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[OOC] Absolute Comics - Justice Rising Page 10
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John Table Table Made, Chair Approved
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Lord Wraith Actually Three Otters in a Trenchcoat
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Are you guys still taking new members?
They sure are.
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Retired "Hayao Miyazaki"
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0-24 hrs ago
Things are just slow right now due to the apocalypse.
Hillan I'm a writer - Lying's what we do.
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2 days ago
The near Apocalypse of '09 was a decade and change late to the party, is all.
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Roman Grumpy Toad / King of Dirt
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9 hrs ago
Jesus christ I'm finally up to date, so here's the next batch and now you can all SHUT UP while I work on my OWN post.
If you're after a more cohesive train of reviews, my first batch is Here, and my second batch is Here.
@HenryJonesJr
@Byrd Man
@Inkarnate
@ComradeMaxx
@HenryJonesJr
@Retired
@Sep
@Mao Mao
@Pacifista
@Morden Man
@Hexaflexagon
@Hillan
@DocTachyon
@Inkarnate
@Bounce
@Pacifista
If you're after a more cohesive train of reviews, my first batch is Here, and my second batch is Here.
@HenryJonesJr
Start off with more lovely introspection from Rogue and what her powers were able to tell her about Eddie. As the main emotional focal point of your arc, you’re doing a great job at getting me invested in Rogue and her development under Steve’s wing. We get some good meat of how Steve is feeling about the blossoming dynamic between our primary pair as well. Hank’s intro is fun, and some background on the x-gene and what’s really going on provides some sinister theorycrafting. Good stuff.
The team has truly begun to come together with this one, although I admit this feels more like an interlude or an addendum to your previous post rather than an important standalone chapter in itself. Still, it’s great stuff, I still love your dialogue, and now the wheels have really begun turning to investigate the sinister persons behind Rogue’s tortured past.
@Byrd Man
Our time in Cromica has been utterly darling and I will miss Jelcs very much. I’m looking forward to the return arc when the Kree Empire gets wind of events but for now it is a tidy little ending with some feel-good moments as Hal departs the planet. However we’re getting into the Meat of Jessica’s story and what this Earth is. The GL battery is interesting - I’m sure it’s smack-bang in the middle of whatever has afforded the oligarchs their apparent resurgence. And the TWIST with Sinestro! I knew that furry lipped son of a fun was up to no good! What a fantastic turn of events and really just a brilliant cap on a very enjoyable series thus far. Bravo.
I like Guy, and we’re launching into another classic adventure story with a cosmic spin on it, which is a trend I’m really enjoying as you hit the iconic notes without it feeling like you’re treading over tired cliches. A cosmic quest for El Derado by our intrepid explorer, surviving the wilderness and following ancient maps? Sign me the hell up. More training camp is welcome, as well as a quick audience-surrogate in the form of the trainees to deliver some quick’n’painless exposition on GL hierarchy. Love Venkoth, ever since I became enamoured with the Riddick series as a kid I’ve always had a soft-spot for ‘extra-super-max-hellscape-security-prisons’ and this hits that soft-spot just right. And I liked Atrocitus’ introduction. Looking forward to more. You are hitting a suspicious amount of my preferred tropes in your GL stuff.
AH I love Sinestro. He’s so subtle! He’s so menacing! He’s so shifty! Kilowog shifting from hard-ass drill instructor to mentor-caring-about-his-trainees while in private offers some lovely depth to the character and we’re getting more and more of Sinestro’s true self and how he and Salaak are becoming more and more at odds. The hints towards Salaak’s psychic abilities are interesting too, as surely Sinestro would have been foiled by now if they were real? Or perhaps Sinestro is far more clever than we give him credit for. Or perhaps Salaak is far less virtuous than we are led to believe. More Venkoth is great, love the prison boss, and this Zeke character is fascinating.
@Inkarnate
A solid, if somewhat short post. Lara’s current investigation continues as she searches for the source and you show off some more powers and Kara doing general superhero things. Try to avoid characters talking to themselves to deliver exposition and instead lean toward using thought processes and internal monologues to offer better character insight, instead of just having Kara verbalise her exact train of thought.
@ComradeMaxx
Straight away some gorgeous descriptive introspection showing us Superboy’s inner turmoil. Doctor Spence has a great character and I enjoy her no-nonsense dryness. This is a great scene, honestly, and I get a real sense of oppressive menace from Spence. It’s well-written and gives us some great further insight into Superboy’s ongoing growth into true sentience and the facility staff’s true beliefs.
@HenryJonesJr
Loving seeing more Raph and Leo partnered up. The two have a great bickering dynamic that’s written well and manages to be funny without taking over the tone or swallowing up their characterizations completely, and even here they’re taking pops at each other without compromising the gravity of the situation. Honestly, all your turtles dialogue is great, and coupled with the dialogue in your Nomad posts I really think you have a great talent for conversation. A great on-the-move action sequence where all the turtles get an opportunity to show off, and a tidy little wrap up at the end.
Excited to get April into the mix. I believe that’s the standard squad complete now? Looking forward to seeing what they can all accomplish together. Hob’s an interesting character and the conflict he’s going to bring to the table with his ties to Alopex is going to bring some serious trouble. Some dissention in the ranks of the Mousers crew is a great angle as well. And the twist ending with the TCRI connection is a great hook as well. My only gripe with this one is there’s a lot of jumping around and we only get little snippets of everything that’s going on right now rather than more substantial chunks. This is the juggling job I mentioned earlier coming into play. Be careful!
Leo’s blossoming into a true leader is wonderful to watch. Hopefully Raph falls in line as well, but honestly I’m looking forward to watching the conflict if he doesn’t! And more of Saki’s plot comes to light, as well as his personal agents. Karai’s fear of Saki is fascinating too.
@Retired
A great action sequence to start us off and it makes it clear that whoever Frank is after are clearly prepared for him, and we maybe need to take their organisation a little more seriously. The tech involved for the surveillance blocking suggests some serious money and capability as well. Love Batroc’s cameo and the homage to MCU’s best offering, and it’s a well-written combat scene that really shows us how much the tech in the suit does for Frank. I am hoping we eventually get to see Frank without the supporting gadgets and see his legendary pain tolerance and iron will. The french was interesting - what’s the Heart, and why are these mercs protecting it - and the blue canister is another mystery to solve. Looking forward to more of this mission.
@Sep
The proofreading we did together before this one went out really helped the post but there’s still some syntax stuff that could be a bit tighter to really elevate the read that extra step. A lot of different angles here and a lot of different characters playing all their individual games so it’s nice to get a broader look at the fallout of Thor’s actions and how his wider friends and family truly regard him. Coulson’s introduction is fun as well. Posts are getting better but there’s always more room for improvement.
I like HenryJonesJr’s guest spot as Coulson, and Thor is clearly learning or realising a lot about what he’s missed in the world of Humans in the time his people have been away. There are a few stilted hiccups as the writers switch over but for the most part it flows fairly naturally and reads pretty well. I would have expected a bit more reaction to Mjolnir’s appearance through presumably several walls - not necessarily from Coulson, as his character has always been the unflappable type, but certainly from SHIELD officers or security. But it’s nice to see the organisation doing their thing and it makes a lot of sense.
I feel like we did some good work together with the proof-read of post 6 and you’ve pretty much immediately fallen back into old habits. Typos are better, don’t get me wrong, but syntax and rhythm is still way off. I’m honestly a little lost with Loki’s audience with the Olympians as well, and it feels like a very roundabout and protracted scene to say ‘watch out for the WW and Thor collab coming soon’. Not sure what Loki’s agenda for this visit was - I initially thought he was coming to dob Thor in for breaking the treaty and pit Olympia against Thor and Asgard, but it seems it was more to say the treaty as a whole was defunct rather than just Asgard’s side broken. Sif’s discovery in the final part of this post is probably the best section, and so far Beta-Ray-Bill and the ship he was discovered on has been the most interesting part of your ongoing story.
Bor’s introduction and the following combat is decent, it’s a bit out of left field for me as I didn’t feel like there was much build up or foreshadowing of Bor’s appearance, and his motives seem unclear, especially as he seems to be cognizant of who he is and who Thor is etc etc. Hope we find out more about Bor soon.
@Mao Mao
Interesting carry-on to the previous post - the petals and Themysicara link us into Diana’s origin, and SHIELD’s political involvement with Clint holding Diana’s leash will be something to watch develop, and I’m keen to see how much they will actually neuter Diana’s viable courses of actions according to whatever deal they’ve struck with her after the Stryfe events. A shame that our mysterious floating boy turned out to be amnesic but I’m sure there’s more to come of him. I’m eager to see who he really is, and what he’s doing with objects from Diana’s home land.
Proof-reading your work is essential to catch typos, and something I’ve recommended to a lot of other people. Otherwise, we get some more insight into the relationship between Diana and SHIELD and how their dynamic works, along with some vision on the inner bureaucracy of SHIELD itself. Diana’s clearly struggling with the rules and checkups, and it’ll be interesting to see what she has to say for herself and how she wants to present her story in the upcoming interview.
@Pacifista
My only gripe with the post is it ends rather quickly and in a way that doesn’t feel like a natural stopping point, and the end result is a post that’s very heavy on imagery and introspection and after the mid-section feels bumpy and rushed before it comes to a close. Otherwise, the aforementioned imagery and introspection is gorgeous and offers us a real close look at Bruce at probably his lowest point. The hunt for his father is a fun little quest too, especially since the Banner Patriarch is not typically A Good Person.
Brian Banner is a perfect asshole. He’s a bully, he’s vindictive, he’s callous, and he’s a creep. Very well written and an excellent love-to-hate character. He’s also sinister in an unknown way, and I’m excited to find whatever it is he’s really got going on behind the scenes. And the repeat theme of anger - naturally, in a Hulk story - is great, and Betty’s frustration is very real.
@Morden Man
Ah now we get back to the star of this story and are treated to some much appreciated introspection from J’onn. I really enjoyed seeing his history from his perspective and learning a little about the legacy of the Green Martians through J’onn’s link to his ship. Being shown the scope and timeline of his grief and the path it has lead him down has really cemented his anti-hero status; he’s sympathetic, and his motivations are arguably noble, but he has still appointed himself grand cosmic executioner out of desire for revenge on a people that I assume are long gone. He’s like space-Punisher in a way, if I may do crudely boil down your grand plans into a hyphenated headline. And I’m interested to see where this phasing issue goes. I wonder if he’s simply getting old?
You’ve got a large cast and a lot of plot threads going at once, and while they’re all good and you seem to be handling the plate spinning well we don’t get lots of time to spend with each chapter of each evolving story until we’re thrust onto the next one. I don’t think there is a better way to streamline your stories but I am itching for when they come together and interlink, rather than these separate snippets that can leave cliffhangers hanging long enough to turn tension into impatience. Otherwise more great characters, some history of Jack Knight, and more of this fascinating Solaris stuff.
@Hexaflexagon
Some immediate character history detailing a bit of Jessica’s history, and then a quick dip into the history of Jessica and Kim’s partnership that shows both the kind of trouble Jessica gets into and also the calibre of character Kim possesses. We learn the case we’ll be exploring this arc, with some obvious sinister undertones, although I do find it difficult how a missing daughter can be considered a ‘scandal’ to suppress, rather than a natural tragedy - but then that only helps the conspiratol theorising and gives us some hints towards more menacing goings-on. Some great characterisation off the bat here too. Looking forward to more.
This is good. Love the beginnings of the investigation, love how much time you dedicate to Jessica’s inner thought processes and her insights and remarks on the world around her. Everything she thinks or says or does is dripping with her personality. And a good mystery is a good mystery - looking forward to watching Jessica unpick this one.
@Hillan
Some choppy sentences and a lot of stop-and-start off the bat, and it really pervades the entire post. That said, the events of the post are intriguing, I really enjoy this medieval angle as I hadn’t read your sheet in full and was expecting the same Thawne-as-Flash story from last game, and this is probably one of the more original takes in the game. You’ve really run with the idea of taking the core of a character and completely transplanting it. Killing the Trickster in the debut is fun as well as it gives us some idea of the tone and stakes of your story.
@DocTachyon
I love your writing, and your Peter is as good as I remember. There are a lot of nuances and subtle touches that hint at emotion and insight if the reader’s paying attention, and you really reward an attentive audience. Peter’s capabilities with his suit are interesting as well, allowing more subterfuge than is normally available to the classic Spider-Man. Your action sequence is great, showing off Peter’s talent for strategy as well as raising a quiet question of how much of his prowess is his own ability and how much is the suit’s assistance. I still love the Symbiote-Suit-First angle. Great return to form.
@Inkarnate
I like the first-person perspective and the way you’ve used it to really tune us in to Bruce’s ongoing inner monologue. He’s confident but cautious and his interaction with Dick showcase the compassion he can still possess. It’s an interesting plot hook - obviously this foe is a formidable threat - and I’m keen to discover more. I hope we can really see the World’s Greatest Detective in action as we move forwards.
@Bounce
The flashback intro is outstanding. Well written, Dick’s voice is great, and there’s tension. And then launching us straight into Jason really underlines the parallels between the two characters. Honestly I’m still wrapping my head around this secret true origin of Jason Todd but by keeping the writing aware of the oddity of it you avoid the same kind of immediate alienation. Grayson’s present in the final third of the post felt a bit flowery and purple but nonetheless enjoyable to read regardless. I also like that Dick has inherited Bruce’s indomitable pride. Good stuff.
@Pacifista
I like the prologue with Terataya and T’Charr. Hawk & Dove may be earth-based supers - even street-level at times - but it’s nice to see the active cosmic background to the characters, beings far beyond our scope weighing in on mico-events. Great introduction to Don and Holly as well, there’s a lot of subtle characterisation in their anxieties, reactions, and little snatches of history. Unfortunately for me the debut of the characters loses something in the immediacy of their gift - I would have liked maybe a slower lead-up to their cosmic bestowal, a better chance to know them and why they’ve been chosen and what their personal history entails - and I find the dialogue here stilted and awkward, but this still sets the scene and the tone and what to expect. The two need to work out their differences, they need to work together, and they need to decide if they even want to do either of those things.
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Retired "Hayao Miyazaki"
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A great action sequence to start us off and it makes it clear that whoever Frank is after are clearly prepared for him, and we maybe need to take their organisation a little more seriously. The tech involved for the surveillance blocking suggests some serious money and capability as well. Love Batroc’s cameo and the homage to MCU’s best offering, and it’s a well-written combat scene that really shows us how much the tech in the suit does for Frank. I am hoping we eventually get to see Frank without the supporting gadgets and see his legendary pain tolerance and iron will. The french was interesting - what’s the Heart, and why are these mercs protecting it - and the blue canister is another mystery to solve. Looking forward to more of this mission.
I'll clear up part of this right now, sorry if it wasn't clear enough in the post. The 'heart' is whatever is inside the blue canister. So a single mystery there instead of two separate ones.
Also, I'm going to try and square away time this week to get out another post. I don't want to end up losing motivation due to weeks of inactivity from the pandemic. The next post was always meant to be shorter/simpler, anyway, so I should be able to find the time among this mess.
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Sep Lord of All Creation
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2 hrs ago
@SepThe proofreading we did together before this one went out really helped the post but there’s still some syntax stuff that could be a bit tighter to really elevate the read that extra step. A lot of different angles here and a lot of different characters playing all their individual games so it’s nice to get a broader look at the fallout of Thor’s actions and how his wider friends and family truly regard him. Coulson’s introduction is fun as well. Posts are getting better but there’s always more room for improvement.I like HenryJonesJr’s guest spot as Coulson, and Thor is clearly learning or realising a lot about what he’s missed in the world of Humans in the time his people have been away. There are a few stilted hiccups as the writers switch over but for the most part it flows fairly naturally and reads pretty well. I would have expected a bit more reaction to Mjolnir’s appearance through presumably several walls - not necessarily from Coulson, as his character has always been the unflappable type, but certainly from SHIELD officers or security. But it’s nice to see the organisation doing their thing and it makes a lot of sense.I feel like we did some good work together with the proof-read of post 6 and you’ve pretty much immediately fallen back into old habits. Typos are better, don’t get me wrong, but syntax and rhythm is still way off. I’m honestly a little lost with Loki’s audience with the Olympians as well, and it feels like a very roundabout and protracted scene to say ‘watch out for the WW and Thor collab coming soon’. Not sure what Loki’s agenda for this visit was - I initially thought he was coming to dob Thor in for breaking the treaty and pit Olympia against Thor and Asgard, but it seems it was more to say the treaty as a whole was defunct rather than just Asgard’s side broken. Sif’s discovery in the final part of this post is probably the best section, and so far Beta-Ray-Bill and the ship he was discovered on has been the most interesting part of your ongoing story.Bor’s introduction and the following combat is decent, it’s a bit out of left field for me as I didn’t feel like there was much build up or foreshadowing of Bor’s appearance, and his motives seem unclear, especially as he seems to be cognizant of who he is and who Thor is etc etc. Hope we find out more about Bor soon.
Gave me a lot to think about. Obviously I still have much to learn from you o'mighty master in regards to wherever the syntax issues are coming from. AS honestly a lot of the time, even on re-reads, I'm not seeing them.
In terms of the Loki subplot there's more to come, just you wait and see.
Roman Grumpy Toad / King of Dirt
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9 hrs ago
<Snipped quote by Roman>
Gave me a lot to think about. Obviously I still have much to learn from you o'mighty master in regards to wherever the syntax issues are coming from. AS honestly a lot of the time, even on re-reads, I'm not seeing them.
In terms of the Loki subplot there's more to come, just you wait and see.
Retired used to recommend reading posts out loud a lot, which I think sometimes work but often when you write you know the rhythm you're chasing, so sometimes reading your own writing just has you putting that rhythm in unconsciously and not seeing the issues that an outside observer sees. I'd be happy to take some passages that feel especially awkward and try to demonstrate what you've done and the ways it could be broken up to make the flow of the read a little more pleasant.
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Sep Lord of All Creation
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2 hrs ago
@Roman We'll work going forward, see what we get. I appreciate the help.
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Well just gotta face the facts I won't be continuing with Mantra. I have the ideas, I know where I want to go and like the concept, but despite all that, I just have no drive to continue the story. Funny since I was really into it at first, especially the concept which was quite unique, but if I don't feel like writing anymore there's no point in pretending I might continue with it.
In the end, I think it just came down to finding it hard to write magic characters and having such a limited pool to work with. If I make another character I think what I need to do is just thoroughly rework a character so I can write my own story but also be able to pull ideas from a much larger source. My previous attempts have been rather too similar to their original incarnations which is probably why I tend to lose steam so easily as it feels more of a rehash than anything else.
In the end, I think it just came down to finding it hard to write magic characters and having such a limited pool to work with. If I make another character I think what I need to do is just thoroughly rework a character so I can write my own story but also be able to pull ideas from a much larger source. My previous attempts have been rather too similar to their original incarnations which is probably why I tend to lose steam so easily as it feels more of a rehash than anything else.
Hexaflexagon
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7 mos ago
Just a little status update:
I'm still here and still writing. My apologies for not being able to meet the two week deadline this time. Though, I suppose we are all struggling in that regard. Post is about halfway there and I should have some more free time to finish it up after Wednesday, so hopefully I'll be able to get it out there before the week's out.
Hope everyone is in good health and remaining financially secure in these times of ours.
@Roman
I'm glad your enjoying it so far! Sorry that you have to read through several pages worth of text for one post when you got all that reviewing to do lol.
And since I'm here anyway, let me say that I'm digging the stuff your laying down for Constantine right now. I'm a big nerd for more cerebral tinged horror stuff so I'm excited to see where you take John!
I'm still here and still writing. My apologies for not being able to meet the two week deadline this time. Though, I suppose we are all struggling in that regard. Post is about halfway there and I should have some more free time to finish it up after Wednesday, so hopefully I'll be able to get it out there before the week's out.
Hope everyone is in good health and remaining financially secure in these times of ours.
@Roman
I'm glad your enjoying it so far! Sorry that you have to read through several pages worth of text for one post when you got all that reviewing to do lol.
And since I'm here anyway, let me say that I'm digging the stuff your laying down for Constantine right now. I'm a big nerd for more cerebral tinged horror stuff so I'm excited to see where you take John!
GM
HenryJonesJr
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2 yrs ago
So GM update:
Considering everything going on in the world, I'm kind of letting the 2 week thing slide for now. I know people will need time to deal with far more important things in life. The game will always be here. So don't feel too beholden to the two week thing.
@IceHeart sorry to see you go. Hopefully you find something else to write.
Considering everything going on in the world, I'm kind of letting the 2 week thing slide for now. I know people will need time to deal with far more important things in life. The game will always be here. So don't feel too beholden to the two week thing.
@IceHeart sorry to see you go. Hopefully you find something else to write.
Sep Lord of All Creation
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2 hrs ago
I can see why it was recommended I give up the Shakespeare speak. I am enjoy the story of the current Thor run I'm reading but my lord...
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Supermaxx dumbass
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17 hrs ago
Sep Lord of All Creation
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2 hrs ago
My life's goal is getting more than one post out in time for Roman's reviews lmao
Well. You failed.
AndyC Guardian of the Universe
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23 hrs ago
.....sooooo, has anything been done with the X-Men yet?
Sep Lord of All Creation
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2 hrs ago
.....sooooo, has anything been done with the X-Men yet?
@HenryJonesJr has kinda touched on them (with gloves as Rogue doesn't want to kill anyone) but nobody is directly controlling them I believe.
webboysurf Live, Laugh, Love
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5 hrs ago
Not anywhere near my best post, but I wanted to get something out there because it has been a crazy ass month. Hopefully the new installment isn't too confusing. Isolation has muddled my ability to tell how sane my writing is.
Morden Man
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2 mos ago
I've hit a bit of a funk on this and don't know whether I'll be able to push through it. I thought I'd just put that out there in the interest of being transparent rather than ghosting.
GM
HenryJonesJr
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2 yrs ago
.....sooooo, has anything been done with the X-Men yet?
Clearly I'm doing a shit job of GMing.
I've touched them a little bit, and Rogue is an integral part of my Steve Rogers story, but otherwise no, not really.
I've hit a bit of a funk on this and don't know whether I'll be able to push through it. I thought I'd just put that out there in the interest of being transparent rather than ghosting.
No problem. I'm being pretty lenient on the posting deadlines considering everything going on in the world, so feel free to pop back if you get past it.
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