a neighborly cup of hot water with some fucking distraction dissolved in it." Her eyes narrowed at the man, and she leaned forward a little in her chair,
"You seem like an okay guy, though. Tell you what, there's some nice looking houses around here. You want a cup? There's your best option. Bring us back some good, solid coffee mugs, and my hot cocoa is yours. Deal?" Come to think of it, this place was probably ideal for a quick search. Central location surrounded by houses, it could be a gold mine. But that smoke in the distance, were it indicative of a settlement, might support the possibility that settlers had already picked this place over. Maybe
she could find something, Thalia was quite the observant scavenger, but any prize might not be worth the effort. Sending Alexander to score coffee mugs was really more of a litmus test in that regard, but the prize was real. She would fork over that delicious chocolate powder.
