Avatar of Expendable

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Recent Statuses

15 days ago
Current Tsukimichi Moonlit Fantasy has an ordinary-looking MC that to the world he'd been Isekai'd to, the humans find him incredibly ugly.
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28 days ago
I have the flu. Wheee.
1 like
1 mo ago
Gkids did a special theater showing of My Neighbor Totoro, tonight was the last night. Pity.
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1 mo ago
Heaven has exactly one lawyer, but don't tell anyone. Mary Todd's still looking for him.
3 likes
2 mos ago
Woke up Christmas night and there was Santa glaring at me from the door. At least I think it was Santa. We had a marine neighbor, or maybe it was dad? Only neither one had a beard.
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Bio

I am a seven-foot tall minecraft-playing hindu guru drag-queen alien.

Possessor of an Ancient Device™ Model 17. No, I don't know what it does. No, you can't play with it.

Pronouns: It. As in: "What is it? What does it want? Why is it here? Oh my god, it's got my... <insert random body part or object here>"

Likes: World Domination, Writing, Rpg, scifi/fantasy, anime, sketchup 3d models, and anime music videos.

Companions: a host of characters from other games, my personal muse Penny (as in Bad), and the Badger gang - Toothpick, Buttons, Shark, and Mongo. They grew up in the balcony of an old theatre that played a lot of gangster movies. Normally benign, but may invade the OOC forums.

Most Recent Posts

In Ex's Lair 1 yr ago Forum: Test Forum
Abducted

The More You Know

At some point in your life, you've likely looked up at the night sky, wondering if there was intelligent life out there in the universe? What forms would it take? What would they want with Humanity?

Congratulations - you no longer have to wonder, since these burly blue dwarfs who call themselves the "Protectors" have selected you as the next involuntary subject they're rescuing to preserve on a distant colony world (all the while ignoring the question of why they think humans need rescuing). And you've just seen Jupiter go past the view port.

Aliens have abducted you


You're barely two weeks out from Earth when the ship comes under attack - by space pirates (Yes, this is a thing). As it happens, there's quite the market for human servants by the more wealthy members of interstellar society, so it's off to the slave markets for you.

Space Pirates want your Booty


At the slave pens, they cut off your clothes, scrub you from head to toe, place you in an autodoc to make sure you're healthy, pump something into you, program you to speak the interstellar trade language used by the Pax Confederation before sending you on to the final check out. So when the red panel lights up with the alien letters that spell out "Reject", you suddenly realize why the conveyor belt you're on is now dumping you into a pit.

Yo! What's that grinding noise?


Fortunately, you land on top of a mattress (certified deceased) brought by these alien college students intent on liberating you and a few more of your fellow humans. Don't wiggle too much trying to climb out, okay? And put on this jumpsuit, nobody wants to see you naked.

And while the alien college students would love to be able to send you back to DIrt, there's just too many inhabited planets with that name out there. Fortunately, there are other humans roaming the Pax Confederation, mostly former companions, slaves, test subjects, zoo specimens, and even a few stowaways. So maybe they know the Dirt you're looking for?

So, to get you off the planet, their best bet (and source of drinking money) is to get you aboard a ship as crew with the other human wilders.

You're being shanghaied for beer money


But there is a small problem. one human artifact all human wilders (other races are wilders, too) have brought with them and treat with great reverence. They have broken this into four parts, and no ship will lift unless the crew can reassemble this artifact among themselves. It's such a problem that captains check to make sure their human crew members have this, and will not let you aboard without this.

So, traveler, what is your Monopoly token and its colors?

You realize now that space is strange


So, dear traveler, are you ready to see the universe?

They've been slipping us energy drinks through PMs. At least, I think they're energy drinks...? Is it weird knowing what blue tastes like?

I'm kidding, I'm kidding. The badgers do all the taste testing. I'm concerned with how fast they're rotating right now....

J'eon the Blacksmith


"Go to the Ascendancy? To the capital?" J'eon rumbled, stroking his chin. "I cannot, the Hu-mans have given me many orders."

He pauses, looking back. "More than I can fill, to be honest. What I have on my cart, it is not enough. I need materials, a proper forge...."

"Hmmm," he grumbles, turning towards her. "Seeker Kareet, how long will this take?"




Jack Mallory, X.O.


"Captain," Mallory asked, troubled. "We have no satellite, there's no communication net here. Once over the horizon, we'll be too far out of range. We've had one suspicious contact on the hillside, I'm concerned whoever's behind it will only escalate once we're out of range."

"There's also a question of masks, we need filters. We've also only so many charge packs for our equipment and no way of recharging them on the road."
Alternate theory, we don't know whether the gods are choosing people based on the contents of their past life at all, beyond the whole, people that died too soon thing. For all we know they can't pull over the vast majority of people that die on earth and are literally just pulling through whoever they can.

There's also the thing about the deaths having to be random, which is just a little sus, either we're not being told everything and they're actively interfering to causing some of these deaths for whatever reason, or there are in fact rules regarding who can be brought over, and somewhat random cause of death happens to be a qualifying factor. Honestly, I'm leaning towards the first theory, it seems a bit strange that something like stabbing would be a qualifying factor, but only if the attack wasn't premeditated, that is unless the gods were in some way able to manipulate fate but not outright manipulate minds in which case it makes a bit more sense.

Alternatively, I don't have enough information right now and my wild speculations are way off base. Actually, it's almost certainly that last one.


It's seems there's some sort of process where souls of the dying and recently deceased show up to be interviewed, possibly waylaid by a god?



@Xaltwind@SilverPaw@Expendable I just happened to be checking through to see who's made final decisions on which deity they were picked up by, and happened to notice Dalton's current predicament.

*He grabs Drasil by the collar and shakes him, while pointing at Minami, Sakai, and Samantha with one trembling, sweaty hand*

Dalton: "I don't WANNA be a HAREM PROTAGONIST! I can't handle interpersonal conflicts!" *drops Drasil and backs away from the girls with crazy eyes* "I'm too introverted to live with multiple roommates! DON'T MAKE ME SHARE MY BATHROOM!"


"Ahem," says a voice, low to the ground. There's three badgers wearing pinstriped suits, two armed with tommy guns, and a giant badger wearing overalls and a jersey standing behind them with his arms crossed. All four of them are glowering at you, the one in front has a toothpick in the corner of his mouth, quivering in anger.

"What's all dis about 'arems and bathrooms?" Toothpick demands angrily, shaking his clenched paw at you. "Dis is da boss we're takin' about 'ere! Ain't no way dere's gonna be any 'arems or sharin' of bathrooms! You gotta go, dere's a porta-potty and a hose outside. Capisce?"
<Snipped quote by Expendable>

Poor little Minami... She can't even get noticed enough to be put into a list of death-compilations... She turly is the most forgettable, huh~?


Sorry! It's hard to pick everyone out. Still, she's an office worker and declared for Drasil. Does he have a kingdom needing bureaucrats? Still a bit random.
Well, let's see what we've got:

Bank Loan Officer - Three car pileup because of a teenager on a cell phone - GM's choice
Pirate - Drowned - Unknown
Customer Service Representative - car accident caused by a drunk driver - Unknown
Assassin - overly complicated random acts that ended with being run over by an ice cream truck - Drasil
Sophomore college student/gamer - bled out at crime scene - Morganna
It Support/Network Administrator - hit by truck-kun - Unknown
College Student / Card Gamer - hit by truck in his room - Unknown


Only two have selected their deity, but the careers are mostly office workers / college students, with two high-risk jobs in both piracy and assassination. Ones more prone to sudden death.

So it looks very random, and Morganna is a soft touch unless she's got an office building somewhere that needs office professionals and interns. Or a kingdom that's about to go broke and needs outside help to get it financially sound.


Good luck.
@Xaltwind for some reason I can imagine the "dark" god really using the word "home-skice" in the RP now lol


Depends on how closely they've been paying attention.



But here's a troubling thought - what if the accidents that killed our characters in this world weren't entirely accidents?
FYI, everyone. You are allowed to choose which of the two gods finds/reincarnates you. Morgnna for 'light' races, and Drasil for 'dark'. So it's technically choosing your reincarnation gatcha @Zeroth XD

@Expendable My only critique here would be to maybe use a different FC. Don't bring my girl Yor into this. Haha. (This is a joke)

Also, I'd fix the sheet thing, but I'm at work pretty much all day so quick stuff like this is all I can do.


I asked Zerochan for female assassins, and got a lot of Yor.

@Expendable
Well... At least it wasn't that clown from Dead Rising, who dual-wields chainsaws... And decapitated all the people on the in-mall rollercoaster... Although that probably would've been less painful than Sam's breakfast-machine-death... ^^;


Every so often there's that one bizarre, over the top accident. Figured she was due.


If it will help, I've got a great goblin pic, but I'm good with anything you'd like instead.

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