Name: Wang Hou
Nicknames: Idiot, Double Idiot, and Triple Idiot
Gender: Male
Age: 15
Birthday: (04/19)
Height: 152.4cm
Weight: 62.1kg
Nationality: Chinese

Personality: Children believe everything they are told, don't they? But children are cunning, and more so than anybody can believe. Wang Hou is a person who has lived his life with a belief. A belief that has marked his body. His belief? That he is the Monkey King. Born on Fire Fruit Mountain, he sees himself as the king reborn, a wild unstoppable spirit that has found itself on earth once more. He is a rebellious sort. A kind that cannot remain seated, and acts almost on a whim. But he is clever, and sees through lies. It may be that by rejecting the usual methods of learning, he has unfolded the basics of humanity? Whatever the case, he is a compassionate sort, who seeks to learn and help others. And to do that, he must bring down others who stifle freedom and humanity. He is on his own journey to the west.
Biography: Monkey King Wannabe.
School: Nope, can't even read. Learned everything orally.
Grade: Grade 0
Skills: The amount of things that Wang learned to do is rather staggering. Hunting, fishing, cleaning, cooking. In short, if it can be taught, he's probably already learned it. The only thing he hasn't learned is how to read. Making him seem like a real idiot. But trust us, there is a method to his madness. See, there is nothing he finds important in books, that he can't learn another way. Thus, he simply avoids them. Generally though, he can preform just about any role required of a guardian. As is his true purpose.
Faction(s): Magic Goon Squad

Mage:
Mage Name: SimiaRex347
Magical System: Chinese Buddhism
Description: This is the translation of Taoist ideologies into that of Buddhist. A unique kind of taoist spirituality mixed and collided with the buddhist template to create a surprisingly powerful magical system. It was a gradual change, but one that became not only fundamental to ancient china, but to its heroes and stories. Heroes like Sun Wukong went from Taoist heroes, to approaching that of buddhist monks.
The groundwork of buddhism, or at least the chinese variation, is that it still includes many taoist principals. A kind of action, and spiritual core that uses an inner peace as its foundations. Methods like long meditation, and a spiritual center are fundamental to even tapping the surface of Chinese Buddhism. It is a pathway to seeing how all life is connected, and seeks to connect all people, nature, and all animals into a single fundamental understanding.
Karma, perception, consciousness, and an overall understanding of rebirth are important theories that translated between beliefs.

Disclaimer: This post is not meant to call anyone out, it's not me being overly mean to anyone, this post is not about being rude or malicious to anyone. This is merely my observations on the characters in their current state and how they could have been improved upon.

Ah, I see that you too are a Roleplay Intellectual™~ Yes, yes, by all means, proceed~

Firstly the positives, it does seem like you have knowledge of in your writing and now how to string together prose fairly well.

Ah, thanks~ I'm glad that I now how to string prose together. You see, I worked really, really hard when I was in fourth grade to now as many things as I could! My teacher once asked me, 'do you even now what you're talking about?', but thankfully, I, as a Roleplay Intellectual™, was able to best her.

However, the issue with this personality is that it honestly tells me nothing. You have a lot of words, but not a lot of substance, and it combines history with personality which is necessarily bad

Aw, and I was doing sooo~ weee~ll tooo~ooo!

Well, I see. Many words, but no substance. Right, right. I see that instead of explaining someone's mentality, I should have focused on the important things~ But, we'll get to that later, yes?

yet you don’t really weave those parts of history well enough to connect them to the personality trait. I would suggest looking back through this and perhaps starting it off with the more interesting bit of his character for example;

Ah, thank you for your suggestion~! Let's see, so a character's personality must be based around their background. I thank you for solving the debate between nature and nurture~! I'd been really struggling over which one took priority, but it's good to know that one of them's irrelevant~

We'll also be discussing some other things later, but I don't want to spoil the surprise~

It still has the prose you’re looking for, however, it is more clear and specific in it’s intent. Sometimes less is more in terms of wording.

W~ow, you managed to miss the mark entirely! Not only did you manage to fail to understand Claudius's character in a way that literally everyone who has spoken to me about him has managed to avoid. Not only does he not see himself as a savior of the world, not only does this totally misunderstand his delusion, but it manages to also perfectly ruin the prose I put into it~

Sa~su~ga~

Taking the biography at a time, it isn’t necessarily a terribly written biography, but there are parts that are disjointed. I don’t quite get the read stuff and it’s quite jarring and takes me right out of the narrative you’re trying to tell.

I sincerely apologize that you cannot understand what "read" means. I also apologize that your capacity for prediction is null.

Have you considered pursuing an alternate career?

You could be an economic analyst.

Or a weatherman.

I’d just include that information in the biography itself without the parentheses it isn’t really necessary. So for example I would start this off with;

in fact one of their ancestors was a Gemstone while a bit less dramatic is the others were normal in comparison. But despite their history bloodline, he himself was not born with ESP.

Incredible! You managed to, once again, misunderstand the biography and get it completely wrong in a way that nobody in the remainder of the roleplay has managed to do!

I see, I see. This is truly [Method Acting]. By rejecting the world, you exceed the self~

In the interests of clarity, I'll explain this in as banal a means as possible!

He had one ancestor who was a Gemstone.

No other relatives were Gemstones.

I do not know how you alone failed to understand the meaning of "one of his ancestors was a Gemstone and the rest are just normal people".

blessed with the talent of a rank 4, tested at Academy City through the usual treatment of hard drugs, she became his parents apple of their eye.

Part of me really thinks I should be criticizing your prose, since you were doing the same~ But, I try to be a nice GM, so I'll hold myself back~

This needs some look over, if they are showing favoritism to one or the other then they are the type to show favoritism. It can’t be both ways. This structurally needs to be rewritten to make a clearer narrative shift;

I see! I didn't realize that not having a proclivity towards something meant you couldn't possibly commit that act! I wish pacifists who acted in self-defense knew they were doing something impossible, could have saved us so~ much~ trouble~

I wouldn’t say this proclamation should come so young at his age and add another paragraph at a much older age that his proclamation came. Then again things are written in a disjointed way I can’t really tell the age of Claudius at this moment, but considering they are seven years apart I am not even sure this makes much sense in general narratively speaking. I also added a bit more emotion into the narrative which your original didn’t. To give the character more emotional ground.

It was clear after a while that his younger sister became his parents favorite, they couldn’t help, but showed more attention to their prodigy of a daughter. While it may seem petty, as a child it greatly impacted him when he found out they wrote letters more often to his sister in Academy City then to him at a science fair. This was a turning point in his life, he wouldn’t or couldn’t accept this reality around him.

<Good>, Claudius is clearly not at all an emotional character, and I'm glad you were able to help through injection of emotion into his story, by giving him a nonexistent inferiority complex and utterly failing to grasp the character~

Goodness, you're making it really, really hard to not attack your prose style. You learned how commas work, riiiight~? I just want to clarify! Of course, I understand that your misuse of them is because of how well you understand Claudius's disjointed mindset, given that you are a Roleplay Intellectual™.

This disillusionment/this denial of accepting this to be his reality began his rebel phase, in the eyes of his parents. Neglecting his studies to the point where he was scraping by in school, shutting out others, and immersing himself in his work.

Ah, a rebel phase! Yes, yes, that is clearly what was missing from the story of someone like him, of course~

This disillusionment/this denial of accepting this to be his reality began his rebel phase, in the eyes of his parents. Neglecting his studies to the point where he was scraping by in school, shutting out others, and immersing himself in his work.

I'm impressed you've managed to fail to grasp the character this well! Is this method acting? If so, you're doing a great job in playing the role of Claudius~

This is not self explanatory.

Some~one~has~n't~read~the~light~nov~els~

High Speed Calculations can mean anything and even if it is self explanatory, you have to consider the audience may not know what high speed calculations is. This actually should have been written with what that actually means for your character.

Some~one~has~n't~read~the~light~nov~els~

Honestly I am not sure I even like these skills. Some of them, looking at High Speed Calculations and his Mastery of Improvisation - especially in the way they are described makes it feel like he is a prodigy. I feel like his skills should have played off more with his more average skill set.

Ah, yes, being able to do QUICK MATH and make up monologues are clearly superior grounding for being valued than having high-rank psychic superpowers!

Thank you, I'll send a letter to Crowley with this knowledge! Now I can definitely get into Tokiwadai!

You suffer from a lot of what the mages suffer from in this RP. Is you write these prose that are quite pretty to look at, but you aren’t clear on what the ability does and how it does it. This is the one time where prose won’t serve you. It is often more important to clearly state what these abilities do so other players can follow them along for example;

Goodness, this glass house, how did it get destroyed?! It's like someone inside of it threw a stone! Ah, but we'll cover that later.

I think one issue you have is a fundamental misunderstanding of how magic in this setting works. This will come up more explicitly when dealing with the target of your aggression, but for now I'll leave it at saying that you don't seem to get the process of magic. I would recommend reading, say, the first volume of Toaru as a means of learning~ I generally find reading the source material to be super, super useful in figuring these weird kinks such as 'mechanics' out!

And to be honest I am not even sure I translate that appropriately because of how confusing your description of your ability is. Precise, clear, simple, language, with clear point is often better when writing abilities.

Correct, you did not translate it appropriately, because you completely missed out on the reason why his magic works, which is the concept of 'referents' in language! I'm terribly sorry if referents are too banal a concept for understanding by a Published Author and Roleplay Intellectual who has been writing for eighteen years. I'll try to <enhance> my dialect in the future to reach your level~

In terms of personality, it’s passable.

Ehehe~ We'll deal with this later~

It’s more clear than some of the others and I understand the basics of the character. It’s doable, but could be improved upon. You lack actually adding in the what, why, and the how in this personality. So for example you state, “he’s created the perfect image of a regular guy”, but how does he do that? Likable doesn’t describe how, or why, people perceive him as a regular guy. Is he a likable guy because of his wit and charm? Is he funny? And what constitutes as a regular guy in terms of the character?

This really is incredible. It's like I'm peering into a bizarro world where someone applying for a collaborative story in the setting of one of the quintessential light novels has no experience in said light novel.

But that couldn't be true, riiiiight~?

Beside that my conclusion on Hayden is that he’s a passable character. Your sheet is not necessarily bad, but there are things that could be used to punch it up. I admire someone taking on the role of a more average minded character, who isn’t too skilled at anything, with the right balance. I feel like even though you did do an average character there could have been a bit more snap in the CS and something that make the character interesting. As he doesn’t make me too excited to read.

Ah, yes, because characters must be 'exciting to read'! Everyone must be a protagonist, why, just ask the unbiased source of Claudius!

...oh, wait...

...w-well, that aside, I'm sure that it's fine to call someone's character boring! You're just trying to help them, after all! Clearly, you, as a Roleplay Intellectual™, know what is the best for someone to play. We can't allow the plebeians to play what they want. Could you imagine?! People would be acting suboptimally on the internet!

Again it seems you have he same issue as everyone else does. When describing powers it’s always better go with simple explanations

Oh lord, I'm sorry to break character here, but I'm going to have a field day with this.

Like Pryokinesis is kind of self explanatory, but there are so many ways it could be implemented that it has to be clearer on what it can and cannot do. Range, who it affects, how long it affects.

...You, uh, you really have no experience with Toaru, huh?

On some level like it’s fine, but on another hand when things aren’t properly explained it leads into weird scenarios where people just do whatever they please because they have written their power in an obtuse vague way.

This is especially funny to me, since you're the only player with whom we had to codify such things, but again, that comes in due time~

Another personality that is actually quite vague, you actually state not a lot about your character, while seemingly it looks like you did.. It lacks, the what, the how, that some of the other sheets lack. For example, you state “she absolutely dislikes unnecessary things or things that annoy her”. Well beside things that disrupt her peaceful life, what are those things? What are the things she considers unnecessary?

Incredible! It's almost like people have moods and vacillations! I'm glad I learned today that you can capture the meaning of a person in a paragraph. This is why I try to learn as much as I can from the great Roleplay Intellectuals™.

Also how is it so far removed from her usual personality? Soft spoken and gentle doesn’t describe who she is and doesn’t describe much of how she changes. For example, I have a character who has an extremely long fuse, so he shrugs off problems and smiles, so everyone always assumes that he’s okay and nice. But he actually has so much bottled up emotions he explodes into a rage that he and others around him cannot control and it’s quite self destructive. Which in comparison to his relaxed, carefree state, someone who passes off conflict in comparison to the angry, bitter and resentful person he becomes.

I apologize, but I am laughing aloud at this point in time.

I'm sorry to keep saying this, but we'll cover this later.

Biography, I am not going say it’s bad. It passes, it’s serviceable, not very interesting because you don’t hand out the why’s. Like why does she prefer shortcuts? Or who she learned shortcuts from?

I will be blunt here: this is the mindset of a webnovel author who does not understand how character motivation, development, or actualization function.

Attempting to "explain everything" is a mistake that any author worth their salt will deride.

...ah, whoops~ Got a bit real there for a second! Sumanai, sumanai, Sonata-chan's back in the game~

Her father, a sibling, maybe it was her family who coddled an impatient child and didn’t teach her to take her time with things? Also it seems like some of this stuff could be blended with personality to make it more robust. Otherwise it’s fine.

I sure am glad we have a Roleplay Intellectual™ to declare that characters are fine.

It sure would be a shame if people had fun on the internet without being approved by Roleplay Intellectuals™! Could you imagine?!

your sheet should be the example of how to write mage powers for the others.

someone help i can't breathe

Like many of the sheets you forget the hows, or the whys in your personality. It honestly would flesh out the character a bit more and give him more substance as a person. For example, you state he’s over protective of his sister. How does he show this? What triggers them? What is relaxed for Adrian? What does he consider a good time? Little things like that flesh out the character a bit more.

Important question: when I get to your character, should I use my standards to review them, or your standards?

I'll do a mix, I think.

That seems best.

With the feelings of a not understood genius carrying the secret knowledge of, and to crusade against those who wield magic due to his sister [and unbeknownst his whole family] It could be said that his petty vengeance is the cornerstone to make him feel extra special-instead of merely gifted.

It is this personal complex that makes him seem arrogant to most, though he doesn’t mean anything by his actions. Self centered Senki feels the need to be special and that often conflicts with others who perceive this need as mall intent on his part.

This failure to misunderstand characters really is astounding. I've heard of people who don't grasp the nature of others in physical interactions, but this is something beyond even that. Despite having a summary of the character on the screen in front of you, you manage to completely misunderstand their premise!

Sasuga!

My comment about the powers is about what I have told about half the sheets. It took me two reads to get the fact he was a human magnet.

Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you.

Disclaimer: Whatever has happened personally between me and Persona has not affected this review. I have treated this sheet like I have treated all the sheets above me. This about the sheet, not the player.

O H B O Y H E R E W E G O

On personal level I wouldn’t accept even a paragraph for a ten year old, they have had enough life experience to start developing their own state of mind.

I am sorry that not every ten-year old can be a Roleplay Intellectual™.

But beyond my personal taste, this personality says nothing about who the character is, why the character is.

Yeah, this personality section that describes how the character acts doesn't at all describe how the character acts~ What~ a~ shame~

For example; how does he desire autonomy? What is his interpretation of autonomy?

Fam, I'm gonna get real for a second, but you know you're talking about a literal elementary-schooler, right?

Ah, I see, you and your character must have been contemplating the nuances of autonomy long before they were potty trained~ My bad!

You don’t really need the young, it’s an unnecessary description, but how is he naive? And if he was isolated from modern society then what were the things that imprinted on him, because he’s impressionable? These things need to be consider even if the character lived a relatively isolated and sheltered life because he would still be surrounded by a few people. His parents, so what did he learn off of them? And how did they affect his emotional state.

jesus christ how do you get off on criticizing the writing style of anyone in this fucking roleplay

Ahem, sorry, got a little twitchy there.

What are unconventional thoughts? What was he taught? What did he learn? And not only that, but this is a double feature that could be expanded in his history and in his personality. I.e.; due to the unconventional thoughts of his parents he believes X.

Perhaps you would have realized this by looking into the background of his cultural understandings.

Or, if you hate using Google, you could have gauged it upon, say, reading any of his posts.

Just a suggestion~

And just as I have stated in every other sheet, the description of this ability is not clear, is not concise, it doesn’t say what it does, how does it, when it does, how he activates. I.e. go look at Riccardo’s sheet because I think every mage should look at his sheet on how to write powers for the mages.

O~kay~ We're at the last magician, so it's time I explained magic~

Magic in Toaru is based on foundations derived from culture and folklore. That is to say, the cultural groundings and traditions form an idolatry which is used for magic.

For instance, the shamanism of the Shuar, or the totemism of the Mongol Steppes are magic groundings in this setting. Creation of a spell list and the like are asinine, as 'what is possible for a magician' is based in cultural understanding. This character, for instance, has a handful of abilities related to his culture which were all approved by the GMs prior to use. This is the case both for magicians and espers.

The only thing that I would give you is that I wish the personality was more fleshed out and given a little more in terms of it’s depth. It’s not bad right now, but you do also have the same issue of not explaining the how or for example; It doesn’t matter if you’re desperately poor or amazingly affluent, as long as you meet his basic criteria.

Well, what is his basic criteria? Since everyone has different views on that. Or what does he consider honest and hardworking, since that means different things to other people? Beside that another solid good character.

This level of arrogance is frankly obscene, and a lovely transition point.

Now~ then~ let's~ begin~



First off, this has bugged me for a while, what sort of surname is "Mistugane"? Do you know any Japanese? Because you really shouldn't make up 'Japanese-sounding' names unless your character is a blatant chuunibyou or you actually know Japanese.

Ethnicity: Caucasian, and Eastern Asian [mix of Korean and Japanese]

Nationality: (What nationality is your character? If you get into quarters I will be sad though)

W~ow, so sad~

This is the infamous Rapunzel, you supposed he probably couldn’t have chosen his name it isn’t like he’s the one who came to the news reporters and told them what he wanted to be called. People only started calling, well you suppose him Rapunzel because of the strands of hair left at the crime scenes. He’s rather tall, freakishly tall, is he really a Japanese man? He’s also rather lean, thin, though formal in a unkempt suit and canvas shoes. The canvas is fading away and you can tell the suit has been well worn. Blond hair, lots and lots of blond hair. Though it oddly seems to have a mind of its own or maybe he’s controlling it because it’s not necessarily touching the ground. The tips of it just barely above the ground. He’s emitting a strong field around him.

“You’re the infamous Rapunzel?” you say in disbelief.

"I don't care for things like that, names are labels given by others in ways to categorize you for themselves. Most have never seen nor spoken to me, so all they have to go by is the label they gave me"

Obscured but not Oblivious [+]

His voice is light, in fact it’s a lot more airy than you expected. At times he lowers his octave just a tad lower like someone who doesn’t speak a tone much higher than a whisper. There are noticeable, but barely visible scars on his hand, even around his neck. His focus is steady and never wavering, it’s almost unsettling the way he looks at you with red irises that drag you inward. Like they have their own gravitational pull that keeps you engaged.

He also seems much calmer of a person than you expected to have committed the crimes he did. He’s pale, near albino, but his hair is just enough snow blonde to keep him from washing out entirely. His energy seems warm, almost inviting even if he seems to be looking past you like you are made of glass.

Why is this in the Ethnicity section?

Why is it in second-person?

Are you real, or are you the fabrication of a malefic deity whose sole goal is to see me cry?

Thank you for assuming how I feel. This is why second-person is the best point of view for establishing a character, especially in their Ethnicity section.

At most some people would sign off Ren has merely a delusional killer,

So, you're a little off, here.

I think you meant "as merely a delusional killer".

Just wanted to help, from one Roleplay Intellectual™ to another!

It doesn’t help that Ren is paranoid about others and equally distrusting of their intent. In fact that likely makes Ren come off as a someone who isn’t a team player and at most someone who wouldn’t get along with others, though that isn’t entirely true.

I'm glad you can criticize others' prose why not understanding grammar in the slightest. It really adds <perspective>.

Ren’s rarely the type of person to lash out without reason, even if his reasonings are warped and not quite something others could make out.

Ah, the classic insane character that middle schoolers make because people can't possibly understand their d e p t h as characters.

While he can be fickle with others, he is likely nonviolent unless someone has struck a particular nerve with him. He seems to have some discontent with those who sell lies and falsehoods. Discontent might not be the word, but an obsession is more like it. An obsession to prove to others with hope, that all they will discover is despair and a nagging Silence. A Silence he describes as a nagging white noise in his thoughts.

A couple of questions.

One, why is he certifiably insane?

Second, why is silence a proper noun?

It might be more true to say that Ren suffers at the hand of his own psychosis than he does at the hands or desire to murder. They say a true villain believes they are the hero in their own story. Though Ren’s never risen from that point of view, in fact in some enigmatic sense of his mental state he prefers the tabloids that hate him, that detest him. Who spite him and defame him.Because he believes there is no living in a world of lies.

We'll deal with why this is absurd shortly.

To him Smiles, Hope, and Optimism are the world’s greatest lies.

CRAAAAAWLING IN MY SKIIIIIIIIN

We smile when we’re angry, we smile when we’re sad.

THIS OOOOORANGE WIIIIIILL NOT PEEEEEEEEEL

We force optimism and hope down the throats of those that have been victims of trauma and those victims lie with a smile.

FEEEEEAAAAAAR IS HOOOOOOW I FAAAAAAAAAAALL

Why be the hero people praise, when there is someone among the group who feels bitter envy towards the hero? Their praise, their loyalty a lie. We lie with Happiness.

I THIIIIIIIIIIINK I'M GOOOOOOONNA KEEEEEEEEEEEL

And if that’s the case then, shouldn’t the world be more aware of its own miserable state? Happiness is a currency as valuable as actual money. To show people the truth behind it all, is to expose how this world uses Happiness to control you, your thoughts, your emotions, what you do and don’t buy? And when Happiness fails you, for some it hits them harder than others and they solve their unhappiness in a world that tortures them with this concept - with a gun or a noose.

This legitimately reads like the manifesto of a middle-schooler who just read and misunderstood Nietzsche for the first time.

It is as if you just put cumin in waffles.

With that said Ren doesn’t reject all forms of Happiness.

I asked for "cinnamon".

It’s usually the ones sold and exchanged like credit that usually bothers him. He can enjoy task, he calls them the difference between Purity and Corruption. There are pure forms of happiness, ones people don’t sell, package, and distribute like it has some kind of meaning behind it.

CINNAMON

With that said Ren doesn’t reject all forms of Happiness.

Yes, only the kinds you can buy with money.

It’s usually the ones sold and exchanged like credit that usually bothers him. He can enjoy task, he calls them the difference between Purity and Corruption. There are pure forms of happiness, ones people don’t sell, package, and distribute like it has some kind of meaning behind it.

If someone buys a vacation to the tropics? Fuck 'em, fake as hell.

Considering Ren’s unemployment, and his current living situation, he enjoys hiding at the public library.

Yes, as he is too poor to buy happiness. With the money.

Reading books on philosophy.

O H B O Y

Though that doesn’t mean he necessarily sees himself as pure of heart. Aware that his heart and soul is fading in obscurity. If he gets the chance, he enjoys tonkatsu. Even takoyaki. Though that often requires money he rarely has.

help

Ren rarely denies his flaws,

Ah, this must be the literary strategy known as 'self-insert'.

Premise: Mentally linked hair acts like a pseudo program given by the user, Ren, to perform task with his hair. The hair is reinforced by a frequency that mentally links Ren's hair to his mind like pseudo wires.

Now then, let's begin.

You are the only individual who required a proper redesign of your abilities before approval, as you by far demonstrated the largest misunderstanding of how Toaru works.

We required literal days to figure out how to make your ability work in canon mechanics, as opposed to everyone else, who either worked with mechanics implicitly, or who were understanding and rational enough that we could accomplish their goals in a matter of minutes.

Fundamentally this means the hair is programmed with a task. Each task is stored mentally by the user. While Ren has an infinite amount of task he could program his hair into performing, task are limited to the users' knowledge and are individually learned, and programmed before being applied. Ren's hair currently can be applied in these ways;

Seriously, dude, where do you get off criticizing others' writing?

This is legitimately webnovel-level tripe. This is webnovel-level tripe even after four rounds of revisions.

To be fully frank, we all acknowledged that your sheet was not up to a level we wanted to accept, but allowed it as we felt that you had put enough effort in to allow it.

You are the only person for whom we had to make such an exception.

Passive; Ren's hair when not being manipulated in some physical way, acts like a radar within a small zone around him. This radar allows him to sense, not directly know, movement in the area around him. Sudden shifts in the atmosphere or may be aware to someone's given presence.

For the record, this is the ability after several revisions.

-Ensnare - hair used as a trap, like strings or invisible wires that an enemy can be restrained by. While they are delicates to blade or sharp objects, they only grab on tighter the more an individual struggles to break free by hand.

-Molded - Ren can mold his hair into shapes, these shapes are what he uses to spy around the city. They don't tell him specific information, but they relay back to him like a form of radar or some kind of ping to be located. Other parts of his hair pick up this single and they allow him to decipher what's up. It will never be concrete information, for example "oh an evil girl is blowing up a building with blonde hair".

Please refer to the earlier explanation of magic.

I'm not going to quote the backstory. Not only is it poorly written and not only does it fail to accomplish what its name is, but it is a complete showing of hypocrisy. This is not a backstory which organically slots into the character, this is a third-rate dialogue between characters about a character who we are left to assume matters on and which fails to encapsulate the character in any of the ways you articulated as important.

It is frankly reprehensible that you have the gall to criticize characters when you write drivel like this.

...ah, did you think we were done?

No, no.

You chose to be crude to our players, and I've been let off the leash~

So, let's take a look at your other great creations, Sir Intellectual~

Age: 16

Trainer Class: Street Thug

Class Bonus: A street thug has to be smart and be able to outwit those that oppose them. All allying Pokemon have the ability to escape a move that otherwise would trap them or switch out despite a move that might forbid switching out.

Region: Kalos

Team Info: Persim - what the heck is a persim anyway, sounds - oh it’s a berry, well why are all the teams berries, sounds pathetic. Except Sitrus cause you know you could squeeze that in someone’s eyes

A young boy has taped a mask to wear over his head, crafted well with nails and discarded bits of trash he has found to decorate it with eccentricities. Is this his attempt to scare others, perhaps intimidate them? As you like at the dragon shaped construction he has shaped for himself. Underneath the mask isn’t at all that intimidating of a boy, he’s your stereotypical teenager, he’s a handsome good looking kid, despite the split ends in his hair or the look like it needs a cut.

You’re cautious to approach considering next to him is a steel bat and he has an off putting attitude. Torn jeans, and worn canvas shoes. With a white hoodie that has seen better days, it has stains on it, though he has a variety of Pokemon shapes to them, a Zubat, a Voltorb, something about anarchist rebelling. Black fingerless gloves, the only thing that seems strange to this kid’s appearance is the ring he chooses to wear on his ring finger it’s a simple gold band with a simple letter carved in it; GF.

He lifts his head up and smiles.

“Don’t worry about getting your butt whooped, I’ll tell all the other losers that they have a new friend waiting in line for revenge,” he laughs.

He sounds cocky and rather self assured, there isn’t anything in his voice that would be described as hesitation. His voice light, and airy, with a very faint amount of nasal to his tone, giving the impression of some kind of brat. He certainly comes off as one with his smug smirks, his cocky body posture, his posturing with his beat, leaning on it, or swinging it in the air. Him leaning over it, goading you to make the first move with a “come on” gesture.

This is the full sheet.

I'm not going to say more.

I won't break it down, I won't criticize it, I won't expound.

I just want you to compare this to everything you had to say about the other characters.

I want to see if you can become self-aware.

CON~VERSE~LY~

Personality: Likes riddles and puzzles. Talks in riddles. Is a prankster and mischievous in nature.

History: Oldest Wonderland member. May have existed before Wonderland. No one knows where he has come from. Likes Alice because she was the only person who understood him. Now without Alice he is alone.

REALLY

MAKES

ME

T H I N K

Name: Tatsumi Koudou

Nicknames: Metalhead, Rustpipe

Gender: Male

Age: 17

Birthday: 16/05
Height: 182cm
Weight: 86kg
Nationality: Japanese

Personality: The rules are ironclad. The motto by which Koudou lives, his faith in the laws laid by Academy City has not wavered. Those with authority lay down rules, and rules must be upheld. Thus, the highest authority has the strongest rules, and take precedence over all.

Follow the rules. Or be made to.

Biography: Transferred into Academy City via proper channels after learning that his town didn’t allow underage students to be a part of the police force and that vigilantism was against the law. Instantly joined Judgment on his first day in the city, made his way to where he is now.

School: Nagatenjouki Academy

Grade: 11th grade

Skills: Needlework and Metalwork: Fixing and modifying his clothing to help him do his duty requires him to actually be able to do more than basic patchwork.
Good Memory: Has memorized lots of laws. Theoretically could get into law school as he is but he prefers his current life.
Martial Arts (Judgment): Has undergone all of Judgment’s CQC courses, in addition to optional course with weapons training such as the use of a riot shield and more. Also has experience with street brawls from his youth.

Faction(s): Judgment member.