FujiwaraPhoenix

I Reincarnated into the World of an Otome Game, But———?! (Now Accepting)

@Teyao: Right. Form analysis:

• Personality. It's short. Like, really short. These three sentences alone don't give enough information about the character in my opinion; it's way too generalized and doesn't really build upon what little groundwork is set. Nothing plays into the way that the character is conceptualized beyond being a bit... 'Tropey', per se? That's also not getting into how hollow it feels without that elaboration; all three sentences feel like they want to 'start' explaining how the character acts, but none of them actually DO anything with that lead-in.
• Abilities and Skills. Undefined charm magic which he excels at? No. No. No. Absolutely not. Things like that are a one-way ticket to removing agency from other players' hands and possibly forcing their actions, and without any clear boundaries or limitations (or some sort of conversation defining them) I will always deny that on principle. That rule applies here as well.
• A general thing before getting into detail here: Every single 'paragraph' here is a sentence. A single sentence. Each. By definition, yes, a sentence can be a paragraph, but none of those 'ideas' at the core of each is ever built upon. Some sentences are incomplete, some run on for longer than necessary, and others still have errors in grammar that would otherwise make reading them somewhat difficult if the readers aren't inferring context or actively breaking up the sentences such that they are easy to digest. Given that we're all going to be reading and writing with posts from others at their core (as this is inherently a sort of call-and-response type of hobby writing), I'm left a bit worried that there might not be enough to gain from a post with this sort of writing to leave others with a sense of satisfaction in what they write—in other words, that the posts might not reach the general standard that everyone else's posts would be at here. This is only my opinion, of course, and I do not speak for everyone else with that statement. With that said, let's get into the next few sections.
• History: Can a) be collapsed into a single paragraph and b) does absolutely nothing in terms of defining who the character was or is up until this point in time (with 'this point in time' being the start of the RP). It's incredibly shallow and gives us absolutely no meaningful insight into the character, on top of the lack of information the readers might have otherwise been able to gain from the other sections. Speaking of which:
• Original Role/Background: Right, where to begin here...
  
  • As mentioned two points above, readability.
  • The backstory itself is a bit... Nonsensical? To sum it up as I see it: the son of a viscount, at the age of ten, sneaks out to watch a wandering troupe. Without any context as to why their son would be interested in dance all of a sudden, his parents sign him up for dancing—presumably ballroom dancing, as he is still nobility, and not any of the dances of the 'common folk' or those from 'more exotic lands' which I would have assumed he would have seen instead—but somehow see that he cares more about 'freedom' (which, honestly speaking, how would you do that with regards to ballroom dancing? Actively breaking the rules of the dance itself?) and stop?
    It just doesn't add up why a majority of these events would line up in the first place when we consider the type of nobility you paint the character's parents to be (that is, to say, the type that seeks honor, fame, and status among their peers). Reasonably, he never would've been given a chance to 'learn' what you're proposing in the first place—at least, not with the given scenario—and thus would not reasonably exist in this specific setup.
  
  Needless to say, I'll be rejecting this form for the reasons given above.

I Reincarnated into the World of an Otome Game, But———?! (Now Accepting)

@Crusader Lord: Updated form accepted.

I Reincarnated into the World of an Otome Game, But———?! (Now Accepting)

Uh... Yeah, I think that fundamentally that probably won't work out just by concept alone, but... You certainly can try.
In the interim, here's a Discord server. While I can say with a fair bit of certainty that I'll respond here just as fast, this might expedite communications a bit. Not mandatory, of course, but the option is here.

Echoes of a Moonless Night

Akio and Fumi

Empty(?) Apartment Complex

For the most part, the duo of Attuned were fairly silent as the others made their quips about the state of the building. With one hand over his sword, though, Akio continued to lead the way forward through the lobby. When nothing seemed particularly inclined to attempt to leap out at them, though, the young man let out a stifled sigh.

"...There's a reason I don't play horror games..." he sighed before walking towards the nearby staff room and pulling on the handle of the door. "...Locked."

There was a pause, though as the sight of something black seeping through the cracks in the door caused him to immediately take a step back and draw his sword.

"Guess whatever's here figured out what we're here to do," Akio remarked as the viscous liquid seeping through seemed to spread around to cover more of the door. A quick glance towards the entrance and windows showed that more of the same was beginning to appear there, too, which meant that whatever was causing this was well aware of their presence now and didn't want them to leave.

Not that they were planning to, though.

"Fun. All the better for us if it's not going to try and hide, though," Fumi remarked as she and Akio backed up, her weapon at the ready as a dull 'bang' seemed to resonate from past the door. Covered as it was, though, neither of the pair could really see what had caused the noise. Then another.

And another.

The ever-escalating frequency finally reached a fever pitch, though, as the door seemed to blow off of it's hinges, releasing a torrent of what seemed to be black hair and armlike appendages towards the group, all of them grasping towards whatever was nearby.

"Yep, that's certainly par for the course!" Fumi shouted, leaping to the side as she slashed out at the oncoming mass of... Whatever this was. Hopefully, the others would be able to dodge in time.

@VitaVitaAR@SilverPaw@Vertigo

---

Umeda Park

Though it had managed to catch the one who had charged into it, the Grudge in question had found itself equally anchored... For better or worse. With a giant torrent of flames fast approaching, the amorphous blob did indeed attempt to struggle to retreat—but with that option all but removed, all it could do was let out an unearthly howl that seemed to shake the very earth they were standing upon as it was lit aflame. The mass that it had allowed to spread onto the ground quickly retreated backwards, shoring up the creature's size as it seemed to recoil in pain... Assuming they could feel pain, of course. This had the side effect, though, of releasing Kyozan from it's grasp and allowing the rakshasa free movement once more.

Once the flames had subsided, though, the Grudge seemed to begin to bubble, if but for a moment, before attempting to simply envelop the nearby youkai in an attempt to consume it. It had shrank from what it had been before, if only somewhat, but what was left was still more than enough to at least attempt such a feat.

At the same time, though, the sight of the Grudges that had not yet been immobilized by the nekomata and her partner beginning to recoverge towards meant that something else was afoot; maybe the monster was a hive mind and seeked to protect itself instead of expanding further?

@Raineh Daze@Rune_Alchemist@Zeroth

I Reincarnated into the World of an Otome Game, But———?! (Now Accepting)

@MagusDream: Ah, makes sense. I just double-checked and realized it was "broken" HTML instead of BBCode, so my bad on not realizing that was intentional. Anyways, all good now. Accepted.

@Teyao: That... I mean, the problem is that the concept of the character means that I can't effectively judge it in the first place. I'd personally recommend scrapping the form altogether and starting from scratch, if anything.

I Reincarnated into the World of an Otome Game, But———?! (Now Accepting)

@MagusDream: Putting the tag error aside, I find it weird that the person's family name pre-isekai was 'Blueflame'. Could probably change that to be something a bit more 'normal'. Rest of the form looks fine to me otherwise, and it'll be an acceptance once I give an okay on the name.

@Crusader Lord: Honestly, my biggest problem with this character is the weird (and maybe accidental?) suicidal ideation that the character portrays. It's one thing to pass away due to an accident or being a victim of some crime and be given a second chance, but to willingly take one's own life and, in essence, be rewarded for that?
...Yeah, doesn't sit right with me. I'll concern myself with the rest after that bit's fixed.

@Teyao: What I find a bit more problematic is how the character just doesn't fit in thematically with the rest of the cast at the given point in time in the story we're starting at (read: the start of the 'game's' story). There's no clean way to integrate the character into the RP for the first who knows how long, and if I'm going to be completely honest here it's fairly unlikely that forcing them into the cast would lead to anything productive. Sorry.

I Reincarnated into the World of an Otome Game, But———?! (Now Accepting)

@Fiber: Concept as a whole feels a bit too nebulous for my liking. There's not enough there to form a cohesive character around simply BECAUSE of the concept, and the secondary person added in adds nothing meaningful to the world or cast in my opinion.

I Reincarnated into the World of an Otome Game, But———?! (Now Accepting)

@AThousandCurses: Character looks fine. Accepted.

@MagusDream: Yeah, that concept's perfectly workable.

I Reincarnated into the World of an Otome Game, But———?! (Now Accepting)

@AThousandCurses: I see no issue with the concept, honestly (though I wonder how the second function, which you could probably argue is more important, would be presented).

@Rune_Alchemist: Accepted.

I Reincarnated into the World of an Otome Game, But———?! (Now Accepting)

@VitaVitaAR: Character accepted.