Avatar of Expendable

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Recent Statuses

2 hrs ago
Current I'm about to be banished for the good of the realm again. Where is the trust in this world, I ask you?
1 like
7 mos ago
I'm sorry, you've reached his personal secretary, Department of Shrubbery, Floor 64, Desk 1024. How can we help you today?
8 mos ago
Or buy a van or a used rental truck. Something nobody would look twice at. You can put in a rack for the rope, duct tape, plastic sheeting, shovels....
8 mos ago
Never trust a car salesman - especially a used car salesman. Have a buddy park across the street and see how many stuffed body bags you can shove in there. Gotta have room for plastic sheeting, etc.
1 like
9 mos ago
Neil Gaiman wrote in his Good Omens bio that he likes it when fans send him $50. (He read Terry Pratchett's bio and figured it wouldn't hurt.)

Bio

I am a seven-foot tall minecraft-playing hindu guru drag-queen alien.

Possessor of an Ancient Device™ Model 17. No, I don't know what it does. No, you can't play with it.

Pronouns: It. As in: "What is it? What does it want? Why is it here? Oh my god, it's got my... <insert random body part or object here>"

Likes: World Domination, Writing, Rpg, scifi/fantasy, anime, sketchup 3d models, and anime music videos.

Companions: a host of characters from other games, my personal muse Penny (as in Bad), and the Badger gang - Toothpick, Buttons, Shark, and Mongo. They grew up in the balcony of an old theatre that played a lot of gangster movies. Normally benign, but may invade the OOC forums.

Most Recent Posts

I don't see either one of these gods killing the people they brought over. Truck-kin reappears and runs them over, then Death appears with his scythe and says FOUND YOU.
Also, I wanted to re-clarify. You aren’t necessarily getting re-born into a new life. The idea is that because you died before you were supposed to on Earth, you’re getting to live out the rest of your life in Vecta. That’s why I said all the deaths had to be random.


In Terry Pratchett's book "The Color of Magic", the wizard Rincewind bumps into Death, who's very surprised to see him since he had an appointment with Rincewind in another city later that night. Death understands this isn't Rincewind's fault, but does offer the wizard the use of a very fast horse....
24 year old pretending to be a mother. Really gonna just increase the amount of bullying she gets, eh.


Not uncommon among first-borns.

So, how accepted are goblins, if they're one of the joint races? Or is this a surprise for later?
<Snipped quote by Silver Carrot>

No. OOC stated that you are brought into the new world at the same age you were when you died, though translated somewhat in accordance to your new race’s lifespan.


Reminds me of shapeshifter. Still a child of her race, despite being 2 centuries old. If she shifts to human, she's about 7 or 8.
In Ex's Lair 1 yr ago Forum: Test Forum
Abducted

The More You Know

At some point in your life, you've likely looked up at the night sky, wondering if there was intelligent life out there in the universe? What forms would it take? What would they want with Humanity?

Congratulations - you no longer have to wonder, since these burly blue dwarfs who call themselves the "Protectors" have selected you as the next involuntary subject they're rescuing to preserve on a distant colony world (all the while ignoring the question of why they think humans need rescuing). And you've just seen Jupiter go past the view port.

Aliens have abducted you


You're barely two weeks out from Earth when the ship comes under attack - by space pirates (Yes, this is a thing). As it happens, there's quite the market for human servants by the more wealthy members of interstellar society, so it's off to the slave markets for you.

Space Pirates want your Booty


At the slave pens, they cut off your clothes, scrub you from head to toe, place you in an autodoc to make sure you're healthy, pump something into you, program you to speak the interstellar trade language used by the Pax Confederation before sending you on to the final check out. So when the red panel lights up with the alien letters that spell out "Reject", you suddenly realize why the conveyor belt you're on is now dumping you into a pit.

Yo! What's that grinding noise?


Fortunately, you land on top of a mattress (certified deceased) brought by these alien college students intent on liberating you and a few more of your fellow humans. Don't wiggle too much trying to climb out, okay? And put on this jumpsuit, nobody wants to see you naked.

And while the alien college students would love to be able to send you back to DIrt, there's just too many inhabited planets with that name out there. Fortunately, there are other humans roaming the Pax Confederation, mostly former companions, slaves, test subjects, zoo specimens, and even a few stowaways. So maybe they know the Dirt you're looking for?

So, to get you off the planet, their best bet (and source of drinking money) is to get you aboard a ship as crew with the other human wilders.

You're being shanghaied for beer money


But there is a small problem. one human artifact all human wilders (other races are wilders, too) have brought with them and treat with great reverence. They have broken this into four parts, and no ship will lift unless the crew can reassemble this artifact among themselves. It's such a problem that captains check to make sure their human crew members have this, and will not let you aboard without this.

So, traveler, what is your Monopoly token and its colors?

You realize now that space is strange


So, dear traveler, are you ready to see the universe?

They've been slipping us energy drinks through PMs. At least, I think they're energy drinks...? Is it weird knowing what blue tastes like?

I'm kidding, I'm kidding. The badgers do all the taste testing. I'm concerned with how fast they're rotating right now....

J'eon the Blacksmith


"Go to the Ascendancy? To the capital?" J'eon rumbled, stroking his chin. "I cannot, the Hu-mans have given me many orders."

He pauses, looking back. "More than I can fill, to be honest. What I have on my cart, it is not enough. I need materials, a proper forge...."

"Hmmm," he grumbles, turning towards her. "Seeker Kareet, how long will this take?"




Jack Mallory, X.O.


"Captain," Mallory asked, troubled. "We have no satellite, there's no communication net here. Once over the horizon, we'll be too far out of range. We've had one suspicious contact on the hillside, I'm concerned whoever's behind it will only escalate once we're out of range."

"There's also a question of masks, we need filters. We've also only so many charge packs for our equipment and no way of recharging them on the road."
Alternate theory, we don't know whether the gods are choosing people based on the contents of their past life at all, beyond the whole, people that died too soon thing. For all we know they can't pull over the vast majority of people that die on earth and are literally just pulling through whoever they can.

There's also the thing about the deaths having to be random, which is just a little sus, either we're not being told everything and they're actively interfering to causing some of these deaths for whatever reason, or there are in fact rules regarding who can be brought over, and somewhat random cause of death happens to be a qualifying factor. Honestly, I'm leaning towards the first theory, it seems a bit strange that something like stabbing would be a qualifying factor, but only if the attack wasn't premeditated, that is unless the gods were in some way able to manipulate fate but not outright manipulate minds in which case it makes a bit more sense.

Alternatively, I don't have enough information right now and my wild speculations are way off base. Actually, it's almost certainly that last one.


It's seems there's some sort of process where souls of the dying and recently deceased show up to be interviewed, possibly waylaid by a god?



@Xaltwind@SilverPaw@Expendable I just happened to be checking through to see who's made final decisions on which deity they were picked up by, and happened to notice Dalton's current predicament.

*He grabs Drasil by the collar and shakes him, while pointing at Minami, Sakai, and Samantha with one trembling, sweaty hand*

Dalton: "I don't WANNA be a HAREM PROTAGONIST! I can't handle interpersonal conflicts!" *drops Drasil and backs away from the girls with crazy eyes* "I'm too introverted to live with multiple roommates! DON'T MAKE ME SHARE MY BATHROOM!"


"Ahem," says a voice, low to the ground. There's three badgers wearing pinstriped suits, two armed with tommy guns, and a giant badger wearing overalls and a jersey standing behind them with his arms crossed. All four of them are glowering at you, the one in front has a toothpick in the corner of his mouth, quivering in anger.

"What's all dis about 'arems and bathrooms?" Toothpick demands angrily, shaking his clenched paw at you. "Dis is da boss we're takin' about 'ere! Ain't no way dere's gonna be any 'arems or sharin' of bathrooms! You gotta go, dere's a porta-potty and a hose outside. Capisce?"
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