Issue 2: Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
Wade sat in his apartment wearing nothing but his favourite red and white spotted underwear. He knew he could wear this since his roommate was blind. He could wear a chicken outfit, and she wouldn’t even notice. He was watching his favourite show, Golden Girls. “
Oh, Sophia, you get 'em with your zingers.” While watching the show, he was reminded how much Al reminded him of both Sophia and Dorothy. He was then rudely interrupted by his phone going off. Scrambling to get off the couch and slamming his face into the floor. He quickly got back up on his phone and grabbed it from the nearby table.
“
Hello.” He was breathing heavily, feeling like someone had stuck needles down his throat. Holding his phone near his ear while still watching TV.
“Hello, is this Wade Wilson?” The voice on the other end sounded quite deep, and Wade assumed the person was overweight.
“
It might be; who is asking?” Wade responded, annoyed he was interrupted.
“My name is Wilson Fisk. I heard of your services and would like to extend your employment for a little job.” Wade couldn’t see, but the fat man leaned in his massive chair while conversing with him.
“
What is the job? And how much is it going to pay?” He asked, to which Fisk quickly responded.
“I will have a limo sent to your location, and you will be brought to my headquarters in the Upper East Side. There, we will discuss the details further. I will see you then, Mr.Wilson. Have a good day.” The phone clicked as Fisk hung up.
“
Wait a minute, was that the Wilson Fisk!” The good voice spoke up.
“
I think so; he’d pay us a ton for this little job. We should take it.” The bad voice responded, and Wade nodded.
“
Sounds like a good idea.” Wade got ready and went outside. He was surprised that the limo Fisk mentioned was waiting for him. During the car ride, he annoyed the driver by asking him to play his Celine Dion CD. He was taken to a nice-looking building and led to the top floor.
---------------------------------------------------
“Welcome, Mr.Wilson; it is nice to meet you finally. I have heard a lot about you and your work. If I may say so, I am quite your fan.” Wilson slowly stood up from his chair and began walking towards Wade. Each step made the floor shake, and Wade feared it would collapse. “Well, let’s get down to business. I have a little job for you. I need you to drive my son to a meeting with some business associates.” He pointed his fat finger towards a blonde man wearing a white suit standing at the corner of the room.
“
Cute guy.” Wade said, nodding his head. "
So I gotta drive your son to the meeting? And how much will I get paid?” He turned his head towards Fisk.
“Pretty much, it is a simple job. And the pay will be ten thousand dollars. And if you do a good job and bring my boy back safely, I will add another ten thousand to the reward. Does that sound like a deal?” Fisk held out his hand, waiting for Wade to shake it.
Wade looked at him, then at his hand, thinking the whole job would be easy and peasy. “
Done. But I want one of those chauffeur outfits.” Shaking Fisk’s hand.
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Wilson’s son Richard and Wade soon got into the limo after Wade got into his chauffeur outfit. While driving Richard around, he was annoyed by listening to
Vennessa Carlton’s A Thousand Mile. While parked during a red light, he noticed some motorcycles right beside him. At first, he didn’t seem to mind but quickly got into gear when he saw them pulling out firearms. Putting the limo into high gear and going through the red light down the street. Noticing that the attackers were getting closer to them. Firing their weapons at the limo.
“
Who the hell are these guys.” Wade lowered his head to avoid getting shot.
“There, the De Meo mafia from New Jersey. They have been wanting to kill my father for years now. They must have figured out my meeting somehow.” He said he found his gun in his jacket pocket.
Richard started to roll down the window and began firing back at the shooters. Deadpool, meanwhile, was swerving and trying to avoid traffic. Slamming into various stop signs, light poles, and other cars. Trying and failing to lose the pursuers. It seemed more were coming as cars filled with thugs approached the limo.
“
You'll need to take the wheel, handsome, while I get these guys off our back.” Wade rolled down the window, waiting for the confused Richard to take the driver’s seat. Getting out of the window and jumping into the car beside them. Smashing the glass on the passenger side door and getting into the car. Slamming the passenger’s head into the car's panel while grabbing his gun. The song
Milkshake by Kelis played
Shooting the thugs in the back that were firing their pistols at him. Ignoring the pain of being shot and firing back at the thugs. "
Hi, quit ruining my suit; my best friend made this." When they were dead, he quickly approached the driver. Using the passenger as a human shield and kicking him in the face repeatedly. Shoot the driver in the balls before throwing him out of the car. This vehicle is driving closer towards the limo and up the highway. Following behind them and slamming into a few motorcyclists, running them over.
Again, rolling down the window and jumping towards the limo but landing upside down on the sunroof. Quickly getting right side up, which took a little while. Noticing that they were trying to open the passenger side door. Moving over and stabbing the few thugs that tried to get inside.
“Here, use this.” Richard handed Wade what looked like a China Lake grenade launcher.
“
Holy schnike!!! Where the hell did ya get this?” Wade was in awe and took a moment to admire the weapon.
“Got this from the old man while he was visiting in Nam.” Wade fired the weapon, making the remaining thug’s cars explode in a huge fireball.
The two found themselves at the designated location where the meeting was. Wilson Fisk was standing near the entrance with some of his thugs. Wade's chaffeur suit was completely tattered. A big smile was on his face. “Glad to see you again, Mr.Wilson. You did very well on my little test. You don’t need to worry about the limo; it was a rental.” He pulled out a large wad of money and handed it to Wade.
“
Hot damn, now I’ll be able to get a shit ton of chimichangas.” Wade counted the money to ensure everything was there. Putting it between his buttcheeks before continuing to speak.
“Well, thank you for your service. It was a pleasure working with you.”
“I was wondering if you would be interested in another job. This job would pay a lot more than the last one. Three times more, in fact.” Wilson held up three fingers and mentioned that more money piqued Wade’s interest.
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