Also, prior to doing the proper character applications, there's a mistake (An easily done mistake, that is) that everyone has made. Because Hogwarts' school year starts in September, a lot of characters ages, birthdays and school years don't correlate. To clarify:
If in the Fourth Year, your character will either be 14 going on 15, or by some rare chance, has their 15th birthday on the first day of term, meaning they are the oldest in the year and also 15 at the start of the roleplay. All others, who have their birthdays in December, March, or June, will not be turning 15 until those months. Therefore, your character's age should be 14 if they are in fourth year.
For the Fifth year, the same thing applies. Your character will be 15 going on 16, or by some rare chance, have their 16th birthday on the first day of term. You get the gist. If many people are wanting their character's to be 15 - as I can see from the applications - then they will be Fifth years, not Fourth. If you would like them to be in the Fourth year and have their birthday in the IC, that is also fine - but for the time being, they will not have hit that age until their birthdays.
I've made that as clear as possible, so I hope you guys understand - it can be a wee bit complicated.
Hogwarts House: Gryffindor -"You were ultimately place in Gryffindor, but the Sorting Hat seriously considered putting you in Ravenclaw. You are a natural born leader, often taking control of the reins from others whose recklessness or dedication to facts and knowledge clouds their judgement. You are intelligent, but acknowledge that there are more important things in life, and therefore aim to use your intelligence and determination to fight for what you believe to be right. Your slight compatibility with Slytherin house suggests a determination to succeed, though not at the expense of traits from your more dominant houses."
Pet: Hans the snowy owl
Boggart: Heidi's boggart is none other than an enormous Burmese python, the very same she first encountered in the London zoo. She had crept up to the snakes display to take a look but the otherwise docile snake had other plans, charging at the display glass separating them giving the poor girl quite a bit of a shock. It was safe to say that she was terrified of all snakes ever since, no matter the size. It's humorous form is that of a pink-scaled snake adorned with an equally outrageous pink feather boa guaranteed to get a giggle out of almost anyone.
Wand: English Oak with phoenix feather, 12 inches, unyielding
English Oak -"A wand for good times and bad, this is a friend as loyal as the wizard who deserves it. Wands of English oak demand partners of strength, courage and fidelity. Less well-known is the propensity for owners of English oak wands to have powerful intuition, and, often, an affinity with the magic of the natural world, with the creatures and plants that are necessary to wizard kind for both magic and pleasure."
Phoenix Feather -"This is the rarest core type. Phoenix feathers are capable of the greatest range of magic, though they may take longer than either unicorn or dragon cores to reveal this. They show the most initiative, sometimes acting of their own accord, a quality that many witches and wizards dislike. Phoenix feather wands are always the pickiest when it comes to potential owners, for the creature from which they are taken is one of the most independent and detached in the world. These wands are also the hardest to tame.
Favourite Lesson: Defense Against the Dark Arts
Least Favourite Lesson: Divination
Extracurricular Activities: Quidditch (Gryffindor Seeker), Duelling club
Appearance: Heidi’s distinct features are adorned with a pair of chocolate brown doe-shaped eyes that sparkle with a hidden sense of determination and passion. Framed by light lashes, they are expressive and one can often tell her emotions through them. Her slender and slightly pointed nose comes from her father and helps balance the rest of her facial features nicely. Her straight locks are a dark shade of chestnut brown that she usually wears down unless an activity requires otherwise, then those brown locks would be tied up in a simple ponytail or tied up in a bun for ease of movement. She has a slim figure but without a doubt physically fit as she loves to engage in sports. Her complexion is clear and her skin tanned with a hint of golden undertones. Whenever she feels embarrassed or angry, her skin tends to flushes easily, becoming rosy pink.
Personality: Being brave and adventurous has been something Heidi has never lacked from a young age. Being afraid of hardly anything, she would be keen and curious enough to try everything and give it at least a go. Always chipper and energetic, there’s hardly any downtime with her, and she’ll always be going off doing something, or on route to doing some crazy activity. It isn’t wrong to say that she leads a hyperactive lifestyle and loves getting her hands dirty and getting into the middle of things. She enjoys other people taking an interest in her activities and sometimes don’t even mind them getting into her space. Of course, that’s on the condition that they don’t intrude on her principles and freedom and she hopes they return in kind. She enjoys sharing her experiences, especially with the people she cares about.
Despite her appearance, she very much grew up as a tomboy, more interested in roughing it out in the dirt with the boys rather than having tea-party with the girls and their dolls. While she can appear to be simple at a glance, she is actually more enigmatic than she seems to be. Friendly but private, calm but suddenly spontaneous, extremely curious but unable to stay focused on her literary studies, she can be difficult to predict, even to her loved ones and closest friends. She is intensely loyal and steady, but her commitment to activities can shift on a whim whenever the burst of impulsive energy in her explodes into a different direction. Her impulsive nature often sees her as the first one who tells an insensitive joke, get overly involved in someone’s life, roughhouse and play around without a regard for the individual’s feelings. Even with these faults, her optimistic and vivacious nature makes her naturally likable and easy enough to befriend.
Backstory: Heidi was born on a chilly November morning to Luther and Greta Keller in Zürich, Switzerland. The end of Autumn was approaching ever so steadily as the beginning of winter began to gradually show its signs. The temperatures had begun to dip even further than it had before, and perhaps it was something about being born in such a period that eventually made the girl grow up to be nonchalant about the cold. Luther was an exceptional watch-maker who also dabbled in clock-making, and he owned a fine little shop in the city center. His wife Greta was a cook, and often spent her time raising Heidi and helping out her husband with his business. The Kellers were half-bloods who were just as in touch with the Muggle world as they were the Magical world. Having a foot in both worlds was a great way to do business, as everyone needed to keep time. At the age of nine, the Kellers immigrated to London, England in the United Kingdom. The Swiss homeland was saturated with watchmakers and Luther wanted to make a carve a niche for himself in the British scene. The girl was given the reason that her father was pursuing new business opportunities and she left it at that, too young and unbothered to care otherwise.
Heidi was always brought up to treat people indiscriminately regardless of their blood status. Unless they have given her a reason to distrust them, she always gives them the benefit of the doubt. She grew up being fluent in both English and German and can easily switch between the two easily and seamlessly. Her first few years in Hogwarts went well, and she made her fair bit of friends. With a great passion for Quidditch, she tried out for the Gryffindor seeker position and was eventually given the opportunity to represent the house on the team. She has never slackened in both her studies and duties and always challenges herself with better goals. Heidi is still somewhat undecided on what she wants to do after she graduates and thus keeps her options open.
Extra: Heidi is fluent in both English and German, although she does has a tendency to curse in German sometimes. Old habits die hard.
Heidi was frantic. She couldn't find her broom. She'd distinctly remembered leaving it right there, next to her bed not less than fifteen minutes ago, and now it was missing. How in the world was she going to show up for practice later without a broom? Would that mean that they would have someone else be the Seeker instead? That wouldn't do. At all. Entertaining the possibility that someone might have taken it by mistake, the brunette began searching high-and-low for any sign of her broom. It was practically searching for a needle in a haystack but there was little more she could do other than dissolve into a pile of quivering mess. She moved through corridors after corridors, moving from the dormitories to the common room, and towards the other parts of the school grounds before she somehow found herself at the Grand Staircase, which she climbed without hesitation, her mind fully occupied with both thoughts and worries of the consequences of the loss of her broom.
By the time she reached the sixth floor, Heidi lowered herself onto the side of a wall, her hands buried into her face as she fought back tears that were threatening to emerge from her eyes. Praying to whichever gods which might listen, magic or muggle, she prayed, hoping to find the broom before practice. "Please help me find my broom. I need it. Bitte." The girl opened her eyes to the sight of the door of the Room of Requirement. A door that wasn't quite there before. Without further hesitation, her spirits now buoyed by the hope that this was her prayers being answered, Heidi headed into the room. The room was filled with furniture and old books, but deeper in, her eyes landed upon the sight of a broomstick on a table. Her steps quickened as she approached the table. Forget her old Cleansweep Three, this was a Cleansweep Five!
Been itching to get my role playing hands typing again and a Hogwarts role play would be perfect! You can expect my character sheet to be up and ready for review before the day is over!
Pet: Devin was given a little owl by his uncle who, while a muggle, knows more than a few bird dealers for the right price.
Boggart: A Massive Ladder (Devin is afraid of heights) Turns into a duck walking on stilts (Thinks Daffy Duck is hilarious)
Wand: 10" Fir with Unicorn hair with stiff handling
Favourite Lesson: Study of Ancient Runes - Growing up Devin always heard his Uncle talk about the importance of "knowing the greats" which meant knowing Greek and other ancient languages. Devin followed that advice and has learned to love ancient languages both Muggle and Magical.
Least Favourite Lesson: Flying - Devin is afraid of heights and flying does not interest him. He still formally has not passed his flying class certification and is unable to check out a broom without a professor or supervising student.
Extracurricular Activities: Ancient Studies - Devin really is passionate about learning about the ancient world and all the secrets it is still hiding.
Appearance: Devin stands at about 5'8" as he is starting to get a growth spurt. He has brown eyes that match his brow hair.
Personality: Devin is a classic ISFP personality. He is known for living in a colorful, sensual world, inspired by connections with people and ideas. He takes joy in reinterpreting these connections, reinventing and experimenting with both themselves and new perspectives. This can make his professors and friends get a sense of spontaneity, making Devin seem unpredictable, however there is always some method in his madness and you better believe it came from either a book or a story from his uncle.
As fun and social as Devin can be this is only when he isn't in front of his passion. All things outside solving riddles and puzzles he simply enjoys, but doesn't pursue. Put him in a social environment or party and he will happily chat with everyone. Give him something to solve and he is out of the room wrapping his every thought at how many ways he can solve it.
Backstory: Devin was born a child much like everyone else; however, he still hasn't "Grown Up" according to his parents. His father a wizard and his mother a muggle they even now worry about his goals in life. This is because they see him as still having his 'head in the clouds' with talk of joining his uncle on his adventures after he graduates from Hogwarts. He Raised as a normal middle class magical family with one foot in the muggle world and one in the magical. As the oldest of three Devin had the constant goal of getting out of the house and live his own life. It isn't that he dislikes his family, but rather he loves and is memorized by his uncles who works as a muggle archaeologist.
Hearing of his uncles travels always amazed Devin. So much so he was ready to skip school entirely and follow in his uncles footsteps; however, in his second year at Hogwarts he learned that to work as a magical archaeologist you needed specific visas to travel. These visas were handed out based on work experience and academic history. At that moment Devin buckled down and started working on getting great grades as well as letters of reference from his professors.
During his last summer his uncle and family went to visit his dig in Egypt where he got to explore both the magical and non-magical temples and tombs. The entire experience was everything he could have hoped for. Even the sunburns had him excited (British boy through and through)
While he may be a Hufflepuff, some often thought he was in Ravenclaw due to being in so many study groups. Devin is known as a great problem solver, but not the best when put under a clock. Rush him and he might solve the problem of what kills you rather then what unlocks the door.
Extra: Devin has, unsuccessfully, petitioned to create an magical archaeology club at school. Namely because you need at least five students to create a club and all of his friends are either too busy with Quidditch or self studying.
"Aren't finals over with Devin?" an upper classmate asked Devin as he was walking out of the library.
"Doesn't mean I don't need a book!" He replied with a laugh. Devin was still clutching his parents letter as he walked back up towards his common room. It was at this very minute the most important piece of paper in his life. It was the letter his parents wrote to him saying that if got good enough grades he would be allowed to join his uncle on a trip this summer to Egypt.
Now that finals were done and Devin was sure he finished strong he wanted to start reading as much about Egypt as possible. The only problem was the Hogwarts library only had textbooks, and Devin had already read them all after hearing about his Uncle going there five months ago. Now he wanted new information. Specifically Muggle information. Of course this was the one type of literature the Hogwarts library truly lacked in.
Turning a corner and waiting for a staircase to rotate towards his corner Devin saw a flicker of a candle. After he turned he saw a door halfway down the hall. It was a door he didn't know and after searching and learning every part of the school he found this completely odd. He immediately walked over and tugged at the door. To his surprise it wasn't locked and so he pushed the doors open and walked in.
He half expected to find a broom closet he had overlooked. Instead he found himself encased wall to wall with books. Devin had never been told about a annexed library before, but didn't hesitate to make his way over to the books and start to read. It took him only a few scans before the smile on his face erupted. Every book he saw was a travel book. And not just any travel books, but muggle travel books.
'Letters from Egypt' by Jelena Dimitrijevic, Isabella Frances Romer 'A Pilgrimage to the Temples and Tombs of Egypt, Nubia and Palestine', John Lloyd Stephens 'Incidents of Travel in Egypt, Arabia Petræa and the Holy Land', and even Gustave Flaubert 'Flaubert in Egypt: A Sensibility on Tour' It was as if someone had curated an entire library just for Devin. The young student spent the entire night reading page after page. With each flip of a book he only got more and more excited.
Through these books his uncles letters came even more alive. He could almost taste the sand in the air and see the yellow tan of the stone tombs. It wasn't until a morning bell woke him that he realized he had fallen asleep. Quickly as he could he tucked a book under his arm and made his way to mess hall.
The Hat saw traits of Hufflepuff in the boy, but it was clear to the Sorting Hat that Tom belonged in Gryffindor. He was courageous, daring, curious, and willing to put everything on the line for those he holds dear.
Pet: Erik (Bengal Cat)
Tom loves the damned thing to death. It's excellent at catching rats and is ferociously loyal.
Boggart: A giant, disgusting rat ---> a fat rat wearing a comical clown suit (I know, I'm not funny, this is the bes i can do I'm sorry please give me advice or something i dunno)
Tom hates rats. Back in Sweden they were a constant nuisance for the family and many of them bit Tom. Obviously, a giant one would be rather frightful for the boy.
The sycamore makes a questing wand, eager for new experience and losing brilliance if engaged in mundane activities. It is a quirk of these handsome wands that they may combust if allowed to become ‘bored,’ and many witches and wizards, settling down into middle age, are disconcerted to find their trusty wand bursting into flame in their hand as they ask it, one more time, to fetch their slippers. As may be deduced, the sycamore’s ideal owner is curious, vital and adventurous, and when paired with such an owner, it demonstrates a capacity to learn and adapt that earns it a rightful place among the world's most highly-prized wand woods.
Unicorn hair generally produces the most consistent magic, and is least subject to fluctuations and blockages. Wands with unicorn cores are generally the most difficult to turn to the Dark Arts. They are the most faithful of all wands, and usually remain strongly attached to their first owner, irrespective of whether he or she was an accomplished witch or wizard. Minor disadvantages of unicorn hair are that they do not make the most powerful wands (although the wand wood may compensate) and that they are prone to melancholy if seriously mishandled, meaning that the hair may 'die' and need replacing.
Favourite Lesson: D.A.D.A.
His passion. Gets great marks.
Least Favourite Lesson: History of Magic
If the rat was suddenly purged from existence, this would probably be his Boggart. Horrifying....ly boring.
Extracurricular Activities: Gryffindor Chaser at Quidditch
Significantly talented at Quidditch. Open to joining other clubs.
Appearance:
I know, I know. Have a moment to take it all in.
Standing at 5’7” and weighing in at 129 pounds, Tom has put on quite a bit of muscle from Muggle sports in his early years and Quidditch (as well as running from troube) at Hogwarts. His sinewy figure has caused him to become rather attractive. He has light beige, rather fair skin, and his hair takes a light shade of blonde, though it is darker near the top of his head. He has bright, blue eyes with a sort of determined look to them and fairly light skin.
Tom normally wears the standard dress code required for Hogwarts, and sports a scarlet red pair of dress robes. When in Muggle settings, anything will do for him.
Personality:
”I know it’s the Forbidden Forest. I'm finding out why it's forbidden!
Tom is naturally questing, fun-loving and sociable. Tom is incredibly extroverted and enjoys spending time out and about. He is naturally inquisitive and curious, enjoys new experiences, making new friends, and even putting his foot over the line every so often. He’s audacious, brave, and willing to defy the odds.
“Do you have a map? ‘Cause I'm getting lost in your eyes.”
Tom is also naturally a flirt and is easily smitten by just about anybody, no matter house. Whether it’s in Binns’s class, the halls, or in the middle of Quidditch practice, Tom doesn’t mind throwing out a pick-up line or so. While he’s often just teasing, he does have his eyes on a few students in particular. Tom is also a teasing person, but he attempts to make sure that his words aren’t taken seriously.
“What did you call me?”
Tom is quite easily angered and holds grudges that can last for long times. He lacks self-restraint and once he is fired up, it’s difficult to cool him off again. He despises bullies and people who care deeply about blood purity. He holds himself to high moral standards and would never dare pull a move himself.
Backstory:
Tom was born in Malmö, Sweden, to two Muggles, though the family later moved to the countryside. Tom showed early signs of magic in his youth, such as levitating kitchen pans, breaking glasses, and even hovering slightly. His family just thought these were tricks of the light or such, but Tom felt that he had something else. Tom grew to admire Muggle magicians such as Harry Houdini, Harry Blackstone Senior, and Jasper Maskelyne, and aspired to one day be able to perform magic like them.
At age 7, Tom's family packed their bags and moved again to London, where the economy was booming so Tom's family could find a job. This put him on the list for the Quill of Acceptance, as Tom was, in fact, a muggle-born wizard, a fact that would not have been recognized by Durmstrangs if the family had remained in Sweden. Tom had gotten a lucky break. Divine intervention? (No.)
When the letter from Hogwarts came, Tom was, of course, greatly surprised, but the fact that he was a wizard felt right to him. He had known there was something different, and now, he had confirmed it. His parents, on the other hand, were absolutely shocked out of their minds that their son would be leaving for a magic school, but they eventually managed to calm themselves down and prepare their only son for the new experience.
Tom arrived at Hogwarts and was sorted into Gryffindor with little hesitation on the Hat's part. He made several friends, both inside and outside of his House, and several enemies due to the tensions with blood purity. Tom's teachers were also mostly not thrilled with him, due to the fact that his efforts in the classes- with the exception of D.A.D.A.- were very limited.
This is his 5th year as a student at Hogwarts, where Tom hopes to be able to enjoy a fulfilling time at the school while also getting good OWL grades (at least in D.A.D.A.)
Extra:
-Owns a Cleansweep. It’s battered, and he wants a new one.
-Has earned a reputation as a troublemaker and has attended more than 100 detentions in his time at Hogwarts. Definitely ruled out as a prefect.
-Can speak both English and Swedish fluently. And has a very slight Swedish accent.
It was about 10:00 PM or so in Hogwarts Castle, and Tom was sprinting through the halls. He had just been returning to the Gryffindor commons when Pringle saw him. Luckily, the Caretaker had not seen his face, so if he could only find a hiding spot, he would be in the clear. He just needed a place to hide, just for a moment. He reached the 7th floor and stopped. There was nowhere left to run. He could hear Pringle’s feet and knew he was gaining on him. He angrily paced the room. He was going to miss Quidditch practice again because of detention, he knew it. He just needed a place to hide from the angry caretaker.
He opened his eyes and stopped his pacing when he saw a large door in front of him. Curiously, he walked through. Inside, there was a small space, not exactly roomy, but enough to hide in. Tom squeezed into the area, and the door shut behind him. He could hear the Caretaker run past, and he grinned. Thank God for this room, whatever the hell it was.
He would be back tomorrow to see how exactly the room worked.
Whoo, three more applications! I'm afraid you guys will have to wait just a touch longer for yours to be reviewed, which myself and my Co-GM will get to doing as soon as the first few are posted.
And on that note, I shall begin posting the reviews, and announce our new Co-GM!
So, for you guys I've put the review in hiders for you to read if you want to, but in all honesty, your sheets unfortunately don't meet this roleplay's qualifications for grammar, characterisation, or length. Even if you changed everything outlined below, it wouldn't be enough for the standard we require in a casual roleplay. Valckyriie, I understand you're new to the guild so perhaps don't know how the writing levels work. But perhaps the Free section, or maybe a Low-Casual (Depends on the GM, really) roleplay would be better suited for you both at your current writing levels. While you're both more than welcome to re-apply, it'll need to be a much higher standard than what you've already produced. Of course, if you're not interested in re-applying, thank you for the interest, and best of luck in the future.
The character sheet coding hasn't been used; as you're new to the site, it's an easy mistake. Just copy and paste the code in the hider on the first page of the OOC and use that.
Your character apparently shares a first name with yourself. That smells far too much of being a self-insert, and as those characters are not permitted, I'd prefer you give her a more original name.
The issue with the age/school year not correlating that I mentioned before in the OOC hasn't been fixed yet.
I'm inclined to disagree with her birthday falling on Christmas day. While I'm aware it occurs in real life, in writing it seems a rather cliche thing to do.
Mudblood is technically a slur. While I'm aware this is a character sheet, I'd prefer you replace the term with Muggleborn.
"Ravenclaw", not "raven claw".
Her Boggart doesn't seem to make much sense. Her mother dying is understandable I suppose, but her father? Not only has he never been in her life, but she doesn't even know his name. What name would appear on his gravestone? Why would seeing him dead be the thing she is scared of the most, particularly when she's uncomfortable around large crowds and has also dealt with an abusive step-father? Furthermore, the 'riddikulus' charm requires laughter to work. Flowers aren't all that humorous.
The only wand known to us in the entire Harry Potter Universe that has a core of Thestral tail hair is the Elder Wand. It seems a rather Mary-Sue core to have. Also, Ollivander does not use it as a core, so it'll definitely have to be changed.
Her image needs to be put at the top of the sheet.
If her family is so poor, where on earth did she diamond studs from? Furthermore, how did she get her ears pierced with no money and no friends to do so for her?
"She is rather observant and can read most people like a open book. She can't quite tell when somebody's mad at her and prefers to stay away from people because of it." This bit does not make sense. She can either read people, or she can't.
I'm curious to know how her mother managed to divorce a man, remarry, and then divorce again without becoming a social pariah? While Northern Ireland legalised divorce far sooner than the Republic, it was still a socially suicidal thing to do in the 50's. Poor women were extremely unlikely to get divorced, and even if they managed it, the man would get the Horse farm and she wouldn't get much, if not anything.
The overall backstory has a strong Cinderella vibe to it. Mean step-parent, being forced to do more chores than step-siblings, only finding solace in animals... and then the whole unlikely situation of her mother putting up with an abusive man for so long, only to suddenly find the strength to divorce him, and then kick him and his kids out of her home? For a poverty-stricken, Irish woman in the 1950's, the chances of that occurring successfully are astronomical.
A cat called "Moony"? Was there not a more original name you could have come up with for it?
"A friendly giant helped get her things..." Blatant plagiarism. Your character is not Harry Potter, and a sentence like this should not exist in a character application for a HP-themed roleplay.
His first, middle and surname are separated by commas?
Wolves aren't magical beasts, and non-magical bite marks are easily healed by magic. Furthermore, where did his family get their hands on wolves? By non-magical standards, the UK didn't have any wild wolves until very recently.
Not enough description in his personality.
Why would the Muggle economic crash in the 30's affect his family? They're Pureblood, they've got nothing to do with the Muggle World.
@KazAlkemi Loving Aibhlinn! I hope you know I'll have a large number of NPCs being confused over how to pronounce and write her name correctly. XD Before she's accepted and put in the CS tab, the only things I'd like is for you to pop your character image at the top of your sheet (Like MissCapnCrunch has!), and a wee bit more description in her appearance. If you're stuck on what to write, consider things like more detail about her hair type/length, maybe some appearance changes she likes/dislikes about herself thanks to puberty, if she snorts and crinkles her nose when laughs... y'know, just stuff to make her a bit more human when we read about her, and something to make her a bit more well rounded. Tag me when you've added a bit more (I'm not looking for lots, just something to make her appearance section a bit meatier), and I'll take another look for you. Other than that, she's awesome! Love the details in the extras bit, and the outcome of her 'riddikulus' charm. XD
@MissCapnCrunch Awesome - love what you've done with my boring character sheet! Just a few points: - While I love the picture you've used, I understand the model is 22 years old. At a stretch she could be passable as a teenager, but not sure about 15-years-old. If you could find one of her looking a touch younger that would be great, but until then I think I'll let it slide. - An explanation for why she was born the States but came to England will be needed. Other than that, what an amazing character. Loved what you did with the writing sample, it was a really original idea that I hadn't even considered could be possible.
@DeadBeatWalking I've already passed along my compliments to your sheet via PM, so you're accepted! He can go into the Character Sheet tab, and you can take your place as my first Co-GM! ALL HAIL THE DEAD BEAT.
@PastelWriter Thanks for the application! She seems to be a pretty cool character, but there are a few points I need to bring up before she can be accepted.
"was allowed to attend (Hogwarts) at 10 rather than 11 due to her situation." You don't go into much detail about this. While her backstory is clear on her heritage, there's nothing saying why she'd receive special treatment at Hogwarts?
Her Boggart requires a humorous counterpart.
Ollivander doesn't use Veela hair in his wands. If she got that wand, it would have had to come from somewhere else in Europe, which seems unlikely.
Need more detail in appearance.
Need more detail in personality.
Her backstory has a couple of issues within it. Firstly, her Ukraine background is fine; however, considering the state of Soviet Russia around this time (Either during WW2, or the Cold War, depending on how old she was when she was rescued), I find it extremely unlikely that she'd be placed in a psychiatric ward after telling people she has powers, and also showing signs of said magic. It would be far more likely that the government would take her, for either investigation or experimentation. Alternatively, she would be lynched, abandoned, or killed for being "a witch".
Why would the British MoM get involved in this situation? The Ukraine Ministry of Magic, or whatever their equivlent of a mgical government is, would get involved first. And then once rescued, she'd have been put with European wizards and placed in one of the European Schools. Durmstrang may have refused her entry due to her unknown blood status, but Beuxbatons would have had her before Hogwarts was even considered.
She knows Russian, Polish and English, but not her native language of Ukrainian? I may be missing something about language in Soviet-Era Ukraine and how it was handled, but I would have thought she'd know her country's own language.
You still haven't written your writing sample. Re-read the rules.
@Ejected I can't tell you how excited I was to see not only two characters, but they both played Quidditch! I thought for once we weren't going to have any Quidditch players, which is nearly unheard of for a HP roleplay. XD Just going to need a few things first: - Going to need a more age appropriate faceclaim for Honey. Andreas' is passable, but Honey's looks nothing like a teenager. - For both of them, their Boggarts don't really turn into something funny when using the Riddikulus charm. As the good Professor Lupin says; "What really finishes a Boggart is laughter! You need to force it to assume a shape you find truly amusing." - And just for curiosity's sake, did they grow up in Bootle of Liverpool, or Bootle of Cumbria? I do hope it's the former, because a Scouse Accent mixed with Spanish has got to be something amusing to listen to.
So if you guys make those changes, we should be good to go and you'll likely be accepted! If you have questions, comments, or criticisms of my critique, please let me know. I have much to learn in being a GM, and we all learn from our mistakes.
As for you guys, @Garden Gnome, @World Traveler and @Agent 47, I'll get to working on your reviews as soon as possible, along with any other applications that are coming my way. As per the suggestion of my new Co-GM, I'll be advertising this roleplay in the advanced section as a way to garner more interest and applications - therefore, the IC won't be launched for at least another week or so, and by then it'll be nearly Christmas, so I expect there'll be a delayed start just so people aren't frantic in balancing out the holidays and writing. Plenty of time to hand in sheets. :)
@Peridot Thank you. I'll go ahead and change her face claim and what their Boggarts turn into. And I'll go ahead and throw in the clarification for where they grew up. It's Bootle of Liverpool, and I didn't realize that there was a Bootle of Cumbria so my apologies.
@Peridot Thank you. I'll go ahead and change her face claim and what their Boggarts turn into. And I'll go ahead and throw in the clarification for where they grew up. It's Bootle of Liverpool, and I didn't realize that there was a Bootle of Cumbria so my apologies.
No worries, I didn't know there was a Bootle of Cumbria until I googled it, haha. XD
@MissCapnCrunch Awesome - love what you've done with my boring character sheet! Just a few points: - While I love the picture you've used, I understand the model is 22 years old. At a stretch she could be passable as a teenager, but not sure about 15-years-old. If you could find one of her looking a touch younger that would be great, but until then I think I'll let it slide. - An explanation for why she was born the States but came to England will be needed. Other than that, what an amazing character. Loved what you did with the writing sample, it was a really original idea that I hadn't even considered could be possible.
Right on! I was thinking about this too- figured since it's set in the 50's and women seemed to be a bit older looking back then (I don't know why it seems like that to me, maybe because of the clothing and hairstyles) that it could fly- but i'll look around to see if the model has anything of the younger persuasion- if not, like you said ^^; we'll just let it dangle.
I'll figure out why they ended up in England :) and add it to her history. Thank you!