Why Is No One Joining My RP (General Advice Thread)

[spicykvnt]

I feel no one does listen to me and is against me for not being positive or even having a different experience. I disagree with your words Ammo at least here as I feel like I need to be on the defensive and guarded or lash out because i feel like no one understands me or even gets what i feel as i feel people are trying to invalidate what I experienced and feel.

@rebornfan320

I feel like when you say that nobody understands you that it is clear you don't actually listen or take in the words of others. All around this site, we see people having the same experience "my roleplay won't take off" "ahh, my partner ghosted". Everyone on this site has had this experience.

Speaking as someone who really hasn't been on the site that long (relatively), I've always found people here very warm and receptive to helping me and giving me great advice on how I can improve my methods.

It's a hard pill to swallow to admit that maybe you're the one who needs to listen and change something, but I promise you by doing so, you will feel so incredibly liberated and can move on. If you just keep denying and denying and denying and denying and denying and rejecting advice and hints to change your techniques etc, you're just going to continuously get the same results over and over.

I've had roleplays that have failed. I've been a terrible partner at times, but I hold myself accountable for that behaviour and try to learn from it, and to not repeat it.

If it smells like shit absolutely everywhere you go, you have to look at your own shoe.

EDIT: And thanks @BangoSkank for the shout out! Appreciate it my dude!

[Ammokkx]

I feel no one does listen to me and is against me for not being positive or even having a different experience. I disagree with your words Ammo at least here as I feel like I need to be on the defensive and guarded or lash out because i feel like no one understands me or even gets what i feel as i feel people are trying to invalidate what I experienced and feel.

@rebornfan320

This. Is. The. Same. Thing. You've. Said. Since. The. Start. Of. This. Thread.

Nobody, NOBODY invalidates what you feel. But we're telling you to stop using that as some kind of shield.

You are the proud owner of the single most posts in this thread (or at least a close second to Bango Bongo Banjo) and they ALL say the same thing.

No, actually, it's worse than that. When people tell you to use aesthetics, even just basic formatting touch-ups, you blow them off. When people say you need to think about your approach, you say you don't need to change at all. When you're told even staff on a different site had a problem with you, you blow them off as not understanding you... when, now, even a mod on this site felt the situation had escalated to the point they needed to give you a formal warning.

But you know the post that really grinds my gears? I have Autism, guys. Yeah, guess what? You're clearly high-functioning enough to have conversations with other people. You know who else has that strain?

Me. I have looping thought patterns and concentration problems as well as over-analyzing into the tiniest detail what people say and do.

Have you, in this entire thread, in my entire time on the forum, known me to use my different mental state to excuse my behaviour? No. Because unlike what you seem to exude, I have at least the bare minimum amount of maturity needed to see that fault is a two-way street. That for as much as I'd like to blame others, I am always, partially, to blame for everything that happens. Sometimes? Sometimes, it's even wholly to blame.

And you know what else, Reborn? Yes, you feel things. I feel things too. I feel anger, frustration, I want to lash out to those who have wronged me. Sometimes, I even do. It lends me some good catharsis if I'm fed up to high hell. But I am never, ever in the right for doing so. It is wrong to blame others for your shortcomings. It is wrong to superimpose what you feel onto another person.

You claim we do not understand you. This is by all measures and purposes false. We understand how you feel. In lesser or greater quantities, each one of us has gone through what you've gone through. In fact, here's a quote from my own little essay on your for your viewing pleasure:

Let me tell you, I was 13 at a time. 13 year old Ammokkx was on Tumblr, hosting an RP blog. Tumblr RPs are 1x1. I had a bunch of partners and, yes, I did get ghosted. It felt like I was being ignored. I tried so desperately hard to get people's attention but it seemed like nobody wanted to RP with me. At the time, I didn't understand why.

But in retrospect, I saw that I was insufferable to those around me. I powergame'd. My OC's were mary sues. I was a huge dick to people. I'm amazed I still have friends from that era at all, but the long and short is that I was very much the cause of my own downfall... in hindsight. I didn't see it at the time, and you do not seem to see it now. I understand how you feel, Reborn. Everyone understands how you feel. Feel free to not believe us if you like. But know this; It is because we know how you feel that we are giving this advice in the hope that those feelings push you to be better than you are. Even if many have given up hope to that end.

Ammokkx

This, right here, is me very blatantly telling you that I get it. That I have had the EXACT experience you describe, and yet you still dare claim I do not understand how you feel? Like i don't get "your side"?

No, Reborn. It is you who doesn't understand. I am sorry to say it, but you are downright delusional if you still refuse to recognize your own faults when so many people have pointed you to them.

[spicykvnt]

On the subject of going around in circles as well; I think a lot of great advice has been given to Reborn that he can ruminate on for a while.

Perhaps if anyone else has questions and general advice to give to the topic at hand, we can refer to that now :)

I'll take this moment to shamelessly plug my besties excellent Guide to GM! @Dervish - seriously, read it. Jammed full of excellent advice.

[Hank]

I'm incorrigible. I'm impossible. I'm inevitable. I'm in..I'm im...I'm Bango.

@BangoSkank

Thanks for making this thread. We haven't had a good old-fashioned site pow wow like this in a while. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

Now let's all heed @Stormflyx's words and shift our focus away from the current conversation. We all know what it's like to be in Reborn's shoes, he says that we don't, we insist that we do, yadda yadda, we're all still here when hell freezes over and Jesus comes down from heaven and he looks uncomfortable while he taps us on the shoulder and says "Come on guys, it's the Rapture, it's... it's time to go," and we say "hold up a second there Jesus we're not finished with Reborn here" and Jesus looks at his watch and pinches the bridge of his nose and says "It's been millenia, you guys, can we please... can we please just go? God's waiting" and--

Well, you get the idea.

I'll pose a new question to everyone here instead:

We've all walked away from roleplays before. Probably roleplays that we were supposed to be GMing, too (I know I have). What's usually going on with you, and with your life, when that happens?

[spicykvnt]

We've all walked away from roleplays before. Probably roleplays that we were supposed to be GMing, too (I know I have). What's usually going on with you, and with your life, when that happens?

@Hank

Oh yes Hank.

Tell me what happened to Nights of Pestilence.

[BangoSkank]

Your Mom

Heyooooooooooo

That's me for the night folks. Thank you.

[Hank]

<Snipped quote by Hank>

Oh yes Hank.

Tell me what happened to Nights of Pestilence.

@Stormflyx

[Dion]

So the only real takeaway from this thread at this point is that:

The people who don’t explicitly need help go out of their way to get better, which is probably why they don’t need help. The people who need help don’t want it. Ghosters are satan and Hank should personally make them face the wall and execute them. Lastly, we need admin mandated forced roleplaying partners for everyone to insure that everyone “has a fair shot.”

Oh, and we threw in a Shrek reference somewhere too, because the thread wouldn’t be complete without it. That was cash money too. I have to admit I missed these kind of threads.

I’ll be taking cyanide now to purge my ghosting ways from the forums, brb.

[rebornfan320]

To me, the real takeaway of the thread is this:

The people who need help want it as everyone deserves help and a fair shot of success in an RP. Ghosters are dishonorable/"satan" as you put it and also everyone to understand another's viewpoint without needing to mob all over someone for speaking differently of their experiences and expect them to "not" be all sunshine and rainbows filled with positivity after their experiences before have been crap to them before with no real payoff despite numerous attempts.

[Ammokkx]

oh my god

[fledermaus]

my takeaway is we have a loving community willing to step up and help someone, provided they listen.

[Dion]

"I do believe it's dead, good sir."

I really hope you can resolve this situation Reborn, but I'm not going to hold my breath.

We've all walked away from roleplays before. Probably roleplays that we were supposed to be GMing, too (I know I have). What's usually going on with you, and with your life, when that happens?

@Hank

Bans. A lack of motivation or connection to my partners. Often enough to be a memorable thing that happens, but not often enough to be a problem that'd need immediate fixing; sometimes my partners also just creep me out, cross boundaries, or do things I'd generally describe as unpleasant.

my takeaway is we have a loving community willing to step up and help someone, provided they listen.

@fledermaus

Nah, we have an entire guides section dedicated to providing good insights into GMing or BBcoding. We have an entire 1x1, free-casual-advanced section that all offer their individual interest checks that anyone can take a look at, participate in, or even steal from borrow from to learn how to code attractive looking threads.

You don't need to listen, you just need to read and put in the work. Everything else that goes on outside of that is us telling people to read and put in the work.

[Ammokkx]

I'm normally not one to advocate for closing threads but, to repurpose Odin's post for a bit

Odin

really feels like this is where we're at right now.

Most of the insights were given in the first four pages and everything else has been Reborn fallout. I'd say this has well and truly ran its course because no amount of re-railing is going to get this into anywhere near a proper state, especially not when this thread was made in the wake of a status bar rant to begin with.

[fledermaus]

or even steal from borrow from to learn how to code attractive looking threads.

@Odin

cough who would do such a thing

that's true, there are many resources out there and its rather easy to look for them.

[Hank]

"I do believe it's dead, good sir."

@Odin

Yeah, it is. I'll lock this before it fully devolves into a flame-fest.

Thanks to everyone for their advice and tips!